My Husband Filed For Divorce I Want Him Back: What Things Can A Wife Do To Change Her Husband's Mind About A Divorce

The marriage crisis in your life is more than just the crisis in your own marriage. If you were on a cruise and the ship began to sink so that everyone had to jump off, part of the survival rate would be determined by how quickly people are being rescued and finding safety. The people still in the water would be encouraged by seeing their fellow passengers being pulled to safety and they would hang in there beyond their normal endurance. On the other hand, if everyone saw a bunch of sharks chewing people up and the rescue boats lingering in the distance many people would simply give up and drown even though they had the physical capability to hang in there longer.

I think the analogy is pretty obvious isn't it? The divorce rate in our society is so high that everyone gives up long before they should without fully considering what they could do to save their marriage. And it is completely understandable. Part of the crisis in our country is that when people are having difficulty with their marriage they look for marriage counseling. Why should that be a problem you ask? Because the sad but true reality is that marriage counselors usually don't save marriages. The most commonly accepted statistic is that 70 to 80% of all couples who go to marriage counselors end up divorced within a year.

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When I went to mediation school we were told to get our leads from psychologists because mediation was usually the next step for those who sought help. The other group that gets leads from psychologists who specialize in family counseling is divorce lawyers.

It is the Children who Suffer the Most

For me a crisis is always exacerbated when there are children involved and as far as I am concerned it is the suffering children that make divorce a crisis. I honestly have sympathy for those who get married and discover incompatibilities that make marriage a challenge. But if there are no children they can dissolve their marriage without too much destruction. However, once there are children involved divorce should not even be considered unless there are real dangers in maintaining the intact family. But those circumstances are very rare. I met with many couples who were initially advised by psychologists to get a divorce. After just a few hours of practicing my Lessons For A Happy Marriage principles they were very happy that they didn't give up. They discovered the truth of how simple and fast a marriage that looks like it is over can be turned into the happiest marriage in the world. A horrible part of our marriage crisis is that so few people are currently aware of what is needed.

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Marriage is not always a bed of roses. While marriage could be really exciting in the first few months or few years, keeping a marriage is not easy.

When couples start to fight constantly about almost everything or start to ignore each other, these are warning signs that the marriage is in trouble. Couples may find themselves caught in a failing marriage if they continue to ignore the problems in their marriage.

Not every problematic marriage should end up in divorce because there are ways to save a failing marriage. So how to save your troubled marriage?

Avoid the thoughts of giving up on your marriage. The first thing that couples should do to save a failing marriage is to change their mindset. A failing marriage does not mean you have to give up on your marriage. The willingness to save your marriage is important when you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship. Although fixing a failing marriage takes a lot of work, time and patience, there is a great chance that your marriage can be saved if you will refuse to give up on your marriage.

Go back to the days when you first fell in love with each other. Maybe you were so young then when you first fell in love with your spouse. You were young, carefree and so in love that nothing can stop you from expressing your love. You were always happy being together, dating, giggling on the phone and holding hands whenever you are together. What happened to that young in love person? Where is that person now? It could be helpful to go back to that point when you were so in love and find that person again if you really want to save a failing marriage. Do not let things like work, children and family issues keep you from being that person again. After all that was the time when you and your spouse were establishing your relationship.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Avoid fighting about money. There are reports that more than fifty percent of married couples end up divorced because of money issues. Avoid being caught in the unending cycle of misunderstandings, blaming and frequent fights about money. Many couples find themselves fighting about money whether they have less or lots of money. Financial issues cannot be totally eliminated in a marriage but avoid making it the cause of frequent fights in your marriage. We all have different habits and attitudes about money. Some are spenders and some are frugal. Even in putting investments, couple may not have the same opinions and decisions. When faced with differences involving money, it is important for couples to understand that money should not define their relationship and should not cause them to break up. Identify each other's views about money in a peaceful way and the ways your views about money conflict with each other. From there, talk about how to work on those conflicts or how to compromise to avoid fighting about money. If you're both mindful and calm in dealing with financial issues, you can save a failing marriage if money is always the cause of troubles in your marriage.

Listen to your spouse. Arguments cannot be totally eliminated in any relationship but have you tried listening to your spouse in the heat of arguments? This maybe hard if you are both entangled in the heat of the argument but if you want to save a failing marriage, try to put yourself in your spouse's shoes and see things in his or her perspective. Stop talking and truly listen to your spouse. You may not totally agree with your spouse's point of view but the fact that you listened and allowed your spouse to express what he or she needed to express and you are willing to see his or her point of view can make a positive impact in your marriage. Don't we all feel the need to be heard? We all feel good and more understanding if we know someone is there to listen.

Get professional help. You might need the help of relationship experts if you find it hard to save a failing marriage on your own. To save your marriage you need to exhaust all possible solutions and getting help from experts should not be ignored. There are people who can help you and your spouse to get back on the right track and rebuild your troubled marriage. There are many couples who went through marriage counseling and were able to save their failing marriage. Do not hesitate to seek professional help.

Marriage is one of the most important relationship people have and it is only right to put your all to save a failing marriage.

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

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Marriage is an institution ordained by God and it is for partnership, relationship, procreation and legitimate sexual pleasure. The disheartening issue about marriage in today's society is the rate at which divorce has shattered the reputation of this beautiful institution.

People get married because they really want to enjoy its benefits. But many people have not been able to fulfill this purpose because of their inability to manage the challenges it involves thereby leading to the collapse of many marriages.

Here I want to give you a sure formula to having a marriage that will last without divorce or separation.

The Foundation: This is paramount as far as marriage is concern. Just like a building, your marriage should have a solid foundation. You should first of all make your intention known to the originator and founder of marriage (God) through prayer. Does it mean that God doesn't know that you need to get married? Not at all! He Knows but He takes delight in hearing your request so inform Him and take the necessary steps. God is the match maker.

After you might have found who you want to spend the rest of your life with in marriage, there is the need for you to be sure that the person possesses all the qualities you need. The time you use to do this is called courtship period. Ask questions and make findings. It could seem very challenging but it is very necessary. Don't rush things. It is a life time issue. Ask God to lead you rightly.

The Marriage: Getting to this stage means that you have accomplished all marital rights and are now husband and wife. Now the game begins. Believe me all that you have done before now was child's play. It is now you will get to face the real tune of marital music which is why maturity in all aspect of life is demanded before getting married. This is where you need to watch out for what I call anti-marriage-parasites which have ruined a lot of marriages.

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Let me quickly run down some of the parasites, which can be external or internal and alongside I will give you the hints on how to tackle them. If you are careless about these parasites you may end up telling the same story as others and this is not what we want.

Prayerlessness: It is often said that a family that prays together stays together. Therefore make sure that you set up a strong prayerful relationship with your spouse. Remember that you started out with prayers and so continue with it. From my experience I found out that many marital problems are settled during prayers.

Suspicion: It is the lack of trust that leads to this. From the unset make sure you do not give room to it. Be as honest as possible to your spouse.

Egocentricity: Selfishness kills marriages in no time. Have your partners' interest at heart. Put yourself in your partners' shoes. Be considerate and do away, as much as you can, with issues you know could trigger unnecessary arguments.

Getting Even: Revenge is one anti-marriage parasite that any couple who desires a life time blissful marriage should guard against. Talk things out with your partner and give room for forgiveness.

Parents/Friends Interference: This is also known as third-party influence. Do not allow your parents/friends to be the detectors of events in your marriage or relationship. Though parent's advice could be very helpful in some situations, they should not be the ones that run things in your home. Try to settle cases between yourselves with the right approach. Be polite in your approach knowing fully well that you are dealing with your better-half. Be careful about who you expose your marital issues to.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

Murmuring: My personal founding is that most people hate murmuring. As a woman who wants to keep her marriage do not grumble over issues. Table it politely before your husband and settle it amicably. If your husband says it is enough on an issue then let it be unless it is detrimental to the welfare of the family. In this case find a way to let your partner see the danger such decision may result.

Comparison: I have seen many couples getting into some serious trouble due to unnecessary comparison. Remarks such as 'is not Mrs. Z a woman as you are?' or Is not Mr. X a man as you are?' 'S and Y family has bought a car, can't we also buy one?' can provoke evil imaginations and sense of inferiority. Avoid this as a cancer.

Infidelity: This is the mother of all the parasites mentioned above. Feeling of dissatisfaction leads to this and nobody will want to stay with an unfaithful partner. To foil this treat make your partner your best friend. Discourse you feelings about any issue that you are not pleased with and make sure that it is well settled. Be careful about those from whom you receive gift as they can be very enticing. Open up to your spouse any suspicious approach by the opposite sex. Women are most vulnerable in this aspect. If you really love your spouse and wants to maintain a lifetime marital commitment then there is the need to expose any foreign intruder.

Although there are a host of factors threatening a lifetime marital commitment, if the ones above are properly tackled others will not be serious hitches. If your marriage has already been infested by these parasites, be as optimistic as I am and invite God into the situation because He is the best repairer. Try to talk things out with your partner and put an end to that variance.

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You never see the hard days in a photo album; but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next.
~Tom Leezac's Dad to Tom, Just Married (2003).

This above is a beacon to the trouble marriage, the jilted-for-now partner, or any relationship in difficulty where people are concerned - everywhere.

Anyone who is honest about marriage will attest; there are difficult - even 'impossible' - times. Who has not endured some of these, even some relatively long periods of them in some cases, and not come out the other side better people - and together? - okay, the ones who gave up, that's who.

We get nothing of what we really want when we give-in to the whims of our own momentary desires.
And, of course, we know this theory. The real test, however, is the practice. When we're pushed from pillar to post in our marriages and our relationships, but we still come back for more, what are we really saying?

We're 'in it' for good. We're committed, and we can be trusted - to stay, despite what our instincts might be telling us.

Now, this is not a reason to stay in an abusive relationship. Abuse is out-of-bounds.

Dual Commitment Toward a Cord of Three Strands

But many relationships also involve one tormented and confused day after another. It seems no good. However, where both partners believe in the essence of their partnership anything can be resolved - via God's power. Both need to be equally committed for God to grace the troubled relationship with the blessing required to get through.

This is what the following is saying:

Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
~Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NIV).

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

With both partners equally invested in the relationship, almost anything can be achieved; because God automatically abides to the godly bond between the two. Whilst commitment is there bilaterally, there is every hope.

And we must always believe that commitment is stronger than romantic love. It will get us through, even on those days, weeks and months when we don't feel in love - for there are inevitably many of these. But these are the very days that bridge the chasms we find between those ecstatically happy moments, for which we're all afforded.

This is about taking the bad with the good. We'd be children if we expected good all the time.

Being Wary of Envy

Why is it that we have such an ability to look over the fence and see what we see with rose-coloured glasses? Envy is a very 'human' phenomenon. But we're deluded in what we see because of what we want to see. In fact, we see what we want to see - i.e. we choose our reality - and clearly this is not the truth.

Still too many give up on the best they have because they firmly believe in a lie. Commitment gets in behind the lie and flushes it out for truth.

Great Expectations - Never Delivered - When We Expected Too Much

Perhaps the last warning is against our own romantic suggestions of folly - our 'great expectations' we start out with. I was noted for saying I wanted a 'first class marriage' on setting out second time around. Soon I was to recoil at the folly of such a proud position - as if to assert that many long marriages out there weren't first class; because that is what I meant. I learned the hard way in many respects. God got through to me on this point I think.

Expectations are otherwise a very honest, and therefore potentially cruel, thing. They'll force us to account; to every last one. They expose our folly. Best our expectations are based on what is realistically achievable.

We're best just trying our best, and to commit to learning each day - in humility - to submit to the other. It doesn't get much simpler, or any harder, than that if we can just keep it that way.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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