Words Of Wisdom For Newly Married Couple: Advice For A Long And Happy Marriage

After spending a considerable amount of time planning your wedding, things such as the dress, the tuxes, the flowers, the rings, the honeymoon trip, and the budget were the focus of your time. But how much time did you really devote into planning your marriage?

In this article, we'll look at 3 sneaky threats to watch out for to keep you on the road to marital bliss.

1. Lack of Respect

This is what I believe to be one of the fastest ways to create a lasting bond. When you first get together, you're on your best behavior. Over time, married couples begin to take each other for granted and in turn, they start to lose respect for each other. I'm not talking about blatant disrespect here, I mean lack of respect in day to day living -- things like not saying "please" and "thank you". In general, badmouth your new spouse to your friends or associates. Even though you may think of it as harmless teasing, your spouse will slowly start to build resentment towards you. Treat your spouse with the adoration and respect that you would want as well.

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2. Not Listening to Your Spouse

Not listening to your honey can seem like nothing -- but over time, this will turn your communication skills into nothing. When you stop 'really' listening to your spouse, you miss out on a lot of the inflections they may use -- as you've tuned out. Think back to how it feels when you don't feel no one is listening to you, you feel unappreciated and so will your spouse. Don't allow your mind to wander, strive to pay less attention to the computer or television set. Make your spouse feels as if they're the most important person to you, and over time, this will only create a lasting bond.

3. Lack of Sexual Intimacy

As newlyweds, you may not even think about this, but as you settle into the routine of everyday life, you may start to avoid being sexually intimate. This may not be intentional. It may start out innocently as working on a big project, the expectation of your first baby, buying a home. Pretty soon, sex gets put on the back burner. Don't allow this to happen. As unromantic as this may sound, schedule time for each other and keep in mind sex starts before you even get in the bedroom.

Make it a point to keep that sexual intimacy going that you're now enjoying. Marriage advice is freely given by just about anyone. Everyone claims to be an expert. As you begin living your lives together, keep the above 3 tips in mind and you will be on your way to a loving and passionate relationship.

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Just as it is important to plan for ones financial future it is increasingly important to plan ones emotional future. Couples can look forward to spending 15 to 20 years or more together after retirement. Many couples are finding that they have been so busy with outward demands (careers, raising children etc.) that they have neglected to nurture the couple relationship.

You want to stay in the marriage but do not want to keep living together the way you have been. You have on one hand been feeling empty and alone and on the other hand you still value the relationship and all you have shared. What can you do to rekindle intimacy and friendship?

Tip 1. Clarify how you envision spending the next twenty years.

The right time is now to start finding out from each other what your vision is of the future as individuals and as a couple.

Mary envisioned that after she and John retired they would travel, go to museums, perhaps volunteer together, visit the grandchildren more often. John envisioned being able to sleep in every morning, staying up late, playing golf, watching TV and having no commitments and structure. When they looked at their different visions they saw that if they did not find solutions so that both would be OK the distance between them would continue to grow.

Tip 2. Put rekindling your relationship on top of the list.

Stay away from blaming each other for the intimacy gap and the emotional distance that you feel and focus on how can you reconnect with each other. Change can only happen through taking action in the present.

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Tip 3. Structure in connecting time.

We are all creatures of habit and unless we consciously focus on making changes we keep doing the same things over and over. Unless you structure in some connecting time with each other you will continue to lead solitary lives. As emotional connection grows intimacy follows.

Tip 4. Find something both of you can enjoy doing together.

Mildred and Paul began volunteering with Habitat for Humanity. Glenn and Amy took up birdwatching. You want to be respectful of your individual differences and interests while at the same time find something that you both enjoy doing together. It is through sharing things that relationships deepen.

Tip 5 Accept each other with your shortcomings

As in every relationship you no doubt have weathered many up and downs. This is the time to move forward in appreciating your essence and acknowledging what you like about each other.

Tip 6. Speak up about what matters to you.

Your partner is not a mind reader. I have heard so often: He,she should know by now what I like. If you want to reconnect emotionally use your voice so your partner really gets who you are.

Tip 7. Have fun together

Think back to when you first met and the fun you had together. You felt light and joyful. Start lightening up in the present and you will be surprised how much easier it is to see what you like about your spouse and about yourself. You will see that some things are not worth getting upset about and other things need to be addressed and resolved. Finding solutions is easier with a lighter heart.

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Our sour puss cat cannot sound out a full 'meow'. He sounds like he is saying 'wow'. How weird is that? My wife and I were never cat people, but that all changed ten years ago. We needed a mouser and we looked for a rescue cat.

In a specialty pet food store, there were lots of cats in need of homes. They roamed freely through the store and most of them were very cute. Suddenly one sleek feline leaped into my wife's arms. He began purring loudly. Obviously he wanted to adopt us,

We went next door for coffee to make our decision. My wife really liked that friendly cat, and we hurried back to get him! Maybe he would be a good mouser, we thought.

That first week he caught lots of mice. He also impressed us with his acrobatic skills. He could leap over five feet in the air and land on my wife's head! Amazing! He can't do that now because, in cat years, he is over seventy. He can still jump over two feet to catch a moth.

What does a little cat have to do with marriage? Well, if we are not speaking to each other, we still talk to our cat. Soon we are speaking again. Cats make good mediators. If your cat sneaks up on you and nibbles your toes, your mate will always laugh. That always breaks the ice!

When I play guitar, our cat starts to switch his long tail. He likes it. There must be a fast tempo, however, or he loses interest. It does help when my wife claps along with me.

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Our cat does snore. Maybe all older cats do this. This is way too funny to be annoying. We put up with a lot. When he wants outside he bites an ankle (just a bit), and when he wants food he bites an ankle. Is this a pattern? Am I trained yet?

One thing my wife really objects to is when he drops a dead mouse in front of us, as if to prove his hunting prowess. She does not shriek, exactly, more like a long 'Eek'!

When we are watching 'Dancing with the Stars' he often starts scratching the couch, demanding attention. Then when we scold him he pouts and scowls at us. This goes on for some time until he jumps on us and licks our foreheads and ears, This really tickles and we are pulled away from what's on TV and we focus on petting our cat.

The point is, your pet is your pet, whatever it is. It will enrich your life, even your relationships. Our fuzzy sour puss cat has helped us through some rough times.

Go ahead and get a pet! But watch out, you may be bitten by a kitten!

It is good to have a pet. It is heartwarming. Jump in and acquire a friend for life!

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I have discovered this dilemma rather common for more youthful couples, late or probably mid twenties and early thirties, than of older ages.

It seems in the younger ages there is more of a bit of confusion on actual goals in life and what one truly wants to accomplish.

The Course in Miracles further states, "The temptation of the ego becomes extremely intense with this shift in goals."

Normally one reports falling out of love, and is genuinely disturbed by this shift.

He/she (and this is not simply a female problem!) wishes to "recapture" those feelings.

This person has actually found a "loved one" who has stirred those inactive feelings and this individual again, "feels in love."

They have decided not to "settle" for a less than an ideal relationship, which indicates, naturally, feeling the love sensations.

Here are some Key Points for these kinds of signs of an affair:

Falling in false-love with someone else is the standard:

The implication being, that if it does not take place, or if it goes away, something is wrong-- with you, your spouse or the marriage.

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Usually the person having an affair experiences a high degree of regret and dispute, and he or she is typically married to an "excellent" person and the desire to "find that caring feeling" seems selfish (which it is) and immature (which it is).

Intuitively (and this individual usually has a good deal of intuition and sensitivity) it is known at another level that he/she is not on the best path.

This individual generally needs drama and excitement:

Life quickly becomes a daytime drama and emotional juice from the fall-out of emotionally intense relationships reigns, instead of living life from the core of who one is.

Falling out of love generally occurs when the attractors become the distracters:

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His love for enjoyable and spontaneity, which drew her initially to him, ends up being irresponsibility.

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The individual "looking for love":

He or she is in fact looking for the suitable, somebody out there, who will forecast back to him/her that he or she is OKAY. No, more than OKAY, near to ideal.

This person needs to be told how wonderful he/she is:

The individual needs to think another loves him/her, since there is a lack of inner strength and strong identity.

The other becomes my world, due to the fact that I lack a world. Being "in love" is the panacea for my vacuum.

Sexual activity might indeed END the relationship or at least move it to the point where the attractors end up being, again, the 'distracters.'

The idealized images may be held together by long phone calls, presents, love letters, emails, and so on.

The struggle at times of raising kids, keeping a career and beginning, paying bills, etc., end up being the focal point for the couple, and for one of them feeling like they are falling out of love.

Here are some recommendations:

Make sure you are patient and care for yourself if your spouse is dealing with this type of relationship.

Your spouse does not have the capability to do this for you (or anybody) at this moment.

Yes, you are her/his and, affair states less about you and far more about the emptiness within her/him.

It is time for you to understand 'you' better.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.


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Author's Bio: 

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