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- Codependency and Power - by Submitted on Jan 08, 2014 from Darlene LancerPower exists in all relationships. Having power means to have a sense of control, to have choices and the ability to influence our environment and others. It’s a natural and healthy instinct to exert our power to get our wants and needs met. When we feel empowered, we can manage our emotions, we ...
Views: 1426 - 10 Reasons Why Boundaries Don’t Work - by Submitted on Sep 24, 2015 from Darlene LancerHas setting limits not worked? Despite your efforts, are your boundaries often ignored? It's frustrating, but it's not always the other person’s fault. Here's why and what to do. There are several reasons why boundaries don’t work. As I wrote in Codependency for Dummies and How to Speak Your ...
Views: 1422(2 votes) - Detachment for the Codependent is the Key to a Happiness! - by Submitted on Oct 25, 2014 from Mary DeYonThe idea of detachment mesmerized me when I heard about it in Al-Anon. To let go of the ones you love seemed unloving and uncaring and certainly not Christian. But it also seemed to be the NIRVANA you could reach even while living with an alcoholic. I detached from my alcoholic father by ...
Views: 1422 - Stay Afloat with Healthy Boundaries - by Submitted on Jul 31, 2012 from Grace KerinaWhen folks around you make waves with their alien communication styles, fervent demands, or weird displays of power, you need healthy boundary skills that pop to the surface like a life preserver. Your imagination can roar to the rescue and save the day. To keep a grip on the real you when ...
Views: 1413(1 vote) - The Trap of Perfectionism - by Submitted on Apr 09, 2014 from Darlene LancerPerfectionism is an addiction, meaning we’re repeatedly unable to stop our perfectionist behaviors. Like other addictions, perfectionism varies in severity and can have negative consequences. It harms our self-esteem, make us unable to accept other people’s differences and their mistakes and ...
Views: 1411 - Relationships: Does Rescuing Others Keep Them Stuck? - by Submitted on May 12, 2014 from Oliver JR CooperAt times, one is going to feel the need to help another; either through someone asking for help or as a result of one offering their hand without being asked. And as human beings need help from time to time, it is good thing that there are people like this in the world. To help another ...
Views: 1396(1 vote) - Women and Boundaries - by Submitted on Nov 22, 2010 from Susan SheppardWomen and Boundaries Women who are we and what do we really want? In earlier generations, women were not the powerful, independent, “I can do anything!” wonder women that they are today. When I wanted to take mechanical drawing in high school in the 50’s, it had to be approved by ...
Views: 1392(2 votes) - How Saying NO, Having a Backbone, and Being Your Authentic Self Can Help You Become Successful? - by Submitted on Jan 25, 2018 from Dr. Anne BrownIs this decision going to be good for Me? To help Me be successful? How do I make the right choices? What are the effects and the outcomes. Ask yourself, Who am I really making these choices for? Backbone Power was written to help everyone from mothers, to college grads, to people that have ...
Views: 1389(1 vote) - Are You Codependent? - by Submitted on Oct 19, 2012 from Lisa EspichAre you in a relationship with an addict? Have your attempts at helping that person failed? Do you feel powerless? Codependency is a term used when one person develops unhealthy patterns due to the involvement with another person who has the disease of addiction. Some of the negative patterns ...
Views: 1388(1 vote) - What does Forgiveness mean - by Submitted on May 16, 2004 from Bob GrantYears ago I sat in a supervision group with a group of collages in which we discussed various cases. We were all new at this counseling thing, and frequently brought our “worst” cases to the group for any sort of help we could get. One particular day someone brought up a couple they were ...
Views: 1388 - Free up Personal Time through Medical Transcription - by Submitted on Jul 22, 2011 from steve martinTime, is undoubtedly a key factor for any healthcare professional in the present demanding scenario. One of the easiest as well as the most effective action plan would be to team up for Medical Transcription services with a service provider that suits your exact needs. Outsourcing the ...
Views: 1385 - How to Stop Being a Captive of Your Own Unawakened Consciousness - by Whenever you discuss matters of a spiritual nature with people you will invariably run into two distinct groups. There are those who claim to know the Truth, but who express their great certainty by attacking anyone who doesn’t see God as they do. And then there is the other group that comprises ...
Views: 1381 - Your Relationship is the Key to Your Success!! - by Submitted on Mar 28, 2014 from Emma ViglucciOur relationship is one of the biggest, most powerful asset and gift we have in our life! It is a true treasure chest worth a fortune. It can deliver unimaginable heights of satisfaction, peace, joy, love, happiness and success!! To cash-in on this fortune we have to polish the gems on the ...
Views: 1373(2 votes) - 5 Ways to Build Self-Esteem and Change Your Life - by Submitted on Jul 13, 2017 from Darlene LancerOur thoughts are powerful – for better or worse. Thoughts can set off chain reactions that build self-esteem or undermine it. Authority over our mind is the ultimate power. “Mind is everything. What you think you become,” said Buddha. Thoughts affect not only our mental health, relationships, ...
Views: 1368(3 votes) - How Much Do You Get Your Partner? - by Submitted on Apr 02, 2014 from Emma ViglucciThe majority of the couples that want to improve their relationship identify that communication is an issue for them. They share how they can’t see eye-to-eye, convey their feelings and perspective, or understand each other. They report they end up fighting every time they try to address ...
Views: 1363(2 votes) - The Betrayal - by Submitted on Aug 04, 2011 from Dan L. HaysMy next several blog posts are all related to the same topic. They deal with something that happened to me in July of 1988. My Dad had died the previous Thanksgiving, and I was still in the grief process over that loss. As well, I was still involved with a 12 step program for people who had ...
Views: 1360(2 votes) - THE POWER OF SELF-TALK - by Submitted on Nov 15, 2017 from Darlene LancerAre you aware that you talk to yourself all the time? We all do. Our self-talk makes a huge difference in our lives for better or for worse. The question to ask yourself is whether your inner voice is your friend or foe. Our unconscious is impacted by the words we say in the same way that it ...
Views: 1360(2 votes) - Fun and Pleasure… - by Submitted on Apr 02, 2014 from Emma ViglucciThere is a tendency towards passiveness in our relationship as time passes. Couples get comfortable in their routine, whether it is an efficient and satisfying routine or not, and lax in their relating, whether they are on the same page or not. They settle into whatever relating they have ...
Views: 1351 - Narcissistic Relationships - by Submitted on Mar 07, 2016 from Darlene LancerSince writing Codependency for Dummies, countless people contact me about their unhappiness and difficulties in dealing with a difficult loved one, frequently a narcissistic partner or parent who is uncooperative, selfish, cold, and often abusive. Partners of narcissists feel torn between their ...
Views: 1344(2 votes) - Addiction and the Brain - by Submitted on Sep 25, 2010 from Lisa EspichHow can he be so selfish? He can clearly see how much pains he's causing - why doesn't he care? I can't take the stress any longer. He's destroying all of our dreams. Our lives have become Hell. Isn't he tired of living this way? These are the typical thoughts that run through your mind when ...
Views: 1343(2 votes) - What is Toxic Shame? - by Submitted on Mar 12, 2015 from Darlene LancerWhen shame becomes toxic, it can ruin our lives. Everyone experiences shame at one time another. It’s an emotion with physical symptoms like any other that comes and goes, but when it's severe, it can be extremely painful. Strong feelings of shame stimulate the sympathetic nervous system, ...
Views: 1343 - It Should be All Fun & Games! - by Submitted on Apr 04, 2014 from Emma ViglucciFun is important in our relationship. Having fun releases different chemicals in the brain that engender good feelings which get then associated with our partner. This is a good thing. Having fun with our partner should be a priority in our relationship. We can get huge returns on this ...
Views: 1325 - Recovery from Rejection and Break-Ups - by Submitted on Jan 10, 2016 from Darlene LancerBecause our nervous system is wired to need others, rejection is painful. Romantic rejection especially hurts. Feeling lonely and missing connection share the evolutionary purpose of survival and reproduction. Ideally, loneliness should encourage you reach out to others and maintain your ...
Views: 1320(1 vote) - Coping with a Break-Up and Rejection - by Submitted on Aug 13, 2013 from Darlene LancerRejection and break-ups are especially hard for codependents. They can trigger hidden grief and cause irrational guilt, anger, shame, and fear. Working through the following issues can help you let go and move on. Codependents often blame themselves or their partner. They have low ...
Views: 1319(2 votes) - Learning to Take Responsibility - by Submitted on Mar 26, 2011 from Caroline NettleOften when we begin on the path of personal development or spiritual growth, we start to look at the behaviours that we have been practising to this point. We begin to see that our behaviours have caused us issues in our relationships with friends and family, and we gradually learn that we ...
Views: 1317(1 vote) - Sons of Narcissistic Fathers - by Submitted on Jun 17, 2016 from Darlene LancerSons of narcissistic fathers are driven by lack of confidence. Raised by a self-centered, competitive, arrogant father, they feel like they can never measure up or be enough to garner their father’s approval. Their father may be absent or critical and controlling. He may belittle and shame his ...
Views: 1316(1 vote) - Affirming Your True, Authentic Self - by Submitted on Nov 30, 2013 from Darlene LancerEach time you affirm your true, authentic self, every cell in your body cheers “Yes!” When you negate yourself, it has negative biological consequences. To build self-esteem and affirm your true self, try this: Take action to meet your needs. Express who you really are. Think good thoughts ...
Views: 1314(1 vote) - Why Women Date Bad Boys - by Submitted on Apr 12, 2017 from Merryl LentzBad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do when they come for you? For some women, the answer is, "Hurl myself into his tattooed arms." These women are captivated by his untamed wildness, fearlessness, nonconformity, rebelliousness, boldness, charm, charisma and independence. With testosterone ...
Views: 1314 - FOR VALENTINE’S DAY: The Gift of Self Exploration & Expression - by Submitted on Mar 28, 2014 from Emma ViglucciOften times partners share their wondering about how exclusivity, monogamy, and fidelity is possible in a longterm relationship. It is usually the male partners who pose this question when their female counterpart is not present. I appreciate their honesty, risk and willingness to explore ...
Views: 1312(2 votes) - Being Brave and Sensible by coming to Jupiter Counseling for Addiction and Abuse Treatment - by Submitted on Sep 06, 2012 from Scott McCownNot everyone who takes drugs in an addict or even likely to become one, just as not everyone who drinks alcohol is an alcoholic. In fact here are many who, notwithstanding the campaigns against both indulge in substance abuse. Students are especially fond of acquiring a skin full and making ...
Views: 1306 - Recovery From Co Dependency - Part 2 - by Submitted on Mar 28, 2011 from Caroline NettleIn part 1, we looked at rescuing and care-taking. In this article, we are going to be looking at people pleasing. This is a behaviour that is deeply entrenched in a vast majority of our population, and is quite a tough habit to crack. When a child learns that it gets attention for being good, ...
Views: 1300(1 vote) - Follow the Path to Passion and Synergy - by Submitted on Mar 28, 2014 from Emma ViglucciOne characteristic satisfied and successful couples have in common is that they are part of each other’s lives. Duh-ah! I’m sure this does not come as a surprise. The trick though is how the partners are part of each other’s lives. Partners have difficulties negotiating what this means to ...
Views: 1295 - WHY ROMANCE TURNS TOXIC - by Submitted on Feb 12, 2018 from Darlene LancerMost everyone wants to fall in love, especially codependents. To us, love is perhaps the highest ideal, and relationships give our lives meaning and purpose. They enliven and motivate us. A partner provides a companion when we have difficulty initiating action on our own. Being loved also ...
Views: 1293(3 votes) - Are You Showing Up in Your Relationship these Holidays? - by Submitted on Jan 14, 2014 from Emma ViglucciAre You Showing Up in Your Relationship these Holidays? The Holidays are always a difficult time of year for people for many reasons. At the risk of adding to the plethora of writing on this topic, I still feel called to share with you how you can use this time as an opportunity for change and ...
Views: 1292(1 vote) - NARCISSUS AND ECHO: THE HEARTBREAK OF RELATIONSHIPS WITH NARCISSISTS - by Submitted on Dec 18, 2017 from Darlene LancerThe poignant myth of Narcissus and Echo crystallizes the tragic problem of relationships with narcissists. They were tragic Greek characters in a story told by the Roman poet Ovid in Metamorphoses. Sadly, both partners are locked into a painful drama, where neither feel satisfied or sufficiently ...
Views: 1289(3 votes) - The Harm of Enabling - by Submitted on Oct 11, 2009 from Camille StrateRegardless of our chosen field, or the manner in which we use your gifts, most of us have come across people in our lives who absolutely refuse to take responsibility for their actions, their situations, their own lives. It could be a family member, a dear friend, a co-worker, even a spouse. ...
Views: 1288(2 votes) - The Challenge of Forgiveness - by Submitted on Aug 12, 2016 from Darlene LancerForgiveness can sometimes feel impossible or even undesirable. Other times, we forgive only to be hurt again and conclude that forgiving was foolish. Both situations arise from confusion about what forgiveness really means. Forgiveness doesn’t require that we forget or condone another’s actions ...
Views: 1285(1 vote) - Are You Stuck in a Woman’s Role? - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2010 from Darlene LancerWomen assume many roles throughout their lives – as daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, and grandmothers. Women’s roles have been largely determined by the rules and expectations of culture, religion, and the patriarchy, as well as biology. Have you considered to what extent your roles have ...
Views: 1281(3 votes) - Symptoms of a Codependent: Here Are the Traits - by Submitted on Oct 25, 2014 from Mary DeYonI thought if I played by the rules and did everything the way THEY said I should like a good little Catholic girl, I’d feel safe. I’d grow up, get married and have lots of kids like my Mom and live happily ever after. Why would I even think that since Mom wasn’t living happily ever ...
Views: 1281 - ***What Gets You Super Excited … - by Submitted on Jan 24, 2014 from Emma ViglucciOften times couples get so hang up in the business of running their life, attending to their family and other responsibilities, and working that being together, enjoying each other and having fun falls to the way side. This creates a terrible state of affairs where after a while couples forget ...
Views: 1280(1 vote) - ***How to Build More Intimacy in Your Relationship - by Submitted on Jan 14, 2014 from Emma ViglucciCultivate Your Intimacy! The hecticness and speediness of today’s pace of life makes it challenging for partners to synchronize, connect and bond. Add to this each partner’s limitations and the journey to Intimacy can feel pretty daunting. It’s no wonder partners ...
Views: 1276(2 votes) - Being as Good to Yourself as You Are to Others - by Submitted on Mar 31, 2009 from Kari SamuelsIn the Intuitive Development class that I teach, I often ask people to close their eyes and listen to their hearts instead of listening to their thoughts. So often we get wrapped up in all of our responsibilities and worries that we don’t even know what our own needs are. We know what our ...
Views: 1276(1 vote) - Secrets and Lies: The Damage of Deception - by Submitted on Jan 22, 2017 from Darlene LancerTrust is a fragile. Secrets and lies jeopardize trust and can damage us and our relationships – sometimes irreparably. We all tell “white lies.” We say “I’m fine,” when we’re not, compliment unwanted gifts, or even fib, “The check is in the mail.” But in an intimate relationship, emotional ...
Views: 1276(1 vote) - The Dark Side of Loneliness - by Submitted on Dec 29, 2015 from Darlene LancerMany people, especially codependents, are haunted by inner loneliness. Twenty percent (60 million) of Americans report that loneliness is the source of their suffering. In fact, our emotional reaction to rejection emanates from the area of our brain (the dorsal anterior cingulated) that also ...
Views: 1275(1 vote) - Overcoming Codependency - by Submitted on Nov 03, 2013 from Darlene LancerCodependency is learned – learned inaccurate information that you’re in some way not enough, that you don’t matter, that your feelings are wrong, or that you don’t deserve respect. These are the false beliefs that most codependents grow up with. They may not have been told these things directly, ...
Views: 1270(1 vote) - Your love is my drug – Addictions - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2010 from David RoppoI’m looking down every alley. I’m makin’ those desperate calls. I’m staying up all night hoping, hittin’ my head against the wall! Because your love, your love, your love is my drug! And, so goes the recent, popular song by the artist Kesha! The other day, when I was listening to Kesha’s ...
Views: 1258 - STEPS TO BE EMPOWERED AND NOT A VICTIM - by Submitted on Sep 11, 2016 from Darlene LancerIn recovery circles, being a “victim” is frowned upon. Decades ago, when I heard people say they were no longer a victim, I had no idea what they meant. Actually, a victim is an individual who has been fooled, hurt, or harmed, due to his or her own emotions or ignorance, an unfortunate event, or ...
Views: 1257(1 vote) - Family Co-dependence Stifles growth and development - by Submitted on Mar 19, 2014 from Dr. Jeanette RaymondDriving home from his last landscape design consult, thirty-three year old Craig’s stomach was in knots wondering if Sophie would have gotten over the row she had with her mother the other day. He felt bad for his wife who had tried and failed to arrange a family dinner, taking out her ...
Views: 1244 - 12-Step Recovery and “Things of God.” A Perfect Match. - by Submitted on Nov 04, 2010 from Judy Herzanek~ by Joe Herzanek I’m often asked, especially by many in the Christian Community, if the AA 12-step program conflicts with Biblical Christianity. Some feel that the two just don’t go together. Personally, after three decades of studying and being part of both groups, I have to ...
Views: 1243(3 votes) - Connecting is Vital for Tapping Into Your Synergy - by Submitted on Mar 28, 2014 from Emma ViglucciOne would think that connecting with our partner is an easy feat. After all they are the one person we are supposed to be the most intimate with. This is most often not the case and we are actually not that intimate. I find that couples have a very difficult time connecting, feeling connected ...
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