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Browse published articles attributed to Tina Tessina, with full-archive search.
Dear Dr. Romance: As a woman in my early twenties, I am finding it hard to get over a man with whom i have been in love with for 5 years. He is married now to another woman and they are about to have their first child. Seven years ago, I joined a church choir where i met this man. He gives me and some other choir members car ride every Saturday and Sunday to church.
In romantic depictions of love, cute little images of cherubs and cupids abound. But Cupid, in his real inca ation, is not so sweet and cuddly. His arrows can create deep and lasting wounds, and can strike you blind and irrational in a heartbeat. A few disaster-filled run-ins with Cupid's dart and you can readily believe that love will never work for you.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I just found your article "Without Ego" Omg you are just who I've been looking for. For the past two years I've been reading articles about dissolving the ego and all this hubbub. For those two years I was told that I have an ego that is all about self, cannot exist with love, is self draining, and only thinks about itself, and it was inside me!!!
Richard and I just indulged in our favorite December tradition—we watched our favorite Christmas movie (Scrooge! the musical starring Albert Finney) which kick-starts our holiday spirit every year. No matter what you observe: Ramadan, Kwaanza, Chanukah, Solstice or Christmas, this is a celebratory time of year. For some it's a joy, for others a nightmare, and pressure to spend too much, eat too much, and socialize in ways you don't like. If your Holiday expectations are out of line with what you can really accomplish, you'll be stressed.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dr. Romance writes: Many of my clients want to know: What is a safe surrender to love? They have been in love before, and have gotten hurt. While we all are aware of the joy and beauty of love, and the profound pleasure of being in love, most of us are also afraid of mistakes, of making a wrong decision.
Dr. Romance writes: There was a time when life seemed very hard, so hard I tried not to think about it.. Several times I helped to destroy some very viable relationships. Changing myself, my life and my loves has been very exciting and fulfilling, yet I am still growing. Love Styles is intended to help you reach your desired destination on your own journey and make your hard places a little easier.
Many people ask me, "How will I know if I'm in love?" Answer: Anyone who's in love usually knows it; the real question should be are we mutually in love, or am I wasting my time? If you want to be secure in your primary relationship, knowing how to create mutuality and work together greatly increases the chance that you'll make it as a couple. When I'm counseling couples on the verge of divorce, it's amazing how establishing mutuality allows the love to come back. Mutuality Prevents Heartache
There is a pervasive myth that somehow happy couples just agree on everything automatically all the time. Believing this myth, we enter relationships convinced that whatever problems or differences we have with our partners will be easy to solve. But, in reality, the individuals who make up a partnership will disagree frequently, and often struggle over even minor issues.
Dear Dr. Romance: I am single man, I have question for you, is it natural for a man to masturbate? I normally, do it everyday, sometimes 4 times a day. Tell me if its wrong or normal to fantasize my cousin and she is a woman? Is it that wrong thing to do? I love to masturbate and to me its fun and great feeling. Do you have any advice. I want to know if there is anything wrong with me. I need your help. Dear Reader:
Dr. Romance wishes you a Happy New Year!
Dear Dr. Romance: I am a woman in my mid-twenties from India and working in the middle east in a professional job. I had a brief arranged marriage and am now getting divorced. One of my business clients, who is an arab and over forty has been married for many years but claims his marriage is ending says he loves me.
Recently, as we were eating in an Italian restaurant, the music being played transported me back to holidays with my Italian/American family. Traditional, sentimental Italian songs were such a large part of our gatherings for the holidays. After a huge, slow, multi-course dinner, Uncle Tommy would get up and go to the piano, and just start playing.
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I heard you on the radio and I have a relationship question for you. I have been dating my boyfriend for seven years, I care for him deeply. However, I am not happy. I want to break-up with him, but I don't know the best way to do it and not hurt him. I would still like to remain friends with him, or is this just wishful thinking? Dear Reader:
Dear Dr. Romance: I am a woman in my thirties. It's been over a month since I last spoke with my ex-boyfriend of one year. He gave me the silent treatment because I hurt him. Or it might be his way of breaking up with me. I lied to my girlfriend about him and he found out. I actually forwarded him the conversation by accident and he read it and texted me "I will never change".
Many of my clients come in with complaints about personal habits that feel toxic in their lives. Just as you can detox your body when you're feeling sluggish, it's also possible to detox your emotional life. Here are some of the most common ways your life can back up on you, and how to handle it. 1. Frequently late
Dr. Romance on creating a Happy New Year Most of us are infused with good will and joy over the holidays, getting together with loved ones and friends, spreaking kindness, and being surrounded by reminders of holiday spirit. The holidays happen around this time of year for a reason: it's the time when the old year ends, and the new one begins. We have yet another chance to start again. Here are some ways to keep that happiness going.
1. Seek first to understand. If you know your partner's frame of reference, you can speak to him/her within it. 2. Pay attention to how your words are landing. If your companion's response looks off the mark for what you said, check out what he/she is hearing.... 3. Focus on the solution that would work for everyone, rather than who's right or wrong. Only focus on the problem long enough to understand, then switch to what will fix it.
b> In my counseling office, I see a lot of damage done because people don't know how to ask for what they want, or don't think it's OK. Not asking for what you want means you'll eventually resent somebody, and that leads to a lot of strife. So today, I thought I'd give some hints about how to ask for what you want. To really be successful, you need to understand the difference between asking and demanding, and how to approach different people.
In romantic depictions of love, cute little images of cherubs and cupids abound. But Cupid, in his real inca ation, is not so sweet and cuddly. His arrows can create deep and lasting wounds, and can strike you blind and irrational in a heartbeat. A few disaster-filled run-ins with Cupid's dart and you can readily believe that love will never work for you.
Dear Dr. Romance: I'm still having a bit of trouble letting go and cutting off communication with a guy who mistreats me. I understand in my head that this is not right, but I can't seem to get it emotionally. Yesterday was his birthday and particularly difficult to not reply despite his angry words or cursing. Is there any advice you can offer or perhaps additional reading? I'm trying to cement that he is a predator as you said but still rationalize the good aspects of him.
Solstice is the day near year end when the sun is furthest away from the Earth, and immediately begins to come closer again. Solstice marks a celestial turning point, and it's no coincidence that we celebrate the end of the old year, and begin a new year of birth and renewal at this time. It's a time of new beginnings, of letting go of the old and generating the new. Many of my clients come in looking for a new way to see or do things, or a way to let go and refocus. What kind of renewal do you want to generate in your own life?
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: My last romantic relationship (that I thought was mutual) ended because she said one day out of the blue, "I don't love you any more." I think she never really did, but rather I was her crutch after her last breakup. I loved her wholly, with all my everything, however she did not do the same. That, of course, hurt.
I've been dealing with a lot of unwanted changes, and it's not easy. Losses, disappointments, changeswe all struggle when life doesn't go our way. Why is it so hard to handle change? Then there are the changes we want to make, fight hard to makelosing weight, giving up smoking, being more organized. Why is it so hard to create change?
Dear Dr. Romance:
So many couples are now separated part- or full-time because of military deployment and/or work travel and schedules, I get a lot of questions about faithfulness. Your marriage vows may have said, "'til death do us part" but no one said anything about what happens when a military career or traveling job makes it necessary for you to part, and you want to maintain the closeness in your relationship.
Dear Dr. Romance: I am writing to you for your professional opinion regarding my 15 year old son. His behavior overall is good but when he gets angry he throws things swears a lot and just a few minutes ago destroyed my vacuum cleaner in one blow to the floor.
I was speaking with a client today about his burn-out in his career. This is a man who's been very successful, earned a lot of money, and worked hard for a big, national corporation. I told him he was burned-out, and on strike, because he had put himself in a box about work. The box consisted of four walls: Wall #1: I have to make $$$$ amount of money Wall #2: I have to work for a certain kind of company Wall #3: I'm scared about letting myself be creative (the unknown) Wall #4: I hate all of it.
Want to give yourself a holiday gift that will last the rest of your life? Try giving yourself the gift of happiness. Research shows that happiness and satisfaction depend more on the inner person than on exte al circumstances. The secret to living a happy life is to get in charge of your life and what you are doing. Then you can build the life you want. As children, we are strongly influenced by the opinions of others, and what you learn in early childhood can run your life until you understand it and take control of your own ideas and decisions.
When you use smart decisions and self-awareness to shape your life, it will reflect your deepest aspirations and your fondest dreams. 1. Make your life your own. Decide to re-decide. Re-examine your goals and dreams. Don't just assume that what you wanted yesterday is still right for you. Have your goals and dreams changed? Give yourself the freedom to decide today what you want your life to be about.
Dear Dr. Romance: I fell for a man that I work with. He was married, and I was in a lesbian relationship. When I first saw this man, who I will refer to as John, I thought he was the most handsome man I had ever met in my life. I had dated men off and on, but my two long-term relationships were both with women.
Dear Dr. Romance: I think I am missing myself Dear Dr. Romance:
As life develops, many of us have an urge to focus on the deeper issues—our dreams and goals, and our emotional and spiritual development. When this happens, life gradually becomes more about meaning and satisfaction and less about obligations and accomplishments. As you mature, you can focus on living the life you always wanted to live, tempered by the wisdom you have gained through your experiences.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I'll admit, I just don't understand men. Do they want us to be perfect all the time? I mean, I think I'm a pretty okay person. I honestly like myself for who I am. It took me a long time to get to this point. I'm not a model, but reasonably attractive for a woman in her 40s. I'm fit, educated and successful in my teaching career. While being single mom of a teenager, I'm launching my art career, and trying to break into teaching at the university level. I love art, music, books, the outdoors. And I volunteer, and have friends.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dr. Romance reflects: One of the things I'm very grateful for in my life is the opportunities I have had to travel and see the world. When I see a world in turmoil: earthquakes, war, terrorism, famine, political upheaval, inflation, human rights violations: I think not of the governments, but of the people, who are just trying to get through their day.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Recently, I went through very unpleasant and difficult dental work, and the outpouring of kindness I receivedfrom my husband, who held onto my ankle all through the two and a half hours (and had nightmares that night about it) to my dear friends, who offered me support and encouragement to heal and take care of myselfmade me feel blessed, despite the pain. I don't think there's a greater happiness in life than knowing the people who love you are there for you.
We are all in a time of high stress, and national disasters often bring up fear. If these fears are not dealt with, they can lead to acting out behavior, such as drinking too much or creating relationship, work or money problems as a distraction. To avoid these kinds of problems, follow these simple steps for resolving your fear and anxiety.
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
Dear Dr. Romance: I am a native American woman who has been abused and betrayed by my husband. He was my coresearcher and advisor for several years. We were married according to tribal custom, which he later denied happened and disowned me in the courts where he was believed over me.
Dear Dr. Romance: I hope you can help me. My boyfriend passed away two years back... We were pretty much engaged, living together and everything. I thought i was over the whole thing, but now I know I'm not. A month back, or so.. i was seeing a man, and today i found out he had passed away. He reminded me so much of my late, they shared the same name, just second name being different. In the grieving process, I'm feeling the loss of both. And my late especially.