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Articles from Judy Ringer | Selfgrowth.com
- What If They Don't Want to Resolve the Conflict? - by Submitted on Dec 15, 2011 from Judy RingerI received a hopeful inquiry from a visitor to my Website recently: This is a common question with coaching clients and in workshops. What if I'm the only one who wants to resolve the conflict? While I have written on this topic in past posts, I think the question deserves more ...
Views: 966 - Can We Talk? A Simple Checklist for Conflict Conversations - by Submitted on Aug 11, 2008 from Judy RingerOne of the most commonly downloaded free articles on judyringer.com is called, "We Have to Talk: A Step by Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations." It's been in more company newsletters than I can count, including The Systems Thinker, published by Pegasus Communications. Recently, one ...
Views: 960 - Bad Weather - There's No Such Thing - by Submitted on Feb 15, 2011 from Judy RingerThere is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing. -- Benjamin Zander Author/conductor Ben Zander’s quotation flashed through my mind when I had to cancel a day of work thanks to a nor’easter that blew though Portsmouth in January. As forecasters made their blizzard ...
Views: 959 - Creating Resilience - by Submitted on Aug 26, 2008 from Judy RingerMy friend and colleague, Sandy Davis, who lives in the northern reaches of the state of Maine, is an executive leadership coach. Among other things, he teaches people how to be resilient. He has a simple, effective formula that includes spending fifteen minutes each day in three different ...
Views: 946 - A Christmas Carol: Finding the Spirit Any Time of Year - by Submitted on Aug 06, 2008 from Judy Ringer"Scrooge was better than his word. ... He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man as the good old City knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough in the good old world. ... And it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive ...
Views: 943 - Aikido And Conflict: Turning Difficult Moments Into Ki Moments - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2008 from Judy RingerOne of the things that interests me most about conflict is the tendency to resist it and the ways in which this resistance causes me to miss a ki moment - a key moment, when I might respond with purpose and intention but do not. Resistance is a reactive habit. When I resist, I'm on automatic, ...
Views: 942 - There Are No Guarantees - by Submitted on Aug 06, 2008 from Judy RingerYou've spent time and energy preparing and holding an important conversation. You developed a useful purpose, acknowledged your conversation partner, and framed your message with skill. But, in spite of your best efforts, the situation does not improve: a direct report continues to be ...
Views: 937 - It’s A Habit - by Submitted on Sep 20, 2007 from Judy RingerDo you sometimes have the feeling that you're running into the same obstacles over and over again? Many of my conflicts have the same feel to them, like "Hey, I think I've been here before," but I can't figure out how I wound up in the same place. The situation is different, but the conflict ...
Views: 928 - Congressman Wiener, Social Media, and the Lack of Filters - by Submitted on Sep 27, 2011 from Judy RingerIt's easy to be a shock jock today. Twitter, Facebook, Google +1. What is it about social media that allows us to drop our inhibitions and say anything that comes to mind? Could there be something beneficial about having no filters? What can we learn from Anthony Weiner's experience with ...
Views: 885 - The Weight Of Perfection: Lightening Up - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2008 from Judy RingerPreparing for an out of the ordinary training, I had worried myself into a state of anxiety I hadn't experienced in quite a while. Thank goodness my husband Jim noticed and asked me: "If you didn't feel you had to be perfect, weren't preoccupied with flawlessness or being wonderful enough, would ...
Views: 882 - A Gift of Energy - by Submitted on Jul 18, 2007 from Judy Ringer"When attack becomes dance, everything is seen as a gift of energy." That sounds great, doesn't it? Couldn't we all use a little more energy from time to time? I know I could. Right now, for instance, as I sit with a blanket over my shoulders, sipping lemon tea and hoping that the next ...
Views: 881 - Negotiating Life's Detours: Follow Your Energy - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2008 from Judy RingerSomeone asked me recently if I had a guiding principle that helped me decide what new work to take on, and how I decide how much time to spend pursuing my various interests. It's a great question. Entrepreneurs have an idea a minute, and it's often difficult to know which ideas to invest time ...
Views: 841 - Energy Precedes Awareness: What I Did on My Summer Retreat - by Submitted on Sep 27, 2011 from Judy RingerI spent time with Wendy Palmer in Boston recently. Wendy is an author, inspirational teacher and bright spirit. She offers coaching and training programs for leaders, groups, and individuals like you and me on Conscious Embodiment. Like Thomas Crum, George Leonard, and others, including ...
Views: 830 - Nothing More Than Feelings - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2008 from Judy Ringer"How are you Inventing Your Life Today?" – the lead story from my last issue of Power & Presence – drew comments from several readers. Most of the comments went something like: "I wish I could have the degree of control over my life that you apparently do." I want to say, I wish I had the ...
Views: 824 - Sophia And Sam: Life Lessons From Little Ones - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2008 from Judy RingerRecently, I had a delightful visit with my friend, Linda, and her four-month-old twins, Sophia and Sam. Oh my. What joyful little beings. Tiny centering machines. I'd gotten lost on the way to Linda's house and arrived half an hour late, uncentered and stressed. Sophia and Sam were asleep in ...
Views: 813 - Keeping Conflict in Perspective - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2008 from Judy RingerA friend told me about a conflict she was having with her next door neighbor. Due to a misunderstanding the neighbor was pretty upset, so much so that when they passed on the street and my friend said hello and reached out to shake his hand, he withdrew it, avoided eye contact, muttered a ...
Views: 811 - High Hopes And Generosity Of Spirit - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2008 from Judy Ringer"But he's got high hopes, he's got high hopes He's got high apple pie, in the sky hopes … " -- High Hopes, Jimmy Van Heusen/Sammy Cahn My friend, Suzanne, is an inspiration. One of her favorite songs is "High Hopes" – as in "high-apple-pie-in-the-sky hopes." I see Suzanne regularly at our ...
Views: 807 - Practice Makes Perfect: Changing Your Communication Habits One Step At a Time - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Judy RingerWe are what we do repeatedly, Excellence, therefore, is not an act, It is a habit. -- Aristotle The concept of practice applies to any skill that you want to cultivate. If you take up a new musical instrument, you will need to practice a while before you're ready to give your first concert. ...
Views: 788 - Advocate Respectfully - by Submitted on Jul 18, 2007 from Judy RingerThis is one of a series of brief articles on holding difficult conversations. In earlier issues of Ki Moments, I suggested ways to open communications that create mutual respect; we talked about the importance of knowing your purpose for the conversation; and we added Inquiry and Curiosity to ...
Views: 771 - No Spare Parts: Finding Your Purpose - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2012 from Judy Ringer"If you lose your purpose, it's like you're broken." ~Hugo Cabret Over the holidays, I saw the movie Hugo. I went without great expectation, but I was delightfully surprised. It's a wonderful movie, full of fantasy, fun, and food for thought. I like movies with messages, and this one had ...
Views: 765 - Go Where Your Energy is Strong - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2007 from Judy Ringer"Keep your center and you’ll know which way you have to go." – Terry Dobson, aikidoist and author, Aikido In Everyday Life I had undertaken a project that I was beginning to feel was beyond my personal resources to accomplish. I had asked a friend and colleague if I might organize a workshop ...
Views: 762 - Thank You Very Much – Turning Problems Into Gifts - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Judy RingerI am a martial artist and black belt in aikido, a practice that continues to teach me about life, both on and off the mat. For example, at the end of each aikido practice, I express gratitude to my partners by bowing and saying: "Thank you very much." I've found over the years that sometimes I ...
Views: 760 - Be Curious – And Be A Successful Communicator - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2007 from Judy RingerThere are many ways to improve the way you communicate. For example, you will always start things off on the right foot by opening the conversation in a way that creates mutual respect. Using phrases such as, "If you have a minute, I'd like to talk with you about something that I think will ...
Views: 758 - Make Their Day - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2008 from Judy Ringer"Use every man after his desert, and who shall 'scape whipping? Use them after your own honour and dignity: the less they deserve, the more merit is in your bounty." – Hamlet, William Shakespeare When was the last time someone made your day – or you made theirs? In the national bestselling ...
Views: 736 - We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist For Difficult Conversations - by Submitted on Jul 23, 2008 from Judy RingerThink of a conversation you’ve been putting off. Got it? Great. Then let’s go. There are dozens of books on the topic of difficult, crucial, challenging, important (you get the idea) conversations (I list several at the end of this article). Those times when you know you should talk to ...
Views: 725 - Communicating on Purpose - by Submitted on Sep 20, 2007 from Judy RingerLast week I attended an excellent 2-day workshop called "Staying Grounded When on the Spot," offered by the Public Conversations Project, in Watertown, MA. Geared to help facilitators and trainers manage challenging group moments, I found that the skills applied in a variety of settings, ...
Views: 712 - Giving Others the Benefit of the Doubt - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2008 from Judy RingerThere’s a saying in aikido, “There are many lessons on the mat.” It means that when we’re practicing aikido we’re not just learning aikido, we’re also learning about life. For example, when someone grabs my wrist too hard and I get angry but don’t say ...
Views: 712 - Work, Work, Work: Making Each Moment Count - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Judy RingerTime, time, time. It seems there is never enough of this precious life support. In a previous story about time, I quoted the following aphorism: TIME IS MY FRIEND, TIME IS MY ALLY I HAVE ALL THE TIME I NEED FOR EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO. I received a lot of grateful responses and some ...
Views: 711 - Cultivating Gratitude - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2008 from Judy Ringer"When I'm worried and I can't sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep, And I fall asleep counting my blessings." -- Irving Berlin Take a moment to think about this question: What are you thankful for? What came to mind? A person? A pet? A place? Good health? Home and ...
Views: 703 - View From Another Planet: Learning To Talk To Our Children - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2008 from Judy RingerOur goal in conscious communication is not to change the other person . . . Our goal is to establish connection. Andrew LeCompte, author, Creating Harmonious Relationships A parent of three attended a workshop I gave on managing conflict. A few days after the workshop, she emailed me to say ...
Views: 693 - Discovery On An Icy Bridge - by Submitted on Jul 30, 2008 from Judy Ringer"… the impossible challenges of life are the best teachers." – Amy Mindell, Metaskills Driving home late one night during the first snow of the season, I hit a patch of ice on a slippery bridge and collided with the barrier that separates the bridge from the air and the water. I careened off ...
Views: 683 - Centering Defined: What, How and Why? - by Submitted on Sep 20, 2007 from Judy RingerWhat is center? How do you choose to be centered, and why? In what ways can you develop a strong center? As a student and instructor of the Japanese martial art Aikido, and as a professional speaker and trainer, I often present on this topic and, in addition, have made centering a life ...
Views: 679 - Holiday "Ki" Moments: Choosing Your Best Self - by Submitted on Sep 20, 2007 from Judy Ringer"I like to think of myself as an artist, and my life is my greatest work of art. Every moment is a moment of creation, and each moment of creation contains infinite possibilities. I can do things the way I've always done them, or I can look at all the different alternatives, and try something ...
Views: 679 - Night And Day: Choosing Your Reality - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2008 from Judy Ringer"There's nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so." - William Shakespeare The title of this great Cole Porter song -Night and Day - also describes the sometimes changeable nature of my outlook on life. Example: It is late evening, and I'm thinking about all I have to accomplish in ...
Views: 668 - Framing Your Message - by Submitted on Jul 30, 2008 from Judy RingerIn a difficult conversation when I want to get my point across, I create alignment with my conflict partner through listening and learning what's important to him, what he's really going for, and how what I'm offering might fit with his goals. By giving my partner the freedom to deliver his ...
Views: 665 - The Power Of Not Knowing: Understanding Your Adversary - by Submitted on Jul 29, 2008 from Judy RingerMost of the time, your eagerness to get your point across guarantees that you won't. It seems the harder you push to be heard, the harder they push back. How do you create a willing listener? It's easy: be one. Being heard is exactly what the other person wants, too. So give what you would like ...
Views: 665 - Happy Holidays? It’s Up To You - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2007 from Judy RingerThe Holiday Season. Does time seems to compress, or is it just me? There's so much going on - the end of autumn, the beginning of winter, and all the holidays that follow. As a child it was an exciting time of year. As an adult, it seems filled with more shopping, baking, parties, and other ...
Views: 664 - Living on Purpose: One Rock at a Time - by Submitted on Jul 17, 2008 from Judy RingerI just got back from Colorado where I spent a week relaxing, re-energizing and revisiting the key values in my life. The lodge where I stayed is called Peaceful Valley, and it has a chapel on the premises. I’ve been to Peaceful Valley and to this chapel many times over the years. The ...
Views: 663 - Difficult Conversations - Getting Started - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2008 from Judy RingerIs there a conversation you've been putting off? Is there a coworker or family member with whom you need to talk - but don't? Maybe you've tried and it didn't turn out as you had hoped. Or maybe you fear that talking will only make things worse. Whatever the reason, you feel stuck and you'd like ...
Views: 656 - Breathing: The Way Back to Balance - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2007 from Judy Ringer“If you don’t like what’s happening in your life, change your mind.” This brief quotation from the Dalai Lama reminds me that my experience of life changes as I do. As I change, I change the way I influence - and am influenced by - my surroundings. How are you inventing your life today? How ...
Views: 655 - Reflections On A New Image - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Judy RingerOccasionally I have an identity crisis. I think that's good. From time to time I have to ask myself questions like: Who am I? What am I doing? Do I like doing it? Am I good at it? Will it help the world? and How does the world know I'm doing it? It began this time when I asked a friend and ...
Views: 650 - The Greatest Gift - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2008 from Judy Ringer"Go ahead, Judy, talk to your father. What do you want to say?" With these words offered by my favorite Aunt Mimi, I was given the greatest gift—the gift of myself. Mimi and I had gone on an aunt-niece shopping adventure, and at age 15, I became the proud owner of my first mini-skirt. Upon ...
Views: 644 - Have a Present Moment! - by Submitted on Jul 24, 2007 from Judy RingerIt was the 10th day of rain, and I walked into the pool locker room feeling a little soggy around the edges. I asked my pool friend, Laurie, how she was and she said, "Bright and cheery. It's a wonderful day and I'm going to accomplish a lot of good things." Laurie, who is recovering from hip ...
Views: 636 - Knowing When I'm Not: 4 Suggestions for Developing a Strong Center - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2008 from Judy RingerThe more I practice centering, the more I realize that as important as it is to be able to identify and access the centered state, it is equally important to be able to know when I'm NOT centered. Otherwise, how do I choose? When I'm centered I'm in control of my behavior. Centered action is ...
Views: 635 - Keep the Channel Open - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2008 from Judy RingerWhy do you do what you do? What is your real work in the world, and why is it important to know the answer? I'm an entrepreneur at heart. I have started and run several businesses, and as I look back, I think the most important element in financial and personal success is awareness of purpose ...
Views: 634 - Are You Worried? 4 Steps to Peace of Mind - by Submitted on Jul 18, 2007 from Judy RingerA friend has this quotation on his office wall: "I know worry works because nothing I worry about ever happens." I think I must believe that, because I worry a lot -- and about the most insignificant things. I worry about the big things, of course, like health, relationships, and finances. But ...
Views: 611 - The Hot Tub - by Submitted on Jul 21, 2008 from Judy RingerI swim most mornings at the community pool and then, if there’s time, reward myself with a soak in the hot tub. It's a great tub with room for four or five people, the water is really hot, and you can turn the bubbles on or off. My favorite soak is when I'm alone and the water is still. I ...
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