My Husband Is Not The Man I Married: Husband Is Not Same Man I Married - He's Not Man I Married

Knowing how to understand men is one important thing that we, women, have to keep in mind in having relationships with our boyfriends or husbands. We sometimes think of not being understood in the relationships - but we often neglect about how to understand men in our lives.

In the end, we find our spouses or boyfriends cheating on us and we never cannot understand why. So early on, let us try to decipher what men really want from women.

Why men are so engrossed with sex

Men's sexual drive is indeed different from that of a woman. The hormone testosterone in the man is responsible for wanting for sex or their libido. Thus, it is but normal for men to be constantly seeking for sex. If you want to understand men and their sex drives, you might also want to understand that they have different feeling towards sex because of the testosterone pressure they feel in their bodies. In relationships, women are constantly seeking for attention, for love and pampering and men tend to be seeking for sex. Knowing these differences and understanding why these differences exist will truly help you in how to please your partner to make him happy in marriage.

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Men need space for themselves

Even women need space too. We all need space in our lives. Being in a relationship or tying the knot with the man you love does not necessarily mean clinging to that man day after day. Sometimes when women are so overwhelmed and in love, we tend to love having our man around and spending time with him always, but we have to understand that sometimes men want to have their quiet time or time with friends. Not because you are married you can always tag along with your man anywhere he goes. In marriage, you can manage this by giving time for him to be by himself and schedule time for you to spend together. Although too much space for both of you can also be bad for the relationship, so make a balance.

Men need time to think

You may probably get upset when you are trying to bring up a concern and your man does not seem to respond to that immediately. Sometimes we think men are not interested in what we say and in dealing with issues that we bring to their attention. To us, it seems like he was thinking about something else, which sometimes can end up in arguments. We have to understand that most often, men want to process their problems and their thoughts to themselves, and they may want to think about it for some time. Oftentimes, men want to talk about it when they are able to come up with a solution and they do not want to talk about it piece by piece.

These are just three ways on how to understand men in your life. There are still a lot of differences between men and women that somehow we need to understand to help us build a good relationship with our man. So the next time we get upset or angry with our spouses, let us take time to put ourselves in their shoes and learn how they think about it and their behavior towards a situation. This way we will be guided on how to understand them and how to make wonderful relationships with them.

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Most people, not only you, are insecure about their relationships. It's not just marital or significant other relationships that can be difficult. Maintaining healthy relationships is universally a problematic experience. Those who deny it are either very shallow or completely fooling themselves. The reality of living in this world is that we are not in heaven, and some even say we are in the other place.

What The World Is Really Like

Nope, it's not just you. Even nature in this world is better appreciated from a distance. There is competition and killing at every level of life. Except for human beings, who have free will, the world moves forward with instinctive self preservation violence. Amidst the beauty of nature the cycles of creation, preservation and destruction are continually working themselves out. It is an exciting and beautiful world because and in spite of its ever changing cycles.

It should be stated and recognized that man is capable of either being a part of the cycles and participating in all the violence, or standing above the spectacle. Man is not an animal. We're capable of reasoning things out and behaving in ways that are beneficial to each other and ourselves. We don't live in constant fear of having our possessions taken from us by force. In most cases we really don't even have to think about that. We're capable of creating.

Mankind Is Special

It isn't very important to decide here and now if man has evolved from the bog or is a special creation of God's. Personally I recognize myself and you as God's children with the unique ability of communion with Him (or Her). We are endowed with qualities that allow us to choose our destinies. We can reason, will and act. This conscious ability sets us apart from nature, when we choose. If we fall back on our instincts and fears we are no better than the animals in the jungle that kill or be killed.

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Healthy relationships are not predicated on the behavior of two or more people. They are predicated on the behavior and attitudes of the individual who wants one. How you respond to what another person does or says is all that matters to you. If another person treats you well or treats you poorly you still have the full range of options to choose from. It is up to you to determine your own behavior.

Here are three ways to maintain healthy relationships:

1. Listen - really listen to what was just said to you and ask yourself what was meant. Most people react or respond to something or other that simply came out wrong and the person is too uncomfortable retracting or explaining what they meant.

2. Think - no matter what was said or how it was said you still have the ability to pretty much ignore it. I like the expression "your screw up doesn't turn into my emergency." We have the ability to feel compassion for someone else's error-caused pain, and we should be quick to use it.

3. Respond gracefully - when you are able to keep your wits about you the dilemma of another person is something you can relate to and feel for them. Even if they are striking out of habit it does not mean you have to become a victim of their rudeness by striking back.

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An image of shallow and contemptible manliness:

"Use the mirror - careful, it might break," a man said sarcastically to his wife in the department store as she considered trying on a garment.

An equally powerful image of manliness:

He walks toward me. It's a cool winter's morning. He wears a scarf and it strikes me as femininely tied but the waft of his aftershave and the looks on the faces of both his daughters - at each side of, and hand in hand with, Dad - as he goes by, speaks volumes for what is happening. I look back to complete the image; wonderful.

It's quintessential family. What's more, it's the essence of true manhood... at least one image of it.

These are glimpses, merely snapshots for the mind's eye to feast upon, both saying in their own way that men of marriage can be both despicable and admirable.

Women naturally swoon at the very thought of the winsomely sound latter man, yet my focus now is on the former; a pressure point for each married man and woman as he or she reads on.

Disproportionate 'Arrangements'

Marriages where there is an extraneous, never-bridged love-gap speak of a long-held death - both partners living the fact of marriage but the reality is stark, lonely, useless; hopeless. All life was sucked out of it long ago and it limps on pathetically, day after friendless and emotionally-vacant day.

The man in the marriage atop speaks his gutless trash for the laugh of folly from some wimpy stranger who the married man even more laughably elevates above his wife - a person heavens more worthy, due his immediate behaviour, than he is.

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This man probably doesn't know the damage his words cause, though his wife is probably so 'over' the sting of them. Furthermore, this man probably doesn't even care about the hurt he foists not only on her, but her children and grandchildren and other passers-by, who no doubt hear such filth in their familial deliberations.

Do you know this man? Is he truly worthy of this marriage?

Marriages of Proportion

The partner in the marriage of proportion is forever endeavouring to even and over-even the relational ledger. They see the sin in their partner - for we all sin - but they do not deride it or even compensate; they work with the facts, accepting them - and their partner - in the same breath, and unequivocally so. This they do most of the time, and ever increasingly so - call it 'their focus.'

They move on beyond the daily reproach and elevate their own mood to be a simple and consistent blessing in their partner's life - most of the time; after all they know all too well none of us are perfect. It's all they can do - they know this and accept it, no holds barred.

The marriage of proportion is like two lovers hand in hand.

As they walk together on a dating jaunt, negotiating the crowd and other objects, their bodies move apart to cater for unavailable spaces, and yet their hands are committed to each other; the gentle tension of the fingers grasping a little tighter at points, pulling each toward the other.

This arrangement is integrative. It's always aiming at proportion and equilibrium.

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Every marriage go through rough times but what is important is to take the necessary measures to save your marriage before your relationship hit rock bottom and becomes unrepairable. Ignoring the problems in your relationship and hoping that they will just go away is not helping your relationship. If the conflicts in your marriage is too big for you and your spouse to handle, perhaps this is the time to get a professional help from marriage counselors. There are benefits of seeing a marriage counselor so do not wait until things in your marriage are beyond repair before seeking help.

If you are going through some difficulties in your marriage and do not want to give up, marriage counseling can help. So what are the benefits of seeing a marriage counselor?

Let you see the problems in a different perspective. One of the benefits of seeing a marriage counselor is that you will see your marriage problems in a different prospective. Seeing the problems in a different angle with the help of a mediator who don't take sides can give you new insights and understanding of your marital problems. It can be really enlightening to see your marital problems in another person's point of view.

Gives you the time to speak. A marriage counselor can provide couples the opportunity to be heard without distractions. If talking the issues in your marriage at home always end up in arguments and fights, a marriage counselor can prevent that from happening by giving you both the opportunity to say what you want to say without distractions. Sometimes all it takes to resolve issues in a marriage is the feeling that you are being heard.

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Helps you manage your emotions. One of the benefits of seeing a marriage counselor is the opportunity to learn how to manage your emotions while discussing your marital problems. You will be taught how to express your concerns without getting angry or walking out of the room. You will learn to become level-headed and discuss your marriage problems without losing your temper. This can be very helpful not only during marriage therapy sessions but it can be very helpful in your everyday life.

Gives you professional advice on how to save your marriage. Many marriages were spared from divorce through marriage counseling because marriage counselors have the trainings, skills and experience in dealing with couples with marital problems. They have the qualification and experience to help couples save their marriage and they can help you see things in your marriage in a different light.

Maybe the only hindrance in seeing a marriage counselor is when your spouse refuse to see one. Counseling can be very effective when both spouses are willing to seek help and save their marriage. If your spouse is reluctant to see one, try your best to persuade your spouse and explain the benefits of seeing a marriage counselor. Marriage is a sacred relationship and it is worth exploring all possible methods to save your marriage.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.


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