Interdependence, Truth, Love, Respect and Interpersonal Competence

In my work as an executive coach, I tell my clients that successful people have five things in common.

• Successful people are self confident.
• Successful people create positive personal impact.
• Successful people are outstanding performers.
• Successful people are great communicators.
• Successful people are interpersonally competent.

This article is on interpersonal competence.

I look for inspiration for these articles in a number of places. Sometimes I feel as if I am running a clipping service for people interested in career and life success. Oprah’s magazine is one of my favorite places for source material. I particularly enjoy Eve Ensler’s “A Million Was to Save the World” column.

I found this bit of advice from Wilma Mankiller, Former Principal Chief of the Cherokee Nation, in the January 2008 issue.

"When people cease waiting for great leaders or prophets to solve entrenched problems and look, instead, within themselves – trusting their own thinking, believing in their own power – and to their families and communities for solutions, change will follow. In traditional indigenous communities, there is an understanding that our lives play themselves out within a set of reciprocal relationships. If each human being in the world could fully understand that we all are interdependent and responsible for one another, it would save the world."

Authors Amy Richards and Jennifer Baumgardner has this to say.

"Telling the truth invites others to be honest, so you learn that you are far from alone. Speak the truth and witness your power."

Actor Val Kilmer suggests making it “mandatory to teach love in schools.”

"If we taught love, it would do more than prevail. It would manifest itself through our actions. Total love would liberate us all."

Psychotherapist, Diana De Vegh says:

"Focus on self respect. It’s built on actions. Small actions, big actions, choose your challenge…show the kindness that a stranger can depend on. The point is not that your action will change the world all at one; it’s that taking action will free you from the paralysis that comes from accepting what is called reality."

Interdependence, the truth, love, self respect – these are all hallmarks of interpersonally competent people.

Interpersonally competent people realize that we are all connected. They work hard at making sure that their gains don’t mean another person’s loss.

Interpersonally competent people tell their truths. They are not afraid to be vulnerable. They realize that by being truthful, they make it easier for others to be truthful. Human communication is enhanced when we all speak the truth.

Interpersonally competent people love themselves and they love others. They realize that self love is a prerequisite for loving anyone else. Loving yourself and others means that you try to act in a manner that results in the best outcome for everyone involved.

Finally, interpersonally competent people respect themselves. It’s the same as with love, if you don’t respect yourself, it’s difficult to respect others. Interpersonally competent people realize the worth of every single human being. They treat everyone with the respect they are due just because they are human.

The common sense points here are simple. If you want to become more interpersonally competent, realize that you are not in it by yourself, that the world is an interdependent place, and we are all dependent on one another. Tell the truth – to yourself and others. In this way, you will encourage others to tell the truth too. Love and respect yourself. It’s the first step in loving and respecting the other people in your life. If you do all of these things, you’ll not only become an interpersonally competent person, you just might save the world while you’re at it.