Music Shapes our Psyche: “Time, truth, heart”

Christian, my stepson, is quite young, just nine now. Particularly for his age, he has a very eclectic taste in music. He constantly brags about how he loves that he has learned so much about music.

But it is we that have learned so much about music. Music is one part of the glue that bonds us, even though his mother and I are no longer together.

Music provides a soundtrack to our lives and we can use music to not only bring us back to important moments, but to shape the moments of our futures.

When Christian was three, he and I were listening to classic rock, progressive rock, oldies, hip-hop, as long as it was appropriate content (so obviously not a lot of hip hop) and the many other genres of music that created a response in us. While other children were singing, “The Wheels on the Bus,” Christian preferred, Cracklin’ Rosie by Neil Diamond. Some of our favorite groups then and now The Killers, Muse, Neil Diamond, and The Doors.

Driving to see Christian the car windows are rolled down, and the cross breeze felt great against my shaved head. Traveling the open stretch of road on my three-hour journey to see Christian, I had an iced latte in my cup holder, water, and my Snickers bar. And a sound track of road songs that helped my anticipation of see this young man that I dearly love. There are some songs that I can’t listen to unless I’m going to see Christian because they make me miss him so much.

And I had them packed in my playlist.

I was well prepared.

Because I listen to these artists primarily with Christian, my brain has created a neural net with peptides that associate this music with him. So, if I hear a song that we like to sing together in the car or dance to, my neural net will spark the peptides that carry the emotions to a particular memory.

If I am not going to see him soon, those emotions are of loss and sadness as I miss him. However, since I was on my to see him, the music made me happy.

It is not the songs melodies or words that evoke the emotion. It is the experience, the memory that the song is the soundtrack to that creates the emotion felt upon hearing it.

A happy love song that had meaning during a joyful relationship will only remind you of your current pain now that that love is over, thanks to your neural net, specifically the hippocampus.

The music we listen to is very important. Music played a role in my personal transformation from anger to inner peace, from depression to happiness, from being broken to being whole.

A song that may have a pensive feel may bring you comfort, which is good, but there is a difference in listening to a few songs for comfort from listening to an entire play list or CD of songs that bring sorrow.

As an example, the Blues genre was created by and for the everyday man and woman to give comfort during times of trial. However a day of listening to Muddy Waters and Mannish Man or Bessie Smith Nobody Knows (when you are down and out) or Blind Lemon Jefferson’s See That My Grave is Kept Clean will leave you feeling, well, blue.

The subconscious is never turned off; it will continue to dwell on the music and lyrics of songs with meaning to situations evoking strong emotions.

For Christian and I, music is as a great bonding. We sing along together in the car while I drive, bobbing our heads to the beat. I often look in the rear view mirror to see his delighted expression as we drive to our destination.

We dance in public if we hear a song with both like, often at the end of a movie in the theatre when the credits are rolling. We don’t care what people think; we are just happy, dancing, and enjoying the music.

Music has thus been a medium to bring us closer together, to create happy memories that we will always be able to reflect on. However that same music can make us sad when it evokes feelings of missing each other.

A phone call from Christian a couple of years ago, when he was six brings this home “Papa, I’m cleaning my room and listening to the radio and guess what?” he said with great excitement. “What?” I inquired back with equal enthusiasm.

“The radio played the Doors, so I thought of you. Isn’t that neat? We love the Doors, and I love you, Papa!”

I received that wonderful random phone call and message from him because of the music we shared together.

One song, “All These Things That I Have Done” (The Killers), that Christian and I both love dearly has, in the barely audible background of the song a subtle statement that can be heard towards the end.

They are simple words: “Time, truth, heart.”

This really touched me when I heard it and reminded me of my relationship with Christian and how those three words really sum up the bond that we have.

Next time a song comes on, take a moment in that space and see how it makes you feel: if it inspires you, instills confidence, or if it depresses or angers you. Decide in your life, and in your current moment of space, what you should listen to sparingly, and what you should listen to on a regular basis to help you feel good and be at your best.

Music is one of many tools in life that we have to help us influence, transform, and inspire.

How are you using this tool? I would like to know.

Original article published at http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/moment-space/2011/oc...