My Husband Wants To Leave Me: What Should I Do If I Can Make Him Feel Guilty About Separation

I am leaving are words no wife wants to hear. They can tear you up inside, cause you to feel overwhelmed or absolutely angry. For some wives their husband's reasons for leaving just don't make any sense while for others they know exactly what the problem is but don't know how to cope with it.

No matter why he is leaving, there are seven things you should never do when faced with a situation like this:

Do Not Panic, It Is Not The End Of The World

Too often wives who are faced with this dilemma allow it to get them in a state of panic. This attitude causes them to be irrational and also do crazy or unwise things.

Remember, the world is not coming to an end and after all of this is straightened out life has to still go on, especially if you have children who are depending on you.

Do Not Clam Up Give them Enough Confidence to be Open

Now that you are in the right frame of mind you need to get them to open up to you. The worst thing is not knowing exactly what is causing their decision.

Don't assume that it is another woman and that they do not love you any more.

It could be a host of other things such as stresses at home or work or a character problem that they have been talking to you about that hasn't changed and they are now frustrated. Just get the facts.

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Do not Play the Blame Game

This is not the time to add pressure to an already strained relationship. Therefore, there should be no finger pointing, shouting, screaming or blame shifting.

Doing this will only push him further away. Use this time to re-evaluate your marriage, what caused the problem and what both of you can do to fix it.

Do not be Closed to Professional Help

Most marriages will have its moments of ups and downs and sometimes, unchecked/unresolved problems can cause frustration, resentment and even confusion.

Your husband may really love you and really want the relationship to work but he just does not know how to handle all that is happening in your marriage.

It is at this point that you may need to consider marriage counseling. Suggest to him that you really want your relationship and you are willing to start over, but you strongly suggest getting external help.

Do Not Cry Or Whine Every Time You Talk

Whining and crying every time you see him will not help the situation. You have to be strong and calm but at the same time assertive.

Try to ascertain the reasons for his decision. If he is willing to talk, then set up a time and place.

A relationship does not have to come to an end because one partner says they want to call it quits.

Finally, there is always at least one lesson to be learnt from any situation. Try to figure out what it is for you. Maybe this can make you into a stronger individual or cause you to pay more attention to the needs of your marriage.

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Most couples find their intensity of love greatly diminished after marriage. It is really surprising that people who cannot live without each other before marriage, find themselves so trapped in marriage that they seek divorce and then try to marry another person. Even when they do not seek divorce they engage in extramarital relationships where they try to search love in another person. If they control all types of extramarital relationship due to social pressures, they still cannot live with their spouse in harmony as they find that the spark of love has disappeared from their lives.

Where does love go after marriage? Is it due to the wrong selection of the beloved that one has to finally part ways or there are some greater mysteries behind the loss of love? The increasing rates of divorces, the increasing number of live-in relationships and the increasing number of the birth of children outside wedlock are ample evidences that people have already started avoiding marriages. Some people have started believing that marriage is an outdated institution and that living with each other without marriage is better for the relationship than getting married.

Why Marriages Fail?

It is really surprising why marriages are failing despite the fact that most marriages are voluntary and the couples are now getting married only if they love each other. They often spend many years together to test their compatibility with each other before getting formally married.

It is therefore, important to understand love before understanding why love is diminished after marriage.

Love between two individual means that both people extend their personalities and become one with each other. It is like union of two or more atoms to make a molecule. For example, when two atoms of Hydrogen and one atom of Oxygen combine with each other, they make a molecule of water which is totally different from either hydrogen or oxygen. Thus love is different than all other types of relationship as the lovers become one and instead of maintaining their individuality, lose their identity. They become complimentary to each other as they become one and often they perform different roles in their lives so as to complement each other.

Thus the bond of love brings two people together and makes them one.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Transmutation of Love

It is difficult to define love as love has many manifestations. People may perceive love as lust, affection, respect, friendship, worship, trust, compassion etc. For example, couples may come close to each other as friend and they gradually find each other physically attractive (lust). In many case like arranged marriages, the relationship first start with physical (lust) and gradually it get converted into friendship and other forms of love. However, soon all loving relationship transforms so as to complete all forms of love like affection, compassion, respect etc. You can easily notice that the people who remains married for long period become extremely dependent on each other and all forms of love are present in their relationship. They develop affection for each other which is the purest form of love existing between mother and child. They respect each other and develop faith on each other. The long married couples gradually become so much dependent on each other due to their completeness of love, that they do not need any other person to complete their relationship. They are best of friends and they take care of each other best. That is why the spouses are also called half-self as without them a person feels incomplete.

However, some people get worried due to the transformation of their love because they do not want their love to be transformed. Often men do not find their wives as physically appealing as the lust is transformed to other forms of love. They may find other woman more attractive since other forms of love are absent in purely physical attractions.

Discover Your Love

In order to live happily and lovingly in our life, we have to understand the true love which is much more than physical or emotional. Love is continuously transforming in every relationship till it acquires the completeness. Physical attraction may be a design of nature to bring the people of opposite sex together. Yet once the couple become physically satisfied, it is time for love to get transformed and bring more colours into their love. If you can understand this design of love, you can only wait for love to get more mature and bring more love into your lives.

Life is a mystery which can not be explained either by science or by scriptures. Truth has a body and a soul which we call science and religion. Contrary to popular perception, they are not opposed to each other but complement each other like body and soul. In fact, they can not exist without each other.

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When there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation. When there is order in the nation, there will be peace in this world.- Baba

Love is the factor that unites a man and a woman in marriage. It is not an obligation; it is an expression of our inner feelings. When you are in love, there is no duality. For love to be pure and everlasting, we must clear the weeds of ego, greed, selfishness and suspicion. If we succeed in loving thus, our married life will never develop any problems and we will never have troubles.

In most divorces, the main cause of rift has been misunderstanding and lack of commitment among partners. When the people involved have not completely understood each other and enter into a relationship, storms will brew after a short time. Just like their impulsive marriage, their behavior will also be impulsive which could lead to fights and heated arguments if the partner is not of an understanding nature.

Lack of commitment is a major issue. If partners think of marriage as a convenience based platform, they will not be fully and completely dedicated to the partner which would mean that they will go wayward if they are given a chance, resulting in divorce or separation. A marriage should not be considered as an object that can be bought as and when one likes from a market. A marriage involves two humans with emotions, [humans must not be treated like a robot], sometimes, children [who will be emotionally disturbed if their habitat is questioned] and society. All these factors must be carefully considered before jumping into a relationship and later declaring it to be most stupid action ever done.

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Love is an emotion felt deep in the heart. At first good looks and infatuation may have been the cause, but later on if the partners have deep understanding and unselfish care for each other, the relationship develops into a strong bond and will stay forever which no flirt or scandal can break. You can feel your love surge when you are away from your partner. Such love should be developed where the partners are completely interdependent and trust each other fully. True love between partners will spread and infect the children also who will be nurtured in this lovely atmosphere. They in turn will be responsible partners and parents, thus helping society to be more or less civilized. But during these modern days, commitment, true love and unselfish behavior seems to have vanished thus causing divorces and rifts in relationships and marriages and thereby causing mental stress to the people involved.

Try to adjust and resolve any problems because life is meant to enjoyed, not to be wasted by dwelling over problems present or past. Love yourself, your lover, your children, your friends and relatives. Forget grudges of past, because nobody is perfect including you and adjust. Start to love this very moment, it is still not too late.

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I am not a fan of homemade wedding vows. I have been to weddings when, after the vows are exchanged, you look around and say, "Huh? Are they married?" How can you tell sometimes? I know he is her sunshine on a rainy day and she is his spring blossom blooming in the sun, but are they married?

Our wedding vows were pretty traditional.

"I, Terry, take you, Laura, to me my lawfully wedded wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward 'til death we do part. I promise to love you and honor you all the days of my life."

That's it - clear, concise. If taken to heart, it will define my priorities and my choices, my mistakes, and my celebrations every moment of my life. With all of that riding on the clarity of my promise, I am happy that the vow is that brief and that clear.

These promises have saved me from making some really poor decisions - ones that I would regret immediately and ones that could burden me for a long time. They continue to direct me every day. They are there, always influencing, encouraging and nudging me. I cherish them and rely upon them, like a touchstone, throughout my life.

Our marriage is my vocation. It is more than a legal obligation. It is a blessing, a gift from my God. It is not a domestic arrangement or financial bargain. It is a sacred trust. It is not a one-time thing, generated to kick off a great party with food, wine, dancing, tossed bouquets and garters. It is a promise to dig in and work at this one thing for the rest of my life. It is surrendering my singleness for something greater. It is not a sacrifice of my individuality. It is a promise to identify my individuality within the framework of a shared life.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

When things aren't going the way you like, you may think, "I didn't sign up for this". Well, here's the wake up call. Yes, you did. That's exactly what you signed up for. That's why we say "'til death we do part". The marriage vows are most demanding in tough times. That is when I can most clearly show that I actively love my wife.

Marriage is a contact sport, so, wear your pads. It is not for the faint of heart. It is not for the meek or the unsure. Our wedding day promises require us to keep working relentlessly at this single relationship above all others. When we make these vows, we are committing our life to a single purpose, a single priority - our marriage. Nothing comes before it but for our relationship with God. Not our children, careers, friends or extended family. This one relationship with this one person is the priority against which all other decisions and relationships are measured.

The truth is, if we get this one right (and note I did not say "perfect"), then the whole world of possibilities in every other dimension of our life opens up for us with endless depth and colour. I guarantee you that if you get the marriage piece of your life firing on all cylinders, the rest of your life will explode with richness.

The marriage vows are actions, not feelings. We promise to love, not to "be in love" for the rest of our lives. It is a verb, not a noun. My vows require me to step up to the plate when in a precise circumstance I may not even like my wife very much. I have to remind myself to love her and act accordingly.

St. Augustine's said, "First, love God and then, do as you please." (I am paraphrasing.) If we first love God, then the choices for subsequent actions within that priority will direct us in our next step.

So it is with marriage. I promised to love (a verb) my wife all the days of my life. This is my priority. If I truly live this promise every day, the choices available to fill the moments of my life must all fall within the framework of my promise to first love her. I love my wife and then I do as I please - always in that order.

Remember, "love" is a verb!

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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