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Browse published articles attributed to Martha Tara Lee, with full-archive search.
Last September, I attended a ten-day residential program, which is part of the Sexological Bodywork certification in Australia. Though this was the second time I was going through this program, I was returning as one of four assistant coaches. I felt it was important to connect with my community (sex-positive people who spoke my lingo), refresh my skills and acquire new knowledge.r
How can one overcome premature ejaculation? When is faster not necessarily better? That’s right – when we are talking about premature ejaculation or ‘PE’. PE is also known as ‘early ejaculation’ or ‘eager ejaculation’. This occurs when a man ejaculates quicker or earlier than desired. It is actually a very common sexual concern. Can you learn to last longer without resorting to medication? Here are some tips: 1) Do your Kegels
There is a place within a woman which is so famous that it is referred to by a singular alphabetic term. I am asked frequently, usually by men, just where this is. Many women are confused about whether they have one. The fixation has a lot to do with the belief that its stimulation results in an instant mind-blowing orgasm. No, not the T-zone. That’s right. We’re talking about the G-spot.
I tell my clients that sex is not the same as sitting for the ‘10-year series‘. For those who don’t know, the 10-year series is a colloquial term unique to Singapore where students refer to official compilation books of examination papers for the past years for the GCE N-levels, O-levels and A-levels, approved by the Ministry of Education and the University of Cambridge Local Examination Syndicate, respectively.
Do's Discuss what makes a good date in your opinion so your partner knowsr Take turns planning the date and making it happen the way you like it tor Talking about what is going on in your relationship right now, or resolve old issuesr End the evening with a high note or with a fun activity. Don’ts Don’t spend a lot of money on the date. The quality of the date is not necessarily determined by the amount of money spent. Do not wait for the “mood” to come over you. Decide to be you are open to possibilities.r
Have you heard of the saying, “Speech is Silver, Silence is Golden?” This phrase can be traced back to early Egyptians and it essentially means that while speaking is good, saying nothing is better. Discretion can be worth more than even eloquent words. Have you ever felt glad, relieved even, to get away from someone because the person would not stop talking, and worse yet, about themselves? Have you wished the person sitting behind you on the bus or standing behind you on the train would stop talking into their phone or to the person next to them at the top of their voice?r
I have a question to ask you. Amidst the hustle and bustle of your busy work and personal lives, when was the last time you played? Close your eyes and try recalling some of the happiest moments in your life: What might they be? Whether this memory is of you as a child or as an adult, chances are, they involved some sort of play.
Sex does not magically happen. You are stymied by a lack of time and energy and having kids have only caused sex from being erratic to the point of non-existent. You love your spouse and want to keep an intimate connection. However life gets in the way. Sex has turned into a dull routine and you don’t know how to rekindle your connection. Recognise that having a healthy and positive sex life takes effort, and scheduling sex is a part of it.
The cover of book Impossible Motherhood is simple but alluring. It traces the outline of a woman with two lines, with the title and sub-title ‘Testimony of an Abortion Addict’ located where the pubic mons is. Then, there are three sets of red lines (each set has four lines with a fifth line diagonally striking them off to symbolise ‘five’) at where the figure’s vulva would be.
How can a man best use his tongue to bring a woman to orgasm? What are some techniques he can try? Our fingers are hard, dry, and possibly chafing. On the other hand, your tongue is warm and moist, hence probably superior to the penis in giving her an orgasm. Also it is easier for most women to achieve clitoral rather than vaginal orgasms, and oral sex is very effective in triggering such orgasms.
What the hug is saying that you are missing. 1. A hug that’s followed by a thump on the back A thump on the back above or below shoulders is more of a friendly or ” hey how you been ” hug. This is an indication of discomfort with hugging you or with your closeness. However not all back thumping is negative and can be difficult to analyze the precise reason. 2. A crushing bear hug
1. Do not make fun of or dismiss her anxieties/ insecurities as irrelevant, nonsensical and the like. 2. Find out where her comfort level is i.e. she doesn’t like/ want to do A, B, or C. What can she do or is willing to do? Start from there. 3. Gently stretch her comfort level e.g. if he wants her to give him oral sex and she doesn’t like/ want to due to fear of bacterial infection. For instance, how about getting her to stimulate the same with another erogenous part of his body e.g. ear/ finger first?
What factors should a couple take into consideration when wanting to spice up their sex life? Consider if your partner is a visual, auditory or kinaesthetic (touch) person. Does irritating sounds bother him to no end? Is he particular about textiles, fabrics and the way they feel next to his skin? Most guys tend to be visual followed by auditory. If you have a visual guy, you know he would be able to watch you. So have dim lights on, or candles as they make you look even more alluring. Better yet, have sex infront of a mirror so he can admire the reflection of you (and himself!).
It is easy to point the finger elsewhere and say it is the men’s fault. For every man who we say is making a mistake, there are three fingers pointing back at you. Really, since men are not mind readers (though we would like them to be), we have to communicate. Men won’t be making ‘mistakes’ if only women are clear first about what it is they want, and then being clear about asking for what they want.
How much of erectile dysfunction is biological and how much of it is psychological? Erectile dysfunction, sometimes known as impotence, is attributed to physical causes in up to 85% of cases. Medical conditions linked to erectile conce s include heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, neurological disease, and other health conditions. Research has shown that psychological causes of erectile dysfunction occur in up to 15% of cases. They include anxiety, depression, stress, and problems in relationships. Is popping Viagra the only solution to ED?
During intercourse, it is the outer third of the vagina that is most stimulated. Some women are able to orgasm through this vaginal penetration. That is, vaginal orgasm — without clitoral stimulation.
Aphrodisiacs are substances that supposedly enhance erotic perceptions and sexual performance. In virtually all societies, people have sought such agents and have attributed magical or powerful properties to unusual substances, like ground rhinoceros horn. It is controversial whether any single substance has singular and specific effects in enhancing sexual arousal and orgasm. Whether the effect is real, minimal or nonexistent may well be a self-fulfilling prophesy.
I was browsing through the October issue of an expat magazine recently when I chanced upon an article entitled, “Well-being and Sex”. Intrigued, I read the piece, only to come upon the sexual terms: ‘sexual transmitted diseases’, ‘impotence’ and ‘frigidity’. The author is obviously not a sexologist because these terms are passé.
A smile is a wonderful thing. Yet it appears that a smile can have more connotations than what is usually appreciated (on the surface) in our society. At the age of eleven, I was taught this poem when I joined the Brownies (a school uniform group similar to the Girl Scouts): “A smile is a quite funny thing, as it wrinkles up your face; And if it’s gone, you cannot find its secret hiding place. But far more wonderful it is, to see what smiles can do: you smile at one, he smiles at you; and so one smile makes two!”
For the longest time, being a woman, to me, meant being:rn-seen and not heard;rn-expected to help, serve (for instance cook, clean, iron) and please people around me, especially the men;rn-fertile, and being expected to bear children.rn-expected to look good, smell nice, and happy and positive at all times.
We are inundated, on a daily basis, with multiple messages about how our bodies can or should look better from slimming and facials to skin whitening and body hair removal. There is just so much we can be unhappy with when it comes to your bodies. How can we ever be happy with the way we look, much less enjoy inhabiting the only body we’ll ever have? Could dance help us become more comfortable with our bodies? I asked three female dance instructors:
‘Stand by Her: A Breast Cancer Guide for Men’ is a book by one brave man for other men who are witnessing their loved one fighting breast cancer and how to support them. These men can be their husbands, fathers, sons, brothers, friends, and coworkers.
What to say when you are too tired for sex. There are three things to say when you are too tired for sex. 1. Say something polite, nice or caring. Thanks for asking, but… (can state reason) I’m glad you asked, but… (can state reason) 2. State your alte ative. I’d rather… I prefer… 3. Or suggest an alte ative Would you like to…? E.g. Would you like to cuddle instead? How about…? E.g. How about if we put time aside after the football match? Why not ____ instead? E.g. Why not I finger you to orgasm tonight?
Am I doing alright in bed? How can I tell? We get turned on through our senses – seeing, feeling, touching, smelling, tasting, hearing – and through thought or fantasy. When we begin active sexual movements, we feel the flow of pleasurable feelings centering in the genitals and abdomen. The entire body is gradually flooded with warmth, generally increasing in intensity and reaching toward a peak. In both sexes, heart rate, breathing rate and flushing (if it occurs) continue to increase.
I had tuition from when I was in Primary One until Secondary Four. My younger sister started from when she was Kindergarten Two. She started early because she wouldn’t leave me alone during my tuition lessons – insisting on playing with me, talking with me, peeping on me – she felt left out. I, on the other hand, hated being forced to take supplementary lessons I did not need. After a succession of tutors who quit – one of whom pinched me – I realised that my mother was going to continue forcing tuition down my throat. I eventually settled on the one I thought was the nicest.
Premature ejaculation happens when a man ejaculates earlier than he would like to. It is also known as rapid ejaculation, rapid climax, premature climax, or early ejaculation. The average male takes less than three minutes from the time of insertion till he ejaculates. To gain greater orgasmic control, the first thing is to understand what is happening to his body when he ejaculates: the functions of the prostate gland and pelvic muscles.
Is it possible to get better, ‘betterer’ and ‘betterest’ when it comes to sex? A certain Singapore minister was cited in the media as saying, “If you’re the best today, strive to be better. If you’re better today, strive to be ‘betterer’ and if you’re ‘betterer’ today, strive to be ‘betterest’ so that over time, Singapore’s service standards can just keep getting better, ‘betterer’ and ‘betterest’.”
As the Lion City’s only clinical sexologist with a doctorate in human sexuality, I have often been asked by journalists, friends, and complete strangers to share my thoughts about what I felt was my most bizarre/ interesting/ fulfilling case. I could become the next media darling or belle of the party but I have always refused to give them what they wanted. Instead, I may reply: “I treat all my client information as strictly confidential, so I couldn’t discuss any of that. But, I can share the most common kinds of issues related to sex….”
An orgasm is not just a physical experience, it happens in your body, mind, possibly even spirit. And there is no single definition of orgasm. Some tell tale signs of an orgasmic response might include increased heart rate and blood pressure, increased muscle tension, a flush of her skin, as well as a release of tension followed sometimes by a feeling of deep relaxation. On the other hand, she might experience one or several of these things and not “feel” she had an orgasm. Trying to figure out if she had an orgasm can also be a dead end.
Living in harmony with nature’s rhythms and gifts is not easy in a heavily-developed world. Nature can be very helpful in restoring sensory, behavioural and emotional balance. Are we listening?
For most people, sex is a sensitive and difficult subject to talk about. I have come across a man who, after 15 years of marriage, admitted that he and his wife have never talked about sex. Don’t get me wrong. They do have sex. They just don’t talk about it.
When I started my practice, Eros Coaching, I was told unreservedly by many well-meaning people, often complete strangers, not to do so. Will I have enough business? Are Singaporeans going to come forward? “We are too shy!”, they exclaimed. “Why didn’t you stay in the United States and practice there? Surely, you don’t want to waste your time with this lot.”r
How do you know your sex life back on track? It depends on what aspect of her sexuality she is not happy with. If she is not receiving sexual pleasure the way she would prefer, she needs to be first looking at what are some possible reasons she is not asking for what she likes. Does she know what it is she wants? If she knows, why is she not asking for it? If she does not know, how can she find out?
In this day and age, are we really suffering for want of… anything? Long before budget airlines, it was a very big deal when people would travel to other countries. So much so that friends and family would go to great lengths to show up at the airport just to wish that person ‘bon voyage’. Often the departing person would be asked to seek out and bring back a particular spice, cosmetic, or other luxury item, because such items were either unavailable or exorbitantly priced in Singapore. This practice still exists, and I’ve had experience of it from every angle.
According to a new research study in the UK (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1341660/Six-10-women-dont-like-eating-partners.html?ITO=1490), more than 60 percent of British women in relationships do not feel comfortable eating in front of their partner, and almost half get shy when undressing. Also, four in ten women feel as though they are ‘always dieting’ or are ‘constantly conce ed about their weight’.
If you accidentally touched a hot stove, the nerves in your skin would shoot a message of pain to your brain. The brain then sends a message back telling the muscles in your hand to pull away. Is that a bad thing? No, you would answer. What a ridiculous question, you might retort. Hear me out.
What is the relationship between sex and durians? Is there any at all? Since I am paid for my time, I like to use metaphors and analogies to make sure that I get my intended message across in the most effective way in the shortest amount of time. This has a lot to do with my first career in corporate communications: where time is of the essence and clear, simple messages often work best. When I hear of adverse reactions to male ejaculatory fluid, also known as semen, I ask follow-up questions to better understand the aversion. “What is it about the ‘cum’ that you don’t like?”
The first thing we should know that the monogamous model for relationship has not existed through all societies and time. More so in our Asian culture, we are exposed to concepts like polygamy where Muslim men can have up to four wives; and patriarchal systems where the father or eldest male is head of the household, having authority over women and children and expected to continue the male line or family name.
What’s the best way a guy who has been out of the dating scene for some time can get back in the game? Before venturing out into the dating world, take time to figure out who you are and what you are about such as listing a personal inventory of goals, lifestyle priorities, what works and what won’t. You want someone who is the best fit in terms of lifestyle temperament and connection.
When I was little, all I wanted was to grow up. Grown-ups rule the world – from controlling the television remote and operating all kinds of cool gadgets to being able to choose the time they went to bed. And then there is always the sentence “You will know when you grow up,” that made adulthood all the more alluring. We all know what happened. I came of age. Now that I am finally ‘there’, I have to admit that there have been times when I wished I could turn back the clock and relive my childhood. This might be a typical case of the grass being greener on the other side.
When I was in my third semester studying for my Doctorate in Human Sexuality, I went to the Florida Sex Therapy Institute to complete a Certificate in Sex Therapy. Dr Susan Lee, my teacher, introduced me to her clients I bumped into and her counterparts as ‘Dr Lee’. My first reaction was “Wait a minute! I am not a Doctor yet!” I felt like a fraud.
How much you reveal to your partner has a lot to do with what kind of a relationship you want. If you want an honest and open relationship, then it is important you are as honest and open as you possibly can. Your past is a part of where you have been, and may not be representative of who you are as a person now. If he has difficulties differentiating that, then it might be very telling of his emotional maturity and you might not want to pursue a relationship with such a person anyway.
What are some tips on the ways a guy can impress a girl with the perfect Valentine’s Day dinner date? Generally, women’s sexual fantasies tend to be filled with more romantic interludes. The whole works would mean: the perfect venue for that perfect date – a 5-star hotel, an elite restaurant, or even a yacht; reservations; elements of ambiance such as candles, flowers, music or musicians; and the icing on the cake would be a thoughtful gift.
Sex is a learned act. That’s right: l-e-a-r-n-e-d. I remember contributing an article to an online portal a few months back. I had written the sentence: “For most people, sex is a learned act.” When the portal owner’s edits come back, she had written: “Don’t you mean, ‘For most people, sex is a natural act’?”. My immediate response was territorial: ‘Who is the sexologist here? Are you saying I am wrong? What are you trying to imply here?’
You might have come across the term ‘Coming out’. What does it mean? It is a figure of speech used by the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community in disclosing their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. Also referred to as ‘Coming out of the closet’, the beginning of this process is acceptance of oneself. Following this, openness may occur with family, friends, co-workers, the community in which one lives, etc. This is a life-long process. One can ‘come out’ similarly or in a different manner to various individuals or groups at different times.
On women’s health "down there". 1. Get familiar with what you are ‘normally’ like ‘down there’ – from the look, smell and even taste. Check daily when you go to the toilet. This way, you are aware when there is any out of the ordinary vaginal discharge. 2. Avoid bath oils, perfumed soaps and bubble baths. 3. Drink cranberry juice. It contains hippuric acid, which prevents bacteria from clinging to the lining of the urinary tract. 4. Make it a point to excuse yourself to the toilet and urinate before and after sex. This will help flush out bacteria.
Anxiety is a normal part of life. We all have experienced anxiety at some point of our lives. In fact, anxiety is one mechanism that evolved to keep us alert and help us cope in stressful events or situations. More specifically, performance anxiety refers to self-consciousness about the quality of one’s performance that actually, in turn, decreases the quality of one’s performance.
I had tuition from when I was in Primary One until Secondary Four. My younger sister started from when she was Kindergarten Two. She started early because she wouldn’t leave me alone during my tuition lessons – insisting on playing with me, talking with me, peeping on me – she felt left out. I, on the other hand, hated being forced to take supplementary lessons I did not need. After a succession of tutors who quit – one of whom pinched me – I realised that my mother was going to continue forcing tuition down my throat. I eventually settled on the one I thought was the nicest.
How many of the people that you know are truly happy with their bodies? Be honest: Are you satisfied with yours? If not, you might have a body image issue. Body image does not just refer to aspects of our physical appearance, attractiveness, and beauty. It also has to do with the mental picture you have of your own body as well as your thoughts, feelings, judgments, sensations, awareness and behaviour.
Touch is the medium through which we first become acquainted with the world. It is the first means of communication between the newbo baby and the mother. Research has shown that many babies who are raised in an orphanage and are not handled and touched on a regular basis rarely live past the age of two—they literally wither away.