Staying In A Loveless Marriage For Child: Staying In A Marriage Out Of Obligation

Should you stay with your wife/husband for the children's sake, even if you're in a loveless marriage, have little in common any longer and can barely stand to look at one another, let alone have a conversation! This is a dilemma faced by many married couples, struggling to stay afloat in their relationship.

The decision to part ways and divorce would be much easier in a childless marriage, with no ties. When children are involved, the dimensions change and things become far more complicated. Your children have to be your first priority and every good parent will always want to do what is best for them. There are so many factors to consider when there is not just the two of you to think about in a relationship split. Separation and divorce without the tie of children is a much simpler process to navigate and enables a much easier escape, severing all ties. Neither party need ever speak to each other again.

The main consideration in a loveless marriage when there are children involved is how is your soured relationship affecting them? Although pretty resilient, children are very expert at not showing their true feelings and emotions. They may appear on the surface to be unaffected and stable in their lives, but deep down the damage may already be slowly creeping in and have started to have a detrimental effect on them. Signs of your child being affected include feelings of insecurity, clingy behaviour, reverting to 'baby-like' actions, bed wetting, lack of concentration/performance at school and even temper tantrums and social withdrawal, to name but a few. In short, children are very aware of their surroundings and can pick up the bad vibes between you and your partner very easily.

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When things go wrong in a relationship and you really feel you have reached the point of no return, it is very difficult to pretend that everything is okay and normal at home, in front of the children. Trying to be nice to each other and maintain a calm environment in their company, only puts more strain and resentment on the failed relationship. When the children are tucked up in bed at night and the voices become raised, the fights start and the shouting and even sometimes domestic violence erupts, ask yourself how this type of behaviour will affect your little ones.

Perhaps you feel that you should stay with your partner, as splitting up the family home would involve much upheaval for your child. The chances are that you would have to move home, perhaps to something smaller. Maybe the move will involve moving schools and leaving friends and support networks behind. You may wonder how you will survive financially on your own, with one wage to manage on. This factor in itself is enough to make most people think twice about a new single life.

It is very important for children to look to their parents as strong role models with a positive outlook on life. If your child sees an angry, moody and negative parent, this will reflect badly on their impression of how a good marriage should be. Of course if things have progressed to the devastation of domestic violence and/or alcoholism, this is then an unacceptable environment for any child to be in.

If you are unhappy and depressed, the impact will be felt strongly by your child and then you really have to take action. Emotional damage to a child can have a life lasting effect, causing them to potentially find difficulty in building their own solid relationships in the future.

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If your husband or wife has announced that he or she wants a divorce or at least a trial separation, your reality, as you have become accustomed to, comes to a screeching halt. Your marriage may have been on a slow burner waiting for the boiling point or this may have come to you as a complete surprise. Either way, the impact is nothing short of devastating.

It is the mind numbing shock that paralyzes you. Your mind just cannot comprehend what has happened. It's the death of a relationship as you once knew it.

At this time, in the midst of your crisis, if you can for a moment reach for a comforting thought, may it be this; every obstacle in life is disguised as an opportunity for improvement.

If a meltdown has occurred in your marriage, then continuing on the same path will not in any way improve your marriage. If you want to save your marriage, now is the time to do it. This is the time to really ask yourself - are willing to do what it takes to save your marriage?

Three essential things that will move you towards a healthy relationship:

* Stop blaming yourself or your spouse for why your marriage fell apart. You will need a lot of support to get through this process. The anger and disappointment you feel may cause you to want to cast blame on someone. As long as you are focused on whose fault this is, you will not be able to move forward. You have to come to accept where you are at this moment in order to take the next step towards reconciliation.

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* Find out what is really important to you in a marriage and what is important to your spouse. In other words, what does a marriage mean to both of you? You may have different expectations or values. How do you find out what is important to your spouse? You need to ask your spouse this - "what are you looking for in the marriage? What would make you happy?" Then just listen. You may not agree with everything, but resist arguing with your spouse. Instead, understand that everyone is entitled to their perspective and try not to take what your spouse says personally. This may be an eye opener for you. It takes a lot of patience to practice being silent and just listening - so hang in there. Actively listening to how your spouse feels is a major part of healing in a relationship. This is a good habit to start adopting. The more you listen, the more you will be listened to as well. Funny how that works.

* Agree on a plan of action to take to save your marriage. You need to do whatever the next step is to reconstruct your marriage. You may need a blueprint on how to express anger or pain, or how to talk to your spouse and get what you each need from this marriage. You need to avoid going back to old habits that did not work, and finding things that did work and nurturing those qualities to enhance your marriage. You may be able to accomplish these yourselves by just listening to each other, respecting each other and willing to compromise. Or you may need the help of a marriage counselor.

The motivation to save your marriage has to be your own, however. No one can do this work for you.

If you are in the midst of a marriage crisis, understand that your marriage took a while to crumble and it will take a while to build back up. Relish in the process of rebuilding your marriage. In other words, don't become discouraged if you don't see results right away. Celebrate every little achievement you experience in your relationship. In time, your marriage can become stronger than it has ever been. This would be the silver lining in the crisis you are facing.

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Avoiding divorce is not easy. Marriage is one of the most challenging things one can do in life. That does not mean it is not without its rewards. This article will discuss things you can do to keep your marriage happy (or restore happiness) so you can avoid divorce.

Why does divorce occur? Research has shown us that it is most often because of financial troubles, unmet expectations, and poor communication.

Are you having troubles in your marriage? You certainly are not the only one! Many married couples face the same types of problems each and every day. Troubles are bound to spring up in any marriage, the difference between avoiding divorce is taking the time to successfully work through these issues.

One thing you can do is seek advice from someone that is experienced. This could be a therapist, or even an experienced married couple. Sometimes a marriage can look picture perfect from the outside, when the reality is that things are far from perfect. It is reassuring to know that you are not the only couple in the world that fights. It is a natural and inevitable thing for married couples to do.

If you are experiencing difficulties, it helps to lay everything out and determine if you both feel your marriage is worth saving. If you experienced happiness, it is very possible to get to that point again. Decisions should be well thought out and realistic, and not made in the heat of the moment. Sometimes in the course of a fight, you may say things that you would later regret. Make sure you keep your emotions in check!

I would also encourage you to take responsibility for your actions. This goes a long way in healing a relationship. Most marriages are worth saving, and certainly can be saved. It does take hard work, but your marriage is worth it.

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If you are curious about the fast becoming popular marriage guide among couples with distressed marriages, the Save My Marriage Today, make sure to browse through the countless of resources available in the Internet to enlighten you about your own marriage crisis. Do not right away believe the so many marriage advices you see online. Some of them may have been written by an unprofessional, some fabricated and therefore, ineffective.

Check out what you will gain from reading through its pages as well as what the featured strategies are in the book so you will know if they will match well with your personality and character along with your needs and preferences.

One more thing, looking at the guide's reviews will also prove very helpful in understanding the strategies and procedures presented in the book, too. As a matter of fact, there has been confirmation that Save My Marriage Today has lent a hand to thousands of couples who were at one point in their lives, ear to separation or divorce, but was saved by such guide.

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But then, never ever make divorce one of your options. For one, it can be a very painful process not just for the kids, but mostly for you and your spouse. Also, aside from being very expensive, the after-effects of such decision will prove to be lingering even after many years of having been separated as sworn by other couples who have gone through such painful experience.

What you can do instead is opt for the boatloads of marriage guides or books in the market that can truly help you save your marriage in no time. You will be delighted when you finally find out that such books will give you a feeling of confidence that there is someone who understands exactly how you feel, and at the same time, can offer you the best solutions to salvage your troubled marriage.

In addition, you may also try checking out the reviews on Save My Marriage Today so that you will be helped in discovering how you can recuperate and get the love back which you and your spouse dearly shared for many years. Likewise, you must leaf through the testimonials flitting in the Web about couples who have attempted to read the book. See how they have pursued the instructions persistently and in due course, pulled their marriage off with the best results.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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