Boundaries: Can A Lack Of Boundaries Cause Someone To Have Too Much Empathy?

There can be times when someone has too much of something and times when they don’t have enough. It is often said that when one wants something it is never there and yet when they don’t want it, it ends up appearing.

However, while this can relate to something physical, it is also something that can relate to one’s personality. For example, one can be in a position where they have come to the conclusion that they are out of balance.

The Reason

This could be a sign that one has reflected on their own behaviour, or it could be the result of what other people have said to them. At the same time, both of these factors may have had an influence.

Perhaps one has had this outlook for a number of days or it may have been something they have had for a number of years. Still, there is going to be a strong chance that they want to do something about it and not just carry on as they are.

Empathy

If one was to think about what is causing them to suffer, they may find that it is to do with their ability to experience other people’s emotional states. Therefore, something that should enhance their life is having the opposite effect.

And the reason it is having a negative effect on their life is likely to come down to the fact that it is something that causes them to be overwhelmed. It is then not a case of simply tuning into another person’s emotional state and then tuning out; it is something that takes over their whole being.

The Other Extreme

How they experience life is then going to be completely different to someone that doesn’t have the ability to empathise with others or is only able to do this at certain times. If anything, it could be said that it would be a good idea for them to work on their ability to tune into other people’s emotional states.

It might be then normal for them to be told that they are cold, or that they appear to be lacking something. Yet regardless of the kind of feedback that they get from others, they are not going to be overwhelmed by how other people feel.

In The Middle

There are then going to be people who have the ability to tune into other people’s emotional states without being overwhelmed. Now, this is not to say that this will always be the way; but it is likely to be what generally takes place.

Through being this way, having the ability to empathise will be something that has a positive effect on their life. Their relationships are likely to be more fulfilling than they would be if they didn’t have this ability, and it will be a lot easier for them to experience intimacy.

A Way of Life

When one experiences too much empathy, it will be normal for them to lose touch with how they feel. In fact, they might find it hard to work out whether how they feel relates to their own emotional state or someone else’s.

To experience life in this way is going to be incredible draining, and one may feel the need to spend a lot of time by themselves. Through doing this, it may allow them to settle themselves down.

Day To Day Life

On one hand, there will be the challenges that they have in their personal relationships, and on the other hand, there will be what takes place in their day to day life. When they spend time with their friends and family, for instance, they could end up been drawn into their experience.

Yet this is something that could take place whilst they are at work or if they were to go shopping. Thus, being around others is going to be something that takes a lot from them.

A Common Dynamic

If they were to have intimate relationships with others, they may find that they end up with people that don’t have the same amount of empathy as they do. In fact, they may attract people who are unable to experience empathy.

These people are then going to be a complete mismatch, and one is going to give far more than they receive. These could be the kinds of relationships that are typically seen as being abusive.

Needs

So as their point of awareness is generally going to be on how other people feel, it is going to be a challenge for them to get their needs met. But as they are so caught up in other people, they might not even know what their needs are.

One way of looking at this would to say that even though they are physically separate from others, it is still not possible for them to have their own experience. They feel wide open and unless this changes, they will continue to soak up what is taking place around them.

Boundaries

It could be said that one is sensitive and this is something that they have to put up with, and while this could be the case, there could be more to it. What it could come down to is that one is boundaryless, and this is then why they absorb so much.

This is because boundaries not only allow one to say no and to stand their ground for instance, they also allow them to feel safe and protected on an energetic level. But if one has experienced life in this way for as long as they can remember, they won’t realise that they are boundaryless; it will simply be what is normal.

Childhood

During their childhood years, they may have had a caregiver that abused them or got too close to them. Ultimately, their personal space wouldn’t have been respected and this stopped them from being able to develop boundaries.

Awareness
​
If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.