The Joy Of Listening

One of the joys and privileges of being an Emotional Fitness Coach and teaching Emotional Fitness courses is that I get to hear the inner thoughts and experiences of others. Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I want to spy on other people’s lives; it’s that as I hear their stories two things happen. One is that I see them gain insights into what has held them back and how they can move forward. The other is that I constantly face myself with my own patterns, which in turn allows me to transform the things that don’t work for me.

For example, over the past few days I had conversations with clients and students that reflected three of my own characteristics. One talked about his fear of facing conflict, which led to his holding back from sharing his feelings openly with his wife, leading of course, to her anger at him because he didn’t talk to her! I know how this has changed for me now. Although the feeling still nags away at me, I am conscious that this is the small emotional boy in me who feared to share his feelings because they would get stamped on. That gives me the ability to talk openly now, knowing that, even if my wife does respond in a way that I don’t like, this doesn’t diminish me. We both have an equal right to say how we feel and an equal obligation to hear the other. This changed understanding has made all the difference to our relationship, and to my own sense of inner power. It is the transformation from fear to empowerment that is often at the core of my work, so it is vital that I experience it myself as well as witness it in others.

The second comment came from a woman who told of her frustration at not having time to “be herself” as she put it. She truly disliked her work and felt stuck in it, loved her children but was overwhelmed by the responsibilities of watching over them and felt pressured by her husband to “stop grumbling and do something about it”. My own circumstances were different, but I recall feeling stuck in my work and overwhelmed by my responsibilities. Even now the stuff that I dislike doing (mostly the administrative minutiae that seems to take so much time) overwhelms me. Then, I grumble to myself and make it worse. The personal insight is that the little administrative things are there to support the things that I regard as valuable and important. I just have to keep my focus on my overall purpose and know that the tiny things lead me towards that purpose. As for disliking my work and “being me”, I changed that many years ago and have never looked back. What I do understand is the fear that is behind the inaction to make the change.

The third person to talk about his fear was concerned with having too little money. This is such a common fear that prevents people from doing what they want and need to do with their lives that it paralyses them to the extent that the money will never flow. The irony of this for me is that, looking back, I know that I did suffer from this paralysis when I had a lot more money than I do now. The lack of money is seldom, if ever, the real reason for holding ourselves back. Mine was the fear of what might happen. In a way, I was afraid of experiencing life fully.

Each of the three people has in his or her own way, already made significant shifts in perception, and therefore in action. And I have learned more about myself in the process of listening to them.

Thank you to all the people who have shared important aspects of their lives with me. It continues to be a joy, a privilege, and a constant source of learning for me as well, I hope, as it is for you.

Warren Redman
www.EFitInstitute.com
1-866-310-3348(EFit)