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Articles by Martha Tara Lee

Browse published articles attributed to Martha Tara Lee, with full-archive search.

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By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Masturbation is self-love

Mention the word “Masturbation” and what do you think of? While masturbation means different things to different people, it is one of the most misunderstood subjects in the world, as it is enshrined in mystery and secrecy because of the simple reason we speak so little about it. Masturbation may evoke massive levels of guilt and shame, as many of us were told from when we were young not to touch ourselves “down there”.r

Primary topic: Sexuality

6,860 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Sex Heroes

A few weeks ago, while watching ‘Robin Hood’ starring Russell Crowe, I found myself cringing at the predictability of the plot. I am usually not so squeamish about my buttons being so obviously pushed. However, I walked away from the experience with a few observations about the preparation of heroes that I’d like to share with you.

Primary topic: Sexuality

3,150 views4/5 (3)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Vaginismus – When a Woman’s Body Says ‘No’

Recently a girlfriend admitted that until she met me, she had always thought that vaginismus was a myth – a disease that was made up, or had been eradicated in the ’80s, and most definitely did not exist in modern day. In fact, vaginismus is a very real sexual conce that women experience, and more common than we might think.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,684 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Book Review: The Joy of Sex

The Joy of Sex: A Gourmet Guide to Love Making by Alex Comfort This original The Joy of Sex, first published in 1972, has often been credited with inventing the modern sex manual and enjoyed unprecedented success world-wide gracing 8 million homes. Illustrated with line-drawings and watercolors of a couple, this book aims to be a personal one-couple notebook containing valid sexual behaviors, plus a certain amount about how and why they work.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,626 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

I'd Rather Not Say

I was on the MRT train with a new friend the other day, and he asked me what caused my marriage to end. We were both standing, dangling from different handrail supports. I looked around. We were surrounded by a lot of other commuters. This person is not exactly soft-spoken either. I replied, “It’s complex. I’ll tell you another day.” “How complex can it be? It can only be a few things: money… religion… affair…,” he rattled off. I remained silent. First of all, I wasn’t ready to dismiss six years of my life (including courtship) with a one-word answer.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,921 views3.5/5 (4)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Getaways for Couples in Singapore

Loh Lik Peng. Does this name sound familiar? If you are any Singaporean worth your salt, you would know that he is an hotelier and restaurateur with not one, not two, but three boutique hotels located in Singapore. What may be lesser known is that his empire also includes six restaurants in Singapore; as well as one hotel in Shanghai and two in London.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,804 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Does the G-spot exist?

There is a place within a woman which is so famous that it is referred to by a singular alphabetic term. I am asked frequently, usually by men, just where this is. Many women are confused about whether they have one. The fixation has a lot to do with the belief that its stimulation results in an instant mind-blowing orgasm. No, not the T-zone. That’s right. We’re talking about the G-spot.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,551 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Erectile Dysfunction

How much of erectile dysfunction is biological and how much of it is psychological? Erectile dysfunction, sometimes known as impotence, is attributed to physical causes in up to 85% of cases. Medical conditions linked to erectile conce s include heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, neurological disease, and other health conditions. Research has shown that psychological causes of erectile dysfunction occur in up to 15% of cases. They include anxiety, depression, stress, and problems in relationships. Is popping Viagra the only solution to ED?

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,387 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Dance – Your Way Into Your Body

We are inundated, on a daily basis, with multiple messages about how our bodies can or should look better from slimming and facials to skin whitening and body hair removal. There is just so much we can be unhappy with when it comes to your bodies. How can we ever be happy with the way we look, much less enjoy inhabiting the only body we’ll ever have? Could dance help us become more comfortable with our bodies? I asked three female dance instructors:

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,328 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Female Sexual Dysfunctions

Many women have problems with sex at some stage in their life and it becomes more common as women get older. Having covered male sexual dysfunctions in a previous piece, let’s move onto the types of female sexual problems. Female sexual dysfunction refers to one or more of the following issues: loss of sexual desire, loss of arousal, problems with orgasm and pain during sex. 1. Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder

Primary topic: Sexuality

996 views5/5 (2)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Wellness – In What Other Ways?

Living in harmony with nature’s rhythms and gifts is not easy in a heavily-developed world. Nature can be very helpful in restoring sensory, behavioural and emotional balance. Are we listening?

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,231 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

The elephant in the bedroom: Talking about sex

For most people, sex is a sensitive and difficult subject to talk about. I have come across a man who, after 15 years of marriage, admitted that he and his wife have never talked about sex. Don’t get me wrong. They do have sex. They just don’t talk about it.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,224 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Eat Your Heart Out

According to a new research study in the UK (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1341660/Six-10-women-dont-like-eating-partners.html?ITO=1490), more than 60 percent of British women in relationships do not feel comfortable eating in front of their partner, and almost half get shy when undressing. Also, four in ten women feel as though they are ‘always dieting’ or are ‘constantly conce ed about their weight’.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,205 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Vulvas and vaginas are pink

I didn’t know I had a vulva until I went to sex school. Don’t get me wrong. Of course, I do have a vulva (pronounced as ‘vuhl-vah’) and a vagina (pronounced ‘vha-gine-a’). I just didn’t know what they were called. I couldn’t even pronounce the word penis (pronounced as ‘pee-nis’) for that matter and called it incorrectly as ‘pen-is’. For the longest time, I was calling the whole area ‘no nok’ because that was what my mother said it was. For the purposes of this article, I asked my parents how to spell it and realised that what I always assumed was a Teochew word is in fact Malay!

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,605 views2.5/5 (2)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Book review: The Erotic Mind

The Erotic Mind: Unlock the Inner Sources of Sexual Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin In this intriguing, insightful mix of analysis, anecdote and advice, San Francisco psychotherapist Morin developed an ‘erotic equation’ by drawing on the discussions of 351 respondents, straight and gay. This equation is: Attraction plus obstacles leads to excitement.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,760 views3/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Sex is Learned

Sex is a learned act. That’s right: l-e-a-r-n-e-d. I remember contributing an article to an online portal a few months back. I had written the sentence: “For most people, sex is a learned act.” When the portal owner’s edits come back, she had written: “Don’t you mean, ‘For most people, sex is a natural act’?”. My immediate response was territorial: ‘Who is the sexologist here? Are you saying I am wrong? What are you trying to imply here?’

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,098 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Silence is golden

Have you heard of the saying, “Speech is Silver, Silence is Golden?” This phrase can be traced back to early Egyptians and it essentially means that while speaking is good, saying nothing is better. Discretion can be worth more than even eloquent words. Have you ever felt glad, relieved even, to get away from someone because the person would not stop talking, and worse yet, about themselves? Have you wished the person sitting behind you on the bus or standing behind you on the train would stop talking into their phone or to the person next to them at the top of their voice?r

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,491 views4/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Don't Try. Be.

When I was in my third semester studying for my Doctorate in Human Sexuality, I went to the Florida Sex Therapy Institute to complete a Certificate in Sex Therapy. Dr Susan Lee, my teacher, introduced me to her clients I bumped into and her counterparts as ‘Dr Lee’. My first reaction was “Wait a minute! I am not a Doctor yet!” I felt like a fraud.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,120 views4/5 (2)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Male Sexual Dysfunctions

During my training to be a sexologist, I was confused by the differences betwee PE, DE, and ED. They are, namely, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation and erectile dysfunction or disorder, respectively. Later, I realised it was just as confusing for the men who have sexual conce s. Hopefully, this piece will give you an idea of the types of male sexual dysfunctions. There are four main types of male sexual dysfunctions:

Primary topic: Sexuality

915 views5/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Pouring ‘Cold’ Water

Have you ever poured ‘cold water’ over somebody else’s happiness? In a literal translation from the Chinese language, ‘pouring cold water’ means dousing the flames of passion. This usually happens when the opposite party is feeling elated about a new love, promotion or business deal, and somebody comes along and ruins the ‘moment’.

Primary topic: Sexuality

815 views3.7/5 (3)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

My Body in the Mirror

How many of the people that you know are truly happy with their bodies? Be honest: Are you satisfied with yours? If not, you might have a body image issue. Body image does not just refer to aspects of our physical appearance, attractiveness, and beauty. It also has to do with the mental picture you have of your own body as well as your thoughts, feelings, judgments, sensations, awareness and behaviour.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,039 views4/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Sexual Stereotypes

Gentlemen prefer blondes? All blondes are dumb? All redheads are passionate? A man is always sex-, porn- and/ or looks-obsessed? Therefore, he is expected to sow his wild oats? The gay person is promiscuous? A woman is seductive when she is slim, and that’s why every woman wants to be slim—so she can be seductive? Women are gold-diggers, headache-prone and stupid (especially if she is a wife or a girlfriend of a footballer, otherwise known as a ‘WAG’)? All of these make her definitely the weaker sex. Oh yes, she also can’t park and men can’t pack?

Primary topic: Sexuality

869 views3/5 (3)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Best Positions to Have Sex

1. For a quickie You have a few minutes and you want it hot, quick and sexy! Try Wall Standing Sex where both partners are standing doing penetration. The female uses a wall to support herself while being penetrated. Tip: Bend your knees to change the angle of penetration. The guy may wish to intense the depth of penetration by holding up his partner’s leg or legs. 2. To have a baby

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,059 views2/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Getting Feedback After Sex (Part 1 of 2)

In previous pieces*, I have covered how sex is not a one-way experience (in ‘Don’t Lie Back and Think of England’), as well as how sex can be like an elephant in the bedroom when it comes to communicating any problems that might be occurring. This week, I would like to suggest ways in which we can get feedback from our partner after a sexual experience. And when I say sexual experience, I am not limiting it to just penetrative sex. Open-Ended Questions You can begin asking your partner what the sexual experience was like: “Sweetheart, how was it for you?” or “How was it just now?”r

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,703 views1/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

What's Wrong with Sex?

Recently, I attended a men’s health forum on erectile difficulties. There were three male speakers scheduled, all of whom were medical doctors. Being a sexologist, I was always keen to learn more in the area of sexual dysfunction. I had pre-registered for the event and was queuing to sign in. I caught a glimpse inside the seminar room, as the entrance was ajar. It was evident that more than half the seats were already occupied with men. All was in order: Men’s forum, lots of men.

Primary topic: Sexuality

801 views3/5 (2)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Can I Make My Penis Thicker, Naturally?

The length or girth of a penis is not the measure of a man. Penis pumps, pills, and patches can only make your penis bigger temporarily. They all work on the same principle of increasing blood flow in order to get a thicker penis. I would be wary of any body alte ating devices and invariably hurting the sensitive nerves of the penis. However as long as you use your penis pump safely there is no reason not to try it if you really want to. That said, lots of people are having great sex with no penis involved at all! Most women don’t orgasm from penetration at all.

Primary topic: Sexuality

5,620 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

The Best Things in Life

Released in 1992, ‘The Best Things in Life Are Free’ is a song by Janet Jackson and Luther Vandross. The song went to number one on the R&B singles chart and debuted at number 24 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 the week of May 30, 1992. Three weeks later, the song peaked at number 10 for three consecutive weeks. It was nominated for a Grammy Award for “Best R&B Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocals”. Are the best things in life really free? (and if so, are they free in Singapore?) I list some of the things I think are best in my life: Getting to my bus-stop,

Primary topic: Sexuality

997 views3/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Think Yourself into Health

The Buddha is purported to have said “What we think, we become.” If your thoughts could change your life for the better, wouldn’t you do it? Of course! But, what thoughts do you change? All of us have an inner voice that speaks to us and us alone. Self-talk is that inner running dialogue you have with yourself. When you allow this voice to become overly negative or critical, it can deplete your energy and destroy resiliency.

Primary topic: Sexuality

884 views3/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Better, betterer, betterest in sex

Is it possible to get better, ‘betterer’ and ‘betterest’ when it comes to sex? A certain Singapore minister was cited in the media as saying, “If you’re the best today, strive to be better. If you’re better today, strive to be ‘betterer’ and if you’re ‘betterer’ today, strive to be ‘betterest’ so that over time, Singapore’s service standards can just keep getting better, ‘betterer’ and ‘betterest’.”

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,299 views2/5 (1)

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Don’t Lie Back and Think of England

I am surprised that, in this day and age, I still am asked: “What can women do in bed besides lying back and thinking of England?” In case you are not familiar with this expression, it is an English saying with roughly the same meaning as “to grit one’s teeth”, i.e. to put up with what is happening. It was used both in England and among expatriates outside the country when conditions were difficult. It is given as an encouragement to perform a task that is unpalatable.

Primary topic: Sexuality

4,495 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Do I Tease Her Ear?

The ear is one of the erogenous centres of a woman’s body. Since ears are very sensitive, touching, kissing, sucking and even gently biting her earlobes, can send her into a sexual tizzy.

Primary topic: Sexuality

4,482 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Book Review: Red Hot Touch

Red Hot Touch: A Head-to-Toe Handbook for Mind-Blowing Orgasms by Jaiya and Jon Hanauer Red Hot Touch is sizzling hot! It is possibly the modern-day equivalent of The Joy of Sex. The writing is fresh and playful; the content is incredibly useful and informative; and the techniques are specific, detailed, and easy to understand.

Primary topic: Sexuality

3,728 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Review of ‘Cowboys in Paradise’

This article first appeared on Good Vibrations Magazine. If you have been following my blog here, you may recall a previous post where I mentioned looking forward to watching an 83-minute feature film/documentary called Cowboys in Paradise.

Primary topic: Sexuality

3,582 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Unleash Your Inner Sexy

We hear it said constantly: “He’s hot!” or “She’s sexy!” What exactly does ‘sexy’ mean? Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary defines ‘sexy’ as sexually suggestive or stimulating. In other words, sexy can be ‘erotic’. Another synonym is ‘appealing’; as in generally attractive or interesting. Surely sexiness is in the eyes of the beholder and can be very subjective. Yet, universally, there are a few things about ‘sexy’ which most people would agree upon: 1. Sexy people are confident.

Primary topic: Sexuality

3,258 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Squeeze, Hold, Release Your Way to Sexual Health

Have you heard of pelvic floor exercises? You may have learnt about them from your aerobics instructor. Or perhaps your urologist was the one who ordered you to squeeze your butt cheeks together? Maybe your gynae was the one who asked you to attempt to tighten your vagina, or was it your anus? I have news for you: They’re all the same thing. This exercise is more commonly known as the Kegel exercise.

Primary topic: Sexuality

3,206 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Is It Safe to Use Flavoured Condoms?

Some sexually transmitted infections can be passed on orally, so it’s a good idea to put on a condom for oral sex. Flavoured condoms would be the same strength as well as gone through the same rigorous testing as the normal condoms so you shouldn’t worry about it at all. There is a chance of the condom breaking or tearing if the girl is actually biting or chewing on the condom as part of the oral sex. It is a good idea to change the condom before vaginal penetration.

Primary topic: Sexuality

3,110 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Book Review: His Needs, Her Needs

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage – Fifteenth Anniversary Edition (2001) by Willard F. Harley, Jr. Most of us are probably familiar with ‘The Five Languages of Love’ by Gary Chapman. These “Five Love Languages” have been useful in helping people speak and understand emotional love when it is expressed through one of five ways: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,987 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Getting Feedback After Sex (Part 2)

In a previous piece, I talked about the role of open- and closed-ended questions to get feedback from our partner after a sexual experience. You might begin asking for sexual feedback by using a few open-ended questions. If your partner is not forthcoming, or you wish to get clearer answers, you could consider incorporating some closed-ended questions. What else could you try? Scale of 1 to 10 This is where the scale could come in. This is how you might begin: “On a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, what do you think of this (technique/position/etc.)? Give it a number.”r

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,863 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Facebook’s Bra Colour Campaign For Breast Cancer Hurts More Than It Helps

I first learnt about the ‘Facebook Bra Color Campaign’ through the blog post by sex-positive activist Carlin Ross who works alongside the legendary Betty Dodson. The campaign, believed to be started by women in Detroit, Michigan, who are trying to raise awareness of Breast Cancer, asked women to post just their bra color and nothing else.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,813 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Sex - a job or a joy?

Is sex a job or a joy to you? Sex means many things to different people, often depending on where they are emotionally, or even the time of their life. For some, it is a chore, a duty, an obligation, simply a way to keep the harmony in a relationship. For others, it may be a way to ensure food gets put on the table. Sex may even be viewed as a strategic decision to reduce the chances of the partner seeking sex elsewhere.r

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,690 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

What a Sexologist is not

I am a sexologist. Since I am the only one with this unique combination of qualification and training in Singapore, there exists a lot of confusion about what exactly a sexologist does within our little city/state. Not only that, I have my share of detractors who think I am a ‘joke’, only about hype, or out to create trouble or controversy for the purpose of my own aggrandizement, etc. I have never professed to be something I am not. Since I am 100% serious about the work I do and intend to be around for some time, here are a few common misconceptions I would like to address here:

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,502 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

The Elephant in the Bedroom: Talking About Sex

For most people, sex is a sensitive and difficult subject to talk about. I have come across a man who, after 15 years of marriage, admitted that he and his wife have never talked about sex. Don’t get me wrong. They do have sex. They just don’t talk about it.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,463 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Book Review: Sitting Moon – A Guide to Natural Rejuvenation After Pregnancy

I was drawn to the book Sitting Moon: A Guide to Natural Rejuvenation After Pregnancy at the library. It has in part to do with the professional-looking cover with a white background, as well as the sub-title: ‘Natural Rejuvenation’. Natural is always good, I thought. Another factor probably has to do the cover image of an Asian woman having a private moment with a baby on her lap.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,431 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Sex – Learning to Ride a Bicycle

Why is sex like learning to ride a bicycle? Well, do you know how to ride a bicycle? Not the four-wheeled type. The two-wheel ones (one front, one back) upon which the rider needs to be balanced. If yes, how long did it take you to learn to ride one? While you were learning how to ride the bicycle, did you fall? Did you feel like giving up? Was there anybody who helped, supported or encouraged you?

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,408 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Does Frequent Masturbation Cause Premature Ejaculation?

For most men, their earliest sexual experiences are with masturbation done secretly and quickly, for fear of being found out. Hence it is often believed that such early experience actually condition some men’s sexual response to a pattern of rapid ejaculation. In reality, masturbation is one of the best ways for men to learn about their bodies and develop confidence about their ejaculatory control in a pressure free environment. Using lubricant, slowing down on the stroking action when you masturbate and letting yourself enjoy the sensations more are all part of the learning process.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,336 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How is “Oversexed” and Sexual Addiction Different?

The definitive DSM-IV-TR, which is the latest version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association, does not recognize sexual addiction as a diagnosis. Conventional wisdom among therapists has long been that there is no such thing as a sex addict. I would prefer to refer to what is commonly called sexual addiction as a form of obsessive compulsive disorder and refer to it as sexual compulsivity, as a more accurate term.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,288 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Book Review: Women Who Love Sex

Women Who Love Sex: Ordinary Women Describe Their Paths to Pleasure, Intimacy, and Ecstasy, by Gina Ogden Once I started reading the book, I did not want to put it down. It is beautifully and succinctly written by a woman who has had to deal with her own inner ‘ghosts’ and discomforts with sexuality, who has sat with countless numbers of women, from the 1970s up to the early ’90s to understand their perspective, and who has and is leading the way for the many others to follow.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,269 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Does Male Circumcision Make Sex More Pleasurable?

Does male circumcision make sex more pleasurable for both the guy and the girl?

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,196 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Setting Sex Goals For 2011

We set resolutions, goals and targets for all manner of things, from our career and our finances to our love life; so why not for our sexual lives? Your face might be wearing a bemused expression after seeing the above title. But, let’s pause and think about it. We set resolutions, goals and targets for all manner of things, from our career and our finances to our love life; so why not for our sexual lives? Still sounds strange? Setting sex goals within your relationship can have a very positive impact. Here’s how and why:

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,177 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Review of ‘When Hainan Meets Teochew’

This piece first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine. The trailer of the new Singaporean film ‘When Hainan Meets Teochew’ was enough to persuade me that I had to watch it. The movie was premised as a romantic comedy between a ‘manly’ woman, and a ‘womanly’ man, as opposed to the usual Hollywood cliché where a handsome man meets a pretty lady and they fall in love after some complications are overcome.

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,092 views

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