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Articles by Martha Tara Lee

Browse published articles attributed to Martha Tara Lee, with full-archive search.

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By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Primal Sex for Cameron Diaz

I adore the American actress Cameron Diaz. She dares to be ridiculously funny in ‘The Mask’, has men swooning over her in ‘There’s Something About Mary’, gets to kick butt in ‘Charlie’s Angels’, and is not shy in admitting that she can’t sing in ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’. She smiles readily, laughs infectiously, and is ‘on’ about life. What’s there not to like about her? Recently she upped the antenna with her quotes (in reverse order of my favourites): On staying young:

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,073 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Why I Became A Sexologist

If there is one questio I am asked almost every time I meet somebody new, it is this: “Why did you become a sexologist?” Even complete strangers on Facebook find it is their business to pose one-liner questions along the lines of: “Is your job for real?” Occasionally my polite replies would be followed by cheekier replies of: “Can I know you?” Or I will receive lengthier ones trying to draw me into philosophical, theoretical or academic discussions related to sex and sexuality. Indeed, I have an interesting profession. This is my official answer, all of which is true:

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,056 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Do Guys Need to Take Protein Supplement After Making Love?

Do guys need to take protein supplement after making love to replenish the loss of protein?

Primary topic: Sexuality

2,003 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Will The First Sex Session be Like?

How will the first sex session be like? Be aware of your feelings and know it is normal to feel excited and awkward at the same time. Talk to each other: ask what’s working and what isn’t, don’t assume that what feels good for you feels good for her. During lovemaking, the penis is inserted into the vagina. One partner will usually use a hand to slide the inner labia apart and guide the head of the penis into the vaginal opening. Most people need foreplay, or outerplay, before, during and/ or after intercourse to relax and become sexually aroused. This includes:r

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,995 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

What is Considered a Low Sex Drive?

What is considered a low sex drive for females? There is often a sexual desire discrepancy between the male and female. I like to first emphasize that just because you have a lower sex drive than your partner does not necessarily mean there is something wrong with you. What this means is that you need to be aware of this difference and together come with creative ways to fulfil both your sexual needs.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,994 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Can I Make My Orgams Stronger, Naturally?

The idea of having better orgasms isn’t meant to make you feel like there is anything wrong with the orgasms you’re currently having. Here are some basics: 1) Breathe so your orgasm becomes more of a full body experience; 2) Instead of tensing up and holding still during orgasm, move your body and let the energy spread through your body; 3) Experiment and prolong the period before orgasm; 4) Try to build better orgasms by doing your Kegel exercises; 5) Use sex toys; 6) Fantasize. Remember not to compare your orgasms with others. What works for you is good enough.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,943 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Faking Orgasm – Good or Bad?

When you fake an orgasm, you are essentially putting on a show for the benefit of your partner. Your reasons could vary from “getting it over with”, “sparing his feelings”, misleading yourself with “what he doesn’t know won’t hurt”, to the inner satisfaction of “pulling it off” and “getting away with it”. Whatever your reasons, it is important to call a spade a spade: you are lying to your partner, and more importantly to yourself.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,842 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Do I Start Using Sex Toys?

For starters, you can use a vibrating ring which looks like a hair band except it has an exte al battery with an on-off switch. Have your husband stretch the vibrating ring over his penis and rest it at the base of his erect or non erect penis, and watch the penis come to live as you turn the ring on. Ride him as you usually do and the added stimulation may well help you get a stronger orgasm. If he isn’t comfortable with a vibration ring at the base of his penis, you can always use the vibrating ring for outer play such as on your clitoris or around your vulva.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,822 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Does One Stop Multi-tasking During Sex?

Possible reasons of multi-tasking during sex can vary considerably: from boredom due to predictability of sexual routine; stress and anxiety stemming from work; habitual need to overachieve; to genuine lack of time in juggling work and household chores. Sexual inhibition from any kind of trauma, pain, or discomfort may also cause one to disengage or disassociate mentally.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,801 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Sexual Consent: Women who don’t know how to say no

This is part four of a four-part series on sexual consent. The other pieces can be found here: Sexual consent: When no is no; Sexually Confused: When No is a Game; and No Go: Too Drunk to Consent. In early December, paparazzi pictures of 19-year-old Hong Kong starlet, Rose Chan, being kissed and hugged by fellow actors and co-stars Joe Ma, 43, and Benny Chan, 42, surfaced. The actors had apparently gone for supper after a day of filming in Hengdian, China.r

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,801 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

My Wife is Not Interested in Sex. What Should I Do?

It is normal for couples to have differences in their sexual desire. It is important for couples to begin by having a honest discussion with how often they need to have sex versus how often they would ideally like to have sex. There needs to be a conversation about the role sex plays in a relationship and why it is important. Stress, anxiety, and tiredness are very real factors that affect the sex lives of Singaporeans. It’s hard to get in the mood or have any real desire when you’ve been working long hours.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,798 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

What is Slow Sex?

As the name suggests, it refers to the reverse of fast sex, think fine dining or a 12-course meal as opposed fast food. Slow sex does not necessarily infer to the amount of the time needed for sex, but the way it was being done – slow. It would be good to set aside 30minutes to practice slow sex. The Slow sex movement is a term used by Nicole Daedone, founder of the One Taste Urban Retreat Center, who describes herself as the movement’s leader. She describes Orgasmic mediation and mindful sexuality as its practices.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,740 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Book Review: Shameless

Book Review: Shameless – How I Ditched the Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure… and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner by Pamela Madsen I fell in ‘like’ with Pamela Madsen even before I heard about or read her first book Shameless. It happened when she shared her blog post ‘My Mother and The Gift of The Traveling Red Panties’ on Facebook. I instinctively felt that she was a woman who is honest, has a good sense of humour, and ‘gets’ what embracing her sexuality was all about.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,668 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Five Ways to Maximise Sex

Work out suitable times in the week both of you can make sex happen. It might sound unromantic to plan time for sex but we all know how to make time for what is important to us – and sex deserves us making time. The anticipation, lead-up and preparation for the date will make it sweeter. Experiment

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,660 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Toys for Adults

Have you heard of the expression, “Men don’t grow up; their toys just get bigger and more expensive.”? True, since adult men don’t talk of Matchbox cars, but full-sized motorized ones. What of their electronic devices and gadgets from the iPhone, Wii, mp3 players, to laptops?

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,633 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Gurls of Singapore

There is a new beauty pageant in Singapore. It’s named TruMe, an online transgender beauty pageant organised by Action for Aids; it will be officially launched next month.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,627 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Sexology is my calling. What’s yours?

I facilitated a session which defined sex, sexuality and intimacy during SlutTalk, a fringe event under SlutWalk Singapore. It was the inspiration for an earlier piece on publichouse.sg with the same title here. After my session, I thought I could go off-work, resume my civilian status, and was easing into my seat. An undergraduate lady sitting next to me began small talk by first remarking that I look nothing like my namecard/ website/ media pictures. She next asked me if my work was difficult.r

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,610 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Pouring ‘Cold Water’

Have you ever poured ‘cold water’ over somebody else’s happiness? In a literal translation from the Chinese language, ‘pouring cold water’ means dousing the flames of passion. This usually happens when the opposite party is feeling elated about a new love, promotion or business deal, and somebody comes along and ruins the ‘moment’.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,595 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Enjoying my body, moving without agenda

Last September, I attended a ten-day residential program, which is part of the Sexological Bodywork certification in Australia. Though this was the second time I was going through this program, I was returning as one of four assistant coaches. I felt it was important to connect with my community (sex-positive people who spoke my lingo), refresh my skills and acquire new knowledge.r

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,585 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Slow Down, Cowboy!

How can one overcome premature ejaculation? When is faster not necessarily better? That’s right – when we are talking about premature ejaculation or ‘PE’. PE is also known as ‘early ejaculation’ or ‘eager ejaculation’. This occurs when a man ejaculates quicker or earlier than desired. It is actually a very common sexual concern. Can you learn to last longer without resorting to medication? Here are some tips: 1) Do your Kegels

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,555 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Sex Is Not The Same As Sitting For The ’10-year Series’

I tell my clients that sex is not the same as sitting for the ‘10-year series‘. For those who don’t know, the 10-year series is a colloquial term unique to Singapore where students refer to official compilation books of examination papers for the past years for the GCE N-levels, O-levels and A-levels, approved by the Ministry of Education and the University of Cambridge Local Examination Syndicate, respectively.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,512 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Do’s and Don’ts for Your Sex Dates

Do's Discuss what makes a good date in your opinion so your partner knowsr Take turns planning the date and making it happen the way you like it tor Talking about what is going on in your relationship right now, or resolve old issuesr End the evening with a high note or with a fun activity. Don’ts Don’t spend a lot of money on the date. The quality of the date is not necessarily determined by the amount of money spent. Do not wait for the “mood” to come over you. Decide to be you are open to possibilities.r

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,500 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

The power of play

I have a question to ask you. Amidst the hustle and bustle of your busy work and personal lives, when was the last time you played? Close your eyes and try recalling some of the happiest moments in your life: What might they be? Whether this memory is of you as a child or as an adult, chances are, they involved some sort of play.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,483 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Five Tips for Sex Dates

Sex does not magically happen. You are stymied by a lack of time and energy and having kids have only caused sex from being erratic to the point of non-existent. You love your spouse and want to keep an intimate connection. However life gets in the way. Sex has turned into a dull routine and you don’t know how to rekindle your connection. Recognise that having a healthy and positive sex life takes effort, and scheduling sex is a part of it.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,478 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Book Review: Impossible Motherhood – Testimony of an Abortion Addict

The cover of book Impossible Motherhood is simple but alluring. It traces the outline of a woman with two lines, with the title and sub-title ‘Testimony of an Abortion Addict’ located where the pubic mons is. Then, there are three sets of red lines (each set has four lines with a fifth line diagonally striking them off to symbolise ‘five’) at where the figure’s vulva would be.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,455 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Oral Action

How can a man best use his tongue to bring a woman to orgasm? What are some techniques he can try? Our fingers are hard, dry, and possibly chafing. On the other hand, your tongue is warm and moist, hence probably superior to the penis in giving her an orgasm. Also it is easier for most women to achieve clitoral rather than vaginal orgasms, and oral sex is very effective in triggering such orgasms.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,453 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Hug Language

What the hug is saying that you are missing. 1. A hug that’s followed by a thump on the back A thump on the back above or below shoulders is more of a friendly or ” hey how you been ” hug. This is an indication of discomfort with hugging you or with your closeness. However not all back thumping is negative and can be difficult to analyze the precise reason. 2. A crushing bear hug

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,446 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Do I Help Her Overcome Her Bedroom Insecurities?

1. Do not make fun of or dismiss her anxieties/ insecurities as irrelevant, nonsensical and the like. 2. Find out where her comfort level is i.e. she doesn’t like/ want to do A, B, or C. What can she do or is willing to do? Start from there. 3. Gently stretch her comfort level e.g. if he wants her to give him oral sex and she doesn’t like/ want to due to fear of bacterial infection. For instance, how about getting her to stimulate the same with another erogenous part of his body e.g. ear/ finger first?

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,433 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Spice Up Your Sex Life

What factors should a couple take into consideration when wanting to spice up their sex life? Consider if your partner is a visual, auditory or kinaesthetic (touch) person. Does irritating sounds bother him to no end? Is he particular about textiles, fabrics and the way they feel next to his skin? Most guys tend to be visual followed by auditory. If you have a visual guy, you know he would be able to watch you. So have dim lights on, or candles as they make you look even more alluring. Better yet, have sex infront of a mirror so he can admire the reflection of you (and himself!).

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,413 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Common Mistakes Men Make Sexually

It is easy to point the finger elsewhere and say it is the men’s fault. For every man who we say is making a mistake, there are three fingers pointing back at you. Really, since men are not mind readers (though we would like them to be), we have to communicate. Men won’t be making ‘mistakes’ if only women are clear first about what it is they want, and then being clear about asking for what they want.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,401 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Do I Get Her to Orgasm with Me?

During intercourse, it is the outer third of the vagina that is most stimulated. Some women are able to orgasm through this vaginal penetration. That is, vaginal orgasm — without clitoral stimulation.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,386 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Can Food Boost Sexual Desire and Performance?

Aphrodisiacs are substances that supposedly enhance erotic perceptions and sexual performance. In virtually all societies, people have sought such agents and have attributed magical or powerful properties to unusual substances, like ground rhinoceros horn. It is controversial whether any single substance has singular and specific effects in enhancing sexual arousal and orgasm. Whether the effect is real, minimal or nonexistent may well be a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,372 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Revised – Sexual Terms

I was browsing through the October issue of an expat magazine recently when I chanced upon an article entitled, “Well-being and Sex”. Intrigued, I read the piece, only to come upon the sexual terms: ‘sexual transmitted diseases’, ‘impotence’ and ‘frigidity’. The author is obviously not a sexologist because these terms are passé.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,368 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Smile – You’re A Woman

A smile is a wonderful thing. Yet it appears that a smile can have more connotations than what is usually appreciated (on the surface) in our society. At the age of eleven, I was taught this poem when I joined the Brownies (a school uniform group similar to the Girl Scouts): “A smile is a quite funny thing, as it wrinkles up your face; And if it’s gone, you cannot find its secret hiding place. But far more wonderful it is, to see what smiles can do: you smile at one, he smiles at you; and so one smile makes two!”

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,338 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Being Woman: A Singaporean Chinese Writes

For the longest time, being a woman, to me, meant being:rn-seen and not heard;rn-expected to help, serve (for instance cook, clean, iron) and please people around me, especially the men;rn-fertile, and being expected to bear children.rn-expected to look good, smell nice, and happy and positive at all times.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,334 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Book Review: Stand by Her

‘Stand by Her: A Breast Cancer Guide for Men’ is a book by one brave man for other men who are witnessing their loved one fighting breast cancer and how to support them. These men can be their husbands, fathers, sons, brothers, friends, and coworkers.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,324 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Too Tired for Sex

What to say when you are too tired for sex. There are three things to say when you are too tired for sex. 1. Say something polite, nice or caring. Thanks for asking, but… (can state reason) I’m glad you asked, but… (can state reason) 2. State your alte ative. I’d rather… I prefer… 3. Or suggest an alte ative Would you like to…? E.g. Would you like to cuddle instead? How about…? E.g. How about if we put time aside after the football match? Why not ____ instead? E.g. Why not I finger you to orgasm tonight?

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,324 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Am I Doing Alright in Bed?

Am I doing alright in bed? How can I tell? We get turned on through our senses – seeing, feeling, touching, smelling, tasting, hearing – and through thought or fantasy. When we begin active sexual movements, we feel the flow of pleasurable feelings centering in the genitals and abdomen. The entire body is gradually flooded with warmth, generally increasing in intensity and reaching toward a peak. In both sexes, heart rate, breathing rate and flushing (if it occurs) continue to increase.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,312 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Today’s Parent: Account of a Tuition Survivor

I had tuition from when I was in Primary One until Secondary Four. My younger sister started from when she was Kindergarten Two. She started early because she wouldn’t leave me alone during my tuition lessons – insisting on playing with me, talking with me, peeping on me – she felt left out. I, on the other hand, hated being forced to take supplementary lessons I did not need. After a succession of tutors who quit – one of whom pinched me – I realised that my mother was going to continue forcing tuition down my throat. I eventually settled on the one I thought was the nicest.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,310 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

What Can I Do About Premature Ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation happens when a man ejaculates earlier than he would like to. It is also known as rapid ejaculation, rapid climax, premature climax, or early ejaculation. The average male takes less than three minutes from the time of insertion till he ejaculates. To gain greater orgasmic control, the first thing is to understand what is happening to his body when he ejaculates: the functions of the prostate gland and pelvic muscles.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,306 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Client Confidentiality

As the Lion City’s only clinical sexologist with a doctorate in human sexuality, I have often been asked by journalists, friends, and complete strangers to share my thoughts about what I felt was my most bizarre/ interesting/ fulfilling case. I could become the next media darling or belle of the party but I have always refused to give them what they wanted. Instead, I may reply: “I treat all my client information as strictly confidential, so I couldn’t discuss any of that. But, I can share the most common kinds of issues related to sex….”

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,290 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

How Can I Tell If She’s Faking an Orgasm?

An orgasm is not just a physical experience, it happens in your body, mind, possibly even spirit. And there is no single definition of orgasm. Some tell tale signs of an orgasmic response might include increased heart rate and blood pressure, increased muscle tension, a flush of her skin, as well as a release of tension followed sometimes by a feeling of deep relaxation. On the other hand, she might experience one or several of these things and not “feel” she had an orgasm. Trying to figure out if she had an orgasm can also be a dead end.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,257 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

The tribulations of a sexologist

When I started my practice, Eros Coaching, I was told unreservedly by many well-meaning people, often complete strangers, not to do so. Will I have enough business? Are Singaporeans going to come forward? “We are too shy!”, they exclaimed. “Why didn’t you stay in the United States and practice there? Surely, you don’t want to waste your time with this lot.”r

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,220 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Putting Sex Life Back on Track

How do you know your sex life back on track? It depends on what aspect of her sexuality she is not happy with. If she is not receiving sexual pleasure the way she would prefer, she needs to be first looking at what are some possible reasons she is not asking for what she likes. Does she know what it is she wants? If she knows, why is she not asking for it? If she does not know, how can she find out?

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,216 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Want anything?

In this day and age, are we really suffering for want of… anything? Long before budget airlines, it was a very big deal when people would travel to other countries. So much so that friends and family would go to great lengths to show up at the airport just to wish that person ‘bon voyage’. Often the departing person would be asked to seek out and bring back a particular spice, cosmetic, or other luxury item, because such items were either unavailable or exorbitantly priced in Singapore. This practice still exists, and I’ve had experience of it from every angle.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,209 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

The Importance of Listening to your Emotions

If you accidentally touched a hot stove, the nerves in your skin would shoot a message of pain to your brain. The brain then sends a message back telling the muscles in your hand to pull away. Is that a bad thing? No, you would answer. What a ridiculous question, you might retort. Hear me out.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,170 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Sex and the King of Fruits

What is the relationship between sex and durians? Is there any at all? Since I am paid for my time, I like to use metaphors and analogies to make sure that I get my intended message across in the most effective way in the shortest amount of time. This has a lot to do with my first career in corporate communications: where time is of the essence and clear, simple messages often work best. When I hear of adverse reactions to male ejaculatory fluid, also known as semen, I ask follow-up questions to better understand the aversion. “What is it about the ‘cum’ that you don’t like?”

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,151 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Why Do Men Stray?

The first thing we should know that the monogamous model for relationship has not existed through all societies and time. More so in our Asian culture, we are exposed to concepts like polygamy where Muslim men can have up to four wives; and patriarchal systems where the father or eldest male is head of the household, having authority over women and children and expected to continue the male line or family name.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,140 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Back on The Dating Scene

What’s the best way a guy who has been out of the dating scene for some time can get back in the game? Before venturing out into the dating world, take time to figure out who you are and what you are about such as listing a personal inventory of goals, lifestyle priorities, what works and what won’t. You want someone who is the best fit in terms of lifestyle temperament and connection.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,138 views

By Martha Tara LeeRecently published1 topic

Watch and Learn From Kids

When I was little, all I wanted was to grow up. Grown-ups rule the world – from controlling the television remote and operating all kinds of cool gadgets to being able to choose the time they went to bed. And then there is always the sentence “You will know when you grow up,” that made adulthood all the more alluring. We all know what happened. I came of age. Now that I am finally ‘there’, I have to admit that there have been times when I wished I could turn back the clock and relive my childhood. This might be a typical case of the grass being greener on the other side.

Primary topic: Sexuality

1,124 views

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