My Husband Said He Wished He Never Married Me: Is It Normal To Regret Getting Married

My Husband Said He Wished He Never Married Me: Is It Normal To Regret Getting Married

We have never spoken to a wife who enjoyed living with an unhappy husband. One who is evasive, non-communicative and emotionless. Some wives would prefer to have a an argument than to experience silent treatment. To make matters worst, most wives do not know how to help their husbands, resulting in them also becoming unhappy, frustrated, withdrawn, depressed and even suicidal. These are only behaviours that make a terrible situation worst. Let's look at five ways to help your huband overcome his unhappiness. We call them self-help marriage therapy techniques.

1. Show Gratitude / Appreciation A proven remedy for an unhappy husband is gratitude. Always try to use phrases such as: I really appreciate how hard you work for the family. I don't know what I would do without you. Honey, thanks for taking out the garbage or Honey, thanks for being such a great father to our children. I really enjoy your company. These are words that can brighten the dullest of days. However, we seldom use them because it is easier to treat our husbands the same way they treat us. Never do this to an unhappy spouse. Decide that this week you will show your gratitude in the words you say and the things you do.

2. Write A Heart to Heart Letter Sometimes it can be very difficult to verbally express exactly how we feel because we allow our emotions to get in the way. I have found that a great method of letting your spouse know how much you are hurting inside is by putting it down on paper. Just ensure that you are not being condemning or pointing fingers. What needs to come across is your heart and not your frustration.

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3. Do Not Nag Most wives do not realize it but they actually contribute to an unhappy husband. The most unappealing trait a wife can possess is that of a nagger. You complain about everything, always point out the negatives and push your husband into a deeper depression. Also, if you talk a lot you may want to gauge how much you say. Be reasonable and remember that your husband does not need to hear every detail about what you are thinking or feeling. We have seen some husbands who are totally unhappy around their wives but extremely happy around friends. If you are uncertain if you are a nagger, do some research on the internet on the traits of a nagging wife. You may be surprised at what you find.

4. Know Which Button To Push We all have a button to push to get our minds off what is bothering us and focus on the most important thing in this life, "our family". Find out what your husband's button is. Get started by observing what stresses him, then pay attention to how he reacts when you, your children or another family member does something that causes him some amount of joy (even if it is short lived). This may require a lot of trial and error for a while, but after you have found that button, use it as often as possible.

5. Do Fun Things As A Couple The daily routines of life can become mundane. Not to mention the financial crunch that causes most of us to have several jobs or work overtime, just to make ends meet. We wonder how we are going to pay the mortgage, send the kids to school and the list goes on. But despite all of that we need to make time for each other. Do not wait for your spouse to plan special romantic activities. Take the initiative. E.g. A romantic candle light dinner at home. If you have kids ask a family member or friend to keep them for the night. Go for ice-cream, just the two of you etc.

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Although a woman's mind is a mystery to both men and women, a woman's heart is divine. Her heart, when open, spreads a joy that is felt by all in her presence. Our society is getting better at understanding the true strength and power of women, but much remains to be learned. There are still so many women who believe they must compete with men. By doing so, they give up their own power. When a woman transfers her love into action, no man can resist.

The heart of a woman is irresistible. The compassion from a woman makes men melt. The nurturing from a woman gives her man renewed strength. The tenderness from a woman gives meaning to her man. A smile from a woman gives her man self confidence.

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When a woman recognizes her man as her hero, her man becomes one. When a woman praises her man, he becomes the greatest man who ever lived. When a woman shows her man tender affection (not grotesque lust) in the bedroom, her man wants only to protect his beautiful family. When a woman dresses for her man and makes herself beautiful for him, she removes all desire for any other woman from his heart and mind.

The crudeness of lust compared to the kind of love a woman can express is like sand next to diamonds. The crudeness of nagging compared to sweet requests is like sharp stones compared to sweet nectar. The power of a woman to hold her family together in love and harmony lies in her willingness to exude the sweet fragrance of her heart at all times.

The beauty of her smile, her thoughts, and her actions cannot fail.

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Marriage is not always easy. Everyone who is married can tell you that! But why do some couples manage to stick together and see their marriage thrive through the years, when so many other couples end up going through a divorce? Is it that some couples try harder than others, love harder than others, are smarter than others?

Every relationship is different. But there are some powerful techniques that every couple that manages to stay together employ, even of they might not even consciously be aware of them. Employing these marriage self help techniques in your own marriage, especially if it is in crisis, can have a very powerful effect. The best news is that these techniques are free, simple (remember, "simple, not always easy") and can work even if your spouse seems uninterested in improving your situation. Don't divorce yet - try these strategies first!

Recognize You Are 50% of This Partnership

Often one spouse in a marriage is taken completely off guard when the other asks for a divorce. Even if they knew things in their marriage were not great, learning that your spouse wants a divorce can be shocking. Obviously with shock come pain, anger and panic. It is very important to remember that blaming all of the marriage problems on your spouse is neither helpful or, in most cases, realistic. You need to take joint responsibility for the things in your marriage that are not working. Realistically, you cannot change your spouse's behavior. But you can change your own. As you are half of the marriage, even improving just your attitude and actions can improve the marriage 50%.

Stop Talking About Your Problems

Obviously if there are problems in your marriage your first reaction is to try to fix them. When your marriage is on the verge of divorce, or in crisis, you are not in the right space to be able to fix your problems. There are too many negative emotions. For your marriage to stand a chance you need to focus on positive things, such as reconnecting with why you fell in love and decided to share your life with your spouse in the first place.

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First, stop complaining about your marriage and your problems. Stop complaining to your friends, your co workers and especially to your spouse! Complaining is not going to change anything, and it just makes you feel worse. Then, take out a piece of paper. Every day write down 3 things that you appreciate about your spouse. There has to be something they are doing right. Share these thoughts with them. This will change the tone of your marriage and the atmosphere in the house and can be a powerful first step in marriage self help.

Focus on Connection, Not "Communication"

Communication is about sharing information. Anyone who has spent any time in traditional marriage counseling (or, ironically, sales training) will know how to "restate" what their partner said. Example, we are trained to say, "I hear that you are saying this, and that it makes you feel that". Seriously, if your marriage is in crisis I'm betting your spouse already knows what they do that drives you crazy and how you feel about it. Restating it boils down to nagging and focusing on the negative. When you talk with your spouse what you should focus on is not communication, but having an emotional connection. Communication is what we need from our boss and coworkers, e-mail can be great for that. In our marriage, it's connection that matters. While a quick text or e-mail can be convenient in a busy marriage, it will slowly kill the marriage if you fall into the habit of having electronic communications being your primary way of communicating.

Stopping using electronic communications with your spouse is just one example of a healthy marriage self help habit. Developing healthy relationship habits is the secret to having a successful marriage. Just like your car will eventually break down without maintenance, your body will get sick if you eat poorly and neglect exercise, so your relationship will not thrive without constant care and focusing on "marriage fitness".

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1. Money is Life: Always remember that money is blood. You put a lot of things into making money, your time, your intelligence, thinking, your focus and even your blood (strength and mind). But when it is time to spend it you forget all this, you just relax to enjoy yourself, spending lavishly, feeding people that are not hungry. When you waste money, you waste time, when you waste money; you waste knowledge; yes, you waste blood and life.

2. Have a Focus: My focus was to get two marks for my first house and at the end you know what I got. I would have stopped when I thought I was the last, but for the two marks. When investing money, have a target, you may invest to build your own house, to become director of a company, to meet your children educational needs, to live comfortably in retirement and old age etc. Just have a focus this will give you the strength to continue until you get to your destination.

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3. Eat Right: One thing marathoners are known for is that, they do not eat anyhow, they do not eat just anything, and rather they eat things that will give them strength but will not give them fat. They are selective in what they eat. If you want to build financially strong family, do not eat anyhow, avoid eating out, and avoid alcohol and hard drugs. Constant visitation to eateries is also forbidden. Eat at home; avoid wasting money on food that may not be better than the one in your house.

4. Shed Extra Weight: Have you ever seen a fat world marathon champion? Impossible! Marathoners are known to be strong but slim. Likewise shed extra weight that may affect your family finance. Must you use two cars? Must you use three phones? Must you live in a duplex? All these are luxury, shed this weight. Shed this weight brother, for your finances to move forward.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.