My Husband Doesn't Listen To Me When I Talk: How To Deal With Silent Treatment From Your Husband

Does your husband sulk and "go into his cave" when you have a disagreement? How do you handle this behavior? Do you freak out and try to get him to talk to you? Do you decide to ignore him too? Does it become a power struggle to see who will talk first?

Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Even the best marriages have conflicts. The difference is in the way the couples address the conflict. If you're wondering what you can do that will help the situation, here are a few ideas:

o When he comes around, act as if everything is all right between you. I don't mean pretend there is no problem. I mean simply greet him as if he is not sulking. Talk to him in a normal tone of voice about normal, everyday things.

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o Don't address the conflict while he is still "in his cave." Give him time to deal with it in his own head. Meanwhile, resist the temptation to talk him out of his feelings. Go about your normal routine or take time to pamper yourself. Caution: this does not mean going on an expensive shopping spree that will lead to more conflict later.

o When he does decide he has worked out the conflict in his own way, refrain from saying sarcastic things like, "It's about time you stopped pouting" or "I wondered when you'd finally get over yourself." That is, unless you want to continue the conflict.

Give him a break when he is dealing with stuff that stresses him out. John Gottman, PhD, is the author of Why Marriage Succeed or Fail. His 20 years of research with couples revealed that men quickly get overloaded physiologically when dealing with conflict with their wives. They need to mull it over in their own heads so that they can calm themselves. Give your husband the time to do this while you take care of yourself and see if the "cave time" is reduced as a result.

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Why do many marriages fail? There are reports that fifty percent of all marriages end in painful separation or divorce. Marriage is the union of two individuals who have different upbringing and individuality. Although the matrimony of marriage makes two individuals as one, couples still have their differences and go through series of trials. Keeping your marriage strong through the years needs a great deal of dedication and work.

Married couples of today have more challenges to face from building a career, meeting the demands of their jobs, facing financial responsibilities and parenting or raising kids. If you are one of those couples who are struggling in keeping your marriage strong through the years, the following tips can be very helpful.

Stay affectionate and intimate with each other. Affection is important in any relationship because it keeps couples stay connected with each other. Simple gestures of affection may seem a small thing but they can make a big impact in keeping your marriage strong through the years. Simple gestures of love and affection like hugs, kisses, cuddling, holding hands and rubbing the back or massaging the shoulder of your spouse should not be forgotten or should always be present in your relationship. A simple hug can make your spouse feel good especially when he or she is going through something. Intimacy is an essential part of marriage and to strengthen your relationship, you should always find time to be intimate to connect physically, mentally and emotionally with each other.

Keep the communication lines open. Good communication plays an important role in keeping your marriage strong through the years. The communication lines should be always open and both should be capable of making a good communication. Good communication is a great pathway to get into the thoughts and heart of our loved ones and if this pathway is not kept open, couples may find it difficult to get into their spouses heart and mind. In your marriage, things like misunderstandings, moments of doubts and numerous trials could happen and if you and your spouse cannot talk about the issues in your marriage, your relationship may fail to withstand those trials. Good communication does not only include talking or expressing your thoughts and feelings but it also include listening and comprehending the thoughts and feelings of your spouse. When couples can communicate effectively they can solve problems in their marriage peacefully.

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Grow together as a couple. Keeping your marriage strong through the years include growing together. By growing together as a couple, the marriage becomes more exciting through the years. It is healthy for couples to have a common activity or hobby that they can enjoy and do together. Doing community work together can be a great bonding and at the same time you both can help other people. Sharing each other's passion and interest strengthens your friendship and your marriage. Building good memories through the years doing things you both love can make your marriage last.

Grow individually. We all need our own personal space. We all need to nurture our individuality to grow as a person and to know ourselves better. How can you understand your spouse and contribute in your relationship when you cannot even understand and take care of yourself? Take time for yourself to contribute more in your relationship. You also need to spend time with your friends doing the things you love to do. Of course you have to be mindful not to violate the matrimony of marriage you vowed when you are spending time away from your spouse.

Trust each other. When two people decided to get married, it also means they trust each other enough to agree to be as one and live with each other for the rest of their lives. Trust is very important in a marriage and couples should continue to trust each other. Keeping your marriage strong through the years is not that hard if the trust blessed by the matrimony of marriage will not be betrayed.

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Happy marriages are created. Living with the one you love may be happiness itself but you and your partner need to nurture the relationship and work on maintaining the relationship to be happy and fulfilling. Indeed, relationships need effort and it should come from both of you. If you are looking for ways to work on this, here are some tips for a happy marriage that you may want to start with.

- Stop the urge to nag your spouse. Listen instead. Listening can make wonders in a relationship. Listening can help you understand any situation, maintain an open communication, and help you resolve conflicts with you spouse.

- Think of a surprise once in a while. A surprise need not be something that needs a lot of preparation. If you are busy with work or with the housework, you can think of something that can put a smile on your partner's face. Even a note posted on the refrigerator or a love letter inserted on his planner can be a great way to rekindle those sparks in the relationship. Being married is not an excuse to be not sweet and mushy. You can also have a makeover and surprise your spouse. Break the same old you and make yourself look good for your spouse.

- Don't forget to say thank you. Being grateful to your spouse is one great way to let your spouse know that you appreciate him and you see the good in him, so do not just receive favors, be appreciative.

- Go to dates once in a while. Having time for yourselves is one of the important tips for a happy marriage. Find time to have fun, watch a funny show and have a good laugh together.

- Find a gift for your spouse. There is no need to have an occasion to treat your spouse. Even a simple gift would do - a ticket to a Saturday night movie, a camping trip, or even cooking his favorite food and small things that will bring a smile to his face.

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- Learn to disagree without being aggressive and defensive. Being able to talk about your disagreements in a neutral tone would help a lot in ironing out conflicts in marriage.

- Spend a few minutes each day to cuddle or just talk about the events of the day. Marriages and relationships dwindle down because couples do not anymore spend time to cuddle and talk like at the start of the marriage. No matter how busy you are with your career or housework, a few minutes for your spouse can help you stay connected.

- Say sorry for your mistakes. Not because you are with your spouse everyday, you would not just mind apologizing. Apologizing can be a difficult thing to do but there are creative ways to do it. Send a card of apology, do something nice for your partner or just simply say it.

- Give compliments each day. Compliment your spouse on the things he does right rather than picking on what he does not. This can also encourage your partner to do more of the positive things he does.

- Initiate lovemaking. Sex in marriage should not be only a man's responsibility. Most often, spouse are turned on when their wives seduce them and initiate the sexual act. One of the great tips for a happy marriage is giving.

- Show love. It is not enough that you said 'I do' in your marriage vows. A kiss, a kind deed, a good compliment, a kind thought - show your spouse everyday that you love him.

Start with this few tips for a happy marriage and try to do a thing or two each day. You will probably be surprised to see your spouse do the same thing for you.

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A tenuous balance known to love affords the space that marital partners enjoy in living life together, as an intimate couple, as well as having their separate lives.

Such a balance is crucial for marital survival and, indeed, growth.

The best of marriage might be seen as a living arrangement where two people subsist together, and separately, as if they were happily alone. In other words, there is no trifling conflict, nor signs of ongoing distance that either or both find unacceptable. No marriage is without some of these, or even seasons characterised by these.


People who have grown up accustomed to their freedom, those from families-of-origin that majored on the extension of liberty and trust, expect those conditions to prevail in their marriages. Likewise, many who grew up within quite dysfunctional family structures have experience of little else, though some have decided they want this bondage no more; they are prepared to live their freedom and extend it to their partner, too.

So, what we have is people putting a price on their freedom, within the context of marriage; some will demand, in assertive ways, that bilateral freedom is to reign; others, in more aggressive ways, will insist on the retention of control, forcing submission from their partners.

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When freedoms are conditional or, worse, withheld, not only will relational joy disappear, with trust abandoning ship also, but there will be the urge within the partner controlled to break free - to make inroads to freedom.

Both the perpetrator of control and the controlled partner are on a slippery slide that destines their marriage on a bumpy, uncertain voyage toward the rocks.


The only effective way of restoring balance in a relationship with an aggressive partner, one who's passive in their aggression or otherwise, is by instituting assertiveness.

This is done by taking courage within marital communications and ensuring good rein is kept over the emotions. We need to be truthful regarding the things we communicate, by communicating as directly as we can, ensuring respect cuts both ways and their needs are elevated to the same level as we expect ours to be. This necessitates communicating with the emotions checked; where threats are minimised; where the adult mind holds sway.

The assertive approach understands and advocates the vitality of freedom within marriage. It asserts that such a freedom should prevail to each other's mutual liking.

When we love we want freedom for the other person.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.


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