The way I see it there are two varieties of divorce support needed for the two main varieties of divorce occurrences – support for those that are left and support for those that do the leave-taking.
Support for those that are left
Those who are left are most often stunned that their spouse is leaving them or stunned when it actually happens. They live through weeks, months and perhaps years of hurt, bad dreams, thwarted self-confidence and very grave occurrences of continuing feelings.
Being left or divorced by your partner is a lot like having a band-aid torn off with some of the skin still bound to the band-aid. That's how painful it is.
If you are one of those who have been left, I recommend you find a counselor in your area who specializes in working with people who have that experience. If you are very fortunate, that person will help you mend and help you see why what came to pass did so and how you can go onward in your life and make a different conclusion to your potential love story.
Not only are you hurt, you are susceptible to either falling for the next individual who your injured self feels may make you feel attractive again or falling for a similar kind of person who just walked out.
Ask your acquaintances for psychotherapist recommendations. Don't be afraid to question a psychotherapist or try a number of them to see who best suits your requirements.
Support for those that do the leaving.
I did the leaving – twice. The first time I experienced such exhilaration and gratefulness for not living in the painful daily life I had for 19 years, that when I felt lonesome or scared, I just had to reflect, "At least I'm not with M- any longer" and I felt thankfulness and exhilaration once again. However, I was still defenseless with the first guy who was kind to me. And I married him. I didn't have the foggiest idea what brought about a real partnership, what I needed to become to have a real partnership and how to find it. I did not have any official divorce support. Not having or knowing any of this led to a very short marriage and my parting once again.
So even if you did the leaving and you are very pleased you did it, I still advise working with a counselor or Relationship Coach to learn what constitutes a healthy relationship and what issues you need to heal in yourself in order not to do again the same or some other rebound mistake. I suggest you date only when you are really equipped and learn how to have friends of the opposite sex first. I advise you not rush into any committed relationship until you truly know the response to the following questions:
1. Who are you?
2. What kind of relationship are you looking for?
3. What are your values?
4. What are your expectations in a relationship?
5. What are the things that got you into difficulty the last time?
6. What is the best thing for your family (if you have any)?
These are not the only questions it would be a good idea to answer in order to give yourself conscientious divorce support. But they are a good start. Sit down with a pen and paper and add to the list and until you are content with your responses, don't get married yet again.
Author's Bio
For years Maia played various key roles assisting best-selling author, John Gray in developing and promoting material from his books, including bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. She created, coached, trained and supported a worldwide community of 500 speakers enabling them to publicly lecture about the Mars Venus material to singles, couples, parents and corporations like AT&T. Additionally, she participated in training Oprah and staff in a private 3-day workshop.
Maia's clients benefit from her tender wisdom acquired from living what she teaches. Maia says about herself, "I have a natural ability to help people see what's good about what's going on in their lives."
Maia is noted for gentle intervention. If you are wanting strong, directive and authoritarian in a coach, that is not Maia. Participants in workshops with Maia have dubbed her 'Wise Fairy God Mother' and she has gratefully decided to accept it.
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