Battling Self Doubt

Well, speaking from my own experience, at the center of my self doubts I always find ego and fear. My fear comes from my ego being the "expert" who says "do it like this..." then says, "I don't have to do it or prove it, it's been done before."

To me, ego equates to excuses, yes, and action, no. I've found that once I tell my ego where to go (consistently), my fears of failure pretty much disappear, and my excuses not to do, be, try, or overcome go away with it.

Getting rid of the automatic ego reaction did, however, take some self discipline, time, and patience. It is a sneaky creature, and can morph into so many different presentations ... always when you are at your most vulnerable and susceptible point. The trick is to trust your Self, not your doubt infested ego, and always believe you are doing your best in every given moment. Sometimes your best is really really great. Sometimes your best isn't so great, but it's still your best at that moment, and that's all you should ask for.

I found more answers lay in three specific areas:
1. acceptance
2. letting go of expectation
3. communication

If you can accept that you're in a not so great place, then you are one step on your way to changing it. Acceptance, that whatever it is you are doubting about yourself is just a temporary snippet of time (that will pass), is a method for reducing your fear through simplicity. Too much dwelling and too many details make us believe that failure is imminent. If you think about that, it's rather ridiculous to worry because we're all going to fail at something occassionally. That's a part of balance: win some, lose some. Stop your ego from chattering, tell it to just be quiet. All in all people do tend to think and talk too much.

Letting go of expectations removes clouds of feelings, like stress and urgency, from most situations, not to mention nixing the tendency to project outcomes. Pick the outcome you want and stick with it without comparisons to outside influences. If you must compare, only compare your Self to your Self. Focus on all those brilliant and validating accomplishments you spoke of. They are your accomplishments, and they are brilliant. You are unique, so you do not compare to any other individual on the planet. Only you can do what you set out to do.

Knowing that gives me confidence. Perhaps it will help you, too.

Another aspect I work on is communication with my Self. Contrary to popular old beliefs and smart-alec comments, talking to your Self is not a weakness, nor is it a sign of being loopy. It is a sign of congruent awareness which, when utilized, develops into an empowering habit of automatic, justifiable self confidence.

Of course, if you're like me and everyone else, other aspects of doubt tend to surface and try to defeat you from time to time, but I've found that addressing these three areas upfront paves the way to nipping self doubt in the bud straightaway. At the very least, it will give you the push to get somone you trust involved to shove you a bit harder in the right direction if you cannot do it yourself.

My biggest lesson in this arena? You've probably already figured it out: Ask for help. Why struggle in the dark when you can use someone else's experience to get ahead of the game faster and in less agony? Sharing was one of the best ideas that ever came about ...

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