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Articles from Margaret Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- ***Does Crying Make you Feel Better? - by Submitted on Oct 11, 2011 from Margaret PaulA recent study indicates that crying does not make people feel better. But there is a problem with this study.(Crying shame: Tears don't make you feel any better, study shows, By Cari Nierenberg, ...
Views: 2667(2 votes) - ***The Challenge of Accepting Our Helplessness Over Others - by Submitted on Oct 06, 2011 from Margaret PaulHelplessness is a very difficult feeling. It can even feel like life or death to those of us who were left to cry for hours as babies, with no one coming to help us. Because we were so helpless over ourselves as babies and small children, it can trigger feelings of panic. It's hard to remember, ...
Views: 2992 - ***Life: Security or a Daring Adventure? - by Submitted on Sep 26, 2011 from Margaret Paul"Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits ...
Views: 2069 - ***A Problem with Today's Parenting - by Submitted on Sep 16, 2011 from Margaret PaulThere was an interesting article in The Atlantic, entitled "How to Land Your Kid in Therapy: Why the obsession with our kids' happiness may be dooming them to unhappy adulthoods. A therapist and mother ...
Views: 2376(2 votes) - ***Why Do We Seek Approval? - by Submitted on Sep 08, 2011 from Margaret PaulMany years ago, I became aware of feeling anxious much of the time. Since this feeling had been with me as long as I could remember, it had seemed normal - until it stopped being okay with me. It stopped being okay when I went back to school to become a psychotherapist. I realized then that, ...
Views: 2790 - ***The Devastation of Inner Emptiness - by Submitted on Sep 02, 2011 from Margaret PaulOne of the sad truths in our society is how empty many people feel, and the devastation their emptiness causes others through their resulting addictive behavior.We have all heard about the sexual acting-out of Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton and John Edwards. We ...
Views: 2640 - ***Burned by Coffee or Burned by Heartbreak - They Feel the Same - by Submitted on Aug 25, 2011 from Margaret Paul"Science has finally confirmed what anyone who's ever been in love already knows: Heartbreak really does hurt." www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/03/28/burn.heartbreak.same.to.brain/index.html"In a new study using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), researchers have found that the same brain ...
Views: 2348 - ***"If You Really Loved Me, You Wouldn't..." - by Submitted on Aug 18, 2011 from Margaret PaulHow often have you had the thought, "If you really loved me, you wouldn't... Get angry, yell, curse, call names, say mean, untrue things about meProject your behavior onto meWithdraw, run away, shut down, sit spaced-out in front of the TVResist doing what I ask you to doLook at ...
Views: 3310(3 votes) - ***Are You or Your Partner Possessive? - by Submitted on Aug 10, 2011 from Margaret Paul"I freak out when my husband even looks at another woman. I trust him not to wander, so I don't know why this upsets me so much.""My partner spends too much time with her friends and family. What's the point of being together if she's always gone a couple of nights a ...
Views: 4846(3 votes) - ***Feeling Disconnected From Your Partner? - by Submitted on Aug 09, 2011 from Margaret Paul"We can't seem to connect anymore."This is one of the most common complaints I hear in my counseling practice.We all know that it is generally easy to connect at the beginning of a relationship - before all the protections and defenses come up. But what do you do to reconnect once you ...
Views: 5861 - ***Discover Your Level of Narcissism - by Submitted on Jul 29, 2011 from Margaret PaulAll of us have some characteristics and behaviors that fall into the category of narcissism. Narcissism is on a continuum from mild, occasional, and subtle to the more ubiquitous, obvious or extreme behaviors of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Since narcissism is likely a part of everyone's ...
Views: 2736(1 vote) - ***Why Don't You Speak Up For Yourself? - by Submitted on Jul 25, 2011 from Margaret PaulMy counseling clients often complain to me about interactions they had with a partner, friend, parents or co-worker. When I asked the question, "Why didn't you speak up for yourself?" here are the most common answers I receive:"I want to keep the peace.""I don't want to ...
Views: 2231(1 vote) - ***What to do When You Can't Communicate - by Submitted on Jul 14, 2011 from Margaret PaulWhat do you usually do when you get stuck with someone and can't communicate?Do you:Try harder to get your point across, talking louder or faster?Get angry, shouting to intimidate the other person into hearing you and/or agreeing with you?Cry in frustration?Feel resigned, give in and just listen ...
Views: 2898(2 votes) - ***"I Feel Trapped" - by Submitted on Jul 07, 2011 from Margaret Paul"I can't seem to stop snacking," said Linda, in our phone session. "And I can't figure out why. I don't overeat during meals, but then I snack on things that I don't need to be eating. I've had this issue on and off since adolescence and I want to resolve ...
Views: 2965(1 vote) - ***"No One Appreciates Me" - by Submitted on Jun 30, 2011 from Margaret PaulHave you ever hear yourself say, or said to yourself, "No one appreciates me."I used to say this to myself all the time. I was constantly giving myself up to please others, and then ended up feeling completely unappreciated and resentful - until I learned how to take loving care of ...
Views: 2441 - ***Do You Chase When Someone Withdraws? - by Submitted on Jun 27, 2011 from Margaret PaulA member of our website asked this question in our advice section:I've read several of the articles on the site, but have not seen anything mentioned about "chasing"after someone who is pulling away in a relationship. That has to be a form of protection against deeper feelings, though, ...
Views: 2780(3 votes) - ***The Law of Love - by Submitted on Jun 16, 2011 from Margaret PaulI have learned over my 43 years of counseling that no one heals without a personal connection to a spiritual source of Guidance.William was struggling with issues of shame and depression. He had struggled with feelings of insecurity and jealousy most of his life, despite years of inner work. ...
Views: 2629(1 vote) - ***"I Can't Do It" - by Submitted on Jun 16, 2011 from Margaret Paul"He can who thinks he can, and he can't who thinks he can't. This is an indisputable law." - Henry FordHave you ever noticed how often you say, "I can't"?"I can't lose weight.""I can't find my soul mate.""I can't find a job I love.""I can't ...
Views: 3126(2 votes) - ***Relationships: Attract at Your Common Level of Self-Love - by Submitted on Jun 02, 2011 from Margaret PaulMarty tells me in a phone session,"Susan is always criticizing me. How do I get her to stop?"Fiona tells me in a phone session,"Jeff is often withdrawn. I feel so angry about this."It's always easy to see what your partner is doing that you don't like, but it's generally very ...
Views: 2882(2 votes) - ***5 Reasons Why You Might Want to End Your Relationship - by Submitted on May 26, 2011 from Margaret PaulWhen I married my ex-husband in 1963, I was determined to create a stable, loving relationship. I wanted an intact family where we could raise our children and share the joys of our grandchildren.We did raise our children together, but ended the marriage after 30 years. We do get to share the ...
Views: 3763(2 votes) - ***"I Don't Deserve to be Loved" - by Submitted on May 19, 2011 from Margaret PaulHave you ever said to yourself, "The reason God doesn't love me is I don't deserve to be loved?"Have you ever looked inside to discover why you might not be loving to yourself and answered with, "I'm not worthy of love"?I hear this all the time from my clients. It is often ...
Views: 3460(2 votes) - ***The Myth of Explaining and Defending - by Submitted on May 12, 2011 from Margaret Paul"What's the matter with you?" "How could you do that?""Explain yourself, young lady/young man.""Why are you dressed like that?""Why are you late again?""What did you do to your hair!"How often did you hear some variation of this when ...
Views: 2877 - ***Others Treat Us The Way We Treat Ourselves - by Submitted on May 05, 2011 from Margaret Paul"Everybody is like a magnet. You attract to yourself reflections of that which you are. If you're friendly, then everybody else seems to be friendly too." --Dr. David Hawkins, Physician and LecturerHave you ever noticed how true this is?I would change it a bit and say that we attract ...
Views: 3133 - ***Americans: More Self-Centered… and More Lonely - by Submitted on Apr 28, 2011 from Margaret PaulOn April 1, 2011, Matt Cantor, Newser Staff, posted "As Americans Get More Self-Centered, So Do Lyrics Study finds increasingly narcissistic words in top 10 hits."Today's hit songs aren't about "us"-they're just about "me," a study finds. Researchers examined ...
Views: 3132(1 vote) - ***Trying to Control Makes us Miserable - by Submitted on Apr 21, 2011 from Margaret PaulHave you ever noticed how bad you feel when you try to control things you can't control - such as others and outcomes?Larry consulted with me because he was often miserable - despite running a successful business, and having a lovely wife and two daughters, whom he adored.It soon became apparent ...
Views: 3019(1 vote) - ***Nothing Has Meaning Without Love and Connection - by Submitted on Apr 14, 2011 from Margaret PaulGretchen is typical of many of the clients that I work with. In our first session she said:I've been depressed on and off throughout my life. Medication helped for a while, but now all it does is make me feel more flat and empty. Life seems to have no meaning for me. Nothing looks beautiful. ...
Views: 2409(1 vote) - ***Relationships: Do You Have the Same Conflicts Over and Over? - by Submitted on Apr 07, 2011 from Margaret PaulKari and Rudy consulted with me because they kept having conflicts over the same issues over and over - primarily money, chores, and child-rearing. They were nearing the decision to separate, believing that they were incompatible.I asked them to pick one of the issues and they picked a recent ...
Views: 2261 - ***Are You Making These 4 Mistakes? - by Submitted on Mar 31, 2011 from Margaret PaulI, like many of you, was brought up and programmed to believe in a number of ideas that have turned out to be untrue. These false beliefs led me to make various life and relationship mistakes. I didn't like making mistakes any more than you do, but it is from my mistakes that I've learned so ...
Views: 2945(4 votes) - ***The Law of Attraction - It's About Frequency - by Submitted on Mar 25, 2011 from Margaret PaulMany of us have heard of the Law of Attraction - that like attracts like. However, many are confused about what this really means.In my experience, like attracts like means that like frequency attracts like frequency. My high frequency attracts the things I want and my low frequency attracts ...
Views: 3007(1 vote) - ***Do You Believe What You Perceive? - by Submitted on Mar 15, 2011 from Margaret Paul"Perception is a mirror not a fact. And what I look on is my state of mind, reflected outward." - - A Course in MiraclesI remember many years ago seeing the movie "Rashomon" (starring Toshiro Mifune and directed my Akira Kurosawa) where three people saw a murder committed and ...
Views: 2702(2 votes) - ***Are You and Your Partner Hurting Each Other? - by Submitted on Mar 08, 2011 from Margaret PaulAre you aware of how you may be hurting your partner?Are you aware of how your partner may be hurting you?Are you aware of the painful feelings of loneliness, heartache and heartbreak you likely feel when you are disconnected from your loved one and unable to share love?The sharing of love is ...
Views: 3242(1 vote) - ***The Need for Touch - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2011 from Margaret PaulWe are born with the need to touch and be touched, skin-to-skin. If you were not held and touched with love as you were growing up, then this might be a very deep need for you. But even if you were held and touched with love, you still need it today. It is a basic need.But not all touch meets ...
Views: 2375 - ***Self-Validation - How to Validate Yourself - by Submitted on Feb 22, 2011 from Margaret PaulFrom the time we are born, we need validation. Loving parents offer consistent validation to their children, validating their feelings, their perceptions, their gifts and talents, their particular form of intelligence, their interests, their kindness, caring, and intuition. You are very ...
Views: 8689(4 votes) - ***Holding Your Heart Through Sadness and Heartbreak - by Submitted on Feb 17, 2011 from Margaret Paul"I've finally learned how to lovingly hold my heart when my heart hurts from the pain of disconnection with loved ones," said Meagan in our phone session. "I've discovered that it's possible to feel peaceful even in the midst of loneliness and heartbreak."Does it seem like a ...
Views: 3021(1 vote) - ***"If I'm Perfect, No One Will Reject Me" - Healing Perfectionism - by Submitted on Feb 11, 2011 from Margaret PaulDo you believe that being "perfect" gives you control over how people feel about you?"If you do, then you are coming from 3 big false beliefs that are causing you much unhappiness.False Belief #1"I can have control over how people feel about me."Think for a moment ...
Views: 4724(4 votes) - Do You REALLY Want to Lose Weight? - by Submitted on Feb 05, 2011 from Margaret PaulIf you asked almost any overweight person, "Do you really want to lose weight?" the answer is likely, "Yes, I would love to lose weight."If most overweight and obese people would so love to lose weight that they spend billions a year on trying to lose weight, why is our ...
Views: 5047(4 votes) - Five Secrets to Weight Loss - by Submitted on Feb 05, 2011 from Margaret PaulWeight loss - such a "big" topic! Every month another book or program is out by another expert on weight loss. Everyone wants to know the secret to losing weight.Weight used to be a major issue for me. Losing weight was never out of my thoughts, and I can't tell you how many ...
Views: 4246(1 vote) - ***When You Feel Hurt By Your Partner - by Submitted on Jan 27, 2011 from Margaret PaulI grew up with a very angry mother who would attack me out of the blue. As a highly sensitive only child, the fear and heartbreak of being treated so unlovingly was unbearable. So rather than feel the hurt, I numbed it out by learning to stay in my head rather than being present in my body, and ...
Views: 3701(3 votes) - ***Do You Feel Loved or Unloved? - by Submitted on Jan 20, 2011 from Margaret PaulDo you feel unloved? Do you know what would make you feel loved?Ask yourself: Who do you feel loved or unloved by? Your partner? Your parents? Your children? Yourself? God?Feeling Loved or Unloved by Yourself and/or GodWhat does it mean to feel loved or unloved by yourself?You will likely feel ...
Views: 5347(3 votes) - ***Taking the Risk of Loving - by Submitted on Jan 13, 2011 from Margaret Paul“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all ...
Views: 3313(3 votes) - ***When Should You Take It Personally? - by Submitted on Jan 05, 2011 from Margaret PaulWe hear so often, "Don't take it personally." What does this really mean? The answer is NOT simple!Let's say that you are in a great mood, feeling loving and expansive, and someone - either someone close to you or a stranger like a clerk in a store - is withdrawn or attacking.This is ...
Views: 3030(2 votes) - ***The Crazymaking Trap: Proving Your Worth Over and Over - by Submitted on Jan 03, 2011 from Margaret PaulMarcus grew up the eldest of three, with a highly critical mother and an absent father. Marcus's mother frequently told him or implied that he was too stupid to take care of himself - that he would be nothing without her. She programmed him to believe that she was his only source of love and ...
Views: 3464(3 votes) - ***"I Just Want to be Understood." - by Submitted on Dec 21, 2010 from Margaret Paul"Seek first to understand and then to be understood." - Stephen CoveyHow often have you heard yourself say:"I just want someone to understand me.""I just want to be heard.""I feel invisible.""I just want to be seen."I know what it feels like to ...
Views: 8397(1 vote) - ***"What Are They Thinking About Me?" - by Submitted on Dec 16, 2010 from Margaret Paul"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."--Eleanor RooseveltWhy should most people be thinking about you? They are far more concerned with what you are thinking about them to spend time thinking about you!Right now, take a moment to ...
Views: 3543(1 vote) - ***Are Kindness and Tenderness Signs of Weakness? - by Submitted on Dec 07, 2010 from Margaret Paul"Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair but manifestations of strength and resolution."~Kahlil GibranOver the 42 years that I have been counseling individuals and couples, I have heard countless times:"If I cry in movies people will think I’m ...
Views: 4317(2 votes) - ***The Happiness Choice - by Submitted on Nov 29, 2010 from Margaret Paul"Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us."--Stephen R. Covey, Author and SpeakerThis is a powerful freedom. And, from my point of view, another way of putting this is that the ultimate freedom is the right and power ...
Views: 3388(2 votes) - ***Fear of Anger - Yours and Others - by Submitted on Nov 29, 2010 from Margaret PaulAre you terrified of others' anger? Are you afraid to open to your own anger for fear of getting out of control?If you grew up in an angry or violent home, there is a good possibility that you have a fear of both your own anger and others' anger.Fear of Others' AngerI grew up with a very angry ...
Views: 3555(1 vote) - ***Healing Envy - by Submitted on Nov 17, 2010 from Margaret Paul"I have a question about envy. I'm not talking about jealousy but specifically envy and how to be happy for someone else's good fortune. I feel like I have broke new ground on this issue as I have genuinely been able to feel happy for someone else recently who achieved something I hadn't but ...
Views: 4730(2 votes) - Addiction to Gossip - by Submitted on Nov 11, 2010 from Margaret PaulA member of Inner Bonding Village asked the following question:"I'm a little confused. My mother is visiting me, and sometimes we have a nice time together. But often her way of bonding with me or anyone else is to talk about other people's problems. Most of the time I find it draining. It ...
Views: 4635(1 vote) - Enmeshed Parenting - by Submitted on Nov 03, 2010 from Margaret Paul"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you."-- Kahlil Gibran Symptoms of enmeshed parenting:Your children's good or difficult ...
Views: 4214(4 votes)