Friends Of The Opposite Gender While Married: Inappropriate Friendships When Married

Why do we have best friends? Mainly because they satisfy a need. Even after getting married we need our close friends.

A friend of the same sex may serve as a sounding board, a counselor and a confidant.

On the other hand, many spouses have friends of the opposite sex because an emotional need that their spouse should be meeting is going unmet. Some my not realize it while others may downright deny it. They may not realize it, but this is a reality.

- Your spouse may not be loving enough, while this person is extremely affectionate.

- Your spouse may not be a good listener while this person is willing to sit and listen to your complaints, dreams and everything that concerns you.

- You are seeking a confidant, someone who will not spill the beans to every Tom Dick and Harry. You sometimes feel your female friends talk a bit too much.

- You like the attention that you receive from this person. Your spouse may not give you a lot of complements but this person freely does that. Every outfit that you wear is commented on and every new hair do is noticed.

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- This relationship causes you to forget about the stresses at home. It is like you are in a totally different world when you are with this individual. You don't have to talk about the bills that need to be paid or the physical and emotional demands of your children and spouse.

- If this person is a co-worker and you see them everyday. You may find that you actually spend more time with them than your spouse and have a lot more in common.

Although all that we discussed above sound harmless, the sad truth is that this is how many relationships actually begin and many marriages end. They were extremely innocent. No one was supposed to get hurt. We were only best friends.

Nothing is wrong with having a "friend" of the opposite sex. Actually most of my male friends are also friends with my husband. These include couples that we hang out with together. You wouldn't find me having dinner or going to the movies alone with a member of the opposite sex. Therefore, a "best friend" of the opposite sex is taking it to a level that can become very dangerous.

If you and this individual were best friends before you got married you can still be friends, however there needs to be boundaries. These boundaries need to be established by you and your spouse.

Finally, if you feel your emotional and physical needs are not being met at home you need to express this to your spouse. Then work as a team to make some changes.

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We live in a very mathematical world. I know it doesn't seem that way but science has shown us even the most random things in the world, like growing leaves, have distinct patterns that, although unique, follow very specific steps to get where they are. Those who look for the steps in any process will find them and benefit greatly from the search. It is a foolish mistake to imagine there are no steps to be taken when it comes to matters of the heart, although many would like to believe it's just sort of natural.

Forming a beautiful relationship is more than just falling in love with someone you find attractive. Taking your time to understand the character traits and history of the person who is your current crush will give you much needed insight into your potential future. Therefore the first good step for a good relationship is to learn as much as you can about the person you wish to love.

1) Investigate your future partner

Everyone has flaws. Some flaws can be deadly to a long-term happy relationship while other flaws are rather innocuous. For some people one kind of flaw may pose no problem whatsoever and not even be thought of as a flaw. Some individuals, for instance, are very chatty. For certain people who need their space to be very quiet, a chatty partner would make their life a living hell. But for others a chatty person may be just what they need to fill a quiet void.

2) Be honest about your compatibilities and incompatibilities

More often than not marriages that end do so because both partners became over-familiar and stopped behaving in a gentlemanly or ladylike manner. The temptation to test your partner's love by behaving poorly is not unusual. Some individuals figure they should be loved enough so that they can be "themselves." They somehow think immature and rude behavior should be acceptable to someone who loves them. Perhaps they're thinking back to when they were little children and their parents thought they were cute regardless of how they behaved. This foolish thinking is the perfect way to destroy an otherwise harmonious and loving relationship. Use your wisdom and discrimination before you act, or say something that will hurt your partner or offend them. Just because you don't act out whatever is going on in your mind at the moment doesn't mean you're not being yourself; you are just choosing to be your nice self. It is not phony to control yourself but it is destructive to not do so.

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3) Constantly remind yourself to behave with love and consideration

Most people get into a relationship out of need, and there is nothing wrong with that. We must take care of ourselves and it is not unusual to wish for someone to take care of us as well. But it is too easy to forget the other person also wants to be cared for and loved and got into the relationship with the same intention you had. Thinking about yourself in order to fulfill your needs is not selfishness but forgetting to satisfy the needs of the one you love can only be described as selfishness. Even if your partner is not the "needy" type don't assume everything is OK. The need for love is universal and your expressing love is critical to a healthy relationship. So even if your partner doesn't express a need it is safe to assume it is there anyway.

4) Look for ways to express love on a constant basis

By following the four steps outlined above you almost certainly have a fulfilling and loving relationship - it almost can't be helped. Don't take relationships for granted. Until 'how to live' programs become the standard curriculum in our schools we must look elsewhere for accurate knowledge that will help us in our day to day lives. Lessons For A Happy Marriage will probably not be necessary for the coming generations because the information that is contained within it will probably by then be universally known. But for now it's a good idea to thoroughly read and understand the lessons so what is likely to become the most important relationship of your life will also be the happiest aspect of your life. You deserve to have a great relationship and a great marriage as well as a wonderful family. And don't forget to tell the person that you love, "I love you."

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I have it on good advice that us guys need to be a teddy bears in marriage. Whilst I'm no expert on the topic, I can note with due attention the nod of approval toward this idea from one's wife. Cuddly and fluffy is the call. As an opposite image, there's no surer thing than a bull roaring through the china shop, breaking all the precious fine china displayed -- not a good image in a marriage.

Not every wife needs a teddy bear husband to be honest, but what a guy's wife needs she should get -- is that not so? It's the Christian model of marriage we're espousing; one for the other, the other for one. So, what gives with the teddy bear symbolism?

1. Teddy bears are quiet. They don't talk much. They're pretty docile and cute, so to speak. I think I can do that.

2. Teddy bears provide warmth and are ideal to cuddle up with, and even sob of few tears into (if and as necessary).

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3. Teddy bears are totally accepting; they'll never reject you. You're theirs for life, and even when your bear is tired and ragged at the seams, he'll still be just as faithful as he always was.

4. Teddy bears are fluffy too. The fluffiness is particularly important because fluffiness absorbs; it absorbs the hurts so naturally.

What teddy bears don't do:

1. They don't give advice; they're totally useless at providing direction and telling you what you need to do. They can't talk back; they don't have a comment to make.

2. They won't try and encourage you when a good ole fashioned cuddle would do.

3. They don't scare you. They couldn't harm a fly. They'd cuddle the fly! Absolutely harmless.

So, the teddy bear is a symbol for me; for the man I need to be. Let's raise a toast to every living teddy bear who just happens to be married.

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Christian marriage intimacy (sexually speaking) is as important as any other aspect of marital life. Physical fulfillment of these intimate needs and desires can do a great deal for a marriage. No matter how long you have been married, finding the right level of intimacy with each other is paramount to keeping your passion and zest for each other alive.

Intimacy levels and needs are different for every couple and it is up to you and your spouse to find the level that works best for both of you. This starts with honesty and talking through what is important to each of you. Letting the other person know what is okay and what makes you uncomfortable builds a deeper trust and intimacy that solidifies and strengthens a marriage. Being willing to try something new for your partner also strengthens your marriage while adding a touch of mystery and excitement to the private sector of your lives as well.

Sexuality and Christian marriage intimacy go hand in hand. These three key elements are vital pieces of the sexual puzzle for married Christian couples.

1) Spontaneity - Spontaneity is a great catalyst for sex. Send her some flowers with a note saying you want to take her out to dinner somewhere special and then when you return home, light the candles and watch a movie that speaks to her heart. If you're lucky, she likes Bruce Willis as much as you do! But the point is that you are going after her heart. "Bridges Over Madison County" wins over "Terminator: Salvation". Ladies, join him in his adventure! Rather than shrinking back from the garage, take a chance and put on some lingerie under a pair of coveralls. Go after HIS heart too. It isn't wrong to get creative and use your imagination because you both know that the games are just to add spice to a marriage that is already strong in love and trust.

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2) Imagination - Fantasy between the two of you is OK! It can be a part of your sexual experiences. Some couples will want to take it farther than others, complete with costumes. As long as you have both agreed and are comfortable, this kind of play can lead to some very interesting and memorable encounters. But through it all, the last point must be emphasized.

3) Communication - Take time with each other! Get to know each other in all ways, not just in the bedroom. Know each other's fears, likes, dislikes, dreams and hopes. Know each others fantasies and secret desires. Talk, talk, talk. Do dishes together and just get to know each other. It is an investment in your relationship that happens to pay great dividends in the bedroom.

Being married and being Christian does not mean that you shy away from creativity or playing with each other. Christian marriage intimacy means you have a deeper foundation in life and spirituality and a greater sense of happiness as you whisper in prayer a thank you to the One who brought you together with your spouse who makes every aspect of your life have a deeper meaning in every way.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.


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