Role of family & friends during cancer treatment.

Cancer can be a bolt out of the blue and can hit you hard. At least it did for me and people around me! People assume that Cancer is a disease which an Individual fights. This is not correct always, at least not for people like me who are blessed with great family and friends. Battling Cancer is truly a team effort.I was suggested to undergo the consultation of the best cancer specialist in India Dr.Suresh Advani. I was in a confusion of deciding the treatment destination. He suggested me the chemotherapy for my cancer treatment and also told me how chemotherapy in India is very much affordable.

Maybe I was the one physically suffering the actual pain, but people around me, especially the close ones like my sisters felt the pain for me. One cannot explain this phenomenon, its simple biology. How a mother feels the pain of her kid as her own pain or cannot bear to see the child suffer, it hits them psychologically.

The Family and friends play a pivotal role in how you deal with a crisis in your life, your problem-solving skills etc. I am blessed with a wonderful family. My parents (who are no more) have always taught me how to be independent and have a strong willpower. From childhood, I have always seen positivity around me. Being the last kid, my elder sisters have also shown me how to be independent and how important self-respect is. I can say I fought Cancer and still fighting end-stage renal failure because of my positive attitude, and continuous flow of positive energy and emotional support from my sisters.

I have had an opportunity to meet and interact with many people and co-patients while undergoing treatment. One thing I have understood is, it is very important to surround yourself with positive people and distance yourself from negative people. Negative people are toxic and not at all good for your recovery. A news like cancer can have its effects on various relationships you have with various people.

Let’s talk about partners or spouses. Cancer can have two effects in these kinds of relationships. Either it can make your relationship super strong, where your partner becomes your strength and gives you the motivation and strength and walks with you through your ordeal. At the finish line for such partners, it becomes a lifelong strong bond. On the other hand, it can strain your relationship forever, where the partner is not in a position to accept the fact and is not ready to walk with you for whatever may be the reason. In my case, my cancer news was the breaking point. We decided to file for divorce while I was undergoing cancer treatment. It was a mutual consent divorce. Breakups can take its own toll on a person, I took it with the stride and it did not break me down to a large extent, I was sad and still feel emotional about it but my sisters were with me backing me at all times.

Your relationship with your family members comes next, if you are blessed to have parents around you, you can seek their help in taking care of you, if not physically, their very presence and calming care will boost your recovery. I missed my parents a lot as they are no more! But they have been my guardian angles at all times.

Then come, siblings. The effect of Cancer on your relation with your siblings completely depends on what kind of relationship you have been maintaining with them, their age and maturity levels. In my case, I can say I just fell on my sisters. I had to quit a job, with an estranged partner, lack of finances and two deadly diseases; cancer and Kidney failure, I landed at my 2nd sister’s doorsteps empty-handed. She accepted me with both open arms. Both my sisters continue to take care of me emotionally, physically and financially. God took away my parents, did not give an understanding partner, but blessed me with wonderful sisters. They were able to take care of me, because of amazing Husbands they have. I am a kid to them now! My Nephews the ones who were with me took good care of me and continue to do so, the ones away from me, do call and message and check on me. Kids can really help you to be cheerful and bounce back quicker. Kids are positive and give out positivity at all times.

Then come to your relatives, be it your cousins, Uncles or Aunts. When you are in a crisis like Cancer you come to know how much people really do care for you. My relatives have been really sweet and supportive. Some even helped me financially. I am thankful to be blessed with such relatives.

Finally, come your friends. God has given us the gift to choose our friends, it’s always good to have same minded, positive friends around you. The very next day of my diagnosis of cancer I had a roomful of my besties who were there for me. These girls never made me feel bad about the situation. All they tried to do was crack some funny jokes and make me laugh. You do not need friends who sit with you and cry with you. You need friends who pep you up and have the ability to make you laugh even when you are standing face to face with cancer, giving you all the positive vibes to fight. They make Cancer look very small. My friends are my energy pills. There are even some friends whom I have not met at all, just know through work acquaintance, they used to call regularly and pep me up. I am blessed with amazing friends who always bring out the best in me and kept me motivated.

My Cancer warriors (friends who are fighting Cancer) please surround yourself with as many positive people as you can. Be empathetic, if some friends did not call, maybe they do not know how to console you or simply do not know what to say. If they do not invite you to the regular get together, it may be just because they may feel that you require rest. Please be nice to your caregivers, whoever it may be. Remember they are also fighting this Cancer with you, for you. Chemo can make you cranky, you may end up being rude to them or become extra sensitive, but take time to realize this go back and patch up immediately. Please delete the negative and toxic people from your lives, it is absolutely ok to do so, you will be doing your health a big favor.

Dear caregivers my salute to you! Please try to be the positive ion for your loved one who is fighting Cancer. Your care and love play a very important role in their recovery and healing. Taking care of someone fighting Cancer or any life-threatening disease for that matter can be taxing and at times frustrating. Please try your best not to show it in front of them. On the other hand please try not to over pamper them. Let them do small-small activities at home, so they can move around a bit and be active. Due to over-pampering, I have seen some patients think they are not physically capable to do any work anymore. You will have to strike a balance here. Avoid discussing the severity of the treatment or any financial tensions in front of the Cancer fighters, this can be stressful for them.

There might be some of you who might not have a family to seek support from, in such cases, there are plenty of support groups available, and you can seek support from there.

As I said before this is a teamwork and with a lot of positivity, you can conquer cancer! All the best my friends!!
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