Based on how someone typically behaves, it can be as though they are wearing a straight jacket and don’t have a voice. The reason for this is that it can be normal for them to go along with what others want and not to speak up when they need to.

They are then going to be an individual, who has their own feelings, needs and preferences, but, they will seldom act like one. Consequently, the life that they lead won’t be in alignment with who they really are.

The Norm

However, if this is just what is normal, they might not be consciously aware of what is going on. They are then going to live a life that is not very fulfilling but they won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak.

This is not to say that they won’t ever feel angry and frustrated or depressed; no, what it means is that they won’t realise that they are generally not being and expressing themselves. Thus, the sooner they realise what is going on the better.

A Closer Look

So, when they are around friends or family, they are likely to be focused on their needs and doing what they can to please them. It is then not going to matter if they actually want to do something as they will follow their lead.

Due to this, after they have spent time around others, they can often feel exhausted. But, as they will have gone against themselves, it is to be expected that they would respond in this way.

Another Area

If they are in a relationship, it might not be much different with this being yet another area of their life where they don’t truly show up. Instead of there being two people in the relationship, it can be as if they are merely an extension of their partner.

They are then largely going to do what their partner wants, and, if they live together, their home might not, in any way, be an expression of what pleases them. Therefore, it could be as though they are living in someone else’s home.

One More

When it comes to what they do for a living, they could do something that is soul-destroying. This could be something that they have done for many, many years, too.

In general, this could involve them doing something that is pretty mundane and doesn’t require a great deal of brain power. If it pays the bills, then, that will probably be about as far as it goes.

Enough, is enough

Deep down, there is likely to be a part of them that desperately wants to express who they are and live a life that is fulfilling. Thanks to this, they probably won’t live in this way until the end of their life.

This part of them, as hidden as it will be, can end up causing them to have an experience that will wake them up. What can do this is a breakup, the loss of a job or losing a loved one.

No More

At this point, something that has perhaps been at the back of their mind for quite some time, the sense that they are not living in the right way, can burst through into their conscious awareness. If this was to take place, they could be filled with anger and no longer be willing to live in this way.

Then again, they could feel deeply frustrated and confused and have a deep knowing that they need to change their life. Either way, they could wonder why their life is this way and what they can do to change it.

A Deeper Look

If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, there is a chance that their early years were a time when they were rarely seen and heard. This may have been a time when one or both of their parents were emotionally unavailable.

As a result of this, they would have missed out on the attunement that they needed and a number of their developmental needs would have seldom if ever been met. This would have caused them to experience a lot of pain and to be deeply deprived.

Another Part

Also, when they expressed themselves, they might have often been ignored, dismissed, criticised, rejected and/or abandoned. Expressing themselves would have often been a struggle and a threat to their survival.

They would have been sent the message that if they expressed themselves, they wouldn’t be supported and they might even be left. To handle what was going on, they would have lost touch with their feelings and a number of their developmental needs.


Along with this, they would have created a disconnected false self. This would have involved them being focused on their parent or parents and doing what would please them.

With this in mind, how they behave as an adult will be a continuation of how they had to behave as a child. This stage of their life will be over but a big part of them won’t know this, which is why they are unable to freely express themselves.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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