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Browse published articles attributed to Tina Tessina, with full-archive search.
In this tougher economy, couples are finding it necessary to take the jobs they can get, and that means more couples work different shifts. If one of you works a “graveyard shift” or rotating shift job that limits your time together; the difference in your shifts and commutes may mean you actually get to spend very little waking time together.
Dear Dr. Romance: I started dating a man 2 years younger than me, who is from another country. I thought he was very sweet and gentlemanly and of course I'm really attracted to him, and he eventually asked me on a date. We've had several dates, and he's very considerate, very discreet at work, pays for everything, drives me, walks me to my door, opens doors for me. He isn't shy about holding hands in public with a black girl.
Dear Dr. Romance: How can one get over the nervousness of dating again when its been quite a few years since their last date? Dear Reader: If your last relationship lasted for a while, dating again can be a scary proposition. These guidelines can help: Dr. Romance's Guidelines for Successful Dating
7 Tips To Keep Your Marriage On Track When Helping Family Members If your parents are elderly and becoming infirm, or if there are others who require special care in your family, due to disability or illness the situation you will need to figure out how to maintain a balance between your marital life and this often taxing situation. If you have a large family, the burden of care is often lightened by sharing the responsibilities, but if you are an only child, the problem may be more difficult to resolve.
Dear Dr. Romance: I read your newsletter "How to Heal a Rift with an Adult Child" with joy, how you simplify things for us. I already tried by email, but it got more complicated.
To recover from infidelity and save your marriage: 1. Tell the Truth. Assuming your spouse found out, you didn't confess—this is the time to tell the whole truth. It's probably best done with a therapist present, to keep a lid on the emotional reactions. 2. Give your Spouse the Power. When you cheated, you took your partner's power away, so now let your spouse be in charge. Your spouse had no say about the cheating, so giving up control will help re-balance the power. Confess, apologize, and then ask what you need to do to be forgiven. Humility is the order of the day.
Click Here for Video In today's world, people don't often realize the importance of companionship until later in life. Staying fit and physically and socially active increases your odds of finding someone to date, and also increases your libido and your chances of successful sex. But, beware of too much focus on the surface, and not enough content. Such relationships quickly become empty and stressful.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dr. Romance writes: It was one of those magical encounters with a personal truth—you know how it feels. I was fifteen, in ninth-grade English. The teacher, Mr. Rizzutto, read us a poem, and it had such a profound effect on me that even five decades later, I’m still using it as a guide. The poem, “Outwitted,” by Edwin Markham, is simple: He drew a circle that shut me out; Heretic; rebel; a thing to flout. But Love and I had the wit to win: We drew a circle that took him in.
To watch video, click here Dear Dr. Romance:
Research conducted by Dr. Dean Ornish and others shows that the happiest and healthiest people are those who are well-connected to friends and family. But, in our mobile society, keeping friends is not always possible. Long-term friendships are wonderful and valuable, but if you dont make new connections as you get older, your group of friends may diminish due to death and relocation. If you havent made new friends in a while, updating your definition of friendship and increasing your skills at meeting people will be worth your while.
Dear Dr. Romance: I am a divorced father of 3. I am remarried. My 11 year old daughter is very upset about her mother's new boyfriend that is also still married. He was first introduced as a friend but she doesn't understand why he is always at the house and stays till late at night. My daughter has asked her mother if this is her boyfriend and the mother tells her no.
"Miracles do happen," wrote Chaim Weizman , the first President of Israel "but one has to work very hard for them."
Many of my clients have come in complaining of a lack of motivation; from not being motivated enough on the job, to not being able to diet, quit smoking, or get out of bed in the morning. They desire to achieve both positive and negative motivationspositive motivations and being motivations toward doing something; negative motiviations being toward NOT doing something (not smoking, for example).
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I was wondering if I could ask you for some advice. I'm feeling so troubled. I got divorced a few years ago. Since then, I became involved with a man more than ten years older than me. I got a work assignment out of town, and he was adamant about keeping a long distance relationship going, but I wasn't feeling ready. As emotional and hurt as I was from my previous relationship, I didn't feel it was the right thing to do. So I broke things off and he was very hurt.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dr. Romance writes: A couple of years ago, I had some difficult dental work. It was very painful, and while I recovered physically pretty quickly, I had some post -traumatic stress reactions – bad dreams, flashbacks, and upset – after my recovery. I had to acknowledge my upset and feelings, and let them out before the stress reactions subsided. I often help my clients do this, too, not only with PTSD from shocking or painful experiences, but also with grief and old memories.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: This question is a little hard for me because it is very personal. My husband and I were married for 24 years before he passed away. During our time together, I developed a severe case of alopecia which has left me with very little hair. This did not bother my husband and he grew used to me wearing different wigs. Now that I am ready to date again, how do I handle this situation?
I'm updating my book The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. The new version will be called Dr. Romance's Guide to Dating in the Digital Age. The following article is excerpted from the new book. A lot of the problems that come up in dating again are generated by social expectations (how other people think you should behave or things should happen) and myths (common beliefs which are not based on fact). Having such expectations and myths can shape your behavior and reactions in ways that create dating problems. Here we will examine the most prevalent of these myths.
In my clinical experience, I've encountered many clients who are afraid to admit they're wrong. This comes from a culture of blaming and accusingwhere one's early family may have picked a "culprit" when something went wrong, and focused on blame, rather than on fixing the problem and healing the hurt. People with such experiences approach every situation as if they're on trial, and they compulsively try to convince everyone they're not guilty. They have no patterns to follow for apology and forgiveness.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Most of us put a lot of emphasis on our relationships: family, friends and significant others. But, did you know that the relationship you have with everyone else is based on your relationship with you? That’s right, the closer you get to other people, the more you treat them the way you treat yourself. That makes your relationship with you your primary relationship.
Dr. Romance is delighted to announce the publication of her new book, with co-author Riley K. Smith: How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together
Dear Dr. Romance I am in my forties, and hadn't had sex in years. I met someone and we CLICKED. We had sex on the 2nd date, I know you can't unring the bell, and I'm betting that was probably a mistake, but there is a serious physical attraction between this man and myself along with the ability to talk and laugh about anything.
Dr Romance adapted this from an Alcoholics Anonymous handout: We often get out of touch or out of sorts with people – sometimes they leave or pass on, sometimes we quarrel, sometimes we just grow apart. If your connection, or lack of one, with someone is troubling you, here’s a simple way to ease your mind and your heart. HOW TO WRITE A LOVE LETTER
Learning to forgive those who hurt us is an essential life skill, because it helps develop inner maturity, frees us from emotional bondage to the other person, and helps us develop the power to move on.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I had two divorces, and both men turned out to be gay. By this time my self esteem was shattered, I felt there was something wrong with me. To make a long story short, I basically started dating and slept with men, just because they showed they desired me, for me. (Wrong thing to do).
In a previous article "From Struggling to Solving" I discussed how to get from arguing to solving problems. Getting into the right frame of mind is a great start, but many of my clients also need steps for how to solve problems. Here are three of my most effective tips. How to Have a State of the Union Meeting:
Dear Dr. Romance: I am a divorced father of 3. I am remarried. My 11 year old daughter is very upset about her mother's new boyfriend that is also still married. He was first introduced as a friend but she doesn't understand why he is always at the house and stays till late at night. My daughter has asked her mother if this is her boyfriend and the mother tells her no.
Dear Dr. Romance: I'm a single mother suffering in depression and stress.
I have written in this column recently about emotional hygiene, and doing the necessary maintenance on feelings as well as your physical body and household. Health reminders tell us to wash our hands frequently to prevent transmittal of diseases. Did you know you can "wash" your mood, too, and give yourself an attitude adjustment whenever you want to?
"Whatever your age, if you learn to listen, your inner voice will speak to you about your path," writes oncologist Dr. Be ie Siegel in Peace, Love and Healing, your 'job on earth.' This wisdom that is directing you from within is your birthright... an inner message, an inner awareness, that says, 'This is your path, this is how you can be the best human being possible.' If you follow it, you will achieve your full growth and full potential as a human being before you let go of the Tree of Life..."
Dear Dr. Romance I am mindful that I am allowing my soon to be controlling, narcissist ex ( civil law atto ey) to run circles around me, just as we did when we were married. After attending a divorce group session at my local church, they recommend that I set up some specific boundaries and rules of engagement with him. He texts me hours a day, while I'm trying to work. Do you have anything in your arsenal to send me to get this jumpstarted?
Dr Romance writes: Everyone is relieved when the holidays are over, and sometimes disappointed. If you're worn out, it's worth your while to take the time to recharge a little, and pamper yourself. Here are some hints:
Dear Dr. Romance: What suggestions can you offer for guests at funerals in regards to comforting families in morning? Thanks! Dear Reader: Your presence at the memorial or funeral, honoring their loved one who passed, is the most comfort, so go if you can.
Dear Dr. Romance I really admire how you advise people, please help me too. I'm married and I love my husband very much, but I love somebody else so much I don't know why although people say you can't love 2 people at the same time but I do. coz I love him very much and am jealous with him. He is a married man also and he loves me too.more than his wife. Please tell me what to do coz am confused. Dear Reader:
Healthy relationships are built on a foundation, or infrastructure, of clear thinking, problem solving, and mutual support. Any willing couple can learn to build a happy relationship, if they stop reacting and learn to respond thoughtfully. As an individual you have ideas and beliefs about how certain things in life should be handled, and so does your partner; and we all tend to assume everyone, especially a person who loves us, will see it our way.
In my counseling practice, couples are often surprised to learn they can communicate and solve problems effectively without fighting; but sometimes you may find it's not so easy to give up your struggles. You may have trouble letting go of the fighting habit because of two factors: social expectations (expectations the people around you have about marriage) and myths (common beliefs not based on fact.) Myths and Expectations about Fighting
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance:
Thirty years of marriage counseling and twenty-five years of a second marriage have convinced me that fights are not necessary in a marriage. Married couples need to have discussions, they need to solve problems, and sometimes they need to disagree, but they don't need to squabble, argue, bicker or fight. Fights are dramatic, which is not helpful to a discussion. If you have enough energy to create drama, you have more than enough to tone it down into a discussion.
If you're thinking about having sex with a friend, be very careful, because it is not easy to preserve a friendship once you have sex. We think we can control our feelings, but it's not so simple. • If one of you becomes romantically attached as a result of the sex, the friendship will probably not survive. • If you've done it before, and you know you can keep your feelings in check, you might be successful, but what about your friend? Are you sure he or she is aware of his or her own feelings and motives?
Dear Dr. Romance: Nine months ago, I met a girl on Facebook. my words about many subject attract her , then she add me as her friends, and I discovered that she is lesbian. Before that, I didn'tknow there was lesbian world but when we chat I get to know her very well, many walls fell, and I am only one who sees thru this wall. She fell in love with me and she joined the school because of me and her life change.