With whom do we get angry?

We especially do not get angry with the secretary in the office or with the nurse in the hospital, but we do get angry with our wife at home. That is why, when a hundred people are sitting and listening, at that time I tell all of them, “If people get scolded by the boss or someone else, then they take out all that anger on their wives at home.” That is why I have to say, “Hey, mortal one! Why are you scolding the poor wife! Why are you scolding the wife without any reason? Why don’t you quarrel with the one who has scolded you out there, why are you quarreling with this poor woman?” There was a wise gentleman. He was an acquaintance of mine. He always used to tell me, “Sir, please come to my house sometime!” He used to do masonry work. One day I was passing by and he happened to come across me and he said, “Come to my house for a while.” Therefore, I went to his house. Then I said, “Hey! Are you comfortable living with two rooms?” He replied, “I am a mason, aren’t I?” I am talking about the good old days here; nowadays people have to make do with one room, but even in the good old days, the poor man had only two rooms!
Then I said, “Hey, doesn’t your wife harass you?” He responded, “My wife does get angry, but I do not get angry.” I asked, “Why is that?” He said, “If she gets angry and I also get angry, then within these two rooms, where will she sleep and where will I sleep? She will sleep facing her back to me and I will sleep facing my back to her. And with that, I will not even get good tea to drink in the morning. She is the only one who gives me happiness and my happiness is because of her!” I asked, “What if your wife gets angry with you on occasion?” He said, “I coax her. I tell her, ‘Dear, let it go! I know what I am going through.’ I tell her something like this and coax her. But I keep her happy. I may beat someone outside the home, but I do not beat within the home.” Whereas our people get beatings from outside the home and then beat at home. These people get angry all day long. The cows and buffaloes are better; they do not get angry.

There should be internal state of being that hurts the self and others), which resulted in dharmadhyan (virtuous internal state of being that prevents one from hurting oneself or others). You got angry, yet it resulted in dharmadhyan. Is it because the intent arose that, ‘This should not happen’? There is no violent intent behind it. Anger is never without a violent intent at all, yet there are certain conditions of anger, such as when one gets angry with his children, with his friend, with his wife, in which he binds merit karma. This is because one’s intention behind getting angry is being taken into consideration. That other is unpraiseworthy anger; that is considered less appropriate. Therefore, there is this much classification even in anger. Secondly, if one scolds his son for the sake of money, such as, “You are not paying attention to the business properly,” that anger is different. If you scold your child, if you get angry with him for the sake of improving him, if the child is stealing or doing something else that is wrong, then the Lord has said that the result of that is merit karma. How wise the Lord is!

The Wise Avoid Getting Angry in This Way!

Author's Bio: 

The author is professional in anger management education.