How To Get Romance Back In Your Marriage: How To Get Spark Back In Your Marriage

Marriage is a happy thing if you and your partner know how to take care of it. As years go by, you will most likely be dealing with the battle of avoiding routine, too much familiarity and staleness. Indeed, it is important to keep that marriage happy and fulfilling despite the changes in priorities and expanding family size.

Among the important elements in making your marriage work is to make sure you have remained in love with each other and that you have a fulfilling sex life. Although there are many other factors that makes up a healthy and happy marriage, intimacy in marriage is one of the things that you have to focus on. Indeed, love and sex are among the important elements in a happy and fulfilling marriage, and if you want to bring back that spark and intimacy in marriage, here are a few things that may help you bring back that sexual intimacy in marriage.

- Strive to make communication lines open and make sure that you can effectively communicate with each other. Healthy communication should exist between you and your spouse so you can talk about anything that is bothering or distracting you to make an effort in making your marriage work. When it comes to intimacy, lack of communication can be the start of a marriage going down the drain. Of course, if you can talk to each other for hours and hours when you were still engaged, then there is no reason why you can't communicate effectively to each other now that you are already married.

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- Cultivate the very important skill in listening. Listening is a very important skill that a few people practice yet very important especially in making marriages work. Men and women have differences and you and your partner cannot settle into a healthy communication if neither of you wants to listen. If you both practice listening to each other, you will eventually learn to make communication lines open, make your sex life more satisfying for both of you and not just only for one and will eventually allow you to work out on your marriage.

- Find ways to pleasantly surprise your spouse in bed. Rekindle that lust and sexual intimacies. Having a fulfilling sex life is also another important part of making your marriage work and you have to make sure you are not regarding lovemaking as a mere routine. Learn new techniques to please your spouse in bed. Men can get bored with your predictable lovemaking routine and women often hope their man knows where to touch them and how to satisfy them. With open communication lines, even in your sexual intimacies you can still develop that bond and your relationship stronger.

- Do not take your partner for granted. In marriage, it is important that you take care of each other and not take each other for granted. Take time to still appreciate and thank each other. Support is also another thing that you can give your partner as well. Spend quality time together. Enjoy a good laugh, a good story, a funny movie or anything that allows you to spend time with your spouse. Never lose the romantic gestures and go out together on a date.

Intimacy in marriage is indeed important and make sure you don't lose as you move on to the challenge in making your marriage a successful one as well.

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People usually go to family counseling because one person is out of control and the rest of the family is suffering. How did that one person get out of control to begin with? The answer is almost always the same, yet rarely properly diagnosed. A lot of time and money could be saved, and emotional pain and suffering would end if people understood one another and realized that the family is meant to be the safest refuge in the world. Much of the family's safety has been destroyed by the reduction of values, especially in the area of divorce. Far too many children are having to spend too much psychic energy on repairing their own lives when they should be absorbing the wisdom of their parents and community.

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We have many material things in our lives right now, but we're missing out on some spiritual qualities. We are triune beings who are essentially spiritual but have turned our focus primarily to the material and psychological. We must discover our essence, which is love, and share it through our actions. When we do this with the person who seems out of control they will be helped.

By consciously redirecting our time and energy to beneficial activities that are inclusive and loving we create security for the person or persons acting out because they feel deprived. Don't criticize the person who is acting out. Try to understand the suffering they feel and hear their acting out as cries for love and acknowledgment. Nobody really wants to be bad but everybody really wants to be loved. Be the one that gives love. Be the one that gives support. You don't need an expert to tell you in what ways your own children need to feel loved! And after you have given them love in abundance, give more. And never forget to say, "I love you."

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If all of us were to look back we could find at least one thing we regret experiencing, whether we were the perpetrators or someone else.

This is what life is made up of, past experiences, some good and some bad. However, there are some of you who take these past hurts (such as divorce or an abusive ex) to your spouse and expect them to just deal with it.

Now, every time your spouse messes up you are reminded of these hurts and you let him or her have the full length of your wrath and that you are not going to allow him or her to do the same thing to you.

Every time he or she says something, you wonder if that is the truth or if you are being lied to. In all honesty you do not trust your spouse. Before taking the time to rationally deal with each situation at hand you start reliving the past.

The problem with grouping everyone under the same blanket is that no two individuals are the same. Your spouse could be the total opposite of your previous partner or parents but you are unable to see that because you continue to relive the hurts of the past.

In Ecclesiastes, Solomon tells us there is a time for everything. There is a period after experiencing hurt that you just have to let go and move on.

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It is better to do this before entering into another relationship, however, if you did not get a chance to do this and you are now married let us help you move on. Stop and ask yourself these questions:

1. Do I really want to get a divorce or a second divorce?

This is an extremely important question because if you allow your past hurts to interfere with your marriage this is exactly what can happen. Your spouse could become so overwhelmed and frustrated with the constant accusation or comparisons made with your previous partner that he or she decides to call it quits. To me, my past hurts are not worth my relationship with my spouse. What about you?

2. Have you ever thought of seeking professional help?

There are some issues that are better dealt with by professionals. No amount of discussion with your spouse can change the current situation. If you have tried praying and talking about it with your spouse or friends and the situation persists, then maybe you need to take it a step further. Maybe you need the advice of a medical professional / counselor who is qualified to handle these situations.

3. Have you been honest with your spouse about the hurts you still feel?

Keeping your feelings bottled up is never the answer, especially when others are being affected by your actions. Sometimes we think we have gotten over a particular situation, but our actions often speak louder than words. If you feel there are still issues that need to be ironed out, take some time to discuss this with your spouse. Ask him or her to help you deal with it as opposed to letting them feel your wrath.

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We all know that over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Are you aware that the divorce rate for Christians is even slightly higher than the divorce rate for non-Christian marriages? Although there is dispute as to the reasons behind this, the facts remain the same. One of the theories is that Christian couples might rely on the power of prayer and faith to fix their issues until it is "too late" and they find that their "unhappy marriage" has transformed into a marriage that can no longer be salvaged. Many Christian couples are embarrassed or reluctant to approach their pastor or reach out to traditional marriage therapists to discuss their problems. This is especially true if the problems involve sensitive issues such as addiction, infidelity or lack of sexual satisfaction.

So what is the solution? Where can you find the best Christian marriage advice?

Here's the harsh reality. While sexual problems, abuse, neglect, stresses about child rearing, money and jobs may not seem high on the "Christian" priority list, they are very prominent on the "human" priority list. And we are all humans before we are Christians, even if that is a sentiment you would be reluctant to shout out during Bible study.

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So while we can be fully committed to having a God centered union and a faith based family experience, we still need to reconcile the fact that we are human, flawed and needing to take responsibility for our own actions and relationships. While prayer is an important component to strengthening your marriage, practical action is also required.

Fortunately there are many excellent resources available on the internet for couples for whom traditional marriage counseling may not be an option, due to either finances (it's expensive!), embarrassment (who wants to talk to a stranger about these things?), or lack of interest on the behalf of their partner (just like tangoing, it takes two to effectively participate in marriage counseling). While the internet does have many offensive sites and content readily available, there are a growing number of resources in the area of Christian marriage advice easily, inexpensively (many free, in fact) and confidentially available. They center on a practical faith based approach to improving your marriage, even if you sometimes feel like you and God are the only ones interested in making progress! Content, advice and exercise are entirely appropriate for a faith centered marriage and take into consideration that you are not only a Christian, but a human with valid needs and expectations also.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.


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