How To Deal With Disrespectful In Laws: How To Deal With Toxic In Laws

How To Deal With Disrespectful In Laws: How To Deal With Toxic In Laws

It's very important to have a plan for dealing with in laws because the annoying ones can be a real pain in your side.While it may be fun to daydream about some creative ways to get rid of your in laws forever, this type of thinking can only make things worse. Daydreaming does not make a situation better and will only result in you being more irritated with the present situation with your in laws.

In this article, however, I'm going to be much more practical than that and I'm going to show you how to get rid of the "annoying and irritating" part of your in laws while keeping them physically intact.

1. Talk a lot, keep it superficial and short. One of the reasons why your mother in law insults you and gives you so much trouble is that SHE is really scared or jealous of YOU. (Hard to believe? but it is true in a lot of cases). The way to deal with this is to simply call her and talk about very light things. Taking the time to call her and show her that you would like to have a relationship and get to know her will allow her to lose her fear and help her to start to like you.

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2. Do some homework. Everyone has their special things that put them in a good mood. If you could find out what it is that she really likes this may bridge the distance between you and draw you closer. Ask your husband(her son) or her sister or brother, or even a friend of hers if you know one what it is that she loves to do. Listen when other people talk about her so you can understand more about who she is and what she likes. When you have found out more about the things that she enjoys, go online and research about them so you will be able to discuss these things with her the next time you see her. Then make sure you listen to what she has to say so she will be in a good mood and she will begin to enjoy spending time talking with you.

3. Don't get caught up on little things. Losing a battle doesn't mean you lost the war and winning a battle doesn't mean that you won the war. When your mother in law says things or does things to annoy you, show her that you are bigger than her by ignoring her comments or actions. Once she starts realizing that she is having no desired effect on you she will stop doing the things she does, much like a little child will stop when he realizes mom is still not going to let him get away with anything.

Keep in mind that your mother in law is your spouse's parent and a part of the family and she probably will be around for a long time to either help or haunt you. Take the time and effort to see what interests her, speak to her a lot, and overlook the small annoying things that she does. It might be hard but the effort is so worth it.

You'll see that under that annoying and irritating skin lies a lady that truly wants the best for you.

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NOBODY ENJOYS BEING TOLD OFF, corrected, or receiving unfavourable news, and it's even worse when we receive it from a spouse, especially by the way it typically occurs - in a raging or seething argument. The truth is that almost any human interactive relationship will bear the causes and the effects of parent-child features in the incidence of conflict.

What I mean is that, in transactional analysis terms, when one person criticises another they are acting out of their 'parent' role and they are telling off the 'child' role in the other person. The natural response to the inner child being told off is to revert to their own parent role and tell the other person's child off. What we end up with is an emotional interaction, where conflict abounds and the chances of a productive resolution becomes scarcer by the second.

In any event we argue over too many petty issues in marriage, because of the deeper principles of engagement that are transgressed. In simple terms, we do not respect a part of the other person that commands respect, and in respecting this other person's inner child, we love them. And it is easy for them to love us back. The deeper principle is not the matter we argue over, but whether we feel loved, respected, valued, and accepted.

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It is very hard to fight the person who refuses to fight, but it is very easy to fall into the temptation of fighting someone who has not respected us.

We need to get to terms of mutual respect, especially in the mode of conflict, where each person talks to the other in such loving respect that adult speaks to adult.

The parent-child paradox is an irony for the pure fact that the parent role in our communication is actually one inherently childish. Whenever we communicate to someone in a way to tell them off we are acting disrespectfully, selfishly, and immaturely.

Whenever a married couple commit themselves to speaking with each other and to each other with mutual respect - in calm and palatable terms, with care taken in the language used, and be individually responsible for their behaviour - they have committed themselves to rising above the parent-child in each of them. Their commitment is to adult communication behaviour. It has to be a personal commitment as much as a mutual commitment.

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Happiness in married life rests on the shoulders of the wife according to the theory of grand mothers in India. In older days, the wife used to handle children, the housekeeping, and many other responsibilities all at once with the ease of a military commander.

The husband relied on his wife for advice and comfort. The couple wee interdependent and had an excellent rapport. In modern times with advances in technology which affect relationships a great deal, the wife and husband no longer rely completely on each other for support and comfort. Social networking has reduced family coordination.

This situation can be reversed if the mature woman takes control before the situation gets out of hand. The wife can coordinate the family members by ensuring that all family members eat together. She can cook delicious meals and entice family members into becoming fans of her cooking, thus benefiting by bringing the family closer and maintaining good health by refraining them from fast food.

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The responsible wife should consider her duties as worship and take care of he husband and children. God gives responsibility only to those whom he considers fit. So a wife and mother must think of herself as lucky to have received the grace of God, to have a wonderful family and do her duty with love and compassion. She should make each day joyful and merry for the children before they leave to make their on nests.

Love can unlock the hardest of hearts. So a woman in charge of a family must take care to attend to each member and make them feel special. She should not forget or ignore hr husband's needs most importantly while looking after her children and work. The husband should be her main priority at all times, because, then only her marriage will survive and he will be there for her once the children have left searching for their fortunes.

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Our families are very important to us and no man or woman will be happy seeing his or her family in shambles. There is something about family life that is so strong which the Lord saw and decided to make people live within a family setting.

Money on the other hand is very important; it is an important aspect of family life that determines the level of leisure and luxury which family members will enjoy. It also determines to what extent the family will be able to meet the need of its members at all times.

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As a family expert, I have come to realize that money is one of the three major causes of crisis in the home. I also discovered that any couple that can handle it rightly will truly have a better marriage. Counseling couples who are fighting financial war is always difficult when compared to counseling couples who are having sexual problem because their argument always involve their ego, selfishness, passion, fear, suspicion, bitterness, lack of trust, wrong communication and occasionally open brawl which always result to family crises.

Money can work 'FOR' or 'AGAINST' your family, depending on how you handle it. It can destroy a very strong family. It can turn jolly friends to sworn-enemies, it can breed enmity and it can also breed intimacy, closeness, fondness, togetherness, and openness. Please be reminded that it is not the money itself but how it is handled. The way you handle money at home may ultimately determine today and tomorrow of your family life.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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