I Can't Stand My Husband Touching Me: Why Don't I Want To Sleep With My Husband - Lost Interest In My Husband

Do you love your husband is one of those questions that many married women cringe when answering. There's a very fine line between loving your husband and being in love with your husband. If you've lost that romantic spark for the man you married, is there anything you can do to reignite it? There absolutely is. In fact, you can fall in love with your husband again and be deeper in love with him than you were when you two first married.

Being married isn't easy. Unfortunately, most of us don't realize that before we take the walk down the aisle. People change over time and the man you once married may not closely resemble the man you share your life with now. As men become more comfortable in their relationships they often let their bad habits shine through. It's easy to start focusing on those and if you do that for too long you are going to notice a shift in the way you feel about your spouse. If you want to be able to answer the question of do your love your husband with a resounding "yes" you need to stop concentrating on the things about him you dislike and instead only focus on what you genuinely like about him. If you do this you'll begin to feel that spark of love again.

You need to clear any ongoing conflicts if you want to love your husband again. There are bound to be differences between the two of you and some degree of variance can actually keep a marriage exciting and spontaneous. However, if you two are constantly bickering about something and it's leading you to resent your spouse, that's a problem that you cannot ignore. Find a way to iron out your differences so you can find some harmony within the relationship again. If you want to love your husband again you need to be prepared to compromise. Just consider whether or not the disagreement is worth the cost of your marriage before you decide to stand your ground.

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Just as being sincere helps to attract sincerity, so does honesty attract honesty. We all lie. And that is the truth. But these lies slowly degrade our ability to be genuine, loving people. By covering up the truth, even about little things, we place a wall in between ourselves and those that might be a good match for us romantically.

We are not expressing our true selves and that is causing us to seem distant from others, even if they do not realize that we are lying. When we get caught in a lie, that's even worse for attracting a loving relationship; we are shown to be a liar, one that can not be trusted. And while that might not end a relationship, it does set the precedent that since we can lie, so can our partner.

Learning to be truthful was a long battle for one of my friends, Shawn. He wanted to be an honest person, but he did not believe that his life was interesting enough to make him attractive to women. So, he goes to the bars and tell anyone the listened about his 'amazing' life and all the adventures that he took.

That is, until he met Lisa. Lisa knew Shawn from the bar scene and always thought that he was a big-mouthed liar that only tried to impress everyone, but was never really himself.

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So, one night when Shawn was talking again, Lisa called his bluff on a story he told.

Red-faced and embarrassed, Shawn quickly left the bar for the night.

When he got home, he began to see that maybe people could see that he was lying, and that he was a phony to boot. That did not sit well with him and he stayed at home for several weeks until he began to develop a sense of honesty in his life.

He started by being honest about how he felt in the morning, then about being honest in his job, and then being honest about things that happened in his life. He noticed that different people began to talk to him because of this new way of living.

And that these people were beautiful, the kinds of people that he had always wanted to find for his life. When we eventually went back to the bar, he saw Lisa sitting at her usually spot and asked if he could talk to her.

She nodded and they talked about the true stories of his life. She smiled and he smiled because he did not have to worry about keeping his stories straight anymore; they were his stories. And Lisa liked him for that. Frankly speaking, honesty builds trust and strengthens the relationship!

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There's no way around it; if you want to save your marriage after a spouse has committed an infidelity, you're going to have to face the issue of trust. You MUST build trust after an affair; actually, you need to re-build trust after an affair.

Trust is a victim when one spouse has an affair. The marriage is no longer a "safe place" emotionally, and if the marriage is going to survive, that has got to change. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you can forget what's happened. You can't. You can, however, forgive and move forward, rebuilding your marriage into something stronger. It takes work, but it can be done.

Firstly, understand that there is no magic bullet. There's no quick fix for shattered trust; it takes time, and lots of it, to repair what's been broken. If your marriage is going to have a chance, you need to be realistic about the amount of time it's going to take to make your relationship healthy again. Be honest with yourself.

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Secondly, learn to enjoy being together. Spend time together - lots of it. For one thing, you'll know who your spouse is with; for another, you'll be building your relationship, which is key to building trust. Rediscovering the bonds and common interests you had, and finding new ones, is one of the most important steps you can take.

Finally, make the small gestures to your spouse. The notes in the briefcase, the text message just to say you're thinking of them; all these little things add up to one big thing - that your spouse CARES. They don't cost money, and there's little chance of them seeming insincere, and they're almost guaranteed to put a smile on your beloved's face.

You're going to need to build trust after an affair. It's going to be one of the hardest things you've ever done; however, it'll be worth every minute that you invest. You can fix your marriage after an infidelity.

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Who are you talking to about your marriage? What are you telling them? If a total stranger were to overhear your conversation, would that person think you're in a match made in heaven or the marriage from hell? Is complaining about your marriage making you happy?

Misery loves company and if you've gotten too comfortable complaining to others about all the things your spouse is or isn't doing, chances are, you're talking yourself into a divorce without even knowing it. Is that really what you want?

Words have power. Whether we write them or say them, what we communicate to others takes on a life of its own. People either spread the word of what you confided to them or they magnify your words by adding more fuel to your complaining fire. Either way, it spells for disaster when the topic of conversation is your unhappy marriage.

There's a big difference between deciding to get a divorce and speaking the truth of that choice (i.e. "I'm filing for divorce") and not making a clear decision to get a divorce but continuing to rant and rave as if you are. Whether you know it or not, there's a snowball effect that goes along with venting. Even if divorce is not what you want, continual complaining will almost guarantee you that divorce is what you'll end up with. Venting is addictive.

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How do you stop the cycle? Switch from using the language of complaining to the language of exploration. With every person you confide in, make a conscious choice to speak of your marriage in flexible, hopeful and exploratory terms. The goal is to focus on discovering the truth rather than assuming that you know it.

For example, you might tell a friend "My husband never buys me gifts." That's a complaint. It leaves no room for exploration and maybe it's true. However, if your goal is to save the marriage, your talk needs to reflect that. Using exploratory language, you could say "My husband could buy me gifts but, for some reason, he doesn't. I wonder why that is. I need to ask him about that."

Exploratory language doesn't get anyone off the hook from taking responsibility for individual action. What it does is remove the blame/shame/guilt factor that increases the difficulty of achieving reconciliation between spouses. Using exploratory (versus complaining) language takes some practice. It will feel fake at first. However, the more you do it, the greater the results and the better you'll feel about life in general.

Commit to using exploratory language for the next thirty days and see how much of your experience of life transforms. Examples of words/phrases you can use include the following:

The language of complaining:

- never
- always
- used to
- have to
- should
- worse
- tired/sick of
- unfair
- how much longer/more
- you don't get it
- if you'd just
- fed up
- don't you
- how could you

The language of exploring:

- when you do this, I
- I need you to
- Help me understand this
- Could
- What would help is
- We could improve this by
- What I need you to know is
- From my perspective
- The way I'm interpreting it is
- You'd save me time if you

Try it and see what happens.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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