Self-Esteem and Self Confidence Articles

The Power of Negative Motivation It is interesting how we are accustomed to hearing and applying the concept of positive motivations in our lives to achieve our goals. It seems quite natural and comfortable to fall in line with this kind of thinking. We hear it from all walks of life and the first thing most people tell us when things are not going well is to think and stay positive.

While a physical problem can stand out, an emotional problem can remain hidden. Yet, even though there can be a difference here, it doesn’t mean that one problem is more important than other. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what kind of pain one is experiencing, what matters is that they seek the right assistance. If one has a physical problem, they might take some tablets, go to see their doctor or even end up going to the hospital.

There are people who have relationships that are generally: supportive, secure, loving and what could be described as functional. And there are others who are in relationships that are: unhealthy, dysfunctional, disempowering and even abusive. Functional Now, for people in the first description, this is often what is normal to them. And based on the outsiders perspective they could be portrayed as lucky and fortunate. And all kinds of things can be used to justify why they have these types of relationships.

Modern day technology has not only had an impact on how relationships begin, it has also had an impact on how they end. In the past, one would have met someone in person and then it would have been possible for them to develop a relationship or something more casual. Nowadays, the first step can take place over a screen, and after speaking to them for while, they can meet them in person. When one meets someone in person, they will have the chance to see how they feel around them, but when it comes to speaking to someone over a screen, this option is not going to exist. Two Sides

It is often said that people shouldn’t have expectations and this is partly because it will cause them to be disappointed or let down. And while this can’t be denied, having expectations is part of life in many ways. For example: when someone expects more from life, they are likely to receive more. That is, as long as they are prepared to put the work in. Whereas, when someone doesn’t expect much from life, they probably won’t receive much.

I wrote about three types of organizational change in my book, Re-create Your Life many years ago. Let me draw from several passages in that book because the business applications of this distinction should make the personal applications even clearer. Organizations, as well as individuals, require all three types of change to be successful. First order change

One doesn’t need to look very far to see violence or to hear about violence. The media for instance, is only too happy to inform people of what is taking place at a local level and around the world. And then one can hear second hand accounts of violence that have taken place in another person’s life or through their own personal experiences. This can come in all shapes and forms and include physical and emotional. It is often the physical forms of violence that receive the most exposure; with emotional violence generally going unnoticed in comparison. The Common Labels

When someone is shown respect, they are likely to respond in a certain way, whereas, if they are not respected, they are likely to respond in another way. However, this is not to say that everyone feels they deserve the same level of respect. But when someone doesn’t get the level of respect they feel they deserve, it can end up having a negative effect on them. And the type of effect it has will depend on how they interpret to what happens.

When someone achieves something, they could tell other people about it or they could simply carry on with their life. As a result of this, there is the chance that everyone they know will find out about what has taken place, or there is the chance that no one will. A Closer Look Now, if one was to tell other people, it could mean that they will come across as a bit of a show off. Thus, this could cause one to create a bad impression, and other people are unlikely to respond in a positive manner.

It is often said that in the very beginning of a relationship, one doesn’t see the other person for who they are, what they see is their own projections. So here, one will create all kinds of associations in their mind and attach these to the other person. The other person may even posses one of these associations or a couple of them. And this can then lead to many other associations being formed and projected onto them.

Human nature is complex thing. We are born into a family unit, go to school, meet hundreds of different people, go to work and then retire. I all that time we are bombarded with various messages and thoughts from other people. For better or worse other humans do affect and influence how we feel about ourselves, but only to the extent that we allow them to. When we're young, we are unable to separate ourselves from our parents. However as we get older and assert our own identi

When ones relationships are running smoothly and have very little, if any, conflicts, one is unlikely to look deeper into them. And this is to be expected, as the need to look deeper generally arises when something is not working. This need could still be there, but it won’t be as strong because there are no real difficulties and one is experiencing a natural flow.

When it comes to the self help industry, thoughts are often described as having the power to create one’s life and therefore to define what one attracts into their life. And there are numerous authors and experts that espouse this perspective. One can learn about this through all kinds of books, audios and DVDs. There have even been a number of documentary type films that go into this outlook. So can how one thinks really make such a difference to one’s life? Let’s take a deeper look. Thinking

A big part of being intimate involves being able to share ones reality with another person. Here, one will share what they are feeling, thinking and sensing. And while this may sound clear enough to understand, it is not always the easiest thing to do in a relationship. One of the primary reasons for this is due to one not feeling safe enough to do so.

Many names have been used over the years when it comes to describing that part of someone that is not real or authentic. And one of those names is the false self and many others have also been used such as: the mask that someone wears, the pseudo self and adaptive behaviour for instance.

When one thinks about the people in their life who support them, their friends will typically come to mind. Ideally, these will be the people who one can turn to for advice, encouragement and acceptance for instance. So one is able to be themselves around them and doesn’t feel the need to wear a mask or to put on an act. Who they are is enough and one will also have the same outlook towards their friends.

Wing Therapy™ with B.B. Berg A few months ago, being out of work, out of money and feeling lost and without a purpose, I started a prayer campaign to find a job. I prayed with this in mind: Work that would have 3 factors:* 1. Beauty (that I would love this work) 2. Benefit (that it would reward me financially) 3. Good (that it would help others and create value in this world) From this prayer I had a sort of epiphany; a guiding light that awakened in me an idea to teach and sell Isis Wings and to call it Wing Therapy™.r

To see or hear about someone who is being abused in a relationship and yet continues to stay in the relationship is hard to comprehend. Logically it makes no sense whatsoever and sounds completely dysfunctional. The type of abuse can vary from what may seem to be fairly moderate, to extreme abuse. And no matter what kind of abuse it is, the result is the same – with one staying in a relationship that should have come to an end. Conflict

If defence mechanisms were mentioned, it is likely that regression would be spoken about and this is because it is one of the more common ones. But no matter what defence mechanism is used, they all have the same purpose. With the purpose being that they allow one’s mind to avoid the emotional pain of the body. Although defence mechanisms could be seen as bad things, without them one wouldn’t last very long. They allow one to keep pain under control and to regulate what happens to them. Without them one would end up being overwhelmed by pain and life would be unbearable.

I decided while I was vacation last week to visit a speaking colleague and good friend in Windsor Ontario. I also, decided to let someone else do the driving and enjoyed the four hour trip aboard Via Rail. I have not been on a train since I was a child and I thoroughly enjoyed the relaxation, ...

When one is unable to let go, they’re going to end up using their energy to hold onto what they no longer need. And as they no longer need what they’re holding onto, it is not going to affect their ability to receive anything new. What one is holding onto no longer has a purpose and it is therefore going to lead to inner conflict. And while this could be something that is affecting one area of their life, it could be something that is having an impact on every area.

In another post on this site I explained how we live in a dualistic universe in which for any “thing” or concept to exist, we must distinguish between it and a not-that-thing or concept. Our most important tool for making distinctions and creating our reality is language. As Edward Sapir, a noted anthropologist, has said:

Does the following scenario remind you of anyone?nSue was totally in love with Jim. The couple met in high school and dated for eight years. Everyone who knew them expected them to get married and live happily ever after together. Then Jim met Karen. Before anyone knew what was happening - including Sue - Jim had eloped with Karen, putting an end to all of Sue's dreams and expectations. nnSue was devastated. All she could think about was Jim and how she had been cheated out o

If you’re reading this article here you probably are interested in transformation. But I suspect that what you mean by transformation is very different from what others mean by the same word. I’m a member of the Transformational Leadership Council, a group of “transformational” leaders, and I’ll bet if I asked each member what he/she meant by the term transformation we would get almost as many definitions as there are members.

“If you think you can or you think you can’t -you’re right!” Henry Ford. Principle 5 in The Success Principles by Jack Canfield and Janet Switzer is “believe in yourself”. In that chapter Canfield refers to the negative power of the phrase “I can’t”.nnRemember the story of the little engine that could? The little engine had to get a huge load up a huge hill. It seemed like an impossible task, but he kept trying and as he tried he said, “I think I can. I th

There is something that just about everyone wants, and that is to feel good. It plays a big part in what someone does and doesn’t do. This can relate to one feeling emotionally centred and at ease internally and/or through having a heightened sense of wellbeing because of what is taking place exte ally. In the first example, it is likely that one will feel good because of what is going on internally and yet as we are interdependent, exte al events are also likely to play a part.

Feeling good is something we all want to experience and there are many ways to achieve this. One way this takes place is through receiving attention from other people; with this attention being positive. It is easy to feel down and unattractive when the attention from others is negative and/or invalidating. And one way a woman can change how she feels is to use her body. Through this, there is the chance that she will be able to gain the kind of feedback she wants to receive in order to experience some kind of emotional boost.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jane-shure/the-tyranny-of-perfection_b_149359.html Posted: December 10, 2008 A few weeks ago I had the privilege of hearing Jane Fonda speak to 700 psychotherapists at a conference sponsored by the Renfrew Center Foundation. This venue, filled with experts in the field of eating disorders, was a most fitting audience for Jane's talk on "The Tyranny of Perfection." Jane's family history was striking.

If someone was to hear the word ‘control’, there is a chance that something negative will come to mind. They may begin to think about someone who is ‘controlling’, or they may think about a situation in their life that is stopping them from being themselves. However, this might not take place, and it could cause one to think about how they feel when their life is going to plan. In this case, the word has had a positive influence on them, and it is not something that has caused them to have a negative reaction. Neutral

It is often said that attachment creates suffering and this is one of the foundations of Buddhism. And when it comes to attracting something into one’s life, attachment is said to be the very thing that will sabotage its arrival. One only has to look at what they are attached to and what they are not attached to, to see this dynamic at work. What one is attached to is often what they don’t have and what they are not attached to is typically what they do have in their life. Focus

When it comes to the people that one is closest to, they are likely to find that they have similar views. They may disagree about certain things from time to time, but in general they will be on the same page, so to speak. Whereas if one was to think about the people they that they are not very close to, they may find that it’s because they have completely different views. This is not to say that won’t agree on some things, but it won’t be enough to bring them together. Other Factors

When we look at our lives or at the lives of others, we can see life through one of two ways, or as a combination of the two. On one side we can see that there are patterns to how we behave, think and feel and in how other people behave. And on the other side, we could also view our internal processes and exte al behaviour and the behaviour of others as random. Habits This could also be described as a habit; with this being a word that is probably more familiar than the word pattern. Habits are part of being human and this means that they are not negative or positive per se.

How we behave influence’s how we feel, and the only thing one needs to do to realise this is to change their posture. Many people realise how their body language not only affects how they feel, they also realise how it affects how others feel around them. There is then an inner change in oneself and inner change in the other person. And one’s body language can make others warm to them for example, or it can cause them to pull away. Professional Help

When one places their attention on achieving something or just on whether something can be done or not, their mind is going to have plenty to say. It could be fairly subtle in its response or it could end up being overwhelming. So the mind could come up with a few reasons as to why something cannot be done, why something won’t happen and a host of others things. If these are fairly moderate, one might be able to move forward and do what they want do to.

It doesn’t take much effort for one to realise that not everyone on this planet has the same amount of money. Yet this is not the only area in the world where there is a difference – this is one of many. Not everyone is the same height, has the same hair colour or eye colour, for instance.

If one had the chance to get something for free, they could either take what they need or they could take as much as they could. Another way of looking at this would be to say that they can act with grace or they can act with greed. Two Outlooks When one only takes what they need, it could be said that that they are behaving in the right way. Yet if they end up taking more than they need, it could be said that they are taking advantage of the situation.r

What is common in today’s world and throughout history is control, but in most cases this is not self control, it is the control of others. And this can be seen at all levels of the modern day world. From the personal relationships that people have, to the authority figures of the world.

If a man has the desire to in a relationship with a woman, he could end up taking action. This could then be a time when he will go out to different bars and clubs, and he could even join a few dating sites. What this could show is that he has recently broken up with someone, and he now feels as though it is time to move on. At the same time, there is the chance that he has been single for quite some time. Playing the Field

If one was to watch a film that had no colour or sound, it is not going to be the same as a film that has colour and sound. It is unlikely to be as engaging or as entertaining, and one might soon lose interest and turn it off or walk away from what they’re watching. And the same could be said about the impact that feelings have on one’s life. If one was unable to feel, their life would feel empty and without meaning. Through having the ability to feel, life is brought to life and given meaning.

While some people can maintain their sense of self in a relationship, there are others who are unable to do this. As a result, their experiences are going to be radically different, and this could be how they have been for most of their life. A Big Difference When one is able to maintain their sense of self, it will give them the chance to meet their own needs. Along with this, there will also be able to meet the other person’s needs, and this means the relationship will be in balance.

When it comes to my journey of self awareness, there are some people who stand out when I look back on where I have come from. And one of those people is Tracy Holloway. This is someone who is based in England and is an internationally renowned teacher, inspirational speaker, writer, presenter and broadcaster. Beliefs In 2007 I had the perspective that it was all about beliefs and that these were what needed to change. So I searched on Google, going over and over numerous pages, looking for information on beliefs.

There are many challenges in the world today and some these are big and some of them are small. And a lack of boundaries can create all kinds of relationship problems. This is also something that can be seen on a global scale; with certain countries going into other countries. This often takes place without permission or the need to do so, and when this does happen, one country is violating the boundaries of another. So this is not just something individuals have to face and deal with, whole countries are also having to the same problem.

While some people can stay in abusive relationships and have a hard time leaving, other people can leave an abusive relationship, only to return shortly after. And this is often hard to comprehend. Why would anyone return to something that is clearly dysfunctional and even dangerous? The person has experienced the relationship before and left, so do they really believe that it is going to be any different? These are just two questions that might be asked by observers of this kind of behaviour.

It is often said that human beings are ‘social animals’ and this is because they are interdependent. So while one may see themselves as being an individual, this is not the complete truth. The person they have come to be is the result of the experiences they have had with others and in order of them to maintain the identity, they will need to have the right experiences. This means that if one was to live in isolation, their sense of self would soon start to disappear. Connecting

Although life is made up of moments that are pleasurable and moments that are painful, it doesn’t mean that someone is able to accept each side. There are going to be people who do everything they can to embrace pleasure and avoid pain, and, there are going to be others who renounce pleasure and end up experiencing a life of pain.

Although it is vital for human begins to have boundaries, it doesn’t mean that they always have them. And this could be the case with some areas of their life or it could apply to each and every area of their life. Ultimately, boundaries protect ones personal space and therefore stop others from doing things that could cause them harm. This doesn’t mean that one will never feel compromised or violated, but through having boundaries, these kinds of experiences are likely to occur a lot less often.

As time goes by, more and more normal human experiences are being given labels, and what was part of life at one point in time, ends up being seen as a mental illness at another. For example: if one was experiencing anxiety in the past, they might believe that it is just part of life. It is then not something they need to worry about, and they certainly won’t need to take anything for it. Yet, when someone experiences anxiety in today’s world, they can end up being diagnosed as having some kind of disorder. Inner Problem

If someone was to start something new, they might try to find out everything they can about it. In this case, they are not just going to start something and learn as they go along; they are going to do some serious research. Through taking this approach, they are going to be prepared, and this is going to lower their chances of being caught of guard. This is not to say that they will know everything, but they will have an idea of what they are getting into. Preparation

After I had got back from Bali and Australia, towards the end of 2009, I was no longer the same person. What had also played a part here were the experiences that I had when I was on a course in Belgium, which took place just before I went away. Ultimately, I wanted to continue from where I had left off and to put my plans into action. The trouble was I wasn’t completely sure how I was going to do this and, as I was no longer around the same people, it became harder for me to maintain the state that I was in. A New Start