I Told My Husband To Leave But I Want Him Back: I Told My Husband To Take What's His And Leave

When marriages are in trouble, the first thing to go through some people's mind is that they should get divorced. That's human nature. When our subconscious mind thinks that we're going to get hurt, it looks for a way out. When we are angry, thoughts come out, even if those thoughts only came when we were upset.

If this happened to you, and you know that you really don't want a divorce, the first thing that you should do is to apologize to your spouse.

Tell your spouse that you really didn't mean it. It was something that came out when you were so angry. You wish you could take those words back, but you know that you can't.

When you said that you wanted a divorce, your spouse may have started to think that it may be a good idea. A divorce seems easier than fighting. Tell your spouse that you know the two of you have a good marriage, but it's just having a few problems right now. The love that the two of you feel for each other will give you the strength to get through this.

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Talk to your spouse calmly. Tell them everything that you are feeling, afraid of, and looking forward to. Chances are good that they will tell you the same things. If, when the two of you are talking, things start to get heated, then take a break. Talk another time. This is not the time to start arguing.

You both know that your marriage isn't the best right now, but you also know that you really don't want a divorce. Talking about what is wrong, and talking about different ways to fix those problems will help to save your marriage.

If your spouse keeps talking about divorce, remind them that divorce is final. Divorce takes a long time, and can get very expensive. You will have to sell your possessions, and if you have kids, you will have to go through custody disputes.

Difficulties in marriages are tough, but divorce is so much tougher. Just because you've said something out of anger, even if you really have thought about it, doesn't mean that you really want a divorce.

Tell your spouse that you truly love them, and you don't want to lose them. They are too important to let go, and you want to get through this - with them. Be honest with your feelings, and listen to your spouse. You two can work thing out - together.

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Having Realistic Expectations

Many marriages these days have one person (if not both spouses) with unrealistic expectations for their spouse. Some expectations are so high that you're setting your spouse up for failure. Here are some common expectations that many people have for their husband or wife.

-In a successful marriage, there is no conflicts whatsoever

-My spouse will know exactly what is on my mind without me having to say anything

-Our marriage will forever be exciting, romantic, and full of passion (just like in the movies)

-My spouse will always cook me dinner when I come home from work

-My spouse will always do things that will please me

-My spouse will always want to spend every waking moment with me

These are some common marriage expectations that people often make in a marriage. Do any of these seem realistic? Don't forget that by having high expectations for your spouse, you are setting them up to fail. No one is perfect. With that said there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Marriage takes hard work and effort to keep the love alive in your relationship. Reevaluate your expectations with your spouse. Are they too high? Are they realistically possible? If so, your unreasonable expectations could be hurting your marriage.

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Do You Make Compromises?

Do you and your spouse make compromises? Being able to make compromises is important when it comes to a healthy marriage. Your spouse can't always be the one bending backwards for you without you giving anything in return. This can mean anything from who's turn it is to pick the movie, pick the toppings on the pizza to sacrificing your time to do you're spouse's favorite hobby or even signing up for marriage therapy. Successful couples make sacrifices for each other because they love each other. Make sure that each individual in a marriage is making compromises.

Do You Help Your Spouse Foster Their Self-Esteem?

Some people may not realize how unsupportive they are until it's too late. Does your spouse have a dream or a goal and you're not being supportive? There's nothing more important for a husband or wife to have their love one by their side when they are going through a new and scary part in their life. Do you cheer your spouse on when he or she needs it the most? Your support will help your spouse build confidence and self-esteem. Looking out for each other's general well-being is so crucial when it comes having a successful marriage.

If you and your spouse have been married for quite some time, it's not rare to see couples who's hit a speed bump in their marriage. Marriage has it's ups and downs (and sometimes plateaus.) It's how you respond that's so important to making it work. Keep these things mentioned above in mind if you're going through a rough patch in your marriage. It could very well save your marriage.

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Most people going through difficult times in their marriage often ask the question "should I try to save my marriage"? That's a tough question to ask yourself, but it's even tougher to find the answer. Probably the best way to answer this question is to picture what your life would look like if you didn't try to save your marriage.

If you didn't try to save your marriage you would obviously have to go through with a divorce. Before you come to the conclusion that a divorce is your best option, try to imagine what it would be like to actually go through with it.

Try to imagine the different emotions you would go through. In the beginning you might tell yourself that your not going to lose control, but ending a marriage is a painful business. You have to take into account the long hours you will have to spend in court, and the potential thousands of dollars worth of legal bills. Not to mention your marriage ending experience would have a dramatic effect on your lifestyle, your family, and especially your kids (if you have any).

All these things are what you have to consider if you don't save try to save your marriage. Are you ready for these dramatic changes, huge bills, and uncontrollable emotions in your life? With all things considered, if you believe you are ready to pursue a divorce then maybe saving your marriage isn't worth the effort. However, if you're not ready then I think it would be a good idea to rescue your marriage.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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What men want is a woman who can't jump... to conclusions. This tends to happen more often with women than it does men, but old Jack here will talk about something that I've assumed with my wife that led to a weakening of our marriage. Thank goodness that I stopped myself further from making the problem worse. At any rate, assumptions are like mini-criticisms. When you assume something, it's usually negative and the people who read who read too much into something can start feeling upset when really, there was never any harm intended. I'll first talk about what I assumed about my wife that turned me off and then talk about two more common assumptions women make about men.

1. She only kisses me in bed

When I leave for work, or even around the house for that matter, my wife rarely kisses me. I would like her to be more affectionate, but she doesn't give it to me. I assume that she's fallen out of love with me, which is why she's limiting her kisses.

How am I to know how she feels inside? Maybe she just doesn't want to show how she feels around our daughter. Maybe she was brought up in an environment where showing feelings was sort of taboo. Regardless, me jumping to my conclusions didn't help out one bit.

Now? I'm OK with it. When she does kiss me, I appreciate it, but I do know that after raising the issue with her, I was just jumping to conclusions.

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2. Sorry I'm late...

If someone is late, it could be a habit, but the reasons that they're late could be valid as well. This one time, I was late to visit my wife (when I was still dating her). She was upset and didn't let me in the house.

Turns out I was on time but she forgot to turn the clock back one hour. It was daylight savings. It's something so silly to get upset about and just goes to show how being upset is something that you make yourself feel. The other person doesn't do anything.

3. Sorry I don't feel like talking...

The man doesn't feel like talking when he comes back from work. He's avoiding you. Is he hiding something? Did he get fired? What happened? Questions race through your head. You get visibly upset with him. Are you making matters worse?

Realise that men tend to deal with things internally. If we want to talk about them with you, we will. If we don't talk to you about it, don't take it personally. Just don't make it worse by overreacting when we do nothing.

Hopefully this puts things into perspective. I'm not jumping to conclusions as much. It would be good for you too if you grounded yourself a bit more too. Your man prefers it if you're closer to the ground.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com