Eater of the Soul

As a wellness counselor, I repeatedly impress on my partners-in-healing the importance of reducing stress or having positive reaction to stress. I do this because I believe stress is behind virtually every illness and a lot of injuries as well.

However, what is underneath the stress is another emotion that relentlessly drives stress through lives at a merciless pace....fear. Some kind of fear is always beneath stress and fear is what kills dreams, kills vision, kills passion, kills transformation.

What are your personal Satans? What do you fear could actually take your soul and destroy your highest vision for this lifetime? What are the things you fear so completely that you are destined to draw them to you? By walking toward your fears, in the Safe, Sacred Space created by the healing table, you can take mastery over that which threatens to consume your energy and your life.

I remember a time in my life when fear got hold of me in a very real way, so real that it threatened my very life's breath. The way out of that fear was through it.

I had just returned from a powerful and exhausting trip to New Mexico, where I attended the SunMoon Dance that is the vision of Joseph Rael. I went in support of an Abenaki Medicine woman and a massage therapist from Virginia Beach.

One of the sisters I supported at the Sun-Moon Dance told me a story that week, a scary story about her personal experience with an entity known as “the eater of souls”. This entity sounded a lot like the Christian entity, Satan, about which I was repeatedly warned in the church of my youth.

Having already dealt with the Satan thoughtform from my Christian upbringing, I immediately recoiled from the story, thinking “Oh, no, not another Satan!” I remember having a jolt of fear run through me as I heard about this dark entity that could come into a space and steal someone’s soul. Then, I shut that down and consciously forgot about it.

After my return home and while I was receiving some energy work, I became aware of an intense and clammy chill in my body. At the same time, I noticed a dark gray gel-like substance was beginning to seep (for lack of a better word) into my auric field. As the grayness saturated my etheric body, I felt a return of the same jolt of fear I had experienced when listening to the story about the soul-eating demon.

I knew, with absolute clarity, what I was seeing. I knew I had called it, and I knew the experience of it could not be avoided. I further knew that how I handled the next span of time might literally mean the difference between life and death.

The healer working with me also experienced the shift in energies and the presence of this thoughtform entity, though I could not speak at the time and share what I was seeing while it
was happening. Later, the healer reported that, from her perspective, when the energy came into me, it was as if I had disappeared.

Together, and without speaking out loud, we both instinctively worked to stay in a space of love and trust. We both knew we could not allow the fear to dominate. We recognized that fear was
what made this thoughtform strong. If we had allowed ourselves to go into fear, that fear would have energized the negative polarity.

As I watched the gray come closer and closer to my physical form and understood that this horrid clammy coldness would soon seep into my very cells -- down into my internal organs -- staying out of fear became more difficult.

The clammy cold became suffocating as death, and I knew it would not stop there. When this “eater of the soul” energy actually made contact with my physical body, I knew with utter certainty that it would devour me. There was no way out and no way to stop it.

Oddly enough, it was at this point that I reached full acceptance and decided I would not struggle or resist. It felt as if my entire insides were dissolved and that I became an empty shell.

I understood a great, great truth at that moment. It had to do
with how fear attaches to the cells, allowing negativity to “get at” the physical body. It is our fear that causes stress; it is stress that damages the body. Face the fear and you release the stress.

By allowing the essence of my fear to find all the fear inside me and claim it, the result was exactly opposite to the fear and negativity.

After the “eating of my soul” had finished, inside the empty shell that I had become, there was only whiteness. A brilliant whiteness. That was all.

I realized that the brilliance I was looking at was the same energy as the gray gel that first came in. It was my own fear that had made it look and feel different to me. I clearly understood that, in order to get past our own fear, we have to own it.

I created the inevitability of that experience, with the jolt of fear I allowed to run through me and then denied, at the time when I heard the story. Therefore, I had to face it, integrate it, and own it. Otherwise, it would own me. That is the power of any Satan.

Since that experience, I actively hunt my fears. I track them the same way a hunter would track game. I look for signs that fear has been there; in those times when I doubt, those times when I cannot decide on a direction; those times when I cannot turn my mind off and meditate.

I search for fear in every moment that does not resonate and vibrate with peace, love and joy. If something else is there, it is either fear or dancing very closely with fear.

The Eater of the Soul is actually my friend. By taking me where I feared most to go, and giving me the opportunity to face that fear, I am healed and empowered.

There is much I still cannot utter about this experience. If you are willing to know the truth of it, perhaps (like the non-verbal communication between me and my friend during the session) the full truth of it will be transmitted another way.