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Articles from Andy Kay | Selfgrowth.com
- What people falsely believe about destiny -- part 2 - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2017 from Andy KayIn my article "What People Falsely Believe About Destiny", I argue that the entire concept of destiny is not only outdated, but potentially dangerous. Because it ultimately takes away more or less of our personal responsibility. I'd hereby like to elaborate on the inherent flaw of the concept ...
Views: 877 - Introducing... Star Wars mindfulness! - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2017 from Andy KayLike any other pre-90’s kid with a beating heart, I love the classic Star Wars mythology. Now, with the obvious out of the way, you’re probably wondering what Star Wars mindfulness is all about. In fact, how are the two things related at all? If nothing else, you’ve at least heard of Star ...
Views: 1588 - Regretting past decisions is lame. Here's why. - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2017 from Andy KayWe’ve all found ourselves regretting past decisions at one point or another. It’s part of being human, I guess. You live, you learn. And as we learn and accumulate experience, we begin to see our inexperienced past through experienced eyes. This can make for regret. We might realize an ...
Views: 1001 - How action reduces fear - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2017 from Andy KayAction reduces fear, so act. Truth be told, this neat little quote isn’t my own. It’s one that I came upon while reading a summary of David Schwartz’ classic “The Magic of Thinking Big”. But it stuck with me. For someone plagued by low confidence and self-esteem, the idea that action ...
Views: 1071 - Forget about never being made fun of: Here's what to do instead - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2017 from Andy KayBeing made fun of is probably one of the most common fears among people with confidence and self-esteem issues. And for many a good reason. With the possible exception of Larry David and other deliberately self-deprecating comedians, nobody likes being made fun of. When somebody makes fun of ...
Views: 865 - Overcoming analysis paralysis in 6 simple steps - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2017 from Andy KayAnalysis paralysis is a term that seems to be increasing in popularity. And it’s a term with which many non-fidents, whether they’ve come across it or not, will be all too familiar. Basically, analysis paralysis means over-thinking and over-analyzing one’s options until they all seem equally ...
Views: 1117 - Can introverts be confident? - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2017 from Andy KayI hear this question a lot. And it’s not hard to figure out why. So, CAN introverts be confident, then? Let’s have a look. But for the purpose, its important to define ‘introvert’. The Cambridge Dictionary* defines an introvert as “someone who is shy, quiet, and unable to make friends ...
Views: 1027 - Luck has nothing to do with it - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2017 from Andy KayThat’s right: Luck has nothing to do with it, as some allegedly “fortunate” people say. And in this case, “it” doesn’t just mean confidence. It means life. Life as you'd like it to be. And the life that we see someone leading, when we immediately consider them "lucky". See, whenever ...
Views: 1085 - Why is it so hard to build confidence? — 4 likely reasons - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2017 from Andy KayI see this one a lot. Not necessarily Why is it so hard to build confidence?, but more or less desperate variants thereof. Such as Why is it so hard to be yourself? and even Why can’t I be happy?. Sticking with the first one here, why IS it so hard to build confidence, then? The answer is ...
Views: 1003 - “So what do you do?” — 4 surprisingly effective ways to answer a cliché - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2017 from Andy KayDon't you hate it when you're in a situation where you have to get into that decades-long worn-out social interaction routine of "So what do you do"? I do. "So what do you do?" is the discount pasta of small-talking. We've all heard it 1000 times too many, and while it might've had a ...
Views: 1333 - Yes, you gotta believe in yourself. BUT... - by Submitted on Aug 02, 2017 from Andy KayBelieve in yourself, by all means. But that in itself will not get you anywhere near your goals.Believe in yourself. Ah, how quaintly those three words ring throughout our collective childhood memories. And for many a good reason. They're age-old wisdom, really. You know how some people ...
Views: 1030 - Building confidence isn't easy, BUT... - by Submitted on Aug 02, 2017 from Andy KayBuilding confidence might not be easy. But the principles are pretty simple.Theoretically, building confidence shouldn’t be complicated. And theoretically, confidence coaching shouldn’t be necessary. The key word here, of course, is theoretically. Because in practice, things act ...
Views: 1074 - Is it true that we can choose how we react? - by Submitted on Aug 02, 2017 from Andy KayIt is often said that we cannot choose what happens to us, but we can choose how we react to it. While the idea itself is probably way older, the above quote is often ascribed to the Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus (55-135 C.E.). Specifically, he stated the following: “Our opinions ...
Views: 944 - Not doing what you say: How it cripples you - by Submitted on Aug 02, 2017 from Andy KayNot doing what you say you’re gonna do is a habit. — A habit that is unsupportive of your success. That’s what my old group coach used to say. In every single session. Of course, we’re not just talking about not taking out the trash when you said you would, or not buying milk when you said ...
Views: 1323 - Do I have a choice? - by Submitted on Aug 02, 2017 from Andy KayDo I have a choice? Man, there’s a question that’s been bugging me for years. And I know it’s been bugging many of you, as well. It’s a question closely related to the matter of confidence. Because confident people have a mindset of abundance, possibilities and proactivity. Whereas ...
Views: 958 - Are you playing the victim? - by Submitted on Aug 02, 2017 from Andy KayWhen I set out on my great escape from depression towards a confident life, one of the hardest things to realize was that I had a habit of unconsciously playing the victim. A habit that I needed to outright slaughter if I was going to get confidence, and get where I wanted to be. This goes ...
Views: 907 - Confidence: Why loving yourself isn't enough - by Submitted on Aug 02, 2017 from Andy KayThroughout life itself, from cradle to grave — and especially often in the world of self-help and (confidence) coaching — we’re often told to love ourselves. And yes, we totally should. Questioning this principle seems counter-intuitive. Why wouldn’t loving yourself be a means to an ...
Views: 1343 - 5 stupid excuses for giving up - by Submitted on Aug 02, 2017 from Andy KayThere’s a saying that goes: “If it’s important to you, you'll find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse.” Boom. Love it. If a project is neither necessary or interesting for you anymore, there’s no shame in abandoning it. But otherwise, there are only excuses for giving up on working ...
Views: 980 - Giving up is for losers - by Submitted on Aug 02, 2017 from Andy KayIf you ever feel like giving up, here’s a little something to think about: What do 100% of everyone who give up have in common? Please read on as you ponder this question. When I claim that ‘giving up is for losers’, I’m not being pretentiously cynical. On the contrary, I’m being as ...
Views: 1635 - Consistency -- why is it important to me? - by Submitted on Aug 02, 2017 from Andy KayYes: Consistency. Now there’s an abstract word for you. Why would I present my readers with such an intangible term? Because consistency applies to each and every one of us if we wanna get confidence on a permanent basis. But how? Well, thank you for asking! Consistency basically ...
Views: 1132 - Is your life running on autopilot? - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2017 from Andy KayEver get the feeling your life is somewhat running on autopilot? That you’re not really working on what you truly want, and that you’re putting off certain necessary things because you feel a need for instant gratification? And, in turn, do you ever think that you “really should be doing” ...
Views: 1025 - Dear Negative Thoughts - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2017 from Andy KayDear Negative Thoughts You've been serving me for a long time. Not necessarily in a good or bad way, but for a long time, anyway. That's why I remember you. And that's exactly the status you have with me now: A memory; an echo. A faded photograph of an old place that's no longer worth ...
Views: 992 - Depression is NOT “laziness”, it’s your ignorance and arrogance that’s lazy. - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2017 from Andy KayMany non-fident people will be familiar with depression. In fact, you could very well say that confidence and self-esteem are pretty safe antidotes for depression. — And vice versa. When we’re depressed, we have little faith in our abilities and our future. In our purpose, our entire ...
Views: 1684(1 vote) - There’s only ONE source of unhappiness in the world, and we’re hardly even aware of it - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2017 from Andy KayEver stop to think that there’s actually only one source of unhappiness in the world? Yeah, me neither. That is, until that time last year when I watched this TED Talk. I forget which, but the idea stuck with me. I wanna share it with you, because I think it’s quite relevant to the topic ...
Views: 834 - On the paradox of finding comfort in low confidence - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2017 from Andy KayIf you know anyone with low confidence, you'd want them to feel more confident, right? However, things aren't always that simple. Low confidence is a lot like depression. In that it has that one counter-intuitive paradox to it: Depression and low confidence holds us back. But for that ...
Views: 851 - Forget about forgetting your insecurity — here’s what to do instead! - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2017 from Andy KayDeep down, we’d all like to be able to simply forget — or delete — our insecurity. Some people will claim that we’re better off having insecurity. Because it’s a natural, human trait that keeps us grounded and in touch with our humility. But when someone with certain ambitions also has low ...
Views: 882 - Okay, so you messed up. Now what? - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2017 from Andy KayOkay. So you did something wrong. Maybe you made a social blunder; maybe you carried out some task and failed. In short: You messed up. For people with low confidence, failure can be downright devastating. I know. Because I used to be ashamed of things I did or said. All the time. And ...
Views: 899 - Are you humble or vain? - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2017 from Andy KayMany of us are raised into believing that humility, modesty and inner values are virtues. — And that those are superior and contradictory to being vain, selfish, and superficial. That money not only can’t buy you love, but it’s the root of all evil. That we’re not supposed to think too highly ...
Views: 1189 - “The one word you need in order to succeed” - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2017 from Andy KayYeah, notice how there’s a lot of these kinds of headlines out there? “The one word you need in order to succeed”. “Learn this one word and it'll change your life forever”. To spare you the time and effort, I’ve hereby decided to write, well, the one article you’ll ever need to read about ...
Views: 995 - Why is taking the first step so hard? - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2017 from Andy KayIf you’re anything like I used to be, you’ve been held back by your current problems for more than a matter of months. You've wanted to be taking the first step. But... How?? We do this for several reasons. Some more evident than others. For example, if lack of confidence is holding you ...
Views: 1048 - Wait for it... -- On the virtue of patience - by Submitted on Jun 09, 2017 from Andy KayBuilding confidence takes patience. -- In that it takes years. Some people attract confidence naturally. But, unfairly as the world works, not everyone does. If life's truly got you down, turning it around is one of the bigger projects you’ll ever undergo. And even with a fairly normal ...
Views: 864 - Don't be that guy... - by Submitted on Jun 09, 2017 from Andy KayYou know how in every comment section online there’s always that one guy who’s bitchy and moany about whatever the subject matter? Yeah, don't be that guy. Often, there’s more than one. (Lookin’ at you, YouTube!) And of course, girls do it too, but they tend to be more passive-aggressive, ...
Views: 961 - We need a more nuanced way of saying “just do it” - by Submitted on Jun 09, 2017 from Andy KayPeople with low confidence and/or depression endure additional frustration when confronted with the attitude of just do it. Popularized by an immense athletics corporation, it’s hard not to see the mass-appeal of this ubiquitous saying. -- And of its more jaunty sibling: Nothing to it but to ...
Views: 875 - We don't "deserve" anything - by Submitted on Jun 09, 2017 from Andy KayMany coaches and self-development whizzes will talk about living the life you “deserve”, and how you somehow “deserve” certain things. But... You don’t deserve anything. Because nobody does. And already, I have a good idea what most of you are thinking: “But I’ve been miserable for so many ...
Views: 2317 - How forgiveness and empathy might harm you - by Submitted on Jun 09, 2017 from Andy KayAnyone who has low confidence and self-esteem will know that a lot of one’s energy goes towards forgiveness and empathy. Towards worrying about what others think of you. When we do this, we give others the opportunity to walk all over us. Partly because we don’t wanna lose the people we ...
Views: 1157 - Two major mistakes you should stop making right now - by Submitted on Jun 06, 2017 from Andy KayThere are two major mistakes you should stop making in life. As you ponder what they might be, try to see if any of these sound familiar: "Why can't I just figure stuff out like everyone else?" "Am I the only one who doesn't know how to take control of my life yet?" "How did everyone ...
Views: 1162 - Three magic words for depression and tough times - by Submitted on Jun 06, 2017 from Andy KayIf you've never experienced depression, consider yourself lucky. But show me one human being who does not profess to at least having been upon hard times, and I'll show you a liar. (Well, either that or one lucky bastard.) Even the bigshots, the Sylvester Stallones and Tony Robbinses of ...
Views: 1238 - What people falsely believe about destiny - by Submitted on Jun 06, 2017 from Andy KayI’m tired of hearing people going on about "destiny". About how they were “meant” for something, and about how something was “meant” to be. Because… “Meant” by who or what? And when? And why? Is everyone and everything "meant" for something? Or is it only certain situations? Are the ...
Views: 800 - Here's what REALLY makes you stronger - by Submitted on Jun 06, 2017 from Andy KayYes: I will hereby tell you what really makes you stronger. But of course, it's not gonna be without a little background for reference...: See, back in the 19th century, there was a profoundly cool, albeit rather eccentric man - (a Ger-man!) - by the name of Friedrich Nietzsche. While he ...
Views: 779 - Why the idea of "perfection" is BS - by Submitted on Jun 06, 2017 from Andy KayThis one should go without saying, right? I mean, of course perfection is BS. Nobody could take an abstract ideal like that serious, could they? Well, actually, it would seem so. How many times have you looked at the cover of any men's magazine and thought, "My God, Carmen Electra's just ...
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