Building your self-esteem is a long, arduous process of trial and error, goal setting, and faith in yourself. Best yet is when you also have positive thinking friends to support your dreams and goals. You have to keep on going no matter what happens along the way.

For me it was a struggle in my early years. I had no role models. I kept to myself. No one told me as a teenager about Napoleon Hill’s book, “Think and Grow Rich,” nor Dale Carnegie’s book, “”How to Win Friends and Influence People.” I could have used Carnegie’s “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living,” when I was a teenager. I have all those books now.

I had very little life experience so one day as a teen I said these words to myself, “I don’t care if I live or die.”

I made that remark when I was 15 growing up in the ‘50s in the San Francisco Mission District. My self-esteem was fragile. I am amazed that any of us get through our teenage years in one piece. We are so vulnerable. Fear of rejection and failure causes daily anxiety attacks. It slows us down or stops us completely in our tracks from achieving our dreams.

Jilted! Johnny was my first true love and he jilted me. At 15 I was “head over heals” in love with him. At least I thought so at the time. I was going to a dance with Johnny and wore a beautiful royal blue satin dress I made. We had been going steady for six months—a committed lifetime for me. That day he never showed up to take me to the dance. He went to a different school and I never heard from him again. My self-esteem was at an all time low.

“Boys!” I thought with anger in my heart. “They are a bunch of cowards. Why did he ask me to the dance if he wasn’t coming? Why didn’t he say something to me? Why? Why? Why?” I had many questions and no answers. All I know is on that “J” Day and the days that followed, I said to myself, “I don’t care if I live or die.”

Little did I know then that being jilted was a minor roadblock in my life compared to the rough and bumpy roads that would follow all the rest of the days of my life. From a child of alcoholic parents, to jilted teenager, divorcee, single struggling Christian mom, second marriage, working mother of three, entrepreneur, corporate employee, manager, mother of a rebellious teen, and all the other labels put on me by society and me.

My friend, Marc, experienced a different journey through life. He is Bipolar. He has highs and lows that I can’t even imagine. Depression hits him anytime. Suicide thoughts would come to him frequently. Medicine keeps him going, yet he has to change it often to stay afloat. Did you ever look at a kitchen knife and think of stabbing yourself? Marc did, so he got rid of all his sharp kitchen utensils.

Despite these obstacles, Marc is an avid, creative poet. He is Executive Director of a volunteer community television station. He is a terrific speaker and writer and loves to work with people. Marc learned that he must keep busy doing the things he loves and that helps keep his mind positive.

As for me despite those rough times my self-esteem improved as I experienced personal success. I enjoyed a wonderful second marriage and two more children, and my rebellious teen and I mended our relationship over the years and today we enjoy planning and writing together. My goals over the years helped me double my salary in four years, worked for Shirley Temple Black, published a book, co-authored two more books, and co-founded a personal success organization. My articles were read thousands of times on the ‘Net, helped others write their books, and my dreams and goals happened when I worked persistently on them.

The “Great Lifetime Adventure in Self-Esteem” affects all of us differently. Some of us drop out of society and don’t even try. My own experience tells me that I can change my behavior if I so choose, as did Marc. Along the way we will cry a little, laugh a little, pray and hope a lot. Sometimes we can hardly breathe, as life is tough.

There is a secret to our personal success. We all know it but it takes effort to achieve it. Our lifetime experiences are like roller-skating—-we skate on the rough and bumpy roads until we reach our destination. That is the secret we must “keep on going over the obstacles and never give up.” The more we achieve our goals the stronger our self-esteem grows. Dream, plan, and most importantly…DO IT!

Enjoy the journey and know that you will win because life is a great adventure and you will never give up.

Author's Bio: 

Joan Clout-Kruse is an authority on achieving goals and getting things done. She wrote thousands of reports, articles, and studies for Silicon Valley companies. She has spent the past 15 years as a writing coach and Ghostwriter helping her clients achieve their dreams and goals.

Clout-Kruse assisted the beloved celebrity, Shirley Temple Black, with her writing needs in the 70s. She developed and implemented the first Zip+4 mail code system for Stanford University in the 80s, and at UC Berkeley in the 90s managed one of the largest mail operations in the East Bay (Northern California) handling more than 100,000 pieces of mail and packages per day. Achieving writing and production goals was the primary target of these positions.

Clout-Kruse is the Author of “Top 10 Traits of Silicon Valley Dynamos.” "How to Write Your Great Book in 90 Days or Less," and a handbook, "The ABCs of Success." She is a contributing author of "Power and Soul: Secrets of Creating the Business and Life of Your Dreams," and "How Did You Do That?" Her topics on writing, goal setting, and personal success have appeared thousands of times on the Internet.