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Articles from Judy Ringer | Selfgrowth.com
- Changing Habits One Breath at a Time - by Submitted on Dec 19, 2012 from Judy RingerI've recently taken up a new physical practice -- Bikram Yoga. I'm loving it -- the heat, the focus it takes to stay in the postures while honoring my body's limits, and the flow state I acquire and that stays with me afterwards. The heat is intense, and staying present becomes a practice in ...
Views: 1009 - Respect Is Like Air - by Submitted on Dec 19, 2012 from Judy RingerRespect is like air: if you take it away, it's all people can think about. ~Kerry Patterson - Author, Crucial Conversations Respect is like air, I've heard it said. When it's plentiful, there's no issue. We take it as given. But when it's missing, you can't think about anything else. I ...
Views: 3037 - Overcoming Obstacles: Victoria Arlen - From Paraplegic to Paralympics - by Submitted on Sep 25, 2012 from Judy RingerMy message to all that will hear it, is don’t let your limitations define you… Don’t focus on what you don’t have…use what you do have. ~Victoria Arlen An excellent student and natural athlete, Victoria dreamed of becoming an Olympic swimmer from the time she was 5 years old. She trained ...
Views: 2285 - Conflict Resolution for Kids: Breathe, Learn, Talk - by Submitted on May 04, 2012 from Judy RingerMy good friend and colleague, Thomas Crum, taught me a lot of what I know about having hard conversations. A method he uses with children - the BLT - is so simple and easy to remember, I often use it with adults, too. Breathe, Learn, Talk. So when a mom asked me about how to help her ...
Views: 935 - Dealing With Difficult Conflict: There Is No Opponent There - by Submitted on May 04, 2012 from Judy RingerWhat does this quotation by Morihei Ueshiba say to you? “Opponents confront us continually, but actually there is no opponent there.” Morihei Ueshiba, 1883-1969, is the founder of Aikido, the martial art I practice, teach, and use as a metaphor in my work. Aikido -- "The Way of Blending ...
Views: 1053 - The Art of Persuasion: Tips for Getting Your Point Across When No One is Listening - by Submitted on Apr 12, 2012 from Judy RingerDisclaimer. You're probably reading this because you want to be heard, and I'm going to talk about how to listen. Because that's how to be heard. Become a good listener. The three primary ingredients of conversation are: Inquiry, Acknowledgment, and Advocacy. • Inquiry is about learning, ...
Views: 1156 - Fear of Failure and the Art of Ukemi: 3 Lessons from Aikido - by Submitted on Apr 12, 2012 from Judy RingerSometimes it seems that the energy has been drained from much of our communication. We try to do the right thing, say the right words, and be safe instead of real. And while our intentions are noble, we often leave the meaning out. It stays hidden behind carefully constructed technique that ...
Views: 1137 - Easier Than I Make It: Four Principles and a Gift - by Submitted on Apr 11, 2012 from Judy RingerA good friend gave me a book last week, thinking I might like it. The book is "Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion" by Jesuit Priest Gregory Boyle about his work with gangs in Los Angeles, CA. Reading the first chapters in the early spring sun this morning at Beach Pea in ...
Views: 931 - Alleviate Anger: Using Non-Verbal Communication Constructively - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2012 from Judy RingerWhen you're really angry, what do you want? • Satisfaction? • Support? • Understanding? • An ally? • Agreement? • Self-control? When I'm really upset, I want all of the above, but I think my highest priority is to get back to a composed, centered self that can operate effectively, ...
Views: 1096 - Awareness Training: I Notice, and I Take Delight - by Submitted on Feb 29, 2012 from Judy Ringer"Judy, I thought of the opportunity that lies in managing conflict AFTER I came out of one today. Always after. I am so angry at myself for always biting the hook, for falling that damn hole. I can't seem to remember to become present. I just go right for my old ways and then I publicly ...
Views: 996 - The Gift of Christmas Presence - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2012 from Judy RingerI will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. ~ Charles Dickens At church last Sunday, our pastor invited the youth of the congregation up front for the traditional "Time for Young Disciples." Three- and four-year-olds, seven- and ten-year-olds all came forward ...
Views: 934 - Free Won't: 5 Steps From Impulsive to Intelligent Behavior - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2012 from Judy RingerThe capacity to withhold an action that we have prepared but reconsidered is an important distinction between intelligent and impulsive behavior. ~ Marcel Brass, of the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences and of Ghent University. Several years ago, I related a Ki ...
Views: 1095 - No Spare Parts: Finding Your Purpose - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2012 from Judy Ringer"If you lose your purpose, it's like you're broken." ~Hugo Cabret Over the holidays, I saw the movie Hugo. I went without great expectation, but I was delightfully surprised. It's a wonderful movie, full of fantasy, fun, and food for thought. I like movies with messages, and this one had ...
Views: 729 - How to Confront with Skill and Confidence: 7 Tips - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2011 from Judy Ringer“We defy augury; there is a special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come: the readiness is all.” -- Hamlet, Act 5, Scene ii, William Shakespeare A friend stopped me on the way out of the ...
Views: 991 - Many Lessons: Swimming, Aikido, and Life - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2011 from Judy RingerThere’s a saying in Aikido: “There are many lessons on the mat.” It means that when we’re practicing Aikido we’re not just learning Aikido, we’re also learning about life. For example, when someone grabs my wrist too hard and I get angry but don’t say anything, I eventually learn that it would ...
Views: 925 - What If They Don't Want to Resolve the Conflict? - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2011 from Judy RingerI received a hopeful inquiry from a visitor to my Website recently: This is a common question with coaching clients and in workshops. What if I'm the only one who wants to resolve the conflict? While I have written on this topic in past posts, I think the question deserves more ...
Views: 912 - Constructive Criticism in the Workplace - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2011 from Judy RingerIt started out innocuously. I asked a colleague if she'd be willing to listen to an upcoming presentation for a local non-profit. She said she would, and I plunged in. My colleague had a lot to say and delivered it with stinging energy. "You use too much jargon; I hate jargon," she said. "And ...
Views: 1179 - Top 6 Effective Leadership Traits - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2011 from Judy RingerEven the most effective leaders lose their way occasionally. In spite of best efforts, you forget how much influence you have and how your action (or inaction) affects the workplace environment. These six traits are common causes. Ineffective Leadership Traits 1) Avoiding Conflict When you ...
Views: 1034 - Congressman Wiener, Social Media, and the Lack of Filters - by Submitted on Sep 27, 2011 from Judy RingerIt's easy to be a shock jock today. Twitter, Facebook, Google +1. What is it about social media that allows us to drop our inhibitions and say anything that comes to mind? Could there be something beneficial about having no filters? What can we learn from Anthony Weiner's experience with ...
Views: 841 - Energy Precedes Awareness: What I Did on My Summer Retreat - by Submitted on Sep 27, 2011 from Judy RingerI spent time with Wendy Palmer in Boston recently. Wendy is an author, inspirational teacher and bright spirit. She offers coaching and training programs for leaders, groups, and individuals like you and me on Conscious Embodiment. Like Thomas Crum, George Leonard, and others, including ...
Views: 774 - Do You Have a Resentment Garden? - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2011 from Judy RingerMy sisters and I got talking at a recent family reunion about how differently we each deal with conflict. We recalled our teen years when one or two of us would easily blow up at my mom or dad when something didn’t go their way (I’m not naming names!). This kind of reaction, which we all ...
Views: 1043 - Managing the Unexpected: How I Stayed Present in Seven (Not So) Simple Steps - by Submitted on Jun 26, 2011 from Judy RingerSo, there I was alone in a hotel room in Poughkeepsie, NY, instead of attending my college reunion festivities. I’d been looking forward to meeting up with past classmates, going to lectures and, most of all, walking the campus. The Vassar campus is unbelievably beautiful in June. Trees are ...
Views: 937 - What Can't You Say? - by Submitted on May 13, 2011 from Judy RingerIs there a difficult conversation you’re not holding? * Coworker not pulling their weight? * Supervisor not holding members of the team accountable? * Irritating behavior getting on your nerves? What stops you from saying what’s on your mind? You may know exactly what you want to ...
Views: 1020 - Posturing for Maximum Effectiveness - by Submitted on Apr 15, 2011 from Judy RingerAikidoists know the importance of posture. Head over shoulders over hips, weight balanced over both feet, which are about shoulder width apart. Bowing posture, Seiza (seated) posture, Hanmi (standing) posture. Body and mind are connected. When our posture is upright and ready, everything is. ...
Views: 1475 - On Defusing Anger: Rx for Managing Emotions - by Submitted on Mar 12, 2011 from Judy RingerEmotions happen. We can, however, make choices about how we manage them. If you consider emotions simply as a form of life energy, you can begin to reframe the notion that there are "good" and "bad" emotions and direct that energy in positive ways. The energy of anger, for example, can make ...
Views: 1259 - Dreaming the Future - by Submitted on Mar 07, 2011 from Judy RingerIn Aikido we use an exercise to physically distinguish between three kinds of power -- power that is rigid and controlling, power that's limp and ineffectual, and power that flows. Verbally and emotionally we act out these three forms of power when we attack ("I can't believe you're late ...
Views: 961 - Bad Weather - There's No Such Thing - by Submitted on Feb 15, 2011 from Judy RingerThere is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing. -- Benjamin Zander Author/conductor Ben Zander’s quotation flashed through my mind when I had to cancel a day of work thanks to a nor’easter that blew though Portsmouth in January. As forecasters made their blizzard ...
Views: 918 - It's All So Simple - by Submitted on Dec 14, 2010 from Judy RingerIn his thoughtful and thought-provoking song “Anyone Can Whistle,” Stephen Sondheim writes: It's all so simple, Relax, let go, let fly. So someone tell me, why can't I? In this month of giving, getting, and gathering, when we all do more and push harder, relaxing and letting go are ...
Views: 1012 - Bring a Coffee Cake - by Submitted on Dec 03, 2008 from Judy RingerAt dinner with my friend Susan recently, I was struck by the simplicity of her conflict resolution strategy. A friend sought Susan's advice about how to approach her neighbor about a potential conflict. The neighbor was prickly and the friend uneasy, and she asked Susan to come along as support ...
Views: 1087 - Hurry Up and Meditate - by Submitted on Dec 03, 2008 from Judy RingerHurry up and meditate, I'm thinking as I sit in half-lotus, willing myself to quiet down and connect with the source. Wow, that's really taking things to extremes. How can you meditate in a hurry? Isn't the whole point to SLOW DOWN? Quiet the rushing stream of thoughts and make the world ...
Views: 1236 - When You Don't Know The Answer - by Submitted on Sep 22, 2008 from Judy RingerA client was struggling with how to manage her stress level during the Q&A period after a presentation when she doesn't have an immediate answer. The simple solution might be to say, "I don't know." But it's not that simple. Sometimes she does know the answer but can't come up with it, because ...
Views: 948 - Cooling My Hot Buttons - by Submitted on Aug 27, 2008 from Judy RingerI needed to stop and breathe about a thousand times yesterday what with unaware customer service reps and nasty tech glitches – my favorite hot buttons. It all began when I took my car in to be serviced first thing and learned the service rep had forgotten I needed a ride home. I had ...
Views: 988 - Turning A Difficult Situation Into A Centering Practice - by Submitted on Aug 26, 2008 from Judy RingerI entered the service center of my car dealership ten minutes early for a scheduled maintenance. The service rep took my name and confirmed the details. After a few minutes, she asked if I'd be waiting for the car. I said "What do you mean? We spoke about this when I made the appointment. I need ...
Views: 1342 - Creating Resilience - by Submitted on Aug 26, 2008 from Judy RingerMy friend and colleague, Sandy Davis, who lives in the northern reaches of the state of Maine, is an executive leadership coach. Among other things, he teaches people how to be resilient. He has a simple, effective formula that includes spending fifteen minutes each day in three different ...
Views: 899 - Negativity Rx: Change Your Ki - by Submitted on Aug 13, 2008 from Judy RingerIn a recent workshop, "Jane" asked about negativity in the workplace: "Our work environment is so negative. It's like The Wave. One individual starts and then everybody joins in, including me some days. I want to stop. But when I don't engage, they all look at me like I'm "Miss Polly Positive" ...
Views: 1094 - The Pause - by Submitted on Aug 12, 2008 from Judy Ringer"In between stimulus and response, there is a pause, and in that pause we have the opportunity to make a different choice." ~ Victor Frankl Reading a blog post recently by my friend and colleague, Judy Warner, I was inspired. Although I teach aikido techniques like the practice of centering ...
Views: 1227 - Purposeful Conversations: A Role Play - by Submitted on Aug 12, 2008 from Judy Ringer"I'm sick and tired of HR's red tape. I need this employee now, not next month. My department suffers while you drag your feet trying to get references I don't need. I want THIS person. Get off the stick and make it happen!" OK! Jack's trying to communicate an important need. What's his ...
Views: 4701 - Heart At Peace - by Submitted on Aug 11, 2008 from Judy Ringer"We give ourselves the best opportunity to make clear-minded decisions only to the extent that our hearts are at peace." -- The Anatomy of Peace Choosing to resolve conflict begins when we approach it with a "Heart at Peace." So opens a new book I just finished, The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving ...
Views: 2711 - Can We Talk? A Simple Checklist for Conflict Conversations - by Submitted on Aug 11, 2008 from Judy RingerOne of the most commonly downloaded free articles on judyringer.com is called, "We Have to Talk: A Step by Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations." It's been in more company newsletters than I can count, including The Systems Thinker, published by Pegasus Communications. Recently, one ...
Views: 926 - A Revolutionary Act - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2008 from Judy RingerI received many responses from July's article on "Negativity in the Workplace" including some great resources for turning negativity around. It started with friend and colleague Barbara Wilson's email quoting Patch Adams: "The most revolutionary act one can commit in our world is to be publicly ...
Views: 977 - Clarity Of Purpose - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2008 from Judy RingerI've been thinking a lot lately about why we fear our more serious conflict conversations, why we put them off or hold them in unconstructive ways. I had one of my own recently and was really quite uncentered for a bit, thinking about how I wanted to hold the conversation, what my positive ...
Views: 1220 - Attitude Adjustment - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2008 from Judy RingerBenjamin Zander, author, motivational speaker, and conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, often quotes his father as saying that "there is no bad weather, just inappropriate clothing." I live in southern coastal New Hampshire, about an hour north of Boston, and when each winter brings day after ...
Views: 1155 - The Weight Of Perfection: Lightening Up - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2008 from Judy RingerPreparing for an out of the ordinary training, I had worried myself into a state of anxiety I hadn't experienced in quite a while. Thank goodness my husband Jim noticed and asked me: "If you didn't feel you had to be perfect, weren't preoccupied with flawlessness or being wonderful enough, would ...
Views: 841 - Defusing Customer Disputes: 7 Strategies To Centered Communication - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2008 from Judy RingerDefusing difficult or angry customers calmly and assertively benefits the company, the customer, and the service representative. Managing any difficult situation requires clear communication and intention. You improve with practice. And the rewards – both in terms of personal and bottom line ...
Views: 1084 - Inner Freedom - by Submitted on Aug 06, 2008 from Judy Ringer"We hold these truths to be self-evident." --Thomas Jefferson When we celebrate Independence Day in the U.S., we commemorate our struggle to free ourselves from tyranny, and celebrate victory in the quest for Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. We remember the freedoms we normally take ...
Views: 958 - Managing Their Reactions: An Aiki Approach - by Submitted on Aug 06, 2008 from Judy RingerWhat happens if you're in a conversation or a conflict and the other person is out of control? How do you manage their strong emotional energy, especially when it's forcefully directed at you? It takes courage to engage in conflict conversations, especially if prior experience produced outcomes ...
Views: 1895 - Neighbors With Drums: Making Choices - by Submitted on Aug 06, 2008 from Judy Ringer"If you don't like what's happening in your life, change your mind." --The Dalai Lama There's a new event in the neighborhood. Every day around 3:30 pm, a neighbor with a new drum set begins practicing -- at full volume. The drummer must be on his deck or screened porch, because there doesn't ...
Views: 968 - A Christmas Carol: Finding the Spirit Any Time of Year - by Submitted on Aug 06, 2008 from Judy Ringer"Scrooge was better than his word. ... He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man as the good old City knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough in the good old world. ... And it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive ...
Views: 905 - There Are No Guarantees - by Submitted on Aug 06, 2008 from Judy RingerYou've spent time and energy preparing and holding an important conversation. You developed a useful purpose, acknowledged your conversation partner, and framed your message with skill. But, in spite of your best efforts, the situation does not improve: a direct report continues to be ...
Views: 883 - Go Ahead, Be Thankful - by Submitted on Jul 30, 2008 from Judy Ringer"Go ahead. Play. Let me see you run!" Mimi cheered us on. I was seven or eight years old, playing with my cousins in the back yard of my grandmother's house in Oak Park, Illinois. Mimi (my Aunt Mary) was probably 30-something at the time and in her wheelchair, where she'd been since a spinal ...
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