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Articles from Margaret Paul | Selfgrowth.com
- *Relationships: Letting Go Of Problem Solving - by Submitted on Sep 17, 2008 from Margaret Paul"We never seem to be able to solve any problems," Kaylee told me in a phone session. "Every time we sit down to solve a problem, we end up fighting. It doesn't really matter what it is about - it always ends up the same. Is this normal? Aren't couples supposed to be able to solve ...
Views: 2587 - ***Do You Feel Free? - by Submitted on Sep 11, 2008 from Margaret Paul"...no one ever pushes you toward freedom. You need to take that for yourself." --Joan Erickson, wife of psychologist Erik Erickson, quoted in Joan Anderson's book, A Walk on the Beach. Do you believe that someone has to give you your freedom? Do you believe that you can be free only when you ...
Views: 2326(1 vote) - *Relationships: The Power Of Good Will - by Submitted on Sep 04, 2008 from Margaret PaulResearch into good marriages indicates that the most important choice healthy couples make is to have good will toward each other. This may seems like a simple requirement, yet many couples have anything but good will toward each other. Instead, they make it far more important to: Attempt to ...
Views: 2890 - ***How Can I Stop Feeling Jealous? - by Submitted on Aug 21, 2008 from Margaret Paul"I know that my boyfriend loves me, but he has a lot of women friends. I don't get why he has to have so many women friends. I get scared and jealous when he spends time with another woman. I know I should trust him, but I don't, and I don't know what to do about this." "My wife is a very ...
Views: 2473 - *"You're Not Meeting My Needs - by Submitted on Aug 16, 2008 from Margaret Paul"Sandra wants to end our marriage," Ted told me in our phone session. "She says that I am not meeting her needs." I often hear this in my counseling practice. How did we get the idea that marriage is about the other person meeting our needs, or about our meeting the other person's needs? How ...
Views: 2743 - *Emotional Intimacy - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2008 from Margaret PaulExperiencing emotional intimacy with others is one of the most satisfying experiences of life. Emotional intimacy, or a sense of deep connection with another person or a group of people, occurs when each person is completely open hearted and devoted to taking 100% responsibility for their own ...
Views: 2636 - ***The Wanting Mind, Part 1 - by Submitted on Jul 25, 2008 from Margaret Paul"This force [that keeps us always wanting] is known in several Buddhist traditions as the Wanting Mind. The Wanting Mind is always craving an experience different from the one it currently has." --Brent Kessel, It's Not About the Money There is nothing wrong with wanting - wanting more time, ...
Views: 3474 - * Is Your Marriage Suffering From Emotional Infidelity? - by Submitted on Jul 18, 2008 from Margaret PaulEmotional infidelity occurs when you or your partner become emotionally connected with someone outside your relationship, either in person or on the Internet. How dangerous to a marriage or committed relationship is emotional infidelity? One way of looking at emotional infidelity is that it is ...
Views: 3270 - ***7 Step "Tongue-in-Cheek" Guide To Never Having an Experience of God - by Submitted on Jul 08, 2008 from Margaret PaulAre you one of those people who secretly wish you believed in God? Or are you one of those people who believe in God in an abstract way rather than a personal way? Are you actually doing everything you can to never have an experience of God, while denying that this is what you are doing? Now you ...
Views: 3645 - ***Problems Sleeping? - by Submitted on Jul 04, 2008 from Margaret PaulInsomnia is quite common in our society. While there many different reasons for sleep problems - such as poor diet, too much sugar and refined carbohydrates, too much caffeine, or lack of exercise - I want to share two major causes and the solutions to these. Ironically, one of the major causes ...
Views: 3287 - *Diffusing Anger Or Feeding The Flames - by Submitted on Jun 28, 2008 from Margaret PaulHave you ever had an argument with someone - a partner, spouse, close friend, child, parent or other relative, or a business associate - that started small and spiraled into an intense conflict? Have you ever scratched your head, wondering how it got so out of control? Let's take a look at what ...
Views: 2871 - ***Are You Enmeshed With Your Children? - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2008 from Margaret PaulThe Encarta World English Dictionary defines "enmesh" as "to entangle somebody or something in something from which it is difficult to be extricated or separated." Are you entangled with your children in a way that is limiting both you and your children? Parents may enmesh with children when ...
Views: 2572 - ***7 Step Guide To Creating A Life Of Substance Abuse - by Submitted on Jun 13, 2008 from Margaret PaulWhile it is probable that no one consciously sets out to create a life of substance abuse, those who end up addicted to substances are choosing certain thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that will likely end up leading to some form of substance abuse - drugs, alcohol, nicotine, food, junk food, ...
Views: 3251(2 votes) - ***Healing Your Broken Heart - by Submitted on Jun 06, 2008 from Margaret PaulHaley, 38, consulted with me because her boyfriend had just broken up with her. Shocked and broken-hearted, she tearfully told me about how wonderful he was and about how she didn't know how she could survive this break up. Haley and Owen had been together for over 2 years and were making ...
Views: 3559(1 vote) - ***7 Step Guide To Staying Completely Stuck In Your Life - by Submitted on May 23, 2008 from Margaret PaulAre you stuck in your life? Do you receive some satisfaction from staying stuck and from no one being able to help you get unstuck? If you are invested in staying stuck, why not do it consciously and deliberately? Here is your guide to never getting unstuck. 1. Make Resistance Your Guiding ...
Views: 2483 - ***Fear Of Death - by Submitted on May 23, 2008 from Margaret Paul"The modern tradition of equating death with an ensuing nothingness can be abandoned. For there is no reason to believe that human death severs the quality of the oneness in the universe." - Larry Dossey, MD Kenny, a client of mine, told me that his mother had a stroke and has been left totally ...
Views: 3551 - *Marriage Advice: Love And Fairness - by Submitted on May 18, 2008 from Margaret Paul"Love has nothing to do with fairness. Love is Love." --Susan Page, Why Talking is Not Enough "It's not fair!" How often have you heard this from young or adolescent siblings? I grew up as an only child, so I was never indoctrinated with the concept of fairness. Not growing up with it, I ...
Views: 2895 - ***Following A Child's Lead - by Submitted on May 10, 2008 from Margaret PaulHow long should your child breast-feed? Should your child go to pre-school? Should your child sleep with you or by him or herself? What about home-schooling vs. attending school? Most people who choose to have children want to be good parents, and they have many questions about what would be ...
Views: 2225 - ***Self Improvement: Leisure Time, Retirement Time - by Submitted on May 04, 2008 from Margaret PaulYou've worked all your life and now you are looking forward to retirement. How will you spend your time? Many people have not created balance in their lives between work and play, so when it comes to leisure time or retirement, they don't know what to do with their time. If you no longer have ...
Views: 3838 - ***Why Do So Many People Lack Integrity? - by Submitted on Apr 28, 2008 from Margaret Paul"By the right choice and true application of thought, man ascents to the Divine Perfection; by the abuse and wrong application of thought, he descents below the level of the beast. Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and master." -As A Man ...
Views: 3877(3 votes) - *Relationship Advice: Be Willing To Have Your Partner Be Upset With You - by Submitted on Apr 20, 2008 from Margaret PaulAs a counselor, I often work with people who are unhappy in their relationship and thinking of leaving. They believe that they are unhappy because of their partner, but the real reason is that they are not taking responsibility for their own feelings within the relationship. For example, when ...
Views: 3375 - *Love And Marriage: Do They Really Go Together? - by Submitted on Apr 14, 2008 from Margaret PaulDo love and marriage really go together like a horse and carriage? For some they do but for many they don't. Why not? Why does love seem to die away in so many marriages? At the beginning of most relationships that eventually lead to marriage, the couple falls in love and believes that this ...
Views: 2675 - *Saving Your Marriage When You Have Children - by Submitted on Apr 06, 2008 from Margaret PaulResearch indicates that, unless there is violence in the home, children are better off being raised by an intact family. Whenever clients who have children call to work with me on their marriage, I always encourage them to do all they can to save their marriage. Leah is a good example of a ...
Views: 2751 - ***8-Step Guide To Messing Up Your Kids - by Submitted on Mar 31, 2008 from Margaret PaulWe all know that most parents REALLY want to be good parents. But since it is rare for parents to take parenting classes before becoming parents, we inadvertently do lots of things to mess up our kids. This tongue-in-cheek article may help you to see what you are doing! 1. IGNORE THE ...
Views: 2320 - *Marriage Help: If You Are Thinking Of Getting a Divorce, Think Again! - by Submitted on Mar 24, 2008 from Margaret PaulAre you thinking of getting a divorce because: • Your spouse is physically abusive with you or with your children? • Your spouse is an alcoholic or drug addict and has no intention of dealing with the addiction? • Your spouse has a gambling addiction and is causing financial ...
Views: 2528(3 votes) - *7 Step Guide To Never Having Sex In Your Marriage - by Submitted on Mar 16, 2008 from Margaret PaulOne of the most common complaints I receive in my relationship counseling work is "We hardly ever have sex." Since you might be addicted to the anger and complaining around this issue, I want to make sure you do ALL the right things so you get to continue being angry and complaining about ...
Views: 2796(3 votes) - *7-Step Foolproof Guide To Creating A Terrible Relationship - by Submitted on Mar 09, 2008 from Margaret PaulNo one SAYS they want a terrible relationship, yet so many people go about creating them that we need to assume they must WANT them! So, here's my 7 Step foolproof guide to creating a terrible relationship. 1. TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN FEELINGS Make sure that you do not take ...
Views: 2616(2 votes) - ***What Does Your Child Really Need From You? - by Submitted on Mar 03, 2008 from Margaret PaulMost parents want to be good parents. Yet parenting is one of those things that does not have hard and fast rules. So how do we know what to do? How do we know what will support our children in being all they can be? One of the most important things for parents to do is to learn to trust their ...
Views: 2612(2 votes) - ***The Incredible Power Of Intent - by Submitted on Feb 26, 2008 from Margaret PaulImagine two big spotlights. One is pointed upward, casting light far into the air. The other is pointed downward and buried into the earth - no light is cast at all. This is like intent. There are only two possible intentions in any given moment: the intent to learn about loving yourself and ...
Views: 2772 - ***Forgiveness: Acceptance And Letting Go - by Submitted on Feb 16, 2008 from Margaret PaulHave you ever noticed the difference in people who are able to easily let go of resentment and forgive, and those who stay in anger and blame? What I have noticed is that those who continue to stay in blame and resentment are often people who see themselves as victims of other people's choices. ...
Views: 2669(2 votes) - ***What Does It Mean To Have Integrity? - by Submitted on Feb 11, 2008 from Margaret PaulWhen I was in school training to be a psychotherapist, one of my professors introduced me to a concept that I find very valuable: "bad faith." We are in bad faith with ourselves and others when we are out of alignment with what is true for "who we really are." Who we really are - who is ...
Views: 5849(1 vote) - *** Marriage: Responsibility vs. Fault - by Submitted on Feb 04, 2008 from Margaret PaulIn my counseling practice, I often hear people saying things like: "It's my fault that she asked for a divorce. If I hadn't worked so much, she wouldn't have left." "It's my fault that he left. If I had been more sexual, he wouldn't have had an affair." I often hear clients ask, when I ...
Views: 4761(2 votes) - ***When Not To Start A Relationship - by Submitted on Jan 28, 2008 from Margaret PaulHave you recently ended a relationship or are you recently divorced? Are you thinking about dating again? Many times, putting yourself back into the dating scene is a good idea. But how can you know when it is time to start a new relationship? Here are some questions to ponder: 1. Are you ...
Views: 2778 - ***Fear Of Failure - by Submitted on Jan 21, 2008 from Margaret PaulFailure! What do you feel when you think about failure? Inadequate? Unworthy? Unlovable? It is so sad that you might have learned to link failure to your value as a person. Most people who are successful in their work and their relationships have experienced many failures along their road to ...
Views: 2757 - ***What Should My Child Be Eating For Optimal Health? - by Submitted on Jan 14, 2008 from Margaret PaulUnderstanding healthy eating has become a huge challenge in our society. Our ancestors living thousands of years ago did not have this challenge. They ate what grew and what they could catch. Before the advent of agriculture, people ate what was naturally supplied. While I have been studying ...
Views: 2091(2 votes) - Is The Law Of Attraction Bringing You What You Want? - by Submitted on Jan 07, 2008 from Margaret PaulMany people on a personal and spiritual growth path have read about the law of attraction. Simply stated, this law says that like attracts like, which means, in a general sense, that happiness draws happiness and misery draws misery. The law states that whatever we think about, with strong ...
Views: 2084(1 vote) - ***The Challenge Of Good Nutrition - by Submitted on Dec 31, 2007 from Margaret Paul"Eat more carbohydrates!" "Eat more protein!" "Be a vegetarian!" "Vegetarians are not healthy." "Don't eat grains!" "Eat more grains!" Are you confused about how to eat for excellent health? Even the research is contradictory! Since my early 20s, I have been interested in health and ...
Views: 2983 - ***Everyday Creativity - by Submitted on Dec 24, 2007 from Margaret PaulDo you tell yourself that you are not a creative person because you can't draw or play an instrument or write poetry? I often hear many of my clients bemoan, "I'm not creative!" This isn't true! We all have the ability to be creative - it is a God-given gift - but you might not be noticing or ...
Views: 3998(1 vote) - ***Men, Women, And Sex - by Submitted on Dec 21, 2007 from Margaret PaulDuring my many years of counseling couples, I have frequently worked with the sexual problems that often occur in marriages. The most common complaint from men regarding sex is frequency, and the most common complaint from woman is lack of emotional intimacy. There is a very good reason why ...
Views: 5120 - ***He's Trying To Control Me - by Submitted on Dec 17, 2007 from Margaret Paul"I know what's coming when Robert says that we need to sit down and have a talk," Maryann told me in our phone session. "He wants to tell me everything that is wrong with me. It's not about talking - it's about wanting to have control over me. Last time he did this it was all about how I spend ...
Views: 3090(5 votes) - Intimacy With Yourself - by Submitted on Dec 10, 2007 from Margaret PaulOver the 40 years that I have been counseling individual and couples, I have very often worked with people who are considering leaving their marriage. Often they say things like: * I no longer feel close or intimate with my spouse. I love him/her, but I'm no longer in love with him/her. * The ...
Views: 2504 - *Marriage: Self-Care and Remembering the Good Stuff - by Submitted on Dec 04, 2007 from Margaret PaulAre you finding yourself irritated with your spouse lately? Are you having problems remembering why you love this person - or why you even got married in the first place? You are not alone! Ramona consulted with me because this is exactly what was happening in her marriage. "When Randy and I ...
Views: 2460(3 votes) - Non-Reactivity - A Major Key To Relationship Health - by Submitted on Nov 27, 2007 from Margaret PaulHow much of your behavior is in reaction to your partner? What do you do when your partner: * gets angry or irritated with you? * withdraws from you? * is blaming or criticizing you? * misunderstands you or is not seeing you accurately? * is always busy? * is complaining, needy, or pouty? * ...
Views: 2499 - Non-Reactivity - A Major Key to Relationship Health - by Submitted on Nov 27, 2007 from Margaret PaulHow much of your behavior is in reaction to your partner? What do you do when your partner: * gets angry or irritated with you? * withdraws from you? * is blaming or criticizing you? * misunderstands you or is not seeing you accurately? * is always busy? * is complaining, needy, or pouty? * ...
Views: 2482 - A Major Cause of Marriage Problems - by Submitted on Nov 20, 2007 from Margaret PaulWe all know that relationships are very challenging. 52% of married people reach their 15th anniversary and only 33% reach their 25th anniversary. I have been counseling individuals and couples for 40 years and I believe that I have discovered a major cause of relationship problems - if not ...
Views: 3286(2 votes) - What Causes Embarrassment? - by Submitted on Nov 13, 2007 from Margaret PaulI was conducting a weekend Inner Bonding workshop. Amanda, one of the participants, was working with me in front of the rest of the group. As we touched on a painful issue, she started to cry, and immediately said "I'm so embarrassed that I'm crying." "What are you telling yourself right now ...
Views: 3997 - Parenting Adolescents When You Have Changed The Rules - by Submitted on Nov 02, 2007 from Margaret PaulMarilee had grown up with very strict authoritarian parents, and decided that when she had children she would not be controlling with them the way her parents had been with her. Unfortunately, the only thing she knew to do was to be a permissive parent, which meant that instead of controlling ...
Views: 3099(2 votes) - Parenting: Emotional Incest - by Submitted on Oct 29, 2007 from Margaret PaulJacob, a participant in one of my telephone support groups, was exploring the fact that he generally didn't like to be touched. He was sharing with the group a situation that used to happen with his mother. "She used to sit me on the couch with her and grab my arms and look intently into my ...
Views: 4159 - Dating: Why Are People Rejecting Me? - by Submitted on Oct 21, 2007 from Margaret PaulAidan decided to consult with me because he wanted to get married and have a family. A handsome man in his mid-30s, it was certainly not obvious at first glance why he could not find a partner. However, it didn't take me long to understand why relationships were not working for Aidan. Being ...
Views: 2506 - Parents: Letting Go Of Guilt - by Submitted on Oct 15, 2007 from Margaret PaulHow are your children doing? If they are doing well, then I'm sure you feel good about your parenting. If they are not doing well, what are you telling yourself about your parenting? "I should have been there for them more." "I should have been harder/easier on them." "I should have been a ...
Views: 2559(2 votes)