How To Start A Difficult Conversation With Your Husband: How To Talk To Your Husband About Problems

How To Start A Difficult Conversation With Your Husband: How To Talk To Your Husband About Problems

You really need to have good communication as the foundation for any healthy happy marriage. If you do not have good communication, all you are essentially doing is sharing the same last name, using the same mailing address and filing a joint income tax. But when you have good communication between both your spouse and you, you are opening up your marriage to create a bond that is twice as solid, making you feel closer and more in tune with each other.

In the beginning of your marriage you will find that there is most always something to talk about and you take the time to make sure that conversations flow well between the two of you. But the longer you are married, the more you start to do your own things, spend too much time working, or forget to spend time and share with your spouse. This causes distance to grow between you and then problems begin.

In this article I'm going to show you 3 ways to get the good communication flowing between the two of you again.

1. Don't try to aim for perfection. Good communication does not require you to spend long, intimate or deep talks when you do not feel you have the time. Thinking this way may cause you to never start anything unless you are in the right mood for it or have nothing to do. Instead of thinking with that mindset, just try taking five minutes to talk about nothing too important. This will get you started. You will soon see that these short little talks will turn into longer, deeper talks just like you hoped for.

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2. As funny as it may sound, you need to talk more with your ears than with your mouth. What this means is try to listen more that talk. If your spouse is not a big talker, then make sure that whenever they do talk that you let them finish what they are attempting to say before you open your mouth. Do not try to get the last laugh or say something to make what you have to say sound more important. Just try laughing at the joke. This will encourage them to talk more knowing that they are being heard and not being talked over like what they have to say doesn't matter.

3. Start going somewhere new OUTSIDE of the house. Changing your surroundings may motivate you both to start talking more. Often times when you just stay home, you can be watching t.v. And only half listening to what your spouse is saying, or just not talk at all. Changing your location will enable you to break your bad habits and help you to focus more on each other. Staying in the same place can just cause you to stay inert and doing what you have always done.

If you desire to stay close in your marriage and have a healthy relationship, you must learn to practice good communication. If you feel as if your conversations are getting fewer and farther between, then just start talking about anything to open the lines of communication. Once you are talking, remember to listen to your spouse while they speak, and try going out for dinner once a week or so just to get out of the house and have a change of environment.

It does take a committed effort to get back into the mode of talking to your spouse on a regular basis but it will be well worth the time you invest even if it is only five minutes at a time.

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PROMISES that are best, those that are also hardest to keep, are the proving ground of learning. Where daily determination meets with God's grace, humility is nurtured, and wisdom is attained.

Besides when it is unsafe[1] to remain in a marriage, for yourself and/or others, it is always a good thing to keep working on marriage - where there is a collective will and a positive vision for a satisfying marriage in both partners. Both partners will not always feel like trying nor will they always feel positive about the future, but it's what they feel when they believe the best is possible that counts.

Here are five promises we can make in recommitting to our marriages:

1. Promise to have the faith to stick at a process for however long it takes. Our long-term happiness is not connected with our short-term happiness. These two are very different things.

2. Promise not to run away, especially as that means obeying the voice of the Lord as you find yourself, mentally or emotionally, sprinting off. Take some minutes of solace, but do not leave.

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3. Promise to enter gently and graciously, i.e. with courage, into the cauldron, to love when love seems hard, even impossible, to do. Love starts from us as individuals choosing to love through kindness, patience, and compassion, etc.

4. Promise to remind yourself that your partner lacks many degrees of perfection, as do you. Remind yourself that the things that bug you about him or her are possibility simple reflections of unconscious things about you that bug you. And remind yourself there are things about you that bug them - they're staying with you as much as you're staying with them.

5. Promise yourself the reflection of this truth: a happy life is not simply about feeling happy; it's more a life that is steeped in meaning. That's because life is long. Purpose is established over years and decades. Where we give up on our marriages, we agree to overhaul the substance of our identity.

[1] For me, safety connects to imminent risk of harm to trauma that may lead to injury, post-traumatic stress, etc. In all relationships, however, there is the function of conflict which produces hurt, which in turn provides opportunities for the relationship to grow in trust, as individuals grow, and as they choose to overlook offenses and forgive. The process can take years. Hurts are not unsafe in and of themselves, and it is amazing what we as individuals can endure. Overcoming feeling hurt is actually a key life skill in developing resilience. When it comes to being unsafe, though, we are advised to trust close friends, parents and siblings. If the majority are saying the same thing deem it as trustworthy and wise. Accept and trust the help you're given.

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Like you, millions of married women all over the world suffer from this eternal dilemma - how do you know when your marriage is over? The question is so important that women run to counselors, scan the internet, discuss it with friends and talk about it to anyone who would listen - all in search for some clues by which they can be sure that their marriages are indeed on the right track and nothing has happened to topple the applecart.

In case you too have reached a stumbling block in your marriage and do not feel quite sure whether your relationship with your spouse is what it should have been, you could be also groping for an answer to the question how do you know when your marriage is over. The first point that I would like you to clarify before I tell you how to know when your marriage is over is on what basis are you thinking on these lines? Is that 'sixth sense' telling you that there are things that are seriously going wrong with your marriage, or do you have some kind of proof which points towards an impending disaster?

As a married person you know the seriousness of this bond. If you do, then you also ought to know that there is no place for guess work or playing mind games with each other here. Therefore, even if your marriage is progressing towards a point of no return, you cannot simply base your judgments purely on instincts or gut feel. You need solid evidence.

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Having said so far, how do you know when your marriage is over? If you are looking for facts to corroborate your gut feel, look for these tell-tall signs of a failing marriage:

o Total or partial breakdown of communication. There is hardly anytime that you spend together to talk, unless it has something to do about kids, family or home.

o You end up fighting over trivial issues. No body has any patience. Both of you irritate each other.

o There is no more room for making any compromises any more. Both of you, given half a chance, start to lament the decision to have got married in the first place. You live more in the past than in the present or in the future.

How do you know when your marriage is over? You really do not have to depend on your 'gut feel' alone. If you probe deeper, you would find enough signs and symptoms which tell you that your marriage has reached point of no return.

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In this section, I will open your eyes to what men generally want their wives do to them in the bedroom. This shall be narrowed down to the specific needs of your husband which you need to know in order to give him the best so as to satisfy all his bedroom desires.

1. Excitement: Men generally want their wives to be excited about sex. No husband will like to beg, cajole or force his wife to bed. Also men want wives that show enthusiasm about sex. Look forward to it and make it a thrilling experience for both of you. Men hate women that fail to smile or happy as she is been made love with.

2. Involvement: Men also want women that are involved in the sexual activities, a woman that is involve in foreplay, intercourse and after glow. Not the kinds of woman that will sleep like a log of wood as her husband makes love to her.

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3. Aggressiveness: Not just being involved, men want wives that are aggressive in bed. Taking them to the 'next cloud' as they make love, bringing out new 'trick' from her 'trick book' giving the best in the best way.

4. Variety: Men want wives that give room for variety, not the old time women of Victorian era that only want man on top. They appreciate women that allow sex to take place in another venue apart from their bedroom, though in privacy.

5. Total Surrender: They also prefer women that willingly surrender themselves to their husbands, no need of cat and mouse battle. No third world war before the iron lady will allow herself to be taken. Willingly surrender yourself to your man, do whatever he says, rolling willingly, opening of laps and tightly holding your man without being told. You will be doing your marriage lots of favour as you make your husband happy.

6. Neat Bed: Neat bed sheet, well-dressed bed and perfume mattress will make love out of a man. Do not joke with this, take good care of your bedroom most especially the bed.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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