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Browse published articles attributed to Alyssa Johnson, with full-archive search.
Remarriage is challenging in the best of situations. While most people are very excited about the idea of remarrying, very few adequately prepare themselves for the minefield of challenges that lie in wait for them. You should! Believe it or not, the remarriage divorce rate is at least ...
50% of first marriages end in divorce. 75% of those divorcees will remarry. At least 60% of those remarriages will end in a re-divorce. Sobering statistics aren't they? But why are they this high? 50% of first marriages end in divorce I'm not even going to make a guess at the reason for this. There are interpersonal, cultural, societal, financial and many other reasons why this could be. I'll leave it up to the academic researchers to sort this one out. 75% of those divorcees will remarry I was shocked the first time I heard this.
Step families are hard. Anyone who says different doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Unfortunately the Brady Bunch just isn’t a reality. Those kids didn’t have two homes they were going back and forth to. They didn’t have parents who were trying to co-parent with an ex-spouse. And ...
My favorite song right now is "In Better Hands Now" by Natalie Grant. I was on a long car drive this morning and falling asleep so I put this song on when suddenly it hit me how much this song has to say for those of you who have recently divorced. Support and encouragement can come from any source. Let's go on a journey to discover how this song can speak to you... "It's hard to stand on shifting sand" - Who disagrees with the idea that a divorce causes your life to feel unstable?
Making the choice to begin dating after divorce may cause lots of emotions for you. The thought can be exciting, scary, happy or even sad. But what about the feelings your kids may be having about it? One of the most important aspects to keep in mind when considering your children's reactions is how long you've been divorced. This has a huge impact on kids. Divorce research has shown time and time again, that kids take much longer to deal with all of the changes that happen as a result of a divorce than you do.
I will be the first to admit that self-care does not come natural for me! I am your “Type A, push through ‘til you drop, make it perfect or else” – kinda girl! Grasping the importance of self-care is something I’ve had to learn. I usually do a pretty good job with it, because I’ve learned (the hard way) that it’s a necessity if I’m going to be the mom, wife and overall person I want to be. But…. I still have my moments.
In first marriages, the old saying is to put a bean in a jar every time you make love during the first year. For every year thereafter, take one out every time you make love. By the end of your marriage, it is said that the jar will finally be empty. It's a nice wives tale, but not necessarily ...
Ever wonder how to enjoy life? This month we continued our focus on living out our life’s purpose. Discovering your purpose can seem rather daunting, but once you’ve got a direction, it can be even more difficult to stay focused and not allow obstacles to get in your way! Let’s face it. Our lives are busy. Anyone disagree? We make thousands of choices each and every day. But the key lies in making the right choices. One obstacle we didn’t cover was numbness.
Step families are the fastest growing family in America. While that may be the case, there is a lot of confusion about how they function and what they look like. This confusion, unfortunately, leads to anger and heartbreak as these new families quickly realize just how hard it is to be a step ...
I want to leave a legacy. How ‘bout you? I want to know I left a mark on this world and not just any old mark, but one that really made a positive difference in as many lives as possible. Sound impossible? No way! Every action you take has the potential to be a ripple effect. What do I mean by “ripple effect”? Well think about a bowl of water sitting in your sink. It’s just sitting there, but then the sink drips and one drop falls into the bowl. What happens? It hits and the water ripples outward. Simple, eh? Sure it is!
I’ve been asked repeatedly “What are the nuggets that you most frequently share with the ladies you work with?” So I decided to share 4 life lessons I’ve learned in over 15 years of working with women and nearly that long being a mom. If you’ve ever wondered, “Who am I?” or “Why am I here?” then listen up, this is for you!
Dating after divorce can be tricky. But introducing that special someone to your children is even harder. Let's cover the 4 most important steps to take in that first meeting between your new partner and your children. 1. Don't introduce them too early - Be sure this is a committed relationship before you bring your date home. Having a revolving door of boyfriends or girlfriends is really hard on kids. Just when they start to get used to someone you're on to another partner.
Ever assumed someone’s mad or going to be mad at you? C’mon – we both know you have. How can I say that with certainty? Because ALL of us do that! It’s human nature. We want our interactions to go smoothly with others. But life’s not perfect and it never will be.
Recently, I shared a simple 3 step process for waking up to what you enjoy. This helps point you in the right direction for understanding what’s truly important to you and why. Now, I want to share a practical step for choosing a direction and remaining focused on it. Getting clear on what’s important to you and why is the first step in living a life filled with purpose. But that can be a tall order when you’re feeling a little lost and
It’s such a simple question. Your initial reaction may have been an offended “NO!” But too often, we get caught up in the daily busyness of life that we don’t look that far ahead. This is why those milestone birthdays – 30, 40, 50, 60 – can be a struggle. “Where did the time go? How did I get to be this old?” This is why we get so excited about New Year’s Day! It’s a fresh start – we get to hit the re-set button! Even though we know we’re probably not going to do anything different. Why?
As women, we’ve been conditioned to take care of everybody else. We feel it’s expected of us and there’s a lot of guilt involved in this. It almost seems sacrilegious to think “What about me?” Then there’s even more guilt! Guilt seems to be the underlying emotion relating to all of this. This month, I want us to take a look at that guilt and be able to move past it so that we can allow ourselves to be healthier and that, in turn, will lead to healthier families.
We hear about the importance of self control all the time. I don't know about you, but I usually have visions of grey clothes, and a boring life whenever I hear the words self control!! I made the decision to do a little investigating on this topic for find out what's so great about Self Control. I found out that self control allows me to... 1. Become more gentle with those around me. I'm able to be empathetic to the people I'm talking about because I'm focusing on them rather than me, me, me.
I went to a get together a friend of mine put on this week and heard a really sad comment by one of the ladies there regarding self-care. We were talking about friendships. She said that she’s so busy with all her responsibilities at work and with her kids that she notices that she purposely pushes other people away for fear of disappointing them. She knows she doesn’t have the energy to really invest in friendships right now and so avoids them. Now on the surface that might sound like a healthy boundary to have, BUT…. Here are 3 problems with that thinking:
“Is it even possible to achieve life & work balance?” bemoaned a client of mine a few months ago. She was running herself ragged trying to juggle about 15 plates at once. She’d hit a wall and wasn’t even sure where to go from here. She was exhausted, short-tempered with just about everyone she cared about, doing a rotten job at work and anxious a lot of the time. Best of all…She was done living like this and ready to make a change! Music to my ears!! ï This is what I love to do!
We hear about the importance of self esteem and confidence just about every day in the media. These are areas that many women struggle with. They have to do with an overall belief (or lack thereof) in oneself and one’s ability to make wise decisions. I find that the hardest decisions for me have to do with relationships. I’m a little more emotionally invested in those, tha I am – say – a pair of shoes!
Have you ever asked yourself “What is important in life?” I’m not sure many people do. Let’s face it, life is busy. Life is chaotic. Life is exhausting. All of our “to do” lists are completely unrealistic and ridiculous. But that’s just life, right? Um….I’m going to be that little voice that shouts – “NO!” That can be everybody else’s life, but it’s not going to be mine. Uh,uh, no way! (arms crossed, shaking my head). I want to live my life on purpose. I want to know what is important in life and go after it!
Are you longing for more meaningful relationships? A good place to start is with the people you love. These are the people who matter to you and you matter to them. I had an interesting revelation last night I wanted to share with you.
Ok, I admit it! I’m not perfect! Whew – I feel better getting that off my chest! Sometimes I feel a lot of pressure to seem like I’ve got it all together. My kids are watching me. My clients are watching me. People in organizations where I hold leadership positions are watching. I know, I know… I’m just sounding paranoid now.
Self control is something all of us say we want more of. The mystery behind it is trying to figure out the how. How do I have self control? How do I make better choices? How will I know I can trust myself? I'd like to share 3 steps to help you move in the right direction. All 3 of these come from 1 Corinthians 9:24 - 27:
I work with women every week who claim that having a life of peace is their biggest priority. “A life of peace” doesn’t make for the best goal though. It’s not real specific. What’s that look like – really? I get it; they’re tired of the rushing, running, demands, difficult relationships and exhaustion. But if you can’t get clearer tha “more peace”, you’re not going to go far.
Last week we looked at having more balance in life by asking “What do I want more of?” This week, I want to help you take the opposite approach with a little twist. There’s great power in words. I share this principle with my clients all the time. Take a minute and notice how your emotional response changes between these two sentences: I want to have 15 minutes of quiet I need to have 15 minutes of quiet.
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” This verse from Luke 12:34 keeps running through my mind as I think about why certain things have been important to me throughout my life. We finished up our discussion of Part #1 of the Vibrantly Live System this month – Defining What’s Truly Important & Why.
Our world is stressful. Anyone disagree with that? So want to know how to relieve stress? It’s easy to find yourself tied up in knots over just about anything if you’re not careful. It takes a conscious decision to shield yourself from the chaos that surrounds us each and every day. I’d like to share a new “shield” I’ve been practicing so that you too can give it a try if it sounds like a good fit for you!
Have you ever realized how hard it is to take care of you when you don’t make it a priority? There’s always “stuff” to be done. Kids need rides. The house gets dirty. Groceries get eaten. But what about you? How much do you make taking care of you a priority? It needs to be a conscious decision or it flat out won’t happen! Something more important will come up. I’ve written volumes about the importance of self-care here and how it’s not a selfish act, so I won’t beat that dead horse again.
As women, we love relationships! But how often do you find yourself asking “How do I get peace of mind relationships?” I mean, they can cause our greatest joys and our greatest heartbreaks! It can be quite a roller coaster if we’re not careful. Today, I’d like to share a simple process for keeping your sanity with the more “difficult to get along with” variety of relationships… How Do I Get Peace of Mind in Relationships Tip #1:
It’s an important question. Life happens. We respond. And suddenly years have passed. This is where we get ourselves into trouble and realize, “This isn’t what I wanted! How did my life turn out like this? I don’t enjoy life right now!” The problem lies in not having asked that little question; “Am I Who I Want to Be?” That question helps keep us grounded and on course. Let’s look at why the 7 little words are so powerful…
I like to choose 1 word to be my focus and anchor each year. This year I wanted to learn how to find peace in my everyday life. The word I chose is "dauntless". I used to struggle a lot with of fear of rejection, perfectionism and self-doubt. I knew in 2013, it needed to end. You see, I tu 40 this year and I'm done with it. You might be wondering why I didn’t just go with the word "fearless"? Well, it wasn't strong enough! Dauntless means - not to be intimidated, bold, resolutely fearless. Those sound like great words, but how do you go from fear to dauntless?
It’s real easy as a mom to focus on everyone else’s needs. We want everyone to be happy and feel loved. But neglecting yourself doesn’t lead to much balance in life for you. I can hear it now – “Me? I don’t have time to think of me. I’m fine.” Really? If you think your needs are any less important than the other members of your household, I beg to differ sweetheart. I want to challenge that thinking a little.
Lots of people talk about the importance of learning how to build confidence, but they just talk in circles without ever getting to the “how to’s”. Personally, I find that extremely frustrating! I recently read a great book called the Right Questions, by the late Debbie Ford. She challenged my way of thinking about many things during the course of the book. But probably the most profound statement for me was, “If we didn’t have the ability to fulfill an authentic desire, we wouldn’t have the desire in the first place.”
As you look at setting different goals in life, I want to encourage you to look at who you need to be rather than just what you need to do. Behavioral changes alone, don’t last. It’s only when we make real, internal changes in who we are that change is maintained. A critical aspect is making sure you’re being authentic. Being “authentic” means that you are genuine and real, not just with others but also yourself. Why is this important when setting goals in life? I’m glad you asked… You take personal responsibility
Leaving a legacy we can be proud of is a huge part of the mission of Vibrantly Live. Part of doing that is teaching the importance of self-care not only for us, as moms, but also for our children. Self-care allows you to be in the right frame of mind to handle life’s every day stressors. If you’re stressed out, exhausted or over-committed just the slightest change of plans can just about send you over the edge!!! C’mon – I know I’m not the only one. :)
We’re continuing our discussion of successful ways to achieve what’s truly important to you. Rather than just focusing on set tasks and trying to push your way through, I’ve been sharing the importance of being a different you prior to starting the tasks. This week, I want to talk about confidence. It’s essential if you’re going to succeed at a new endeavor. But – I can see the quizzical look on your face right now, as you’re wondering, how to build confidence? Isn’t just an innate characteristic? No! Not even close! C’mon let me show you… How to Build Confidence – Tip #1
I had a difficult decisio I was struggling with last month. I kept spinning my wheels going round and round trying to make a decision about moving forward. I kept lamenting: “How can I build confidence in making this decision?” I was stuck in this cycle for over 2 months. I’d been actively praying for direction, and little things had happened to show me I was on track.
Resentment. It’s such an ugly word. You don’t usually think of it when considering how to find happiness! But it’s critical to the process! Let me show you how… What causes resentment? Feeling taken advantage of! As moms, this could be considered a daily occurrence if we’re not in the right frame of mind. We spend each and every day helping others and giving of ourselves. It’s so easy to fall into the “What about me?” trap!
Peace of mind can come from all sorts of places, but it definitely doesn’t come from assuming things about other people. We jump to conclusions all the time when it comes to people. These assumptions can get us in all sorts of problems. One of the most common errors is assuming someone is or will be disappointed in you. The difficulty with this assumption is that it puts a lot of pressure on you. This fear of disappointing others forces us to spend a lot of time and energy trying to keep people happy. This one can put you over the edge with exhaustion.
This month, I’ll be covering 3 different ways to be happy in the different relationships in your life. It’s something all of us want, but it’s not always the easiest thing to achieve. Why is that? I believe it’s due to assumptions we make. We’re so quick to assume things – a look means “this”, a tone of voice means “that”. But we could be totally off. Unfortunately, because it becomes our perspective of the situation, it becomes our “truth”, when in reality it could be flat out wrong.
I hear from the women I work with that they just want more of a life of peace rather than all the craziness they experience. What they’re referring to is that they don’t want the rushed, exhausting and stressed out feelings they carry around daily. Sounds good, doesn’t it? But at the same time a lot of women think of peace as the ability to sleep, not do anything and just rest.
Most schools around here are back in session at this point. Finding balance in life may seem like a pipe dream for many. I see the harried expressions of moms as they drive their kids here, there, and everywhere. My foot was the victim of a grocery cart incident as a mother was rushing around with a screaming child trying to finish her shopping as quickly as possible. I get it. But does life REALLY have to be this way?
“How do you find your purpose?” This is one of the most frequently asked questions! All of us what to know that we matter. We want to have an effect on this world. We want to know that everything we’ve gone through in this life was for something and that some type of legacy will be left. The best way to do this is to walk boldly in your purpose.
To have meaningful relationships we need to feel safe enough to be our true, authentic self. This is why one of the best relationship advice ideas I can offer you is to beware of judging others or assuming someone’s judging you. They tend to go hand in hand. If you’re a rather judgmental person, it’s only natural for you to assume others are the same way. If you’re critiquing everyone else’s hair, outfits and relationships – then your perspective will be that everyone else must be doing that too.
Last month I had the privilege of attending a conference with 500 other entrepreneurial women from around the world. We were there to focus on developing a life of purpose to serve in a greater way. It was an incredible experience, being in an environment with all of these other powerful women who are charging ahead, through their own fears and doubts, to make this world a better place.
With all the responsibilities we have, wanting a little more peace of mind is a given. But sometimes we don’t have time to even eat! Where will we find time to boost our mental energy? Before you go into panic mode and wish for extra hours in a day, let’s take a step back. Making sure your mind is clear from clutter allows you to focus on the most important things, making you more productive, thus able to get more done in the amount of time you have.
Happy New Year! Can you believe it’s 2014? With the New Year, many people start wondering how to really achieve goals that are important to them. How about you? Are you ready to make a change or content to just continue floating along? This month, as we focus on the Vibrantly Live principle of Define What’s Truly Important & Why, I want to share with you an often overlooked necessity when it comes to making real change in your life.
Peace of mind often feels like a pipe dream that other people get to experience. But that doesn’t have to be YOUR reality! It is possible to experience it on a regular basis. You’re probably asking, “How?” about this time, aren’t you? Peace of mind will never be a reality if you don’t seriously commit to a regular practice of self-care. I know, I know – “Who has time for that!!??” But hold on there – I want to challenge that thinking just a little. Who DOESN’T have time for that!?
Most of the women I work with would easily admit they feel blessed. Their daily needs are met and they have loving people in their life. So why is the question of how to change your life a common one among them? It’s because the women I work with are striving to go beyond just “getting through” their days, and instead, really want to live!