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We all have dreams, wishes and goals. There are things we want for ourselves, our partner, our family. Sometimes though we find that it is difficult, if not impossible, to make our wish a reality.
We may want to start a new business, go back to school, learn a new trade, pick up a new hobby ... Views: 1903
Ever call up your girlfriend and start off with these words “Oh my Gaah, you are never going to believe what he did?”
Chances are you've been in or you're in a relationship now where you get triggered. It's actually rather challenging to not be triggered when you're in a relationship, as ... Views: 1901
1.Don't make other peoples thoughts, feelings, or actions about YOU. In other words, with healthy emotional boundaries, don't take responsibility (or blame yourself) for what another person may do, say or think? You are not responsible (i.e., your partner or ex partner). As an adult, you are ... Views: 1892
Perfectionism is an addiction, meaning we’re repeatedly unable to stop our perfectionist behaviors. Like other addictions, perfectionism varies in severity and can have negative consequences. It harms our self-esteem, make us unable to accept other people’s differences and their mistakes and ... Views: 1891
How can he be so selfish? He can clearly see how much pains he's causing - why doesn't he care? I can't take the stress any longer. He's destroying all of our dreams. Our lives have become Hell. Isn't he tired of living this way?
These are the typical thoughts that run through your mind when ... Views: 1890
Each time you affirm your true, authentic self, every cell in your body cheers “Yes!” When you negate yourself, it has negative biological consequences. To build self-esteem and affirm your true self, try this:
Take action to meet your needs.
Express who you really are.
Think good thoughts ... Views: 1890
I have noticed that when we have the foot to the pedal, we are moving so fast that we actually miss the beautiful scenery around us. We go about life trying to get things accomplished to such an extent that we burn ourselves out and end up actually accomplishing less... So, what's the point? ... Views: 1890
Most everyone wants to fall in love, especially codependents. To us, love is perhaps the highest ideal, and relationships give our lives meaning and purpose. They enliven and motivate us. A partner provides a companion when we have difficulty initiating action on our own. Being loved also ... Views: 1890
The poignant myth of Narcissus and Echo crystallizes the tragic problem of relationships with narcissists. They were tragic Greek characters in a story told by the Roman poet Ovid in Metamorphoses. Sadly, both partners are locked into a painful drama, where neither feel satisfied or sufficiently ... Views: 1889
Pathological envy is not the same as romantic jealousy. These two emotions have little to do with each other.
Romantic jealousy is the product of a violation of trust; a breach of romantic exclusivity of intimacy; and a denial of possession. It also involves damage to the self-esteem and ... Views: 1881
In Part One, we discussed some characteristics of the serial female family bully, the way she bullies, her targets and her end game. We looked at some interesting characteristics also seen with the codependent; poor self-esteem and inability to speak her truth or express her anger.
In Part ... Views: 1864
Because our nervous system is wired to need others, rejection is painful. Romantic rejection especially hurts. Feeling lonely and missing connection share the evolutionary purpose of survival and reproduction. Ideally, loneliness should encourage you reach out to others and maintain your ... Views: 1862
Sons of narcissistic fathers are driven by lack of confidence. Raised by a self-centered, competitive, arrogant father, they feel like they can never measure up or be enough to garner their father’s approval. Their father may be absent or critical and controlling. He may belittle and shame his ... Views: 1861
Since writing Codependency for Dummies, countless people contact me about their unhappiness and difficulties in dealing with a difficult loved one, frequently a narcissistic partner or parent who is uncooperative, selfish, cold, and often abusive. Partners of narcissists feel torn between their ... Views: 1860
Our relationship is one of the biggest, most powerful asset and gift we have in our life! It is a true "treasure chest" worth a fortune. It can deliver unimaginable heights of satisfaction, peace, joy, love, happiness and success!!
To cash-in on this fortune we have to polish the "gems on ... Views: 1856
Money. Money is a hot topic in many relationships as there are intense emotions attached to money as well as a range of meaning around it. Partners have different ideas about the importance of money, what it means to them, its purpose, its role, how to manage it, and even how to earn it! Couples ... Views: 1848
Getting your "buttons" pushed or getting "triggered" is an opportunity to heal and grow. The more hurts we've endured and the weaker our boundaries, the more reactive we are to people and events. Our triggers - our buttons - are our wounds. Codependents are off the charts when it comes to ... Views: 1846
Don’t think about that elephant in the room.
Whatever you do, do not think about the elephant.
Just ignore it. Maybe it will go away.
Of course, when you are told NOT to think about something, that is about the only thing you can think of.
Even though there is no actually elephant in ... Views: 1845
Those with borderline personality disorder (BPD) have an underlying fear of abandonment and often misinterpret interpersonal situations where they end up feeling worthless or mistreated. They can have a distorted sense of self and view of others. The see themselves and others as split, as ... Views: 1835
When was the last time you were physically intimate with your partner? If you say a long time, you are not alone! A lot of couples share their sexual life is in the toilet. They struggle getting along, among other things, to the point that being physically intimate is the furthest thing from ... Views: 1830
Couple relationships experiencing difficulties can be categorized into two broad styles of relating: temperamental or tenuous, and can fluctuate between these extremes. These relationships are not satisfying, and not likely to succeed – enjoy couples’ inherent synergy, as the partners are spent ... Views: 1830
Regardless of our chosen field, or the manner in which we use your gifts, most of us have come across people in our lives who absolutely refuse to take responsibility for their actions, their situations, their own lives. It could be a family member, a dear friend, a co-worker, even a spouse. ... Views: 1823
In the Intuitive Development class that I teach, I often ask people to close their eyes and listen to their hearts instead of listening to their thoughts. So often we get wrapped up in all of our responsibilities and worries that we don’t even know what our own needs are. We know what our ... Views: 1821
It is difficult to be in a relationship with an addict and not get sucked into enabling behavior. When somebody you love is suffering with an illness or a disease you naturally want to help. As a result, loved ones often step in to save the addict from the devastating consequences of their ... Views: 1816
In recovery circles, being a “victim” is frowned upon. Decades ago, when I heard people say they were no longer a victim, I had no idea what they meant. Actually, a victim is an individual who has been fooled, hurt, or harmed, due to his or her own emotions or ignorance, an unfortunate event, or ... Views: 1813
Many people, especially codependents, are haunted by inner loneliness. Twenty percent (60 million) of Americans report that loneliness is the source of their suffering. In fact, our emotional reaction to rejection emanates from the area of our brain (the dorsal anterior cingulated) that also ... Views: 1813
~ by Joe Herzanek
I’m often asked, especially by many in the Christian Community, if the AA 12-step program conflicts with Biblical Christianity. Some feel that the two just don’t go together. Personally, after three decades of studying and being part of both groups, I have to ... Views: 1810
Anger. No one likes the feeling. Your body tightens. Your blood pressure heightens. You feel out of control.
Have you ever asked yourself why you get angry? The tendency in our world is to think that someone or something has made us mad. The truth, however, is that our anger comes from ... Views: 1809
Fun is important in our relationship. Having fun releases different chemicals in the brain that engender good feelings which get then associated with our partner. This is a good thing. Having fun with our partner should be a priority in our relationship. We can get huge returns on this ... Views: 1809
There is a tendency towards passiveness in our relationship as time passes.
Couples get comfortable in their routine, whether it is an efficient and satisfying routine or not, and lax in their relating, whether they are on the same page or not. They settle into whatever relating they have ... Views: 1803
The majority of the couples that want to improve their relationship identify that communication is an issue for them. They share how they can’t see eye-to-eye, convey their feelings and perspective, or understand each other. They report they end up fighting every time they try to address ... Views: 1802
Trust is a fragile. Secrets and lies jeopardize trust and can damage us and our relationships – sometimes irreparably.
We all tell “white lies.” We say “I’m fine,” when we’re not, compliment unwanted gifts, or even fib, “The check is in the mail.” But in an intimate relationship, emotional ... Views: 1792
Caring about someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) tosses you on a roller coaster ride from being loved and lauded to abandoned and bashed. Being a borderline (having BPD) is no picnic, either. You live in unbearable psychic pain most of the time on the border between reality and ... Views: 1790
Driving home from his last landscape design consult, thirty-three year old Craig’s stomach was in knots wondering if Sophie would have gotten over the row she had with her mother the other day. He felt bad for his wife who had tried and failed to arrange a family dinner, taking out her ... Views: 1788
Authenticity is the opposite of shame. It reveals our humanity and allows us to connect with others. Shame creates most all codependency symptoms – including hiding who we are, sacrificing our needs, and saying yes when we rather not – all to be accepted by someone else. It warps our ... Views: 1787
Is Codependency a Problem in Your Life and in Your Relationships?
Take the Quiz
To find out if codependency is a problem in your life, please answer yes or no to the following twenty questions:
Do you put others’ feelings, desires and needs before your own?
Are you drawn to ... Views: 1787
Bad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do when they come for you? For some women, the answer is, "Hurl myself into his tattooed arms." These women are captivated by his untamed wildness, fearlessness, nonconformity, rebelliousness, boldness, charm, charisma and independence. With testosterone ... Views: 1786
“When I used to hear stories about men beating up their wives, I figured the wives were cheating around. I never, ever, heard my father raise his voice to my mother, so this was foreign to me. What goes on behind closed doors is someone’s own business, right?” – Dr. Gayle J. Hall, (my thoughts ... Views: 1785
I thought if I played by the rules and did everything the way THEY said I should like a good little Catholic girl, I’d feel safe. I’d grow up, get married and have lots of kids like my Mom and live happily ever after.
Why would I even think that since Mom wasn’t living happily ever ... Views: 1777
Often when we begin on the path of personal development or spiritual growth, we start to look at the behaviours that we have been practising to this point.
We begin to see that our behaviours have caused us issues in our relationships with friends and family, and we gradually learn that we ... Views: 1775
At times, one is going to feel the need to help another; either through someone asking for help or as a result of one offering their hand without being asked. And as human beings need help from time to time, it is good thing that there are people like this in the world.
To help another ... Views: 1774
Anxiety is apprehension of experiencing fear in the future. The danger feared isn’t imminent and may not even be known or realistic. In contrast, fear is an emotional and physical reaction to a present, known threat. Anxiety is typically characterized by obsessive worry and an inability to ... Views: 1772
Whenever you discuss matters of a spiritual nature with people you will invariably run into two distinct groups. There are those who claim to know the Truth, but who express their great certainty by attacking anyone who doesn’t see God as they do. And then there is the other group that comprises ... Views: 1763
A No Nonsense approach to Making Decisions. A Self Help Guide to having Backbone and Integrity in all your choices, short term and long term.
Is this decision going to be good for Me? To help Me be successful? How do I make the right choices? What are the effects and the outcomes. Ask ... Views: 1760
Love
In part four of our own more practical Journey to Awakening we discuss Love. On her journey Elizabeth Gilbert finds love in Bali. If you read the book you know that Gilbert’s journey was about finding and defining herself. Until then Gilbert, like many of us, lost herself in her ... Views: 1760
Those with borderline personality disorder (BPD) have an underlying fear of abandonment and often misinterpret interpersonal situations where they end up feeling worthless or mistreated. They can have a distorted sense of self and view of others. The see themselves and others as split, as ... Views: 1760
Years ago I sat in a supervision group with a group of collages in which we discussed various cases. We were all new at this counseling thing, and frequently brought our “worst” cases to the group for any sort of help we could get. One particular day someone brought up a couple they were ... Views: 1760
Our relationship is one of the biggest, most powerful asset and gift we have in our life! It is a true treasure chest worth a fortune. It can deliver unimaginable heights of satisfaction, peace, joy, love, happiness and success!!
To cash-in on this fortune we have to polish the gems on the ... Views: 1759
Healthy relationships nourish and support us. Like poison, a toxic relationship is one that is damaging to us. Instead of uplifting us, it makes us feel worse. When it ends, we might experience post-traumatic stress or a lessening of our self-esteem and trust in ourselves and others. Although ... Views: 1757
Women assume many roles throughout their lives – as daughters, sisters, wives, mothers, and grandmothers. Women’s roles have been largely determined by the rules and expectations of culture, religion, and the patriarchy, as well as biology. Have you considered to what extent your roles have ... Views: 1754