Loveless Marriage With Children: Saving A Marriage With Children

Are you wondering whether or you should be staying in a loveless marriage?

If you are it's because it's an extremely tough position to be in and you have every right to be questioning whether or not it's the best thing for you to do.

I've been in your exact shoes before. It wasn't long ago I was in a marriage where it just seemed like there was no hope. We didn't even like each other one bit, much less even think about calling it love.

Why I Was Staying in a Loveless Marriage

Sure, we played it up in front of people pretty well, but behind the scenes we were both staying in a loveless marriage, and miserable doing it. Our reason for doing so had a lot of elements. One was our children, another was shame, and a third was the fact that I guess we just weren't sure whether or not there was still hope.

This lasted quite a while until I realized a huge secret that started (keyword being "started") to change things around for us. It was something that hit me like a ton of bricks.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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The Secret That May Have Saved Me from Staying In a Loveless Marriage

I decided to become a much better me. I stopped altogether with trying to fix my wife, and started fixing myself. My thoughts were sort of a let go attitude. I still cared very much about turning my marriage around, and not staying in a loveless marriage.

But I figured if I worked on myself and became a better person, then even if things went totally south, I'd at least be walking out of the marriage a better person than I'd become.

This was one of the keys to my marriage turning around because my becoming a better me, somehow made us a better us. Staying in a loveless marriage eventually became something that I no longer worried about.

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When people are struggling in their marriage they can be willing to try almost anything to fix the marriage. Well, let me rephrase that. Sometimes one spouse is willing to do almost anything to fix the marriage while the other spouse is willing to do almost nothing. And hence one of the major limitations of traditional marriage counseling - it requires the participation of both spouses.

So if you are having marital conflict or if your marriage is simply withering away from neglect and your partner is unmotivated to help you work on it, is your marriage destined to end in divorce? Not necessarily! There are a wealth of resources available to help you improve the quality of your relationship. Many of these resources are readily available on the internet.

What Kind of Resources Are Available?

For anyone reluctant to speak to their friends or family about their relationship issues, on line forums are not only free, but can provide a relatively safe support system. When you are struggling with marital problems you can feel isolated, alone and trapped. On line chat and the support of people in a similar situation an help with this. But sometimes the support offered by forums boils down to not too much more than people being sympathetic. While this is good, it is just a form of "admiring your problem" and it is not going to do much in the way of helping you improve your situation. The kind of resources that can be a big help are on line books and courses. Many sites offer free courses with the hope of selling you a book later on. Take advantage of the free advice! A lot of it is really good. Beyond that on line marriage advice can range from books to on line coaching. Products are available that can fit every budget.

What are the Advantages of Using Internet Based Marriage Resources?

Finding marriage advice on the internet can have the following advantages. First, many of them are free. Those you chose to pay for are likely to be way less expensive than traditional counseling. As many of these take the form of books or courses to download they are immediately available. There can be the added advantage of no books or "evidence" laying around the house for your spouse or children to stumble across. Working on self help marriage resources is much less time consuming and convenient having to go to weekly counseling sessions.

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Safety First!

If your spouse is abusive, a chronic cheater or in the grips of serious addiction problems you must immediately get professional help. While the internet can provide lots of free information and resources for you, you are not going to be equipped to deal with these serious situations alone. However, these types of situations are not the reason for the majority of divorces. Most marriages deteriorate over time through many smaller issues, lack of connection and in these cases YOU can make a huge impact on your marriage even if you are the only one willing to work on it.

Can Internet Marriage Advice Really Help?

Recognize that you are 50% of the marriage. The reality is you cannot change the behavior of another person. You can however alter your own thoughts, words and actions this can transform the tone of your marriage. This will be the first step in reconnecting with your spouse. Most traditional marriage counseling focuses on improving communication in relationships. But what is killing most marriages is not lack of sharing information (communication) but lack of connection (caring about what is being said!). Many on line marriage courses focus on solid strategies on how to reconnect with your spouse, not how to dredge up past grievances.

How To Select The Best Internet Marriage Advice Resources

Let's face it, the internet is full of people looking to make a quick buck. Unfortunately, people who are going through a marriage or any type of crisis are particularly vulnerable to "quick fix" promises. Be sure to be selective when picking any type of product or course to purchase. Make sure the vendor provides a 100% money back guarantee. What are the credentials of the author? Stick with well published and reputable authors. Anyone who has been prominent in the media (appeared on Oprah, news shows, published in national media etc.) should be pretty safe.

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Seeking help is not something everyone does well. When it involves something as private as your marriage, it can really be painful and uncomfortable to let a stranger in. Still, the truth is that all couples go through their ups and downs and Christian marriage advice is just as important as that sought in any other marriage or relationship.

Seeking advice from a third party who specializes in counseling for couples is not the eye-raiser it once was. For one thing, counseling can come in all forms. Christian marriage advice can come from a pastor or therapist. You can even consider Bible studies for married couples to be a form of advice. Many churches have small groups that break up into what the needs of the parishioners are and there are groups within those that teach the Bible based on what the class structure is. A married couple will find out how to emphasize their strengths within the marriage and work on weaknesses; holding each other up and building a stronger foundation of love, intimacy and spirituality.

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There are therapists available who will let you know they are Christian. This has been helpful to people we know personally because they found assurances of confidentiality and a camaraderie with a professional who also knew and shared their faith. Christians, true Christians, realize that none of us are perfect and we all have problems. Christian therapists strive to help couples work through those problems with the help of the Word and modern forms of communication, thus finding a high success rate in helping to save Christian marriages.

If your marriage has been strained by the recent economy, the seven year itch or some other reason, seeking Christian marriage advice is the first step to re-build on the foundation that first brought you together. Your love for each other, your commitment to your marriage and your faith can help you fight for what has gotten shaky and unnerved in these times.

Do not hesitate to try counseling. That third person is there to see things from both your points of view and help you to understand each other's perspectives. This professional can aid you in finding a middle ground that works for both of you so that the rebuilding of the marriage can begin.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

If you find that your marriage is suffering, then you need to know what exactly to do to help it along. Your marriage isn't going to get better by itself, so you have to get up and start taking action today. By taking this all-important first step, you are recognizing a problem and therefore beginning to treat it. Once you have gotten past this initial step, you need to begin thinking of ways to reach your partner on a level that will help save your marriage from divorce. But your goal isn't simply to not get divorced, it's also to revitalize your marriage and become a happier couple. This article will supply you with a few tips on how to do just that.

1. Communication is key

In order to begin feeling better about your marriage as a whole, you need to begin communicating more and better. If you are already talking with your partner on a regular basis and no progress seems to be made, then think about what you are talking about. It's good to talk about every day casual things like current events or how your day was, but in order to save your marriage you will need to go a little bit deeper than that. Start expressing some of your more complex emotions regarding how you feel about your partner and your marriage. This will show your partner you are serious about turning the relationship around and inspire both of you to start healing.

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2. Start being more intimate

Intimacy is a critical component of any marriage and it's so important to remember to do this on a consistent basis. Whether this means having a long and meaningful talk with your partner or making love, learning how to be more intimate is an important part of keep any marriage alive and healthy.

3. Try doing new things with each other

Make things more fun by trying out each other's hobbies and explore new territory together. By doing this you are not only getting to know the person you are with better, but you are also making your marriage more fun and exciting as well.

Marriage problems can be the hardest thing a person can ever experience. If you are having issues with your marriage and are considering divorce, I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I were going through similar problems recently, and I thought our marriage could never be saved. We were so close to divorce, I actually had the divorce papers already filled out!

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.

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