My Husband Doesn't Love Me As Much As I Love Him: My Husband is No Longer Attracted to Me

Recently, I heard from a wife who was devastated. Her husband had sat her down and very matter of factly told her that he no longer found her attractive. He told her that this was a big problem because he felt that he needed to be physically attracted in order to remain invested in the marriage. He offered no suggestions for her, but said he just wanted to be honest and wanted for her to be "aware of the problem."

Needless to say, the wife was beside herself. She said, in part: "Well, what am I supposed to do with this information? I can't change the way that I look overnight unless I do something really drastic. I've gained a little weight from two pregnancies and I no longer have time to put on gobs of make up, but I don't think I'm hideous. How incredibly insensitive of him to tell me I'm no longer attractive. Who does he think he is? He doesn't like exactly like he did when I met him and you don't see me complaining. This hurts me so badly. I don't want to lose my marriage. I love my husband, but I'm never going to look like a runway model. How do I make myself more attractive to him without feeling resentful about it?"

I respected this wife on so many levels. I get questioned about attraction a lot. But, most wives go into panic mode and want to know exactly how to appear attractive again - no matter what it takes. Many don't care if the action is drastic or not. Nor do they even think about what they want or what they are comfortable with. This wife did not fall into this category. Part of her was angry and indignant. She worried about losing her self respect. She had some spunk and I felt like this was going to help her considerably. I'll tell you what I told her in the following article.

Attractiveness Is Not Necessarily About The Way You Look: Many wives who tell me that their husbands no longer find them attractive automatically assume that they're going to need to lose drastic amounts of weight, get a facelift or Botox, or attempt to look like someone else. These drastic measures often are not necessary. And I often have women tell me they took these drastic measures and they don't understand why their husband still isn't happy or attracted to them.

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The reason is because it's not all about your looks. Sure, being visually appealing and well groomed helps in almost every situation. But, the way that you carry yourself and the energy that you project matters far more. Men like self confidence and women who can make them feel good about themselves.

You have to be very careful that an unfortunate shift doesn't begin to happen. Because often, the second a husband utters the phrase "I'm no longer attracted to you," suddenly this changes the way that the wife feels about herself. And just like that, he's wiped out her confidence. So she can change her face or her hair or even her weight. But, for a long time to come, she's going to potentially look to him for her self esteem and this kind of self doubt is not attractive. Typically both husband and wife will be confused as to why the attraction still is not there when the looks have changed and improved.

It's because attraction isn't all about looks. It's about confidence, self expression, and the way that you make each other feel about yourselves. Men want their wives to be uniquely attractive to them because how their wife looks reflects back on them and their own self image. If they have a wife who takes care of herself, this makes them feel more worthy and successful. But, if they have a wife who they perceive doesn't care enough to attempt to fix herself up, they begin to ask themselves if they too are slipping in some way.

Here's another very important point. Almost every one, at some point or another, will project their problems or stressors onto their marriage. This wife's husband was going through an issue at work that was causing him stress. So, this whole "I no longer find you attractive" business could have been more about his low self esteem stemming from his job rather than anything having to do with his wife and how she looked.

This is not fair, but it's extremely common. The good news is that often, as the husband begins to work out his external issues, the projection will also end. In the meantime, you can often use this as an opportunity to address the things that matter to you. Wives often ask me how far they should go so that their husband finds them attractive again. My advice is often to please yourself. Because whatever you do, you have to own it and make it work for you. If you're not confident in it or have doubts, then this is going to outwardly show. And since you can't get inside your husband's head, anything you do will only be educated guesses.

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And, if he's potentially projecting anyway, this could potentially mean that attractiveness is not the real issue. So, if you make dramatic changes to your appearance, you're sort of shooting at moving target. But, if you only worry about pleasing yourself, you don't have to worry about any of this. And, when you focus on what you want, you have a greater chance of being able to pull it off with the confidence that is necessary.

What Husbands Really Find Attractive In Their Wives: Interacting with men on my blog is an eye opening experience. Like many wives, I used to assume that what husbands found attractive had everything to do with eye candy - a large chest, a small waist, and a youthful appearance. Believe it or not, these physical attributes are rarely mentioned.

Instead, it's become pretty clear to me that what husbands truly find attractive is a present and enthusiastic wife. I don't mean physically present, since most every one has that covered. I mean mentally present and having obvious enthusiasm. Men want wives who pay close attention and who prioritize the closeness and intimacy in their relationship. They want to know that they matter enough for you to make time for them and to take the care that shows you are still invested.

We all know women who definitely aren't beauty queens but who have devoted husbands who think they are knock outs. That's because these women know how to play to their attributes and how to make their husbands feel special, heard, and appreciated. These things feed right back into his self esteem and in how he sees himself. And this directly affects how he sees you.

Sure, I advised this wife to take care with her appearance and to make the most of what she had. But I felt that it was equally important to see where else her husband may be feeling stress. It was also advisable for her to take a look at her enthusiasm and attention levels. Finally, she should focus on making herself happy with her appearance. Because usually looking in these places will yield much more dramatic and positive results than making drastic changes which aren't based on what you yourself find attractive.

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A blessed and perfect marriage or relationship is the dream of every person, either man or woman. Of late, even children are also engulfed with the dream of experiencing a saccharine marriage when they are of age. One day, after a wedding ceremony, a five year old girl soberly interrogated his dad, "Daddy! will somebody choose me some day?" Her dad was taken aback and just replied, "Certainly, my girl!" So you see, the issue of one experiencing a lasting joyous marriage is a major priority to all.

Marriage can either make or break you. Marriage couples, therefore can opt to be glad in their marriages when they learn to accept what they have. Usually, quarrels occur when couples struggle with things they cannot change about their partners. A good marriage is created and does not come automatically. Positive change in marriage is not a one time event but a process. One has to do a series of good things continually in other to experience that blissful relationship. Let us now discuss some tips I believe will aid you enjoy a long and lasting marriage.

Tip #1: Understand the temperament of your spouse.
Your spouse's character is the summation of his or her temperament, experiences and beliefs. Temperament exhibits ones tendencies, natural strengths and weaknesses. It is very important that you identify and understand the temperament of your spouse because when you do, it will help you accept and flow with your partner, as well as help you to forgive your spouse when he or she hurts you. You cannot change your spouse's temperament! Rather, accept his or her strengths and weaknesses. Even knowing your temperament will show you what kind of person you are naturally inclined to marry. Avoid a lot of unnecessary quarrels by understanding your spouse's temperament.

People respond to situations differently depending on their temperaments. For example, when you are married to a choleric person, such a person gets angry quickly and unnecessarily. Therefore understanding this will help you to accommodate your spouse.

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Tip #2: Accept your spouse for who he or she is.
Men should recognize that they are married to women, therefore, they must not try to repress the natural feminine characters, for example talking. Men should know that women talk a lot and about unimportant things, are usually sexually dull, and very petty and quarrelsome. Also, men must accept that things such as dresses, weddings, chatting for a long time and minutiae of issues usually are appealing to women but men may find them trivial.

Women should also recognize that men are generally more forceful and chat less. Men are also delighted in the factors of an issue and not the details. Women, understand that men are too interested in sex and food, usually do not help their wives to do house chores and don't talk enough with their wives. Men and women must accept their natural differences and flow happily with each other.

Tip #3: Decide not to quarrel.
It takes two to quarrel. In marriage, when one partner gets infuriated and the other keeps a cool spirit, the tension created by the angry partner quickly dies out. Accept peace in your marriage. When you get angry, be careful with your utterances. Words build! words destroy! Make up your mind that it is better to live in peace than to act against issues and prolong every matter. Do not be a cantankerous person.

Tip #4: Decide to to be content with the looks of your spouse.
Your relationship with your spouse must not be based on whether or not he changes physically. Understand that we all change physically as the years go by. Wives must endeavor to enhance their looks, so their husbands will be enchanted anytime they see them.

Tip #5: Decide to flow with the negative aspects of your spouse's character.
Identify the negative aspects of the character of your spouse and simply accept them. Accommodate them!

Tip #6: Decide not to provoke another to anger and bitterness.
Think carefully and discover new ways to love your spouse and to do him or her good.

We all must be joyful and happy in our marriages. But the happiness comes when we accept what we have and get along with it.

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There are many situations that arise in a marriage, that lead to either one or both partners to think that the relationship is in disrepair, and needs to be fixed. You could be at the painful receiving end of an extra-marital affair, or be one half of a neglectful relationship. If you are reading this article, then there is some amount of self-realization that has brought you to this page. Whatever your reason may be, your relationship needs fixing, and here are 3 steps you can take immediately to set off on the right track towards saving your marriage.

1) Owning the damage, and the repair: Imagine a vase has broken in front of you. It could be at the reception of a posh office, or on the kitchen counter of your family home. Which one of these two given locations would push you more towards fixing the vase? It would be in your family home, since you feel the sense of belonging there, as compared to an office you may be visiting for work and nothing more. It is only when you own the damage, that you can move to mend what is broken. The same is with you marriage: owning the damage means having to own the repair required as well. Take responsibility for what may have gone wrong and is your fault and fix it, as you would your mother's favorite vase.

What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back.

2) Forgive, and truly forget: commit to forgiveness as you would to your marriage. You cannot possibly venture forward with your spouse if you are constantly referring to their mistakes in the past. Pick your direction, and if you decide to move forward, stop looking back in your marriage. Looking back is healthy only when you take out productive action steps that you can take as a couple. However, if you are limiting your perspective on your spouse or your relationship, then you are better off focusing entirely on the future with a clean slate.

3) How you look shows how you feel: you will not be taken seriously at work if you were to walk into the office building in your pajamas, albeit with a steaming mug of coffee to wake you up. The same way your partner will doubt your efforts towards fixing your relationship if your attire and body language is the same as before. It could be defensive, sluggish, distracted, aggressive, or even complacent. Your spouse has made associations with the way you dress and speak around them, just how you have. To change the way your spouse receives your efforts, change the way you present yourself. You will have no one to blame but yourself if you dress and act the same way, to expect different results than before.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

The stereotypical husband is warned on the wedding day as part of a best man's speech: "Now, the best advice I can give is don't forget her birthday or your wedding anniversary!" (Laughter ripples through the room.)

What is said in jest becomes very serious in a flash when the unthinkable becomes a reality.

Forgiving such transgressions can be subject to accepting certain facts:

1. They didn't mean to forget. Life is busy and the conscious human mind has no way of separating unimportant data from crucial information, especially in the presence of overload.

2. Some people are better with dates than others are. I've known families where one brother has been a world champion at recalling dates and another sibling's been woeful at it. Neither of them was that way by intention.

3. What is important to us is either important or not-so-important to the next person. Just because we hold a date high up on the list of importance - attaching to it meaning that mightn't be valid (at least for them) - doesn't mean they will. They might see love transacted in such different ways. "Different" isn't wrong. Their ways of loving are probably just as sincere and meaningful.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

4. Staying in hurt territory is not doing the relationship any good - for us or them. This is both relevant in the moment, and as the issue becomes history. Will the event of forgetting that date cause any acrimony in the future? We can't afford to attach resentment to these issues. It comes back to bite us.

Additionally:

5. In apologising for the facts, the forgetting partner can make good of their promise to improve. Systems and tools are effective for ensuring the same mistakes are not repeated. Diaries, reminders and prompts are commonplace these days; few things should be forgotten... but then we're all human (though sometimes that's an excuse).

Notwithstanding all the above, when important dates are forgotten it does come across as disrespectful to the relationship - a sort of unfaithfulness. We can empathise with those who've suffered this sort of discomfiture; both sides.

Forgetfulness these days is not always an indication of a lack of care, though it can be. Quite often people get trapped into such busyness they have little control over their own thoughts, let alone their schedules. Most of us have known such seasons of frenetic life.

But it all comes back to 'forgetting' the hurt of forgetfulness regarding our loved ones' perceived lack of forethought.

Active forgiveness (i.e. forgiveness without delay) is the best way to move forward.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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