Be Kind

Be Kind
I often hear people talk about the importance of how we should be kind to others. Indeed, this is the expected norm for how people should relate to other people. It has been taught and preached so many times that the act of kindness has always been focused on giving to others. This is why I was quite moved when I recently heard someone actually say, “Be kind to yourself”. For me, it was an amazing revelation to think about kindness towards self.

When someone is being kind to you, there’s that warm comforting sense of acceptance and bonding. I cannot recall having felt that cozy feeling originating from me. From the other perspective, when we demonstrate kindness to others we strongly feel emotions of caring, kinship and gentle regard. These feelings do not usually surface when I refer to myself. Thinking about this makes me wonder how much different my life would be if I made a conscious effort to reward myself the same kindness I show to others.

Without a doubt, kindness is a positive force that enriches people. As much as there is good in being kind to others, it is also clear that there is good in being kind to yourself. But what are the benefits of being kind to one’s self and how exactly can you be kind to yourself? The following outlines some examples of ways to fill ourselves with kindness.

Patience: Give Yourself Some Time

Often times we feel frustrated when we are engaged in a task and nothing seems to be going right. A local high school basketball coach told me a story about how one of his shooters almost gave up the team coming off an injury. During practice he just could not get the ball to go through the hoop. The coach told his player to just give himself some time. He also told him that there would be good days and there would be bad days but the worst he could do was to blame himself and give up. The player took his coach’s advice and eventually helped his team win the championship.

Being impatient has a degrading effect on us. It lowers our self-esteem and puts us in a negative state of mind. There is certainly value in saying, “I can do better next time.” Instead of feeling irritated and beating yourself up, find peace by being kind to yourself and staying patient.

Your Choice Of Words Matter

Check the way you talk to yourself and about yourself. When you “self-talk”, how does it sound? Is it positive or negative? Do you often tell yourself “that was a stupid thing to do” or do you call yourself names like “moron”? Perhaps you find that you’re using too many unkind words when you do introspection.

If your negative internal dialogue was spoken to you by someone else, chances are you would feel hurt. The good thing is we can actually change this by consciously making the effort to be positive with our thought processes. Be aware of your internal chatter and choose the words you use so that it would be uplifting. Speaking kindly to others can do wonders. In the same way give yourself kind feedback regularly with the right choice of words.

Self-encouragement

To encourage means to inspire, spur on or hearten. When there’s no one else to do it for you, you can of course encourage yourself to go on. If you are faced with a difficult situation, believing in yourself is very important. Other people can certainly try to lift up your spirits but ultimately it is you who should take stock on what you can do and just believe. Take courage and be empowered.

Forgiveness: Giving yourself a second chance

Many people find it hard to forgive others. However, forgiveness may just be the kindest thing that you can do towards someone who has done you wrong. When we make mistakes we are often hard on ourselves and this may be the reason why it is also difficult for us to forgive others. Forgiveness should start from ourselves. Everybody deserves a second chance. By practicing self-forgiveness you may find yourself able to forgive others freely as well.

Give to yourself

The act of giving is the core of kindness. Extending kindness to others involves giving of your time, effort and material resources. How you treat yourself reflects on how you value yourself. You have to determine whether you are being generous or stingy to yourself.

It is important to pamper yourself every once in a while. Take time out to relax, have a vacation, go on a holiday trip, read a good book, enjoy a day at the spa or dine out with your family – whatever suits your fancy. You certainly deserve a break after all your hard work. This is all tied up to the concept of a balanced work-life. If you’re all about work, then you don’t have a life. Being able to enjoy life is part of being successful. Also, if you are able to give to yourself, you’ll have more to give to others as well.

Listening to Yourself

Being kind to yourself also means you should listen to yourself. Do you pay attention to your whole being – body, heart and soul? When your body is tired, you should pay attention and rest. If you are not satisfied, listen to your heart and figure out what needs to be changed so that you can have satisfaction. Do you feel in your gut that you need help? Don’t ignore that feeling and find the help that you need. Be attentive to yourself and your needs so that you can live a more fruitful and complete life.

Tolerance

Kindness dictates that you allow a person to be as they are and to express their feelings freely. Suppressing your own emotions is cruel just as suppressing that of others is unkind. You should allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions. This will help you to deal with them in an appropriate way. Keeping the hurt or pain inside does not lend well to a healthy and full life. Covering up what you feel will stop you from moving on and will eventually eat you up inside. Tolerance is the first step towards compassion and we need to be compassionate for others as well as to ourselves.

Open To Advice

Some people tell me I’m a kind person because I give them good advice. In the same way, if we are to be kind to ourselves we need to be open to sound advice. This may come from other people but it can also come from our own experiences and insights based on what we have learned in life. By being open to self-discovery like this we are able to grow and become better individuals.

In the final analysis everyone needs kindness in their lives. That goes the same for me and for you. We all deserve to experience kindness. While we can and should be kind to others, we should also show kindness to ourselves. So make the decision to be kind to yourself. This will allow you to be kind to others as well and will help in letting you lead a life of contentment.

I for one will need to pay more attention to myself and treat myself better. How about you? If you have additional suggestions or comments about the notion of kindness to self, go ahead and share your thoughts with us.