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Browse published articles attributed to Tina Tessina, with full-archive search.
Number Seven May Be A Little Shocking Dr. Romance’s three tips to maintaining sanity during divorce. According to results from a recent GfK Roper poll, more than 80 percent of divorced Americans still believe in marriage, but we all know more than half of marriages don’t make it, for various reasons.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Happy New Year, everyone! This is the time when a lot of energy is spent on making resolutions, most of which we don’t manage to keep. So, this year, I propose a different kind of resolution. Will you join me in resolving to create a year of peace?
Ah, love! What rapturous, torturous words have been set down to try and capture the essence of love. Those clever Greeks, who invented the Olympics, also invented many names for love—Cupid, Eros, Venus, Aphrodite—and each name represented an aspect of love. The ancient Greeks had several words for several categories of love—they did not attempt to squeeze all of it into four little letters! Eros was erotic, or sexual love; Philos was brotherly love; Agape was altruistic, spiritual love. The Latin poet Ovid spoke of amor ludens, or playful love—love as a game.
Dr. Romance on spreading kindness Spreading kindness is the best way I know to be happy. If you want to spread kindness around, here are some ideas: *Kindness begins on the inside – learn to be as kind in talking to yourself as you are to others – then, keep improving. Self-talk sets the bar for the happiness in your life.
Once upon a time, In high school, I memorized a poem that has been a constant source of help and direction in my life and relationships. It's simple and much more sentimental than today's cynical age can handle, but the very simplicity of it made it a great navigational tool for me in relationships. "He drew a circle that shut me out; Heretic, Rebel, a thing to flout. But Love and I had the Wit to Win. We drew a circle that took him in" Edwin Markham
The most frequent problem I hear from single clients is that of how and where to search for a partner. Many of them have been searching for a long time, without success; others have been afraid to go out and search at all. Most of the horror stories you have heard about dating occur when daters rush the process. Getting intimately involved with someone you don’t know, allowing strangers into your home, or being all alone with someone you just met is just asking for trouble.
Writing has a powerful effect on our emotional state. The following exercise is designed to help you fully express feelings that may have lain dormant for a long time, or may be too intense and jumbled for your to process effectively. Youll find it helpful in expressing what you feel, especially if youre having difficulty letting go, forgiving, grieving for or being appropriately angry at someone.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Click here for video Dear Dr. Romance: I saw your video "Don't Call Your Ex" Great video post, good advice.
Dear Dr. Romance, I love reading your articles here and on Divine Caroline, and I always look forward to the new ones. I have a long time online friend. We have been friends for about three-four years, and I even felt I was in love with him for a while - and told him so. He said he wasn't over his ex yet, so I dropped it.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I wonder if you have an article that you've written that you can point me too on how to let go of a toxic relationship. I've been involved for 7 months with a man who is continually evasive, avoidant-attachment, manipulative and I need to figure out how to let this go. Dear Reader: Yes, I do. It's a problem many people, especially women, have.
Dear Dr. Romance:
As a parade went by, one of the horses pulling a float entry left a memento in the middle of the road, right in front of where we were watching from the sidewalk. From that point on, every band or group that came marching down the road marched bravely on, right through the pile of horse manure.
Dear Dr. Romance
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I am a retired police officer who found his wife sneaking around with another man 3 years ago. We have 3 kids. I cook and clean and up all night doing laundry 3 to 4 nights a week. I work two jobs to support my kids and family. I love my wife and forgave her with what happened 3 years ago, but she never forgave me for tracking her down to that guys house that very dark day when she was supposed to be working.
There's a pervasive myth in our society that there is a right and a wrong way to love. However, there's not much clarity about what the right might be. We all have difficulty with relationships and difficulty with love. Therefore, we're liable to draw the uncomfortable conclusion: "Everyone knows how to love correctly except me."
Everyone wants the best relationship they can have. The markers of a happy relationship are: Cooperation/partnership, mutuality, laughter and affection. Whether you're in a relationship now or hoping to be, these keys will help you create a more loving and happier partnership. The Key to Handling Problems Before They Start: Be on the lookout for early warning signs that things are getting a little off track between you two:
Dear Dr. Romance:
Extreme makeovers are all the rage these days, with botox injection parties, and reality shows. Plastic surgery is on the rise. Many people are trying to match the extraordinary measures actors and actresses go through to look perfect on the screen. These are shortcuts taken to try to create happiness with a scalpel, a diet, or an implant, and they don't fulfill their promise. Beautiful people are not automatically happy people.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance Your web-site impressed me and prompted this note, and I'd appreciate your thoughts. I am a reasonably well-educated individual which includes a couple of degrees in psychology and have been quite successful in my career. My wife who is also well-educated and our marriage has spanned three decades plus and we have not experienced serious problems in the past.
Sooner or later all of us question the meaning of life. The sooner we get to it, the better chance we have of finding a satisfactory answer. As a therapist I watch many of my clients pass through stages of personal growth. Once they work through the issues that have held them back, they often begin to ask..."What now?"which prompts a desire to search for meaning.
Q: My spouse and I often have arguments over the small stuff. How do we get past this so that we are not constantly bickering?
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I am considering being a licensed psychotherapist. What was your education track if I may ask? Dear Reader:
The most valuable thing in a long-term stable relationship is having a partnership, and most new couples don't realize that money is a major factor in marital happiness. Money is one of the biggest generators of problems, arguments, and resentment in long-term relationships. Couples argue about spending, saving budgeting, and disparity in earnings. When couples have difficulty with money, it can lead to financial infidelity: out-of-control spending, lying and hiding finances; which can destroy the relationship.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance:
When life hands me a very difficult time, and I feel defeated and overwhelmed, I enter a hopeless and helpless state of mind I think of as The Little Orphan girl. This is the way I felt, as a teen, when I lost nearly my whole family, father, aunts and uncles, between the ages of 12 and 18. Needless to say, I was devastated; and I also survived and eventually, thrived. But little orphan girl doesn't remember that I made it through she sinks into despair.
Dear Dr. Romance:
It's not easy to know what to do when you have a friend who seems depressed. Dr. Romance has some guidelines to help you support and care for your dear one. 1. Don't try to cheer your friend up. It just sounds like you don't understand. 2. Listen, listen, listen: Your friend needs someone who can hear whatever the problem is. It doesn't matter if it seems like a small or big problem to you, it's overwhelming to your friend, and he or she needs to talk about it. A lot.
The average person pays more attention to what she's saying or thinking about than what she is hearing, or how her words are "landing" on the other person. This self-involvement gets worse during an argument. You can become a much more effective communicator by using "attentive speaking" a simple and highly effective technique that will help you pay attention to how well you're communicating, whether it's with your partner, your children, or extended family, or co-workers.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: To be honest I think she is really scared to go to therapy I have been many times And I know it works And I really want her and I to learn how to communicate stumped Dear Reader:
Dear Dr. Romance: My partner whom I have been in a relationship with for the past year has changed and let me down twice. We were first friends for several years & became a couple for the last year. We both fell in love instantly and desire to live together to build towards a good future, financially, & with family. We both have children from past relationships & are content with it.
Although most people in the country wouldn't agree, we in Southern Califo ia have been having extreme weather conditions for us: rain and mudslides. You could almost say we're so used to mild conditions that we become afraid of what others would call "real" weatherweather wimps.
Dear Dr. Romance: I'm a high school assistant and I fell in love with mother of one of my students. She doesn't know anything about and has some difficulty with her son's wife. I told her I want to help you to sort out your problem, but I have no idea how to help her and how about my love how do I forget it that she is married and I am single. Dear Reader:
Dr. Romance writes: In my clinical experience, I've encountered many clients who are afraid to admit they're wrong. This comes from a culture of blaming and accusing -- where one's early family may have picked a "culprit" when something went wrong, and focused on blame, rather than on fixing the problem and healing the hurt. People with such experiences approach every situation as if they're on trial, and they compulsively try to convince everyone they're not guilty. They have no patterns to follow for apology and forgiveness.
For quite a while now, we've heard many public figures, like Rush Limbaugh and comedia Bill Maher express sco about people who are politically correct. Maher even gave his show the very funny title "Politically Incorrect." Terms like "the PC police" were used to laugh at people who were perhaps a bit strident about defending the rights of small groups of people. The hip-hop "gangsta" culture has been anything but PC.
This arrived in Dr. Romance 's e-mail:
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I read your article on yahoo about older woman dating younger men. Well I'm the opposite, you said on your article at the end "What really makes a romantic relationship succeed is the emotional connection." If this is true then I think my relationship would work out, I don't know.
Dear Dr. Romance: We are co-workers and I've know him for about two years. He's very nice, funny and in very good shape. We've built a pretty solid friendship. We hang out a couple times a month (when I'm home from school). But, lately he's been pushing for a relationship (seeing as how I'm graduating next year).
Dr. Romance writes: Early in our marriage, after a difficult struggle between us, I gave my husband Richard a card. All over the front it said, "I love you," and inside it said, "It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it." That phrase has carried us through many difficult times since.
Dear Dr. Romance: