Tired Of Fighting With My Husband: How To Resolve A Fight With Your Husband

Depending how conflict is handled in relationships it can be healthy or destructive to a relationship. Good conflict is when people in a relationship can bring up their differences, be heard by the other, and then both go about finding a solution whereby both end up feeling fine about the outcome. Unfortunately many couples lack the tools to work out their differences and end up frustrated in repetitive patterns of conflict.

Since there are always two people involved in a conflict how can such a pattern be changed? When a person feels strongly about his/her point emotions become charged. The person ends up in an emotional state where winning and being right become vital.

Last week I met a lovely young couple who were stuck in "I am right, you are wrong" type of thinking. They had lost site of what was best for their relationship. Instead arguments became about right and wrong rather than what was best for their relationship.

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In order to begin changing this pattern each had to start taking responsibility for managing self when he/she became agitated. All of us when we are emotionally worked up we can not think clearly. The task then is to learn to control oneself enough to be able to think clearly as to how to handle this situation.

To get control over charged emotions try deep breathing at least 15 times followed by counting to 25 or more. This may vary from person to person because we all have different lengths of time in order to regain control over our emotions. When you are able to think again you can decide how you want to handle this particular disagreement. Think about what outcome would be in the best interest of strengthening your relationship.

The young couple that I spoke about had to stop blaming the other and begin taking responsibility for managing their own charged emotions before they could truly come up with solutions that each could support. Rekindling a relationship means learning to think relationally because couple happiness is relational.

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We see it all the time - two people meet each other and fall in love. They go out on hundreds, if not thousands of dates. Suddenly they're spending more time with each other than they spend with anyone else. They decide to get married, and on that day, they've never been so happy.

A few years go by. A few babies are born. Before long, the children are the focus of everything they do. They invest their time and their money in their children's happiness, so much so, that they never think about investing in each other and in their marriage.

Time flies, and before they know it, the children have grown up and gone off to college, started new careers, or started their own families. The couple is left alone. However, they're shocked to find out that they no longer even know the person they've spent the last twenty years being married to.

Does this sound familiar?

The Spike in Divorce Statistics

In the last twenty years, the divorce rate in the United States among couples who are fifty years old and older has doubled. Experts believe that this is because people become so focused on their children, their careers, and paying bills, that they stop focusing on what their spouses need. There is also something to be said about the fact that, for both men and women, something changes once the wedding is over.

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For men, it might be a matter of no longer needing to overcome the challenge of having the woman he loves as his wife. Sometimes, men can grow complacent in marriage, especially when there is no bigger goal to work toward.

For women, it might be a matter of impending responsibility to manage and take care of a family. Now more than ever, women are making more money working outside the home. However, they're also still "in charge" of making sure the laundry is done, the vacuum gets run, and the kids have healthy lunches for school. When all of these responsibilities come together, it can make for one frantic schedule.

Quite often, these mindshifts mean that less focus is placed on maintaining a healthy, happy marriage.

The Importance of Dating

Continuing to date your husband or wife, even after you've gotten married, is what keeps your friendship alive. Strong marriages are built on solid friendships, not on romantic love. However, romantic love is often a natural by-product of a solid friendship. Wherever you put your time and your money is where your heart is.

When is the last time you took your spouse out on a date? Even if you would have trouble fitting date night into your budget, choose activities that don't cost much, or anything at all. Going on a walk together, sharing a picnic lunch in the park, and taking a drive to the lake are all really good ideas.

We're confident that once you begin dating your spouse again, you'll reawaken all of those feelings you thought were gone. Your marriage was once your most important investment. We'd like to help you keep it that way.

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This relationship advice for women is something that a lot of women ask. If you go to any forum, you'll hear these silent pleas for help. Unfortunately, they're generally being unanswered and these women are suffering in silence. Most ladies magazines are catered to things that tend to be more superficial in terms of the relationship with the man, unfortunately. These are three things that my wife Elle has been doing with me for the last 5 years that we have been married. She learned them by trial and error because she also couldn't find help for this problem.

1. Communication Without Talking

This is something important that should work between two people who have a connection. You have to pay attention to things like eye contact, body language, facial expressions, things like that.

What Elle and I sometimes do is make an effort not to talk for an entire day and to get by with no verbal speech. It's something fun and we have been pretty successful in the past.

2. Talking About The Difficult Stuff

This is stuff that should be talked about more between couples but unfortunately doesn't happen enough. I know one couple that does it really well. I actually went and asked them the questions they ask each other at the end of the week.

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The things that stand out are like, "how did you think we did as a couple this week?" and "was there anything I did that made you consider leaving me for someone else?" Quite intense, but they're so strong, it's not funny.

3. Honesty Days

These days are days where couples drop all social propriety and simply tell it like it is to their partner. Maybe it's how they feel about what they're wearing. Maybe it's what they're currently thinking about.

There is no discomfort, there are no barriers. It might be hard to do initially, but it is so freeing. Initially, it caused some arguments but when Elle and I focus, we talk a lot a sort out our problems faster so that we can focus on being happy instead of hiding things from each other.

This relationship advice for women is important if you want to deepen the relationship with your man. It's not easy to do, especially being honest for 24 hours and talking about difficult matters, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. Once you get over the hill once, it's a lot easier the next time around.

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In a country like India, a marriage will get strengthened once a child is born. The birth of the child makes the bond between the husband and wife very strong and virtually unbreakable. But in the west, particularly in the US, the birth of children has sometimes been observed to weaken the marriage

Studies have shown that a large number of people feel that they are not as happy in their marriage after they beget children as they were before their first child was born. The percentage of people reporting this feeling is quite high. Surprisingly, this feeling is shared as much by the wives as by the husbands. This is a paradoxical situation considering the fact that the child should naturally act as a bond between its parents and with more children, the bond should become stronger.

Like any paradox, the paradox of a marriage becoming weak with the advent of children can be explained by reasons. The main reasons why couples lose interest in the marriage after they beget children can be broadly classified into physiological, psychological, social and financial.

Physiological factors include the strain imposed on the couple by their taking care of the children. They have to exert themselves more in tending the child. They are unable to take food regularly and are often deprived of sleep. The sexual attraction also weakens due to the parents' spending most of their energy in taking care of the children.

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Psychological factors like anxiety, worry, irritation and boredom are triggered during the process of people's nurturing their children.

People find it difficult to manage time since not only that they have to spend a lot of time in looking after their children but also that their time commitments become unpredictable. Consequently, they have to forego certain social activities that are of interest to them.

Financial factors can be the major trigger in weakening the marriage except in the case of affluent people. Life immediately after a marriage can be financially very comfortable for an average couple. But once the family is enlarged with the birth of children, there is a big jump in the family expenditure. Not many people will be able to anticipate this and plan for this and even those who anticipate this may not have the means to meet the additional expenditure.

But the questions is: Should these factors make the marriage weak? The answer is no. People can find a way to lead their marriage life as happily after children are born to them as they were leading the life before the first child came into their life. The only thing needed is an awareness of the factors that can threaten the marriage and a willingness to keep the marriage intact.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.


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