True Self: Can Someone Associate Self-Expression With Being Isolated If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

Even though someone is an individual, it doesn’t mean that they will act like one. In general, they could act as though they are nothing more than an extension of others.

As a result of this, it will be normal for them to please others and to ignore their own needs. But, if this is just what is normal, they might not realise what is taking place.

Feedback

Still, this doesn’t mean that part of them won’t be aware of what is going on. Deep down, part of them is likely to be aware of the fact that they are not living a life that is in alignment with who they are.

Due to this, they can often experience frustration and feel low. Yet, if they are unaware of why they often feel this way, they can believe that it is a consequence of something else.

The Outcome

Assuming that they are not aware, they can believe that they just suffer from depression, for instance. What this can do is cause them to see their doctor and end up going on medication.

Alternatively, they could end up working with a cognitive behavioural therapist and work on their ‘negative’ thoughts. If they go on medication and/or work with this type of therapist, it might allow them to function better but it is unlikely to do much else.

No Different

So, if they go down this route and are able to function better, they are still going to be living a life that doesn’t reflect who they are. Therefore, sooner or later, they can end up being in a bad way and lose the desire to behave in this way.

What can play a part in this is that they could end up experiencing a loss of some kind. A breakup, job loss or the passing of a loved one, could allow them to reconnect with their essence.

Inner Conflict

At this point, they are likely to become aware of the part of them that wants to continue to behave in the same way and the part of them that doesn’t. The former will represent their false self and the latter will represent their true self.

Thanks to how strong their false self is, they are unlikely to just be able to change their behaviour. This part of them will probably dominate their true self and stop them from being able to just change their behaviour.

Confusion

If so, they could wonder why they have such a strong need to behave in a way that is not serving them. But, if they were to imagine changing their behaviour, what is going on for them might gradually make sense.

At first, no longer pleasing others and doing what is right for them might feel good but after a while, they could feel uncomfortable. They could end up feeling anxious and fearful, with it being as though something bad will happen.

Going Deeper

What could enter their mind is that they will end up being left and their life will come to an end. Based on this, it will be as if the only way for them to be connected to others and to survive is to hide their needs.

It could be said that this is irrational as it is unlikely that expressing themselves will cause them to be isolated and their life to end. Now, some people might not be able to accept them if they were to freely express themselves but they would soon develop new relationships and their life would continue.

Two Levels

Yet, although their outlook and the thoughts they have and how feel can be seen as being irrational, what is going on for them might make sense if their past is taken into account. Their early years may have been a time when they missed out on the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

For example, this may have been a time when they largely had to adapt to their parent or parents needs. If they expressed themselves, they might have been harmed and/or rejected and left.

The message

The love, support and encouragement that they needed to stay connected to and express themselves simply wouldn’t have been there. They would have learnt that the only way for them to be supported and to survive was to be who their parent or parents wanted them to be.

To handle what was going on, they would have been forced to disconnect from themselves and form an externally focused false self. Their needs and feelings would have ended up being repressed.

Moving Forward

Of course, this stage of their life will be over but the meaning that was made and the pain and unmet development needs that they are carrying will be defining their life. For their life to change, they will need to question what they believe.

Facing and working through the pain that they experienced and experiencing their unmet developmental needs will also be important. This is a process that will take courage, patience, and persistence.

Awareness
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If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.