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Browse published articles attributed to Denise Duffield-Thomas, with full-archive search.
I don't think I need to explain, but internet dating is one of the most popular ways to find love. Unless you've got access to an old-fashioned matchmaker, logging on and being matched to other singles is virtually the only sensible option!
You know that fear right? You've written an awesome article and want to send it to your favourite website, but instead you stare at your computer screen for hours, watching cat videos and feeling the fear build up. You feel paralysed with terror that you'll put yourself out there - your services, your talent and your creativity and someone will say "this is no good". You want to quit your cubicle corporate job but that little voice inside says "You'll never be able to make money with your passion, it's safer to sit here until the right opportunity comes along".
Dream boards are one of the most powerful and fun success tools you'll ever find. I can't recommend them highly enough to put you in the right frame of mind, to inspire and motivate you to achieve your goals and to activate the Law of Attraction to draw your desires into your life. I use them for all aspects of my personal development and they are really fun to make, especially if you are a creative or visual person. Just the process of making one can bring you closer to your goal because you become really clear on what you want.
Here are just four of the many Law of Attraction techniques I used to win the Ultimate Job competition. They are really easy and practical things that you can do for your own audacious goal. Build your network before you need them I'm an excellent networker, so I already had a good sized social media network by actively connecting with like minded people and building relationships with them. I was very active about commenting and encouraging other people. This seems like a huge investment in time, but really it was a matter of checking my accounts for a couple of minutes every hour.
It was time to get serious about my goals. Two months before I even found out about the competition, I found myself increasingly frustrated with my life and desperate for change. I was itching to go travelling and was dreaming constantly about taking off to explore the world like many of our friends. However, it seemed like a bad time. We had quite a bit of wedding debt left over, we had our flat and our cats... etc etc. Despite all the reasons "why not", I was ready to do something different.
What Kind Of People Are You Attracting Into Your Life? Author and personal development speaker Jim Rohn famously said, “You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with". Just think about those people now. Who are they and what characteristics do these people have in common? Motivated about achieving something in their life or barely moving away from the TV? Positive people who are a delight or whiners who blame everyone else for their problems? People who make you feel wonderful or leave you feeling drained and exhausted? You get the idea.
The last year and a half has been the luckiest and most amazing of my life so far. It also coincided with me experimenting with the Law of Attraction and other well-known personal development principles. In one year, I achieved some almost unbelievable goals and manifested almost £500,000 (almost half a million) worth of free things and activities that directly related to those goals.
Does money elude you? Does it slip through your fingers like fine sand? Do you visualise yourself being rich and successful and the universe is not providing quickly enough (or at all)? The way we handle money and abundance can show up in almost every part of our life. Let me tell you a hilarious experience I had with my coach at the time, Corrina Gordon Barnes; it gave me a huge shock about the way I was handling my finances and how my attitude towards money was showing up in my world.
Last weekend I was at a conference venue just two streets away from my very first student share house! Wow, did that bring up some... "interesting" memories of my student days! Here's the story: My friend Jo was moving to the big city for University. She found this student house (managed by a dodgy slum lord) but there was no room for me, except... you guessed it - the laundry.
Rule #361 - No wet sponges to be left in the sink Rule #773 - All jars must face the same way Rule #978 - Everything must always be done 110% Are there any perfectionists out there? Or am I the only one? If you're mentally totting up your own personal rules, then you probably are one! Living with perfectionism is tough because nothing is ever really good enough. Even when something wonderful happens, there's a niggling feeling that you didn't deserve it. I didn't even think I deserved the title of perfectionist because I wasn't perfect! Not even close.
For many years I went from job to job, trying to find my place in the world. I went in and out of corporate life and started different businesses but nothing stuck so I'd often do temp work to fill the financial gaps. Once I signed up as a film and TV extra. I am a major movie buff, so I thought it would be fun, and earn me some handy cash while I was setting up my business. I got a two day job for a gambling commercial, getting to fly in a harness which sounded like a lot of fun. I knew being an extra wasn't all glamorous but it also sounded like an easy way to earn cash.
One of the most common complaints I hear is "but I don't have the money!". People think it's a great excuse for why they don't let themselves dream big goals for their lives. As you all know, I'm passionate about using tools like dream boards to manifest wonderful things without being attached to how the universe will provide for you. Here's my challenge to you: decide to dream big anyway, even if you have NO idea of how you're going to get it.
A Jill-of-All-Trades from a young age, I've had more than 50 jobs in my life - mainly because I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, so I thought I'd test them all! I had serious angst about my "purpose" and wandered through these jobs hoping for a bolt of inspiration to hit me.
Have you ever seen the reality shows on people who are hoarders? Wow, those people are fascinating because it's hard to imagine how anyone's life can get so out of hand until they are literally surrounded by their possessions. Now, I'm not a hoarder, but I will confess that I'm a little messy. I just literally heard a giant eye-roll from my husband, my mother and all of my ex-house mates. Ok, I'm fairly messy.
"Nobody likes a show-off!" Have you ever heard that before? Usually it's said to small children who are bragging or trying to get attention but it's drummed into us from a young age to be like everyone else and not think we're special. As an adult, you may have noticed that when great things happen to you, not everyone is so... thrilled about it. In fact, some people go out of their way to actively make you feel bad about sharing your good fortune.
Answer me honestly - when is the last time you purposely celebrated a success in your life? Please say it wasn't your High School graduation or your wedding! I'm talking doing something great but often overlooked such as finishing a huge creative project, winning new business, achieving your goal weight or getting a new job. Did you celebrate and take the time to give yourself a pat on the back or did you move on to the next thing without even taking a rest? Worse still - did you beat yourself up that you could have done better?
I love watching the Academy Awards. Even though I'm usually in the wrong timezone, I always stay up to marvel at the beautiful dresses and the tanned gorgeous bodies of the celebrities. I know a lot of work goes into the big day for them, and probably thousands of dollars too. It would be like planning for a wedding! However, you don't need to be a celebrity to treat yourself like a star. You can take inspiration from the beauty and weight loss secrets of the rich and famous, but without needing their huge bank balance! Here are some tips:
“I learned to love myself, because I sleep with myself every night and I wake up with myself every morning, and if I don’t like myself, there’s no reason to even live the life.” Gabourey Sidibe, Actor in "Precious" A lot of women are extremely nurturing and loving to everyone except themselves. Some psychologists say it’s because from an early age girls are taught to be helpful, selfless and not to trouble anyone. I think it causes some women to feel guilty, as if they are not worth spending time or money on.
"Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" Famous quote Let's face it - many of us have issues from our past that hold us back and cloud the enjoyment of our present. Whether it's your "crappy childhood", a terrible past relationship, a psycho ex partner, painful memories of school-yard bullies or some other story, holding onto resentment affects you in countless ways. It can kill your enjoyment of life, affect current relationships, or hold you back from experiencing love. It can even live in your body and cause illness.
It's said that people are more afraid of public speaking than of dying, but there's a more destructive and crippling fear - the fear of being criticised. This fear keeps you hostage and makes you give up your dreams. It keeps you awake at night with your stomach chu ing and causes you to play small in the world. It especially affects entrepreneurs, writers, actors or anyone else in a creative profession. If you've ever set up a blog, then you probably understand the fear of being criticised online when you start sharing yourself publicly.
We've all been there - you think you're doing well on your new healthy eating plan and then BAM - you find yourself eating something that leaves you feeling guilty, frustrated and despondent. What happened? You've been hit by the evil cravings monster. Why else would you eat something that clearly isn't good for you, makes you feel horrible and gives you bad skin, spare tires, cellulite and makes the cravings even worse? Well, don't beat yourself up. There's much more to it than mere discipline, and the good news is - it's not your fault!
Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere. Glenn Turner The beauty of being a creative person is that you have new ideas all day long - the plot for a new book while you're in the shower, the solution to world peace while you're sitting on the loo or 1001 ways to cook a gourmet meal from the left-over food in your fridge. The downside of being creative is that you can generally open your mind to unnecessary worry because you can imagine more possibilities than anyone else.
Recently, I met with a group of other coaches and we got to talking about our different businesses. Life coach, business coach, corporate coach, NLP coach etc. My first thought was "I could never be a corporate coach, everyone would end up quitting their jobs". It made me laugh so much! Can you imagine? I'd get hired by the CEO of a company to coach his employees to be more effective in their jobs and then I'd encourage all of my clients to throw away their "safe" corporate careers to do something WAY more exciting and fulfilling, like... Becoming a Feng Shui consultant
I have to admit - I've become one of those annoyingly lucky people who always seem to win everything. At least once a week, I'll tell my husband or friends "Guess what?!" and they'll say "What now?". I've won six months free luxury travel, tickets to personal development seminars, weight-loss programmes and even a scholarship to the exact life coaching course I wanted to do. It's not just big things - I regularly win bingo with my mum, people give me things out of the blue and I even find money in unexpected places.
Let your soul stand cool and composed before a million universes. Walt Whitman How in control do you feel of your life right now? Do you feel like you can make changes at will or are things "decided" for you? For years I saw myself at the mercy of fate. If the game of life was roulette then I was the ball - tossed around by the whims of the Universe and landing somewhere totally out of my control. Jobs, money, relationships... it all seemed so random.
I always wanted to be an agony aunt and I get a lot of emails asking for advice, so I thought I'd start my own column. Each week I'll answer a letter from you! Ask me anything! This week, Michelle from London is taking the plunge into an awesome opportunity but she's nervous about making the leap... Hello Denise, Am asking for help/advice because you always seem so positive and sorted - and hubby and I are trying to feel that way about the scary couple of months ahead. So (deep breath).... if you can offer any positive tips/thoughts/advice I'd appreciate it....
Every month I keep a list of everything that I manifest. Sometimes it's something that I'm consciously working on, other times it's just a nice little surprise from the Universe. Do you believe in the Law of Attraction? I believe we can all manifest our ideal lives. The first step is asking for what you want, then be open and thankful for all the good in your life. Why do I write it all down?
You may feel it's your destiny to be rich, successful, a mother, an author, etc. You feel it in your bones and you know it will happen eventually. Some days are so easy - the creativity flows from your brain into your life's work and it's a joy to be alive. Other days you wonder.... If it's your destiny - why is it so hard? Shouldn't it be easy, the Universe showering you with luck and opportunities daily?
Everyone loves asking little kids that question. Mainly because they say such interesting things - astronaut, professional football player, cowboy, ballerina, vet. Of course, kids aren't so bothered by the fact that they'll one day need a job to "pay the bills" or care about making "sensible" choices. They just want to do what makes them happy. Me? I wanted to have my own business (I desperately wanted to wear a power suit with shoulder pads) and if that didn't work out, I wanted to be a professional dancer.
It was advertised as the Ultimate Job in the World. Six months travelling the globe testing out the most romantic and luxurious honeymoon destinations. Irish travel company Runaway Bride and Groom knew it was an amazing competition but they were unprepared for the interest it would attract from all around the world. It was literally the prize of a lifetime and more than 30,000 people applied for the chance to travel the world for free.
I'm a life coach and help people live the life of their dreams so I always get asked "Do you think I should quit my job?". I've even had someone say "See that woman over there? She's my boss and I hate her, what advice do you have for me?" To be honest, if you hate your job then it's not about if but WHEN you should quit and do something else. I'm serious. Because if you do something that you hate, eventually something's gotta give - your health, your sanity, your relationship, your self esteem and your overall happiness.
Do you think that everyone else has life figured out but somehow you're different? Perhaps you're valiantly trying to achieve your goals and dreams, but sometimes there's this little voice that says: "No more for you - this is as far as you can get" Or the doubt in your mind that an extraordinary life is too much to ask for. Perhaps you should be happy with what you've got. The flip side to personal development is that when you start to put yourself out there, some incredibly ugly things can start to happen. This is the gross stuff that nobody talks about.
Have you never blown a chance to impress someone? Are you willing to hear harsh feedback? Sometimes the mistakes we make can spur us on to bigger and better things. My embarrassing mistake happened in one of the craziest cities in the world, where dreams are made and broken - Las Vegas! I was extremely lucky to be attending a conference for entrepreneurial women run by millionaire Ali Brown. So lucky in fact, that I manifested a free ticket to be there!
Do you ever experience jealousy of others? It's okay, you can admit - I do too. All the freaking time - especially when I'm frustrated or too mired in procrastination to do anything worthwhile myself. In fact, I've been jealous many times. A couple of years ago, I was working in a corporate job dreaming about being free to do whatever I wanted. And then... two friends were made redundant from their jobs. When you're made redundant in your twenties from a job you hate, it's FREAKING AWESOME. One friend got a 6 month payout, the other got 18 months tax free salary!
Many women hide their true brilliance under layers of frumpy clothes, excess body weight and bad health. Tragically many of us feel guilty taking care of ourselves. If you've read about my "Mouldy Banana Moment", then you'll understand just how badly I used to treat myself. I know I'm not alone. Of course there are many elements that affect our self esteem. Overly photoshopped images in the media, unrealistic body images and the incredible pressure women of all ages feel to maintain effortless beauty no matter what.
Body brushing is one of the simplest and most under-rated beauty routines. It's one of those really obvious beauty tips that you probably already know about - but how often do you actually do it? I recently did a 7 day experiment body brushing every morning and my skin has never felt softer. I'm now a convert, and can't think of a better way to start the day.
A personal chef, nutritionist, stylist, personal shopper, butler and housekeeper... Wouldn't it be great to have a team of people catering to your every whim? However, did you know you can build a success team around you right now? It doesn't matter if you don't have a millionaire's budget (yet), you can start pulling that dream towards you. It may not be a team of actual staff, but you need to surround yourself with people who want to see you succeed.
Not many people know this about me, but I completely failed my first undergraduate degree. I didn't just fail one class or one semester. I didn't even just fail one year of university. I spent four years failing my three year degree, racked up student debts of $20,000 and left without any kind of qualification to show for it. My grade point average was the lowest it could possibly be. I completely and utterly FAILED. No doubt about it. A big, fat EPIC FAIL.
After a devastating four years of failing almost every subject at university, there are four important lessons I've learnt from the experience. Experiencing your own "failure"? Here's my advice: 1. When you're in deep trouble, stop digging After my first disastrous year, I should have acknowledged the problem and taken a different path - changed my degree subject or taken a year out. But I kept thinking that things would get better without changing my behaviour. I was embarrassed to admit defeat, but I made it much worse in the long run.