From Melody Beattie's Book, Codependent No More:

"Whatever problem the other person has,codependency involves a habitual system of thinking, feeling, and behaving towards ourselves and others that can cause us pain. Codependent behaviors or habits are self destructive. We frequently react to people who are destroyinhg themselves; we react by learning to destroy ourselves." 

"The word react is important here. However you approach codependency, however you define it, and from whatever frame of reference you choose to diagnose and treat it, codependency is primarily a reactionary process. Codependents are reactionaries. They overreact. They underreact. But rarely do they act."

"It is not necessarily abnormal, but it is heroic and lifesaving to learn how not to react and to act in more healthy ways. Most of us, however, need help to learn how to do that."

"Recovery is not only fun, it is simple. It is not always easy, but it is simple. It is based on a premise many of us have forgotten or never learned: Each person is responsible for him or herself. It involves learning one new behavior we will devote ourselves to: taking care of ourselves."

From Douglas Weiss's and Dianne DeBusk's Book, Women Who Love Sex Addicts:

"Co-dependency can be defined as compulsive use of a set of maladaptive, often counterproductive behaviors (behaviors that don't work) in an attempt to create a sense of identity, value or safety in one's life. Co-dependents seek validation and meaning in their lives in the world of people, places and things outside themselves. They believe that other people's behavior or treatment of them in some way adds to or detracts from their own value." 

"Sexual co-dependency includes the additional dimension of a distorted sense of the sexual self, an inability of these co-dependents to separate their value from their sexuality."

"Ironically, her low self esteem will prevent her from believing that she is worthy of being kept safe or treated well, and she will frequently choose abusive, controlling men as her protectors."

From Alice Miller's Book, Prisoners of Childhood :

"The grandiose person's partners (including sexual partners) are also narcissistically cathected. Others are there to admire him, and he himself is constantly occupied, body and soul, with gaining that admiration. This is how his torturing dependence shows itself."

"People who as children successfully repressed their intense feelings often try to regain--at least for a short whle--their lost intensity of experience with the help of drugs or alcohol."

Are you interested in learning what Dr. England can offer you? Visit her website, www.NarcissismAddictionsAbuse.com. Explore all her free articles about his narcissism, alcoholism, drug addiction, sexual addiction (including to pornography), verbal abuse, emotional abuse, or sexual abuse, as well as her codependency and recovery through self development plus via spirituality or spiritual growth, too. But also, sign up for her newsletter now since this way, you'll know when she adds new features and products to the site, including the anticipated community forum. And because Dr. England only intends to schedule a limited number of small seminars and workshops because she is also striving to complete a few novels, too, you'll want to know about those dates, don't you imagine?

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