If someone was able to step back and reflect on their life, what they may find is that they have very little motivation or desire to do anything. They might simply not see the point in doing much.

This can be how they typically experience life and they might rarely if ever feel a strong need to embrace life. When they do feel the need to do something and feel energised, it might only be a matter of time before they end up feeling how they felt before.

For Example

Throughout their life, they may have experienced one of the following scenarios at least once. After meeting someone and getting into a relationship, they might have ended up getting their hopes up and started to feel full of life and then, before long, this relationship could have come to an end.

Along with this, they may have started a new job and been looking forward to the future, only for them to lose the job before long. By thinking about the moments in their life when this and/or something like it has taken place, they could believe that this is why they spend so much time in a place of despair.

It Makes Sense

Considering what they have been through, and the fact that they may have had so many setbacks, it could be said that how they typically feel will be perfectly normal. It will be as though there is someone or something ‘out there’ that is holding them back.

Consequently, taking the first step towards something will be seen as a waste of time and something that will only cause them to suffer. Not moving forward and going after what they desire will still cause them pain but it will be seen as being a less painful option.

A Miserable Existence

Thanks to this, their main priority will be to avoid the pain that they would experience if they were to move toward what they desire. Thus, to say that they will merely be existing is likely to be an understatement.

What is clear is that they are seldom going to experience happiness or joy, and having the feeling of being on the right track will also be something that largely eludes them. Based on how they live their life, they won’t be able to make their mark and will simply be making up the numbers a lot of the time.

Externally Driven

When they do take action, this can mostly be due to them needing to do it to survive and because another person is pushing them forward. So, when it comes to the former, this can be a time when they will go to work or shopping.

As for the latter, this could show that someone else has asked them if they want to go out or has invited them to something. Even so, they are not going to be emotionally connected to what they do.


Yet, as they will spend a lot of time in a place of despair, it will mean that they will often be in an emotionally collapsed state. This will illustrate that their parasympathetic nervous system will often be activated.

If they don’t feel totally hopeless and helpless, then, they could just feel numb and be indifferent. At this point, they could believe that this is how their life will always be and that they just have to do their best to tolerate what is going on.

A Strange Scenario

Now, as setbacks are part of life, it could be said that they shouldn’t be affected by them in this way. Instead of being completely floored and unable to get back up for quite some time, as well as feeling totally defeated in general, they should be able to get back on their feet before long and feel strong and capable.

Not only would this allow them to make progress but it would stop them from living in a place of despair. The big question is: why are they so affected by setbacks and why do they lack the level of resilience that is needed to handle life?

A Deeper Look

What this may show is that their early years were not very nurturing, with this being a time when they were often neglected. All through this time, they would have felt hopeless and helpless and they were hopeless and helpless; there was nothing that they could do as they were powerless and totally dependent at this stage of their life.

The only option that was available was for their brain to automatically repress how they felt and for them to go into a shut-down, collapsed, frozen and disconnected state. This would have meant that they were pushed out of their body and had to live on the surface of themselves.

Replaying The Past

What took place all those years ago will be over, that much is clear; however, their brain and body won’t have truly moved on. The pain that had to be repressed all those years ago will be held in their brain and body.

And, whenever they experience a setback, some of this pain will enter their conscious awareness, wiping them out in the process. But, as they are carrying so much pain, they are generally going to be in a low place anyway.

A Process

For them to be able to handle setbacks and move out of this collapsed state, they will probably need to work through the pain that is inside them. This is not going to happen overnight, though; it will take patience and persistence.

Furthermore, it will take courage as, while this is a simple process, it is not something that is easy. If someone has had enough of living in this way and can’t bear to continue, they may have the drive to keep going, no matter what.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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