This letter is long overdue! There's a few things we need to get out in the open so we both know where we both stand!
You see, I've known your husband for some time now. We met some time after high school and have been fond of each other ever since. I wasn't the only love of his life, there have been others, but for the most part, they are out of his life but I am still around. He just can't seem to let me go!! I really didn't spend much time with him when you first got married. I know there were "old loves" he did spend time with on a few occasions during your marriage. I heard he has even taken off with them for several weeks at a time and never left you a word. Anyway, during the last five years of your marriage we have grown much, much closer. We spend more and more time together and I think it is time you realize---I am not going away.
You may be his wife and I am sure in his own way he loves you. He has said you are a good wife to him and have been committed to the vows you took. He appreciates that but it is not enough for him! You see, I'm the one he needs. I'm what he craves and can't live without. I am the thing he is most passionate about and faithful too. He longs to put his hand on my brown slender body and he yearns to press his lips against me. My taste is intoxicating and I make him feel like a man. Being with me turns him into someone he normally wouldn't be. Being with me makes him lose control. With me he has no inhabitions and he'll say exactly what is on his mind. I'm always there for him..... no expectation or complaints....I'm am there for his pleasure only.
He'll do anything for me! He'll lie for me and steal away just to be with me. Whether it be in a bar or in his car we manage to be together every single night. Sometimes even in your own house! On his days off we manage to spend most of the day together.
How could you not know about us before now? Every time he has been with me he comes home a different person. Can't you smell me on him? After he has been with me he's tired and disoriented. I've numbed his senses to the point he doesn't even know you exist! He has to take a nap after we've been together because I've drained him of his energy and when he awakes he's ready for me all over again. I hear that you have been blaming me for all of of your problems with him....well don't! He's the one to blame; not me. He comes to me, I don't go to him. He chose me and I never let him down.
You're his wife but he wants me more!! He'd rather be with me than spend time with you and his children. Where is he at mealtime? With me! On holidays? With me! When you're fighting? With me! Even when you're getting along? With me! When relatives are visiting? He's with me! Hell, he was even with me at your daughter's birthday parties!!! Don't you think it is a little strange that he takes hours to run simple errands that should take minutes---he is with me!!!!! You've even caught us together but he doesn't care! He doesn't talk to you after he has been with me! You'd just make him feel guilty and bad about himself. Does he touch you after he has been with me? No! When he lies down beside you in your bed each night he's still under my control. He's still with me!! You don't stand a chance against me!!!
What about those kids? Does he even spend time with them? Does he care about their grades, their feelings, their hobbies, their dreams? Does he do things that a father should do with them? Is he guiding them and nurturing them and helping them grow into fine adults? No because he is always with me!!! Can't you see that he has no room in his life right now for children...they only take away from our time together. What kind of a mother are you anyway? Why would you even want them to spend time with someone they now doesn't care about them or want to be with them!! Maybe he does care about them, that was cruel of me. You see they will grow up and move away, but I will always be there for him.
The fun things you used to do as a couple you don't do anymore because he is totally consumed by me! You are probably a really lonely woman now because I have taken your place in his life. Your feelings aren't important to him anymore.....don't try to discuss them with him because it only stresses him out and he runs to me!!! Unless you want him to spend more time with me stop nagging him about the kids, the house, the bills, family matters, etc. and God forbid, stop talking to him about how unhappy you are!! He doesn't care! All your talking only stresses him out!! He doesn't need that from you!!
Geez, cut the guy some slack!! Let him do what he wants for a change, it's his life!! Stop trying to control him and just let him be with me!! Stop trying to change him too--you know your best efforts are futile. Work on yourself instead, you know you need too! I'm not going anywhere no matter how hard you try to force it and he is not going to change. He will be with me forever!! Get over it!!! ! Go ahead and leave him! I dare you!! He won't care, he'll just drown his sorrows with me.
Thanks for hearing me out! I hope this puts a better perspective on things and you finally know where you stand!! You see, you may be his wife and that used to be sacred but I am in the picture now....I am his mistress... I am his life .... live with it!
I am not a writer, just a woman who has been married to an alcoholic for nine years. Living with has addiction has left me feeling very alone at times and have often felt as though his drinking was like the same as him having a mistress. I recently started attending a local Alanon group and I have found it is helping me so much to get in touch with my feelings and to live with my husbands addiction. This article is a way for me to express my feelings and I hope that it helps anyone else who reads it in some way.