Frequent Fights Between Husband And Wife: How To Avoid Husband And Wife Fight

Arguments between two people can sound very repetitive. After my husband and I have had a heated discussion I saw that we both sounded just like we did the time before. I tend to take things personally and he keeps making the same logical point over and over. Like most couples there are plenty of things we resolved well, but when we got stuck we sounded like broken records.

If you looked at our process through the years it was evident that we repeated this pattern with some regularity. One day I decided that the next time we found ourselves in such a situation I would do my part differently.

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I made the following decision:
I would calm myself so that I would not be so reactive. I did that by consciously taking deep breaths. I had to do that many times in order to be able to think. I needed to be able to think so that I could respond in a new way. I then decided that I would focus on my husband and really try to find out from him how come he felt so strongly about the issue at hand. He seemed surprised at my questions and as explained why it mattered so much to him. We both visibly calmed down as I listened differently. The cycle was interrupted and we managed to come up with a solution to the issue at hand.

There are still times when we get stuck but it happens much less frequently. When it does, we are able to regroup much more quickly. The key invariably is to try to calm down enough in order to be able to think. It has kept us from becoming defensive in order to focus on finding solutions. Try it and you too may be surprised by the shift you experience in your togetherness happiness.

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One of the problems you will face in saving marriage is being misled by some popular myths. There are several myths on saving the marriage that have become so widespread that many people have begun to accept these myths as scientific truths! Doing things based on these myths will only result in making things more complicated and making it more difficult to save your marriage ultimately. I will deal with three of the popular myths on marriage.

1) Time will heal all problems:
This is perhaps the most damaging myth and that is the reason I have listed it on the top. This is a philosophical statement devoid of any reason or logic. We know from practical experience time heals some wounds but aggravates some other wounds if they remain unattended. Ignoring problems when they crop up with a smug belief that they will get dissolved on their own in course of time may lead to the problems getting so intensified that they defy a solution. Many times attending to a problem in time is important since allowing them to remain open amounts to allowing it to grow in dimensions.

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2) You can't save your marriage unless your spouse co-operates with you:
This myth ignores the fact that problems in a marriage arise primarily because there is disagreement between the spouses. To say that you can solve a problem only with the co-operation of your spouse amounts to saying that you can't solve a problem if there is a problem. Very often, the initiative has to come from one partner who is more concerned about saving the marriage even if the other partner is unenthusiastic about it. The partner who takes interest in resolving the relationship problem can bring their spouse around and in the process not only saves the marriage but also serves the interest of the other partner!

3) You can't save a marriage unless you improve your communication skills:
Communication plays a great part in any relationship. It is true that many relationship problems are a result of poor communication between the partners. But when a marriage has to be saved, you need to act quickly. You can't say that you will first learn communication skills by enrolling in a communication workshop before taking any steps to save your marriage. What is needed is not communication skills but a willingness to discuss the issues openly. People who open out their hearts can achieve great success in saving their marriage even if they lack communication skills.

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What A Difference A Day Makes... How Our Society Has Changed

Holy Scripture plainly states that God sanctions marriage between one man and one woman.

The world today looks a lot different than it did 50 years ago. If you happen to be 25 years of age or younger, then 50 years seems like a long, long way off. It seems so far off, why give it much thought, says you. On the other hand, if you have reached your 50th birthday or higher already, then you may wonder, "Where did the time go?" Either way, time stands still for no man.

I happen to be in the later category of "mature gentlemen" and reached manhood in the mid 1960s. That was the time when my generation had all of the answers to our society's problems and shortcomings and we were determined to correct the mistakes that our parents and grandparents had made and create a better world for everyone. Yeah! Right! The only problem was that no one had a clear idea or plan on how to go about initiating that monumental task. It seems that making changes was easier said than done.

During the 1960s there were basically 2 schools of thought. There were those who were aware of our country's shortcomings and honestly wanted to take strides to make this a better place for all. The biggest problem was, where do we start? It seemed like everything that was tried on paper somehow failed to manifest properly when it came to producing positive results in reality. Try, try again and again... there did not seem to be any logical workable solutions, only one bad idea after another.

Those individuals who were lawless anarchist and craved destruction and chaos held the second school of thought. These were society's criminal element and they were determined to make a bad situation worse.

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Moral Decay

This was the time when "moral decay" began to manifest into our society. It started with removing prayer from our public schools, then abortion, same sex marriage and the list goes on, like falling dominoes.

Those of us who lived through those turbulent times and are now on this side of history should have a better perspective concerning the causes and effects our previous actions / apathy had in impacting the current situations we now face as a nation. History has shown what was right and what was wrong. People who were sincere in making changes to our society have been absorbed into the "system", and those who were anarchist have been incarcerated or are no longer on this planet. Enough said on that subject.

Tips On Maintaining A Solid Marriage

- My beautiful and caring wife and I will celebrate 30 years of marriage on June 2, 2014. I can honestly say that it has been a learning experience for the both of us and I have just started my journey. (smile)

- This is my first and only marriage and the second marriage for my wife. One benefit I found in my favor was that I waited until I felt I was mature enough to consider marriage. It also helps to wait on God to send you the right mate. You will know when it is right.

- It is important to believe in God and His Word and that you and your mate are on the same page concerning this most important item. It is important to have a solid foundation in place to build upon.

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- If you are a true believer in the doctrine of Jesus Christ then you should strive to be obedient to His teachings and not focus on self. With practice it is very easy to put the other person's interest above our own. When selfishness is put to rest, you might be surprised how smoothly your life becomes with the other person. For some reason it seems the more I do for my wife out of love, the more she wants to do for me... amazing!

- There will always be differences between men and women and potential for arguments to brew. Usually arguments start over something "small." Remember what my Grand Pa Kinder left me with, "Don't let it bother you 'till it do." and "It don't matter if it don't matter."

- Also, try to "think twice before you speak once." I am still working on this one and maybe I will get it right while I am still on this side of Heaven.

- There will be times when you may need a little inspiration concerning your marriage and I have always found reading this scripture (Proverbs 31:10-31) helps me to put things back into perspective.

It may be true that nothing is perfect, however, that does not mean we have to stop trying.

There will be times when you may need a little inspiration concerning your marriage and I have always found reading this scripture (Proverbs 31:10-31) helps me to put things back into perspective.

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The period leading up to your nuptials can be one of the most blissful in your life, from showing off that shiny new diamond to the moment you finally say "I do," you celebrate with friends and family at that pitch-perfect reception you planned so carefully and head off on the honeymoon you've always dreamed of. You're on the proverbial cloud nine-so high you can hardly imagine coming down, even when the honeymoon's over.

To be fair, you are probably wise enough to expect a period of adjustment when you return to the world of work, chores, bills and normal life. But it might actually be harder than you think. Studies have shown that many couples struggle more during their first few years of marriage than those who have been married for a long time.

In the beginning, many couples struggle with a let-down period that's not unlike the post-holiday January blahs. Depending on how much you invested in the wedding festivities themselves-both financially and emotionally-you might experience some sadness just because it's over. Some couples may have also saddled themselves with some serious wedding debt, introducing an unwelcome element of stress right away (now why again did you insist on the champagne-and-caviar bar?).

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But the challenges usually run a lot deeper than post-wedding come-down and buyer's remorse about the fancy flowers at your reception. Though many couples today live together before getting married, for others, this could be the first time they've had to work on divvying up household chores, finances and a world of other details about the new life you're sharing. Maybe he thought her tradition of joining girlfriends for a drink after work every Friday was over now that they're married, but she thought differently. Maybe he never mentioned that not only does his beloved dog shed like crazy but also has a voracious appetite for shoes... until after her favorite pair of Ferragamos are history. When conflicts catch you off guard, tensions and resentments can build quickly, and even lead to a sense of panic: What have I gotten myself into?

Down the road, other realities sink in. While sparks still fly in the bedroom, one or both partners may begin to take intimacy for granted now that they're married and caught up in the routine of daily life. This is normal and natural-no couple can sustain the hot-and-heavy chemistry they felt in the beginning any more than a new Mercedes convertible would hold the same excitement after a few years of driving it. But that doesn't mean you're in for a long, slow decline in your sex life. Studies have shown that married couples have more sex than single people, even those who've been married for a while, and one key is as simple as continuing to do it. Even when you don't think you're in the mood, make the effort-your appetite might return faster than you'd think. And never underestimate the power of flirting; telling your partner how good he/she looks in that new pair of jeans can go a long way toward reminding both of you of the attraction that brought you together in the first place.

For all of these issues, the key is having realistic expectations of your post-honeymoon life together. Anticipating conflicts, resolving them ahead of time where possible while understanding that others will still take you by surprise, and taking the time to talk things through in depth before the wedding-even with professional premarital counseling-can make all the difference in the world. And it will be a healthy first step for building a lifetime of marriage skills that will serve you well for many happy years to come.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.


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