Key Ingredients to developing intrinsic self-esteem and motivation

There are many ways that you can increase motivation and self-esteem, including recognizing accomplishments, however small; asking for, and giving acknowledgement for these accomplishments; and taking time to celebrate wins.

In this article we will talk about how to internalize these accomplishments so that they lead to more sustained self-esteem and motivation.

According to a Study published in American Psychologist in 2000 by Richard Ryan and Edward Deci, there are three factors that help people be intrinsically proactive and engaged:

➢ Relatedness – The need to feel belongingness and connected to others;

➢ Competence – People are more likely to adopt activities that they, and their relevant social groups value.

➢ Autonomy – Crucial for regulation to be integrated – Accepting and Owning accomplishments by finding them valuable; interesting; and in line with goals (vision).

• Relatedness

We need to surround ourselves with people who acknowledge our strengths and feelings, share our unique interests/goals, and support us in our pursuits. When we provide these gifts to others it gives them something they can relate to, gives them the opportunity for self-directedness, and in turn increases their intrinsic motivation.

If a Parent, Teacher, Group Facilitator, Employer, etcetera uses threats; deadlines; directives; pressured evaluations; and imposed goals, this will decrease intrinsic motivation and lead to a decreased sense of well-being and empowerment.

• Competence

Activities that include Novelty; Challenge; and Aesthetic Value (likeability) will increase competence.

Questions to ask are:

Why is this important to you?;

What does this mean to you?; and

How do the rules and “shoulds” relate to you? (in terms of values, goals, needs, interests/enjoyment; and other benefits).

When people can relate activities, tasks, and challenges to their core values and needs, interests/enjoyment, and other benefits unique to them, this will increase their motivation to be successful. Basing outcomes on extrinsic rewards just isn’t inherently rewarding, and desire to get things done will be lacking.

In order to do this, you will need to (for yourself or others):

o Have clear, detailed vision and goals (ie: where do you want to be in 5-10 years (or even one year from now?);

o Identify strengths to leverage them: Check out Strength Finder online to identify your top strengths;

o Identify your core values/needs, and what you love to do, then relate how rules and “shoulds” relate to these needs/values and things you love to do. You can also use these core values in decision-making on your next steps to success!

• Autonomy

What is important here is that people are doing things for their own reasons, and not just because they “should”, or that someone told them to. This is closely related to competence, so doing the exercises above, or working with a Coach for clarity will be important.

You can also:

o Write three good things that happened in your life/last week, and what you did to cause them to happen;

o What makes you feel good about yourself and builds your self-esteem? Turn these in to affirmations, and a reminder for positive sources of energy and inspiration when you need a boost;

o Dove has a great exercise in their self-esteem workshop guide called The Promise Card. What you do is write:

“From today …/…/…. I am going to make a difference to my life and to the lives of others by making this promise: ______________________________________”.

Then you write: “Here is how I will keep this promise: _________________________”.

Next write: “I will ask __________________ to support me in keeping my promise”. Make sure you tie this promise to your values; needs; interests; goals; and benefits to you, and Voila! You have concrete action steps to get excited and motivated about!

o Do things you want to do, despite any fears that are related to your vision, values, and goals. Also do new things that expand your interests and sense of accomplishments.

Make sure you give yourself credit for your “wins” along the way? Take time to celebrate!! Better yet, plan what you will do to celebrate when you start out so that you have something to look forward to when you accomplish it!

Peace and Love,

Ang :)