My Husband Wont Talk To Me After A Fight: After An Argument Comes Silent Treatment
While conflict in marriage is inevitable, fighting is optional.
The secret is in how you approach and handle the conflict. It can make the difference between a really great relationship and a breakup looking for a place to happen.
With that notion in mind, let's take a look at five styles of handling conflict, along with alternative solutions for each.
Ready-Fire-Aim
These folks are the shooters of conflict. They live by the motto "cross me and you will pay." Instead of ready-aim-fire, they shoot first and ask questions later. This style causes lots of damage and usually serves to isolate the shooter.
Alternative solution: In the words of Stephen Covey, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." If you take the time to understand someone and that person's point of view, it's a whole lot easier to keep your shooter in its holster.
Crock potters
They let a conflict simmer for a while. Sometimes it can be as harmless as needing to mull things over before handling conflict. At their worst, crock potters simmer and seethe, building resentments, blowing up, or both.
Alternative solution: It can be healthy and productive to mull it over before you respond in a conflict. Instead of allowing it to boil over, agree on a time you will sit down together and calmly address the conflict.
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Me right/you wrong
This style of conflict really is as primitive as Tarzan. People who hold tightly to the right to be right can go to just about any length to prove they are right, even to the point of ending the relationship.
Alternative solution: Punt. Give up the right to be right. Check out what you might be able to learn from the other point of view, which might even be as valid as your own. Shocking, I realize, but highly possible. The simple truth is that in marriage there are times when you can be right or be happy, but not both.
Tomb-ers
They elevate the infamous silent treatment to an art form. Conflict arises and they shut down. When you ask what's wrong, their reply is either "nothing" or "everything's fine," but you know better.
Alternative solution: Usually tomb-ers have a strong fear of conflict, believing that any conflict will end the relationship. Quite the opposite is true _ not dealing with the conflict can kill the relationship from within. Here are some words to begin with: "Can I tell you what I'm uncomfortable with here?"
Historians
They remember every fault, mistake and blunder ever made by their partner, including what was said, what you wore and where you were standing at the time. And, they're more than willing to remind you, in detail.
Alternative solution: Get a dry-erase board. Write the current conflict on the blank board. Deal with it. Resolve it. Erase it. Over, done with, gone.
I'm guessing that you have identified your partner's style of conflict. Now, read back through the categories and ask yourself:
Which one am I?
Pay Close Attention Here-
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Do you want to make your man in-love with you for the rest of his life? Marriage is hard to keep and wives always want to create a long-lasting marriage but unfortunately, most women lack the knowledge on how to keep a man committed and interested. The following tips can be very helpful in keeping your husband interested.
Understand that it requires some work to keep your husband interested. If you have a career, tired at home or at work, these are not excuses in ignoring your commitment as a wife. To keep a along lasting marriage it requires some work even if you are already tired with other things. You put time and effort to your professional career and social life, why not do the same to your husband? Giving time and dedication to your role as a wife is important in keeping your husband interested and committed to the marriage.
Understand that you are responsible for your own happiness. If your husband feels pressured to keep you happy, he may get tired; get cold or walk away to avoid the pressure. It is a hard job to make someone happy so avoid pressuring your husband. He may increase your happiness but do not expect your husband to give you the happiness you need because you are responsible for your own happiness. Keeping your husband interested is easier when there is less pressure in the relationship.
What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time
Care more about his feelings. In a marriage it is not always who is right and wrong. Considerations on his feelings, listening and understanding him are all important in keeping your husband interested. Men seem tough but they also have feelings and you have to be sensitive to their feelings. If you have hurt his feelings, do not be afraid to say sorry and seek forgiveness. Care more about his feelings if you want to keep him interested and committed.
Express your love and admiration. It is important to express your love and admiration to your husband not only in words but also in action. Let him know that he is the most important person in your life because you love him. Always remind him how much you admire him.
Stay attractive and beautiful. It is a responsibility of women to take care of themselves and stay attractive. Take care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. Learn how to manage stress and try to be in good shape. Men are visual and in keeping your husband interested, you must stay attractive and exciting like the first time he fell in-love with you.
Be supportive. It is important that you are supportive of his work, hobbies, interests and everything that are important to him. Although you know nothing about his job or hobbies, be there to support him. If he needs someone to be with him on social functions in his job, be there for him. If he talks about his passion, interests and hobbies; listen and be supportive.
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No marriage is perfect. Marriages, like life, go through ups and downs, good times and not so good times. We all know that approximately 50 % of marriages end in divorce. What you might not know is that whether or not a couple has worked with a professional "marriage counselor" has little to do with improving this number.
Traditional marriage counseling has the following limitations:
- It is expensive
- You need to make an extended and regular time commitment
- If your spouse is unwilling to participate your options are limited
- The quality and the professionalism of the counsel can vary greatly
- Traditional methods of "exploring what went wrong" can be painful, unproductive, and even lead to further resentments
- Working on "communication skills" can just mean you are able to argue more articulately
So you can see that there is an urgent need for something other than traditional marriage counseling to help marriages.
There are many different scenarios that lead to divorce. An affair? Well, unless your spouse is a chronic philanderer (in which case, stop reading this article and start Googling "divorce lawyers") I will be so bold as to say that happily married people don't cheat. Infidelity is usually the result of an unfulfilled need in a marriage. You might be surprised how infrequently that need revolves around sex. Usually it is some emotional need that is not being met. How else would you account for the huge number of "emotional affairs" that happen. Sometimes having sex with someone else seems like an easy way out or, at best, a distraction. It's never a solution to the real problem.
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Money problems, the stress of rearing children, constant bickering, emotional and physical distance - these are all signs of an unhealthy marriage. Just like your body or your car, your marriage will not run smoothly unless you pay attention to basic marriage maintenance and healthy relationship habits. Embarking on a program that can help you set up positive relationship habits is ultimately much more affective in saving marriages than marriage counseling. Better still, it is something from which even marriages that aren't in crisis can hugely benefit.
Positive relationship habits cover a whole spectrum of practical measures you can take to improve your relationship with your spouse, even if they are reluctant to participate in any type of program. Sure, some of these habits revolve around having good habits for open communication, but it goes way deeper than that. The most critical need in a marriage is to make the other person feel noticed, appreciated, treasured. And yes, better intimacy is a part of that. There is definitely a time to stop talking and start touching.
Anyone who has gone through a divorce or separation can tell you that the financial and emotional costs can be devastating. Investing in professional guidance and setting up a "Marriage Fitness" program is one of the best investments you can make. I strongly encourage you to take advantage of the wealth of resources that the internet has to offer in the area of help for marriage. Many are free, all the best ones have guarantees, so you have nothing to lose. Don't you deserve a healthy marriage?
Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.
Faith, through the commitment of hard work, is the factor carrying improbable relationships through the years, not without the occasional bumble, to the durability of marital legend.
It's a legacy for the entire family.
It is struggle that often typifies such relationships, early on. The deeper and harder the struggle - provided partners are resiliently committed, and forgiveness is made live and real along the way - the more the blessings of endurance can be tethered and appreciated between the two.
THE BLESSEDNESS OF MUTUAL WORK
There is no better affirmation of the commitment between a married couple than the preparedness to work; most poignantly when there is much work to be done.
Their approach is realistically buoyant, noting the darkness that attains the moment and, equally, not being pinned down by it. There's a lot of maturity in that.
Work is a paradoxical thing. It's difficult in the act, but the easiest thing from the aspect of hindsight. Work, hence, involves faith. We work for reasons that are not always clear in our view. We work for a hope we need to believe in. And we believe in our partners; that's what marriage is all about.
What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.
Better, infinitely, than work, however, is the mutuality of two people entwined in purpose of oneness.
That's where the blessedness of mutual work resides; the faith of two blended into the commitment of one. Such marital single-mindedness will not be broken.
ENJOYING THE DESTINED CELEBRATION TOGETHER
It's always such a great pity when significantly long-term marriages - in the form of 20 and 30 and 40 and 50 years - end before due celebration. Whether it is death or some other form of heartbreak matters little; partners party to those marriages both miss out. There is the legacy of memory and that alone can be celebrated. But the sense of real celebration is tragically cut short.
Married couples who reach milestones of celebration should spare a thought for those not so fortunate; it is further testament to the glowing miracle of faithfulness.
Celebrating significant milestones, particularly in the context of the chiding tumults that have forged forgiving marital characters along the way, seems perfectly inevitable; reminiscent of sweet victories taken from the jaws of many near defeats.
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.
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