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Browse published articles attributed to Dawn Sinnott, with full-archive search.
I was attending a presentation by Pulitzer Prize winning author, Frank McCourt, discussing the ins and outs of writing a memoir. Frank McCourt won the prestigious award for his heart wrenching description of his impoverished life in Limerick, Ireland titled "Angela’s Ashes".
My 18 year old daughter, Kelly, calls me in a panic. Her ex best friend has text her because she’s heard rumors that she believes Kelly has been spreading about her. She wants to come down from college and confront Kelly. Kelly is upset because she says she hasn’t said a bad word to anyone about this girl and she feels extremely frustrated because she doesn’t know how to prove that she’s done nothing wrong. I listen, as any good mom would do. I allow a little silence after she finishes telling her side of the story, as any good life coach would do.
Last week I’m being questioned about whether I’m being too dramatic. This week I’m questioning what the right thing is. Then – 2/15/2004 “Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I did not get him a Valentine card from me, just from the kids. I looked at some cards, but I just couldn’t do it. It felt too hypocritical. He feels more like a distant friend to me, but I couldn’t buy him a friend card. Either way I figured that whatever expectations he was having of me, he was going to be disappointed.
Almost every day for the past 6 ½ years I have read the page of the day in one or more of the Alanon Daily books and I would journal my thoughts about that page. Today I read the page of the day about fear and looked back in my prior jou als. What I wrote on the same day 5 years ago was “I did say something about how I feel to someone and they are displeased. My old fears are taking over. I imagine being alone for the rest of my life and I panic. I do or say something in order to put a bandaid over the situation”.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD at 4 years old and was eligible for a wonderful kindergarten program for children with special needs. The teacher was amazing and with her help I was able to manage my son’s behavior without having to medicate him. The kindergarten was in a different school than the elementary school he’d be attending for first through sixth grade; the school his older sister had been attending for the past three years.
I’m sitting at the party. I planned it so perfectly. I would throw a surprise party for my best friend on my birthday. She’ll be so surprised! She walks in the door. She looks surprised. She greets everyone and thanks them for coming. She seems to be happy yet……I know her better than anyone. I don’t feel that she’s as excited as I expected her to be. I don’t sense the appreciation that I had expected. I start to feel upset. I start to feel annoyed. What is this other feeling that’s gnawing at me? I start to feel resentment.
Last week I was confronted with the questio “What are you doing to fix this?” This week I am looking inside to figure out what I had been avoiding for many years. Then - 12/24/2003
I was newly single at 40 years old with a 14 year old daughter and 10 year old son. I was way past the crazy social things I did in my early 20’s – past the point of hanging out in clubs, winning burping contests at the Boardy Barn in the Hamptons and going into the city for a wild party until 5 am. I was a single divorced mother trying to put my life back together and open to finding love the second time around.
Last week I was pressured to feel my feelings and come to terms with them. This week I’m getting increasingly frustrated with the vicious cycle that had been a part of our marriage for awhile. Then - 1/24/2004 “I am so tired of being the leader. I would love to be partners in the true sense of the word; where I can say ‘tag you’re it’ and things will be taken care of.
The first time I heard this statement was when I was newly in the post-divorce dating stage. After numerous dates and very short relationships I met someone I connected with. He was charismatic, funny, loved doing anything and everything, loved his children, showed an interest in mine and even talked about us getting married. It seemed like everything was great but……..I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
Last week I was addressing how I’ve sought approval and affirmation from others. This week I’m addressing when I say “Yes” but want to say “No”. Then – 4/2/2004 “journal question – Do I say “Yes” when I want to say “No”? What happens to my ability to manage my life when I do this?
I was writing an e-workbook for a teleclass I was going to give on the topic of forgiveness. As I always approach this type of writing project, I wrote down my thoughts about where I’ve been, how I moved forward and where I am now in regards to the topic. Forgiveness is one of those areas that bring up a lot of emotion, justification, awareness, stubbornness, hurt feelings, etc. But as I sat writing down my thoughts the following visual exercise came to mind:
Last week I was contemplating an eye opening question previously posed by our marriage counselor, this week I’m defensive about an eye opening question posed by my husband Then – 12/23/2003 “Last night was quite interesting. When ‘Carl’ came home from his AA meeting he was in a bad mood. It appears that some people were talking about their family life and their ‘happily ever after’ stories.
It was the week before spending Christmas with my husband’s family and I was sick to my stomach. This had become the typical response when I was anticipating spending time with them. I had been dealing with their inappropriate behavior and my husband’s denial of the situation for a very long time. Each time I had to see them I was nauseous, had major headaches and had other physical issues days before. This is how bad it had gotten.
Last week I was looking at whether I feel more alive in a crisis. This week I’m looking at the difference between pity and love. Then – 4/10/2004 “journal question – What is the difference between pity and love?
Last week was beginning to answer questions about Step Two - “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”. This week I am addressing whether I sense spiritual guidance in my life. Then – 4/24/2004 “journal question – Do I sense spiritual guidance in my life? How?
Then - 12/10/2003 “Last night when ‘Carl’ got home from his meeting and was in ‘Dan’s’ room saying good night, I thought I smelled liquor on him. I told him and he rolled his eyes and got huffy. It still bothered me so before he could go downstairs I asked him if I could smell his breath. He went ballistic. He yelled ‘This is ridiculous. You’re not smelling my breath over and over!’ I told him to stop yelling and that I had every right to smell him. When he finally relented, the thing that I smelled the most was cigarettes so I couldn’t even tell if he had been drinking.
Last week I was addressing when I say “Yes” but want to say “No”. This week I’m looking at taking care of others and myself. Then – 4/4/2004 “journal question – Do I take care of others easily, but find it difficult to care for myself?
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Last week I was answering about how I respond. This week I’m applying the 3 C’s and getting honest about whether I’m looking for a quick fix to my problems. Then – 3/8/2004 “journal question –How can I let go of other’s problems instead of trying to solve them? The best way is for me to keep reminding myself that I am responsible only for myself. I am not responsible for ‘Carl’s’ problems. I have to keep repeating the 3 C’s – I didn’t Cause it, I can’t Change it, I can’t Cure it. journal question – Am I looking for a quick fix to my problems? Is there one?
Last week I was questioning what the statistics are for my children’s emotional stability. This week I have a sneaking suspicion that my journal has been read. Then – 2/21/2004
Last week I was noticing who has expressed conce about my behavior and the recognition of when my life is unmanageable. This week I’m addressing how I’ve sought approval and affirmation from others. Then – 3/27/2004 “journal question – How have I sought approval and affirmations from others?
Last week I felt like I was driving myself crazy with questions, imaginings and intuition. This week I’m being questioned about whether I’m being too dramatic. Then - 2/3/2004
Last week I was getting increasingly frustrated with the vicious cycle that had been a part of our marriage for awhile. This week I feel like I’m driving myself crazy with questions, imaginings and intuition. Then - 1/26/2004
I was leaving my office Thursday afte oon with my rolling bag filled with work to complete over the weekend. As I walked down the long hallway towards the outer door I notice a nicely dressed woman in front of me. She had on a very pretty blue top and when she reached the door and opened it I thought to myself “I should tell her how much I like her blouse”. As quickly as I had that thought I also thought “She’s not going to care about my compliment. Just go to your car.”
Last week I was beginning to answer questions with the help of Al-Anon’s 12 Step recovery program. This week I am answering whether I have accepted that alcoholism is a disease. Then – 3/4/2004 “Al-Anon journal question - Do I accept that alcoholism is a disease? How does that change how I deal with a drinker?
Last week things were pleasant and I hoped that they would continue. This week I’m beginning to answer questions with the help of Al-Anon’s 12 Step recovery program. Then – 3/2/2004 “journal question - Do I accept that I cannot control another person’s drinking? Another person’s behavior?
We’ve become really close, she and I. I’m really happy about that. She’s been opening up to me gradually and I can see her getting more and more comfortable. She tells me about how she recently handled a difficult situation and I am really impressed. I tell her so. She says she thinks she really kept her side of the street clean, handled herself with grace and dignity yet the person she was speaking with reacted so immaturely that she was confused. She felt that she handled herself the right way yet this person’s reaction felt insensitive and unwarranted.
Then - 12/11/2003 “The big topic that came up during our argument was that he feels I don’t even want to be in a relationship. He feels that when he’s recovered I don’t even want to stay around; he thinks I’ve already made up my mind on the subject and that nothing he does to get better is going to change that.
Last week I had the conversatio I had no intention of having. This week things are pleasant and I hope it continues. Then – 2/25/2004
Last week I was questioning what the right thing is. This week I’m questioning what the statistics are for my children. Then – 2/18/2004
Last week I had a sneaking suspicion that my journal had been read. This week I am faced with another option. Then – 2/22/2004
Things were at their worst at home. I can remember feeling that I didn’t want my then husband to see me happy for reasons like: he’d take credit for it, he’d think everything was ok, he’d take it as whatever “sign” he wanted to attribute to it. For a long time I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me happy. That’s how crazy my life had become because alcoholism pervaded our household. That’s how warped my thinking was; “Don’t let him see you happy. He might get the wrong impression”.
Last week I was looking at whether I feel responsibility and shame for others. This week I’m sharing what brought me into Al-Anon. Then – 3/14/2004 “journal question – What brought me into Al-Anon? What did I hope to gain at that time? How have my expectations changed?
Last week I was sharing what brought me into Al-Anon. This week I’m noticing who has expressed conce about my behavior and the recognition of when my life is unmanageable. Then – 3/20/2004 “journal question – Who has expressed conce about my behavior? My health? My children? Give examples.
Last week I was getting honest about the subjects of change and control. This week I’m answering about how I respond. Then – 3/6/2004 “journal question –How do I feel when the alcoholic refuses to be and do what I want? How do I respond?
Last week I was applying the 3 C’s and getting honest about whether I’m looking for a quick fix to my problems. This week I’m looking at whether I feel responsibility and shame for others. Then – 3/12/2004rn “journal question –In what situations do I feel excessive responsibility for other people?